Love Don't Live Here Anymore (The Love Collection Book 3) (2 page)

AJ’s last day finally came. On September 17
th
, Ajamaal Capone Heyward lost his battle with cancer. At home, surrounded by family and very close friends, he took his last breath. And that’s when Summer’s life changed forever. She knew. She could tell. They say when you find your soul mate, you know. Summer knew that AJ had been preparing for his journey to heaven. His speech had gone from coherent to jumbled and hallucinogenic. He told her that he loved her and always would. He assured her that even though she couldn’t have him in the physical, she would always have a guardian in the spiritual.

“Take care of my baby. Can you do that for me?” he said.

Summer wasn’t pregnant, so she was certain that her man was speaking strangely because of the pain meds. But none of that mattered. She just cuddled up next to his frail and withered body and held him. She hugged him tight and assured him that he had made her the happiest she had ever been in her life. She reassured him that he was the only one she ever loved and he would forever be her light. The night before he passed, she knew it would be the last time she got to hug him, hold him, and kiss him. It was an eerie feeling, knowing that the person she was holding one minute wouldn’t be there the next. So when she felt his chest vibrating and awoke to his struggled breathing, it was confirmed.

“Noooo, AJ. No, baby, please don’t go. Not yet. Our wedding is in five days, baby. We can get married. I wanna be Mrs. Heyward forever, baby. Wake up!” she yelled.

Before she knew it, she was being comforted by the private nurse they had hired to care for AJ when he began his decline. Summer then heard her sister’s voice. She told the nurse that she would handle Summer and for her to phone the doctor.

“Come on, Summy,” Autumn whispered. “Let’s go upstairs while they take care of AJ. Come on, baby,” Autumn urged.

But it was hard. She felt like she was turning her back on the only man who had ever loved her besides her daddy. She felt like she was leaving him all alone, vulnerable and exposed. “No, I have to stay with him, Aut. I have to be there for him. I can’t leave him,” she cried.

Now Autumn was crying hysterically. Seeing Summer break down was making it difficult for her to be the strong one. So when her husband walked over to them, she gladly accepted the help.

“Autumn, go back with the kids. I’ll take Summer upstairs,” Abaki told her. “Little sister, I got you, baby. Don’t you worry! AJ is in a better place now. He’s not suffering anymore.” Abaki did his best to console Summer. She was just too distraught.

Making it up the stairs was too difficult for her. The simple task of raising her legs seemed like a huge ordeal, so Abaki swooped her into his arms and carried her. He pushed the bedroom door open with his foot and carried her to the bed. She felt her body hit the bed and then Abaki sat next to her, rubbing her back as she cried. He didn’t leave her side until her sister reappeared. Summer felt him leave the room and Autumn lay down behind her. She knew that she wasn’t the only one hurting. AJ’s parents were hurting, his friends,
their
friends, and her sister were hurting. Summer knew because as Autumn lay with her chest pressed against her back, she could hear Autumn’s sniffles and feel her chest hiccupping. It was then that she realized that the only good part about suffering a loss, was not having to do it alone.

When the day to bury her love had finally arrived, Summer didn’t remember much of anything. She didn’t remember waking up, taking a shower, applying makeup or getting dressed. But when she walked past the mirror in the hallway, her black ensemble was a bleak reminder of what was taking place. She sat on the sofa in her living room, staring out of the floor-to-ceiling windows. Just staring. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t feel, and she couldn’t talk. She was numb. So when she felt the hand of who was supposed to be her future mother-in-law grab hers, she knew what time it was. She gave a gentle tug and pulled Summer to her feet. Summer felt her kiss her on her cheek and together they walked hand in hand out to the awaiting limo.

Since AJ and Summer were new to the area, there was really no need to have a big church host the funeral services. Instead, she had all the floral arrangements that were to be used for their wedding ceremony delivered to the funeral home. The florist was kind enough to convert the arrangements so they’d be appropriate for the occasion. The venue that was meant for their beautiful reception was now designated for her fiancé’s repast. Folks who were supposed to be flying into Atlanta to witness their nuptials, now used that time to say their final goodbyes.

Up until Summer’s sister stood to sing a ballot selected by AJ’s mom, Summer had been fine. When Autumn opened her mouth and began belting the lyrics to “Swing Low,” her tear ducts opened again, and liquid emotions rushed out. She knew that it was her turn to say her final farewell to her sweetheart when her would-be brother-in-law and AJ’s dad stood over her, each with one hand held out. It was the shortest and longest walk of her life.

