Love Finds You in Amana Iowa (31 page)

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered.

He leaned forward, his elbows on the railing as he surveyed the growing village. He couldn’t look over at her in the moonlight. If he did, he would lose his nerve.

“Christoph Faust is traveling with me in the morning,” he said.

“So I guessed.”

“I was wrong to accuse you of flirting with him.”

“I was wrong to speak with him like I did.” She turned to look at him, and in the moonlight, shadows from the windmill’s sails flickered across her face

“How are you doing?” he asked.

“I don’t know how I am.”

He stared back down at the orchard as if the dark trees harbored the answers to his questions. “Hilga and I are no longer going to marry.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Why not?”

He didn’t want to frighten her, but he no longer wanted to hide the truth either. “It wouldn’t be fair to marry Hilga when my heart belongs to someone else.”

His words hung in the chasm between them, and for a moment, he wished the gap would swallow him. Even as the words rang back to him, they terrified him.

“No, it wouldn’t,” she finally whispered.

A breeze gusted through the trees, turning the sails above them, and the windmill swayed with it. Was it possible that Amalie was as confused as he was? She trembled beside him, but her words lightened the burden in his heart. He could only hope that perhaps Louise was right, but he wouldn’t push her. They both needed to heal before they thought about the future.

He dug into his pocket. “I have something for you.”

She reached out and took the walnut box from his hands. Her fingers smoothed over it. “Where did you get this?”

“I made it,” he said. “A long time ago.”

“It’s—it’s lovely,” she said as she tried to open the lid. He reached out to stop her, and at the touch of her skin, fire sparked through him again. He withdrew his hand.

“I have the key,” he whispered as he held up a small brown satchel. Then he slid it into his pocket. “When I come home from Tennessee, I will open it for you.”

She slowly lowered the box. “I’m afraid for you to go.”

“I’m a bit afraid myself.”

For the slightest of moments, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it. Gottlieb’s lantern bobbed in the orchard below them and she let his hand go, quietly waiting until the watchman was gone. “Please be careful.”

He thought of telling her about the Confederate soldiers that held the town of Chattanooga under siege, about the warnings Colonel O’Neill had given him. The task ahead was impossible, but God so often dwelt right in the midst of the impossible. He didn’t know what awaited him, but he hoped the siege might be lifted by the time he and Faust arrived in Tennessee. If it wasn’t, the burden would be too much for Amalie to carry. He wanted her concern, but he didn’t want her to be afraid.

“I will come back to you, Amalie.”

She shook her head. “You don’t know.”

He touched the softness of her face, lifting her eyes to him again. When he gazed down at her, he felt like his own heart might stop its beat. “I will do everything I can to return to you.”

Even though the world is cold, warmth I in my heart behold,
Praising God in grateful mood in this quiet solitude.
Joachim Neander

From her window, Amalie watched Matthias walk away from her window until the outline of his body disappeared into the darkness. Was it really possible that Matthias Roemig loved her?

In spite of the cold, her body radiated with warmth, and her fingers rolled over the smooth varnish on the lid of Matthias’s box. What was he keeping locked inside it? A letter, perhaps, or something of value. As much as she wanted to know what he was giving her, she would guard the box and its lock until he returned.

She struck a match and the tip blazed in her fingers as she opened the drawer to her nightstand and reached inside, searching for Friedrich’s box. The box that she had thought he made for her.

She remembered well the morning he had given it to her. They’d taken a walk to the creek in Ebenezer, talking about what awaited them in the west, and he gave her the box so she would never forget him.

And she hadn’t. She had been true to him for more than three years, treasuring the box as a small part of Friedrich’s love for her. A reminder that he cared for her.

Now she held both boxes, one in each hand. They were carved from the same type of wood, the same design. She’d always assumed that Friedrich had made the box in his father’s shop, but perhaps she was wrong. Perhaps Matthias made both boxes.

She placed the boxes into the nightstand, easing the drawer shut.

What if Matthias had cared for her all of these years? That would explain why he’d acted so unkind toward her when she tried to feed him. He was being loyal to Friedrich and was helping her to be loyal as well.

Matthias Roemig was truly an honorable man.

She sat down on her bed and moved back against the wall. She didn’t remember much about what Friedrich looked like, but she knew every inch of Matthias’s face. She knew his frown and his handsome smile and the woodsy brown of his eyes. She knew what made him smile and what made him angry, and tonight she had seen a glimpse of his heart, something she hadn’t seen since they were children.

But that didn’t mean that she should or even could offer any promise to him. Quietly she thanked God that he hadn’t asked for one.

As she scooted down onto her pillows, fear plagued her at the thrill that Matthias’s touch brought. It was much too soon for her to begin to think about loving another, Matthias or anyone else.

I pray that you will wait for me as well, but if I don’t return, my desire is that you will live a life of dedication in the Kolonie. And that you will find love.

The words of Friedrich’s first letter haunted her. She would remain dedicated to the community, but he said he desired that she find love as well.

She tossed on her pillow. Even if she wanted to love Matthias, she didn’t have anything left in her heart to give.

In the morning, long before the sun began to rise, Amalie opened her nightstand drawer one more time to look at the boxes, to reassure herself that last night hadn’t been a dream. Then she dressed quickly and crept down the stairs to the kitchen.

While most of the people in Amana awakened, she hummed as she beat together egg yolks and milk to make apple fritters. And as she worked, she prayed that sunshine would warm their village today and that it would follow Matthias and Mr. Faust all the way to Chattanooga.

Amalie was sifting together flour, baking powder, and cinnamon when Karoline crossed under the archway that separated the kitchen from the residence.

