Love Found Me (A City Love Novel, Book 1) (14 page)

She seemed cool and composed, despite the fact that he'd practically kicked her to the curb. That was of course, until she knew what was really happening.

For a moment, she couldn't form a balanced thought. She couldn't have been more stunned if he'd flat out said, "I never loved you."

Danielle closed her eyes for a brief moment, and then forced them open. The crushing words were mind-blowing. She was too stunned to speak and much too careful to be vulnerable when it comes to loving again. 

She shook her head in a vain attempt to understand. She was barely aware that he hadn't come to the point of loving her the way she needed and wanted to be loved.

"We could've had something real.  But you just let it all plunge before it could sizzle." She ranted. "Y'know to be honest; this was all kind of surreal. You awakened... you aroused something in me I'd thought I'd lost." She paused, frowning. "But I'd been a fool to love you. A damn fool."

He drew a small breath, reminding himself that he had to protect himself and her from the truth she would later come to understand.

"It figures. This was all too good to be true," she sniffled softly, "
Me
... meet a fantastically gorgeous
honest
guy. Could I
ever
be
that
lucky?" she sighed, as she swooped her hair to a phantom ponytail. Danielle muttered to herself, not intending for Roman to hear.

Speaking as gently as his lips could utter, he said, "I'd hoped you'd understand me Danielle." Roman held out a hand to her. But at that moment, all she did was look straight through his gesture.

The whole afternoon had turned on the memories of when they'd first met... The memories of her having felt that he was just not the man she'd thought he was.

But something wasn't right. She didn't feel contentment. She didn't feel tranquility anymore. Even in the midst of such beautiful landscape... The strangest feeling enfolded her. Tension had welled up inside her, smoldering a volcano. Steam was sizzling until it sparked and let loose a tongue fused with a blazing inferno...

Chapter Twelve

"What's there to understand
Roman
-- that
you're an ass
-- At least I don't flirt like some conniving jerk." Impassivity swathed his expression as he reeled back, blinking.

Suddenly, she couldn't suck it in anymore. Before she'd realized what was happening, she had tightened her fisted knuckles until the pale contrasted against the rest of her tan. She was staring in rage. Her eyes might as well have blazed midnight from where he sat. The sun was blaring down on her hair, but she didn't even notice as the heat quickened her reaction.

She'd hardly noticed the weather parting its warmth toward late afternoon. But, the volcano spiking her overheated skin was just about ripe to the point of rupture-- to the point of severing her nerves on edge. If nothing else, it was a good thing she'd sported strapless.

Danielle fisted his shoulder like a madwoman. Suddenly, in the heat of the moment, she couldn't recall the kind and gentle heart she'd known over three days ago--only the clandestine guy--hiding whatever trove of secrets he'd refused to bring to light.

She didn't stop until a tremor rippled through her elbow. When she came to a standstill, she panted, realizing she'd lost control. But even after it all, all she did was stop and pause, as she looked straight at him. All the while, in the back of her mind, she knew lashing out at him wasn't her nature. It wasn't right. Clearly, her emotions ruled the situation.

His arm shuddered as he stroked his limbering muscle, still thumping from her anger. And then he managed to stammer, "I...I can understand you're angr--"

Roman started another imprudent response, just when she'd cut him off before he could finish.

"Jackasses must run rampant." Her lips shaped into a sassy poutiness flaunting a kind of livid beauty. Danielle looked straight at Roman, trying to catch a breath as she leaned forward on the deck chair and dug her heels into the ground, piercing the taut grass underfoot. 

Knowing she wouldn't feel any better sticking around in the same light that bathed him in a bronze glow. She wouldn't be satisfied until she gave him a piece of her mind.

Scooting her tush slightly off the deck chair, scanty splinters pricked the flesh riding her ripped denim, as she met his languid and impassive expression. At that instant, her fingers curled the rim of the shellacking, as she glided herself off the slippery gloss.

But then all of a sudden she'd found her grasp slipping as she scrambled with vigor to maintain her balance, tugging for the closest thing to prop herself up which was sitting right next to her-- in the form of Roman's arm.

Danielle had no choice but to catch hold of his muscle to stand up, but instead she'd found herself slipping again. One finger stuck between the slats as she'd landed straight between his legs.