The house that was once Summer and AJ’s home, now felt cold, discomforting and uninviting. The spacious floor plan felt cramped. The climate inside was reflective of the way Summer had been feeling since she’d buried her love: cold. Her heart ached and her spirit felt bleak. Nothing seemed able to repair her mind, mend her heart, or comfort her spirit, not even the high-priced therapist her sister had hired. The whole time she was there, all Summer did was sleep. She barely ate or interacted with anyone.

After all of AJ’s family had left, her sister and brother-in-law were the last two there. “Summer, I’m not leaving until I know you’ll be fine,” Autumn had said. Apparently she’d meant it. She had been at Summer’s house for nearly a whole month before AJ passed and had stayed about the same amount of time after that. Summer had a few sessions with the therapist, and Autumn was certain that she would go back. She did, even though she thought it was a waste of resources. There was nothing that she or anyone could do to mend her broken heart. That’s why she was still having issues coping.

After consuming a bottle and a half of wine, the alcohol failed at numbing her pain, but it enhanced her emotions. “Damn, AJ, why? I loved you, baby. Why did you leave me?” She wept. Her throat was raw from the screams and her eyes were swollen from the tears. Faith Evans’s
song, “Love Don’t Live Here Anymore” brought about feelings that she only wished would surpass. The R&B diva had created a ballot that touched the hearts of many and was all too relevant for most. “Arghhh! God, please tell me. What did I do to deserve such pain? Please tell me so I can make it better.” She held her empty wine goblet and continued to sob.
I’m tired. This is too much,
she thought as she lay on the chaise lounge in her room, drowning in her own sorrow.

A cool breeze swept through the bedroom, causing her to stir in her sleep. She rolled over and flipped the pillow, seeking the cooler side. That’s when she caught a glimpse of an all too familiar figure. “AJ? Baby, is that you?” She sat up straight and looked into the eyes of her love. He seemed so close, as if she could reach out and touch him; yet, he seemed so far away as well. The further she reached out to him, the further away he appeared. She called out to him, but he would never speak back. However, his lips parted in a warm, welcoming smile that also reflected in his eyes. And then he did something. He extended his right arm and opened his hand, welcoming her to grab it. She reached and reached, but for some reason their hands never connected. And just as quickly as he had appeared, he was leaving.

“Baby, no, wait! Take me with you, pleeease, AJ. I miss you, baby. Please!” she cried.