Karoline reached for her apron and tied it around her waist, eyeing her as if she wasn’t certain if Amalie was happy or confused. “You’re in pleasant spirits this morning.”

“I believe the sun is going to shine today.”

“That is a good reason to smile.”

Amalie leaned over to fold the egg whites into the batter. She didn’t need to explain why her heart felt so light today, nor did she even quite know why she felt this way.

“I saw that Christoph Faust has returned to us.”

“
Ja
,” Amalie replied. “He is supposed to accompany Matthias to Tennessee.”

“I will prepare a basket of food for their journey.”

Amalie hesitated. She wanted to prepare the basket for Matthias. But then she changed her mind. Perhaps it was better for Karoline to put it together.

Two other girls arrived to help, and the kitchen was soon awhirl with activity. Amalie stirred chunks of apple into the batter and then she fried the fritters in lard. The other women fried bacon and boiled coffee and set plates and silverware on the table. She was sprinkling powdered sugar on the fritters when the diners began to arrive.

Amalie didn’t even peek outside as Karoline and one of the other girls began to serve breakfast. She didn’t know if she could bear to see Matthias, not after last night. If she blushed at the sight of him, people would wonder and they would talk. She didn’t need that kind of scrutiny from him or anyone else. It was much safer for her to stay in the confines of her new kitchen.

Karoline swooped back into the kitchen. “Matthias is out there.”

“Is he?”

“Along with Mr. Faust and Jonah Henson. He said they are leaving within the hour.”

She scooted another platter of fritters toward her. “Make sure they have enough bread and beer for their journey.”

“I will.”

“And don’t forget to add the Handkäse.”

Karoline grinned at her. “Of course.”

“And some dried meat.” She sounded just like Henriette, but she didn’t care.

“Amalie—” Karoline stopped her. “Something is different about you, and I don’t think it has anything to do with the sun.”

Amalie glanced out the window. Sunlight had indeed replaced the darkness, and snow iced the trees and rooftops outside the window. Everything looked white except the sky.

She turned back to the fritters bubbling in the pot of lard. “The sun always brings good cheer.”

“The sun and other things.”

Amalie grunted in response.

“You have no reason to feel bad for your joy, Amalie. It is a blessing from God.”

When Amalie fished the last fritters out of the pot, the grease splattered on her finger and she raced to pour cold water over it. As she soaked her finger in a bowl, she glanced out the kitchen door and saw Matthias eating his breakfast beside Jonah. There was strength in his posture. A confidence that she’d always admired.

She was grateful this morning for many things, including that God had given Matthias a new friend in Jonah. Jonah could never replace the childhood bond of friendship he had with Friedrich—just as no man could ever replace the love she’d had for him—but perhaps God had given both Matthias and her a way to help mend their brokenness.

When Matthias stood up, she scurried back to the stove. There was no batter left for her to fry, so she frantically searched the cluttered table to find something to busy her hands and her mind.

“Amalie?” Karoline probed, concern bolstering her voice.

“I’m fine.”

Karoline placed her hands on her hips. “Are you sure you don’t want to marry Mr. Faust?”

Amalie picked up a spoon and glared at her friend. “I’m certain.”

“Because I’m sure the option is still open,” Karoline teased her. “You could marry when they return from Tennessee.”

Someone stepped into the kitchen behind Amalie, and her heart raced. Turning slowly, she expected to see Matthias, but Christoph Faust stood there instead.

“What’s this talk of marriage?” he asked.

She wished she could crawl under the worktable and hide from the questioning in his eyes.

“You’ll have to ask Sister Karoline,” she finally said.

He didn’t look toward Karoline. “I thought you would be married by now.”

She hesitated, not daring to tell him that Friedrich was gone. If Matthias hadn’t told him, then neither would she. “In time I will marry.”

“Perhaps it isn’t too late for you to break out of this cage.”

The Amana Colonies weren’t a cage to her; they were a cocoon.

“I’m not leaving here, Mr. Faust. With you or with anyone else.”

Matthias appeared behind Mr. Faust, and on his handsome face was a grin she hadn’t seen since he was ten or eleven. And he was smiling at her.

“The train won’t wait for us,” he told Mr. Faust.

Mr. Faust stuck his hat back on his head and turned toward the door. “Then we must leave.”

Matthias was still looking at her, still smiling. Karoline thrust two baskets of food toward Matthias, and then she seemed to disappear, out the door behind Mr. Faust perhaps.

“We will all be praying for you,” she said.

Matthias held her gaze, his tone so low that she was the only one who could hear him. “I will not forget it.”

Her heart raced along with her voice. “Mr. Faust is a good guide.”

“He knows that Friedrich was killed.” He held her gaze steady within his. “But he doesn’t know Friedrich was planning to marry you.”

“Thank you.”

He tipped his hat and then he was gone.

* * * * *

Fresh snow covered the road as Matthias and Faust rode through Amana on the wagon. He lifted his hat to Jonah and Karoline and dozens of other people gathered in clusters to wave as they began their journey east. Even though Amalie wasn’t on the street, he caught a glimpse of her face inside the kitchen window, watching him leave, and he lifted his hat one last time.

She had promised him nothing with her words, but her eyes had held a hint of promise. He would relive their last moments together over and over during this journey.

Louise, Hilga, and Brother Schaube waited for him at the edge of town. Louise kissed his cheek and whispered to him that Carl wouldn’t be mad at him for long. Hilga didn’t appear mad at all.

Brother Schaube prayed protection for him and Faust and then handed Matthias a small burlap bag filled with gold pieces and greenbacks to pay for their journey along with their train tickets.