Danielle was panting, feeling outside of herself. Her vibrations thumped hard and pounded his muscle everywhere she'd clung to it. Although, Roman appeared as if he didn't even notice. He was calm considering the out of control woman was in no better place than he could've imagined her being at this very moment. If only her inner wiles had been wild for him instead of out of control... If only their feelings had been mutual.

Suddenly, her eyes drifted toward a flock of birds riding the sudden squall of wind, as she eased out of him, pursing her lip. With a little vigor, Danielle pulled her nimble finger out of the slat, but in the next second, she'd careened off balance. This time she'd landed her hand between his groin, as she fell into the heaviness of his chest looking straight up into his eyes.

Even if she was scowling at him, what she didn't know was his eyes were steadily focused on the way the sun haloed an almost cosmic glow around her.

"You're right. I mean-- about me," he said. "I shouldn't have--"

His words were cut, the instant she pulled away and stood up, having regained her breath. She opened her mouth in the next beat, "Don't screw with me Roman. I've had just about enough of your games. I guarded my heart for like-- forever-- and the moment some guy piqued my interest, the moment I opened my heart to love-- it's been nothing but heartbreak... You... Jack... "

He stared back, totally mummified. "Who's Jack?"

"Just another jackass. How appropriate—
‘Jack’
ass-- I was engaged to."

Roman looked up and gave Danielle a slanting glance. "Engaged? You never told me." His eyes darted toward the horizon before dropping his head.

"
And
..." she countered, "That's been at least a couple years ago."

Still chinned toward the lawn, he started, but then he'd paused for a moment. "Well..." he said. Then he gazed up seconds later before saying, "Here you are accusing
me
of not being honest. But what'd you call that?"

"That's different." Danielle explained to Roman, "We've only known each other for like three days for god's sake. It's totally different. I would've gotten around to telling you. We weren't
there
yet-- romantically I mean, to drop all the deep stuff."

Circling the deck chair, Danielle mused, "It seemed like ages ago. I thought I knew what love was. Just like I thought I knew now. Boy, was I wrong." She straightened and drew a long sigh. "I've been such a fool to make the same mistake twice."

He could feel it in his bones. He could tell she was a woman who withheld painful chapters over time and her true meaning of a woman wasn't everything she stood so strongly for.

Sounding instantly riled, her voice grew an octave. "Maybe I was settling
okay
. I am pushing thir-- all right, I'm thirty," she admitted. "I guess I thought that not too many chances like that come along...for
marriage
I mean. I had feelings for that jackass, but apparently he didn't for me."

She came back with a quick retort, barely missing a beat.

That lying cheating bastard!

Danielle hesitated, as she flung a hand to her hips, looking straight at Roman with slightly glassy eyes. She felt a sob overcome her, as she said, "When I think about it now, I wasn't really in love with him. I was in love with the ideal of marriage -- of a husband to call my own -- a family -- and never being alone again."

Her words added a tone of weariness when she felt her muscles stiffening.

"But who knows now if
that'll
ever happen." His eyes were slightly glassy when she bolstered, "Men. Need I say more?"

For a man who prided himself on non-committal gestures and love that he'd turned on and off like a faucet, he was overcome with quaked nerves. The heaviness he felt was suddenly pulverizing his insides.

Fishing the pocket of her jeans, she snapped the hotel key to her palm. "Don't interrupt me with another one of your excuses." His languid gaze was intensely focused as she bolstered, "I've just got to let it out."

Danielle hadn't expected to feel the brazen audacity to piranha his guts right then and there. She was hurt. She'd never felt more alone, given she was an entire continent away from home, but she did. And still, the man that pushed her away couldn't simply erase all of the memories.

Tossing back her hair, she waved the key with a healthy vigor, "You just don't understand women and biological clocks. We don't have time to waste. Especially when you're in your thirties. We've got to account for the time," she explained. "Finding and meeting the man... Falling in love..."
And god only knows how long that would take.
She mumbled.

"Then, of course, the guy has to fall head over heels in love and propose."

Her subconscious had been reeling, trying to figure out what she was going to do about it. How a woman already in her thirties was going to "make it happen." Maybe not overnight. But she'd gotten a little more than worried these days ever since the big 3-0 clocked another year into a game plan without any options. 

She paused before saying, "Plus, you've got to consider the baby making time too in all this."
God, was thirty even enough time to start all this. I feel like I'm way behind already,
she said to herself.