Before she knew it, he was gone … again. She got out of bed and made her way to the dresser. She opened the top drawer and removed a small item. “I’m ready. Lord, please forgive me for what I am about to do.” She took the sharp blade and placed it at her wrist. Slowly, she slid the blade along her skin until the blood gushed out. “Ahh! That feels good,” she said. Somehow, she was able to use her left hand, with the slit wrist, to do the same to the right. “But that feels better.” She lay back down with her arms spread by her sides. “I’m coming, baby. I’m coming,” she said as she laid her head back and closed her eyes, awaiting her arrival to her final resting place. 

~~~

The alarm blared, jarring Summer from her sleep. She awoke in a pool of sweat and immediately checked her wrists. After sighing and taking a deep breath, she decided to give herself a moment to recollect before getting up and getting ready for work.

Something’s got to give
, she thought to herself before sliding off the side of the chaise and heading into the bathroom. While showering, she thought about all the crazy nightmares she had been having. Autumn had suggested she increase her therapy sessions, but Summer felt otherwise. She didn’t think there was anything they could tell her or do for her that she couldn’t do for herself. “I just have to get through this hump and I’ll be good,” she would tell sister. But the fact of the matter was that she was hurting. Unbeknownst to Autumn, she felt like a bad seed. Like a damn death magnet, a living threat to those around her.

She would never say it to her sister, but deep inside, she felt that if she were dead it would stop those around her from dying. First, it was her twin siblings, then her parents, and five years after that, her maternal grandmother, and now this. She couldn’t help but secretly feel responsible for all the deaths, but she knew enough to never speak those sentiments, especially to her sister. She didn’t want Autumn to worry about her and the fact that she was suicidal, but also, she didn’t want to believe those thoughts herself. Right now, her only hope was to pray that God would make her whole again. He was the healer of all wounds. She just hoped he’d make an exception and heal hers soon.

It was much chillier than usual for late September; however, the newness that came with the start of a new season was refreshing. Summer thought back on her decision to move to Georgia and wondered if that decision was more of a curse than a blessing. After Autumn’s Valentine’s Day wedding, she’d waited two weeks to tell her sister that she and her fiancé were leaving Texas. AJ had accepted a promotion that required him to relocate. The opportunity to make forty percent more in salary and a chance to begin a new life in a new city with his soon-to-be wife was alluring. After he’d accepted the offer, Summer began looking for work in the same area. A week later, she’d gotten a call for an interview and was hired on the spot. On June 1
st
, one week after AJ had graduated from pharmaceutical school, they’d made the move to Atlanta. Three and a half months later, Summer would have been Mrs. Heyward, but like everyone else in her life, her husband-to-be was taken away. Again, she was back to having her sister as her one and only next of kin.

The sound of Summer’s heels hitting the tiled floor resonated in the hallways at Emory University Hospital as she made her way to her office. Carrying her medium hot chocolate with whipped cream in one hand and her cell phone in the other, she exited the elevator. Summer reached her unit in no time and greeted the nurses and nursing assistants who were fresh on the shift. Upon entering her office, she closed the door, plopped onto her chair, and called her sister.

“Hey, Blue Skies,” Autumn said as soon as she answered the phone.

“Hi, Sunshine. What’cha doing?”

“Nothing much. Just got done changing the twins and laying An’gel down for a nap.”

“Why do you pronounce her name like that? An-jell, like she’s French or something,” Summer poked.

Autumn giggled. “Because that’s how Abaki says it. You know he still has some of his mother tongue. Plus it’s a slight variation from his nickname for me, Chocolate Angel. Angel, An’gel, both sound cute.”

“Oh,” Summer said flatly. “I see you eased into the African part of your race very well. You got any of the American still left in ya?”

“Don’t start, Summer,” Autumn warned.

“I’m just saying. The names are so … so
African
.”

“And American, fool. The boys’ middle names, Charles and Chandler, and Angelica are all American names. I don’t even know why I’m—”

“Is that my lovely sister-in-law on the phone?” Summer heard Abaki ask.

“Yes, here, talk to that crazy girl,” Autumn said, passing Abaki the phone.

“Hey, Summer. What’s going on? How’re you doing these days?”

“Hey, bro! I’m hanging in there. I still miss him a lot, though, and think about him every day.” Summer let out a deep breath and glanced at her ring finger. “I still can’t bring myself to take off the ring.”

“It may be like that for a while. I can’t relate, but I definitely empathize. His passing touched a lot of people and we, too, are grieving his loss. Hang in there, little sis. We’re here if you need us. And stop making fun of my culture,” Abaki teased and gave Autumn back the phone.

At least he got her to smile, and lately those had been few and far between.

There was a tap at Summer’s door. She placed Autumn on hold and told whomever to enter.

“Good morning, sweat pea,” her visitor said.

Summer faked a smile but inside, she was rolling her eyes. “Hey, Aut, let me call you back later, okay? I will. Love you too.” Summer ended the call and placed her cell phone down before greeting her guest. “How can I help you, Eugene?”

“Well, for starters, you can say yes to my offer to take you out,” he said as he stepped into her office and closed the door behind him. Eugene made his way to a chair and sat down.

“Please, make yourself comfortable,” Summer stated, full of sarcasm.

“Summer, honey, when are you going to stop playing hard to get and let me love you, take care of you, and worship—”

“That’s one of the issues, Eugene. I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I am very well capable of that myself.”

Eugene got up, walked over, and stood behind Summer. He unbuttoned the single button on his suit jacket and started massaging her shoulders.

Mmm, this feels good
, she thought. The first time Eugene had given her a massage, she had inadvertently melted beneath his hands. They were firm, yet soothing, strong, but still gentle. Now, whenever he saw her and she appeared stressed, he would give her a brief massage.

“I know that you can take care of yourself, and I don’t mean to offend you. It’s just that you’ve had to spend months alone and … I think you should open up to future possibilities.” In a kind and subtle way, Eugene was suggesting she start dating, and to begin with him.

“I’m not ready. And I already told you that. So don’t mention it again,” Summer scolded.

“Please accept my apologies. I didn’t mean to offend or upset you. Just think about it, okay?” Eugene leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Call me later. Ciao, sweet pea,” Eugene said as he left her office, closing the door behind him.

He was one of the top anesthesiologists in the area and could have anyone he wanted but chose Summer. Since Summer had started working at Emory, he was one of the first men to try to sink his claws into her. He didn’t make it a secret that he was interested. During her first week at the hospital, he sent her “welcome” gifts and “great day” emails. She had told him she was engaged to be married, and soon at that, but he didn’t care. The only thing that saved him from multiple verbal lashings was his personality. Even though he was bold, forward, and relentless, he was also sweet, kind, respectful,
and
attentive. After AJ had passed away, he sent floral arrangements, pulled strings to get her on a less hectic unit, and made sure that she received something to eat every day while mourning the loss of her fiancé.

It had only been three days since she’d been back on the trauma wing, the unit she was hired for, and already Eugene was back at her again. Not to be misunderstood, Summer was grateful that he’d backed off while she grieved, but her return to normal duties didn’t mean that she was open to dating at this time.

Silently, Summer wondered how long the mourning and grieving process lasted. Surely, she had suffered losses before, but none were that of a significant other
. If I wait too long, am I being unfair to myself? And if I don’t wait long enough, am I somehow being untrue to AJ?
Lately these had been constant battles in her mind. On the inside, she was deeply torn. A part of her was ready to move on and begin the healing process. It wasn’t like being depressed and sad all the time was going to bring him back. Yet, the other half felt that she hadn’t given herself time to get over her one true love. She was still wearing the ring. She reasoned that when she was willing to remove it from her finger, then she’d know in her heart that she was ready to move on. Until then, all prospects would have to either hold their piss or walk away from the pot, as her Grammy would say.

Summer finally removed her jacket and slipped on her smock, ready to begin her day. There was work to be done and time was ticking.

~~~

Tap, Tap!

“Come in,” Summer replied. Lifting her head from the paperwork in front of her, she greeted her nurse intern. “Hey, Fran. What’s up?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you, but we are experiencing a really difficult patient. He came in with a gunshot wound to his lower right back. We’re trying to inject him to numb the area but he’s being extremely volatile.”

Summer rubbed her temples, inhaled deeply, and stood from her seat. “Let’s see what we’ve got.”

She walked into the hospital room, opened the curtain, and closed it behind her. “Mr. Farmer, do you realize that you have a bullet lodged in your back? And do you further realize that, although the wound is not fatal, it’s still inches away from paralyzing you for the rest of your life?”

“Arghh! This shit hurts,” he groaned.

“And it is going to continue to hurt unless you let us do what you came here for, to let us address your issue.”

“Fuck! Do what you got to do. Just fix this shit. Argh!” he yelped.

“You know it may hurt less if you stopped squirming. The only thing you’re doing is irritating the wound, causing yourself even more pain. Now lie still,” Summer commanded as she slipped on gloves and handled the situation before attending her scheduled meeting.

Summer entered the conference room just seconds before the hospital administrator started speaking. “Good morning, all. I called this emergency meeting because the powers that be are breathing down my neck about low revenue. Emory is a billion-dollar entity and every fiscal year for the past three years, we have been losing close to a quarter million dollars. This is mainly due to those patients who do not have health insurance, but repeatedly show up at this hospital in need of treatment. We have the bums, the homeless, alcoholics, drug addicts, drug dealers, gang bangers, and the list goes on.”

“Girl, this is one of my least favorite things about the job. They call these meetings twice per year. Like what the fuck can we do about people coming in with medical emergencies without health insurance, turn them away?” Summer’s friend Larita whispered to Summer, and the two snickered.

“I guess we put a Band-Aid on a bullet wound and send ’em home,” Summer said and Larita laughed.

“We should go out for drinks this weekend.”

It didn’t take Summer long to contemplate. She needed some socialization and was glad Larita had offered. “Bet,” she said and turned back to the meeting.

Larita and Moet were two of the first people Summer had met when she started at Emory. She thought back on their first encounter. Summer was standing at the coffee shop, when Eugene had approached her all googly-eyed.

“Trust me. Just come with me and don’t look back,” Larita had told her, and they walked off. Moet had stayed to deflect Eugene’s attention while the two of them made their getaway.

“Don’t worry, she’ll bring up something that will get him focused on something other than you, and she’ll meet us at the elevator,” Larita said. Within five minutes, Moet had joined them.

“Girl, he is a mess. He tries to get with all the new pretty women in the building. And if I didn’t intervene, he would’ve had you standing there, while he talked your ear off. Don’t get me wrong; the brotha is smooth with his. This is more than likely why he has three ex-wives and five kids. But a slouch he is not. I figured he could at least give you some time before he started preying,” Moet stated.

“I’m Larita Hernandez, by the way. I work on the third floor. Head nurse in the maternity ward.”

“And I am Moet Raymond. I’m the day supervisor in the E.R.”

“Hi, I’m Summer Hughes. I was hired as the nursing director on the trauma unit. Pleased to meet you both.”

Since that day, both ladies had been integral in Summer’s transition and supportive since she’d found out her fiancé was terminally ill. Had it not been for them, Summer was almost certain that she wouldn’t have stayed in Atlanta after his death. She would have put their stuff on another truck and headed home to Dallas.