Her tone was somber and reflective, but then she'd tried to convince herself that she'd made the right choices in what seemed right in her life at the time.

Kinda figures,
she muttered.

"How could I have been engaged with that mindset? Let alone marry a man whom I loved, but wasn't
in love
with."

"I thought I was ready. But, considering the jerk I'd almost married. Definitely not." She drew her hands to her hips. "I don't want a divorce. I want to get it right the first time. I want happily ever after forever." She looked straight at him.

"But apparently, that was way too much to ask for," she said as her eyes burned into his.

Her arms fell to her sides as she ambled toward him, poised at the rim of the deck chair. "But that's what I thought you were, a man I'd fallen for. I really did love you Roman."  A tear welled in her eye.

Roman's gaze darted to the precision-cut grass underfoot, as he sat twiddling with a blade of grass he'd snapped up in the breeze, weaving it between his fingers.

In the next second, he'd sat straight up and looked at her saying, "It's the truth. Like I told you I'm in--"

But then Roman's eyes darted away again. His focus centered on a stringy blade sifting his laces, as he continued to fidget with the shard of bright green steadily gliding it in and out of his fingers. Until he'd snapped it in two, the moment she'd cleared her throat and he'd heard her utter the words, "I
was
in love with you." 

"Do you know how heart wrenching it is for me to admit that..." she said. "To turn around and know the guy staring back at me has absolutely none of the same feelings."  She bent to meet his eyes prompting, "Do you?"

"Dani--" He'd only uttered a fraction of her name, as he looked up at her silhouette shadowing the sun.

He didn't bother to answer, when she'd countered, "Of course you don't."

"You shouldn't have started our relationship with games. I want real. I want true. And apparently that's everything
you're not
," she told him in a voice that shook his nerves and jolted him toward the edge of his seat.

"Once trust and respect are gone, there's nothing left," she added.

"You didn't give me a chan—" The words flew out of his mouth. But before Roman realized he'd lunged for her arm, Danielle elbowed straight into his gut before he'd even finished his sentence-- not that he didn't see it coming.

"Just get out of my face!" she pushed his arm away in a maddening rage, just before she'd snatched her motorcycle jacket off the seat.

"Yeah right, like I didn't give you a chance to be honest-- That's what you're telling me? What nerve!" She flung her jacket on loosely, barely missing a beat.

"It figures. You'd think I'd learn by now." Danielle took a deep breath and threw her shoulders back before she frowned with a sharp octave penetrating her vocals, "Wouldn't you!"

Her frustration made the words dagger his heart. "I mean all men do is lead you on, they tell you things they think you want to hear. You can never believe anything they say."

Disappointment reared its volcanic head, as Roman sat in silence. Considering the way she'd leapt off the bench, he had a feeling there wasn't a thing he could say that would make a hell of a difference.

"You know, I bet you weren't even going to--" she hedged, "You had no intention of anything happening between us."

She paused, examining the look in his eyes. She felt like he was ignoring her, just as disconcerted, brooding only god knows what kind of secrets.

Reluctantly Danielle huddled over him, "What secrets brood in that head of yours Roman, huh?" She focused her gaze on his glassy eyes. Her voice added a tone of weariness when she added, "Like you'd tell me anyway."

Danielle twitched the corner of her mouth. The way he sat before her in sunlight, utterly confident in his feelings or lack thereof for her-- A man she thought was
the one.
But clearly, as she watched the suspicion in his eyes, to her surprise-- he wasn't. She let herself look at him for a long moment, before she turned away.

But then, she'd thought to say one more thing, as she'd whisked back around to face him. Danielle cocked her heel against the grass when she'd told him, "We could've had animal magnetism. We could've had a lot of naughty fun. Just remember that." Roman caught a glimpse of her half-lidded naughty smile and her sensual poise that would've had any man fall to his knees for her.

A last ditch effort of sorts to show him what he'd be missing.

It was obvious she wanted him, but he wasn't quite sure what he wanted. Maybe he didn't want her. He might have cared for her, might have even loved her. But he didn't-- or he couldn't love her in the way she wanted and needed to be loved.

And she, fed up with his erratic behavior and he with hers, aimed to take her musings, her dreams of what love could have been and settle on retreating back to her single lonely world. For the first time she was utterly bemused and crushed over the losers she'd seem to run into more often than not.