Love, Chocolate, and Beer (Cactus Creek) (45 page)

Dani’s eyelids fluttered shut in pain. Three deep breaths sawed in and out of her before she asked hoarsely, “So you’re telling me that Eric did what he did to try and save his mother’s life?”

“Yes.”

With a quiet headshake filled with hurt and a completely new variety of confusion, she asked, “Why didn’t he tell me? He never even talked about his mother. All I knew was that his mother lived out East.”

“I don’t know, sweetheart.” He grit his jaw, barely managing to force out the words, “And honestly, there’s only one man who does know.”

Her head snapped up in disbelief. “You think I should go talk to him?”

Luke clenched his teeth and shoved aside the voice inside his head that had instantly yelled, “
hell no
,” so loud his brain hurt. “I think you should do whatever you feel you need to do to get the answers you deserve. The answers that might even help you forgive him.”

A soft gasp slipped past her lips at the prospect of forgiveness. He watched her eyes glide out of focus as she stared at the ground, or rather memories from her past that he wasn’t privy to.

“How do I do that?” she asked, genuinely mystified. “How do I even begin to forgive him for what he did?”

“The same way I forgave you,” he replied softly.

Fresh tears filled her eyes. “You forgive me?”

“Sweetheart, I think I forgave you the moment you came clean. Just as importantly, I
understand
why you did it. That’s why I wanted to tell you about Eric’s mom.”

With a sigh, he spoke from his heart, even though every male fiber in his being was calling him the biggest fool in the world. “Just because you forgive his reasons, doesn’t mean you dismiss his actions, honey. I’m not saying you should forgive
what
he did. But maybe by talking to him, you’ll be able to find the peace to forgive
him
—the person, not the action. And more importantly, the peace then to forgive yourself.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

Seeing the lost expression in her eyes, he asked gently, “
Do
you forgive the reasons behind what Eric did? Or at least empathize?”

She thought about it for several long, silent seconds. “
Yes
.”

Hell, he did too. Honestly, Luke didn’t know how differently he’d have handled things had he been in Eric’s shoes.

“Then start there,” he offered quietly, leaning forward and pressing his lips to her forehead, wishing he could do more, wishing he could read her mind right now. “Do what you need to do to find that peace, sweetheart. Take your time.”

And then come back to me.

The last, he hoped, she could read in
his
mind.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

DANI SAT
in the same spot long after Luke left. Questions were now jumbled in with her grief, confusion smeared into her anger and sadness. She felt ungrounded, untethered. Not just as if she’d lost the things that had been tying her to her past and all that she knew, but that she’d been
released
from those very things as well.

As evening turned into night, she attempted to process how her entire world had shifted so dramatically in a day’s time.

She was now an orphan.

Eric was no longer the soul-less villain she’d relegated him to be three years ago.

And Luke wanted her to forgive herself...the same way he’d forgiven her.

She looked at the blank spot on her ring finger where Eric’s engagement ring had once sat and wondered if she would’ve forgiven him back then had she known what she did now.

Probably.

She’d certainly loved him enough.

For hours, she sat and asked herself questions she’d never even considered the answers for, played out dozens of starkly varied scenarios of how her life would be right now had things been different.

And then, irony of all ironies, she compared what Eric had done to her and her business against what she’d done to Luke and his business.

It was a sobering comparison.

Picking up her cell phone, her fingers dialed the numbers out of rote memory, the voice answering on the other end slamming memories into her like a freight train.

“Hello?”

“Eric?” she said softly.

After a stark silence, his voice returned with shock, “
Dani?
”

Try though she did, she couldn’t separate the anger from her memories. Not yet. She simply wasn’t that evolved. Just hearing him say her name brought it all back—the good and bad—in one overwhelming wave of emotion saturated with fury more than anything else. And Eric, being Eric, just let her sit there and silently rage.

In retrospect, that’s how their fights always used to be as well.

Not nearly as satisfying as fighting with Luke, she mused then, out of the clear blue sky.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she demanded finally, the mere thought of Luke calming her like nothing else could. “We were engaged to be married. Why didn’t you ever tell me about your mother?”

Eric sounded older, more regretful than she’d ever heard him. “Because I was ashamed.”

What? “What on earth for?”

“I’d been a crappy son. I went off to law school and got so caught up in being this big deal attorney making the big bucks, I pretty much ignored my mother. I went from calling her once a week, to once a month until I got the job in Phoenix. Then, I was lucky if I remembered to call her on her birthday and holidays.” Shame and loss of equal measure blanketed his words. “I didn’t even know she had cancer until months after she’d been diagnosed. I never checked my messages.” A self-flogging laugh escaped his lips. “Can you believe that? My mom had to tell me on my answering machine that she had cancer. And I actually screened that message, shoved it into the memory as soon as I heard her say hello.”

“Eric, I’m sure she understood. You were just starting out in your career.”

“That’s what made it worse. She
did
understand. She didn’t call back after that because she didn’t want to ‘bother’ me. If one of the interns at her hospital hadn’t mistakenly called me instead of her actual emergency contact, I might have never known she was sick until it was too late.” He sighed. “So I didn’t tell you because I was ashamed. I thought you’d be as disgusted with me as I was. And I didn’t want you to see my worst flaws; I didn’t want to lose you over them.”

More similarities they shared.

His tone changed, softened as he asked her a question in return, “Would you have gone through with the deal if I had told you about my mom from the start?”

One of the many questions she’d already asked herself.

“I think I would have. And just as importantly, I think my dad would have, too.” Though she was being the pot to his kettle, she said candidly, “You should have trusted us. Trusted that we would’ve done what we could to help you. Everything might have actually worked out.”

The measured pause on his end primed her for the question she knew was coming.

“Everything? Would you have stayed with me? Married me like we’d planned?”

The answer no longer freaked her out anymore. “Yes.”

His quiet curse had her smiling in surprise. Eric never cursed.

“Would you still marry me now?”

Ah, now that sounded more like the old Eric she knew.

Her chuckles turned into outright laughter. “Do you really want me to answer that?”

“
Yes,
” he rumbled immediately, before following-up with a sighing, “No.”

Something told her he already knew about Luke.

“Are you happy with him? That chocolate shop guy?” His tone was sincere, though it sounded like he was gnashing his teeth over the word ‘chocolate.’

“Yes. Which is surprising. He’s really different from you.”

“Yeah? Like I-still-have-a-chance different?”

She could almost see his green eyes brightening at the end of that question mark. God, she’d forgotten why she’d fallen in love with the man in the first place. He was the most outrageous flirt. In a sweet, ‘come hang out with my labrador’ way.

But there was also something in his voice that made her consider her answer carefully. “Luke was the one who told me about your mom. And he’s the one who encouraged me to call you…and forgive you.”

“Damn. Of course he had to be a friggin’ saint.”

She didn’t know who this new Eric was, but she liked him. Didn’t love him. But could definitely see being friends with him. One day.

“Do you?” he asked quietly. “Forgive me?”

“No.” She had to be honest. Even though the pain she heard in his near silent exhale made her hurt as well. “But I want to,” she added softly. “And I think I will. One day.”

“That’s more than I deserve, frankly.” His voice flooded with sorrow. “Sweetheart, if I thought it would help, I’d spend the rest of my life apologizing to you, and every day of it trying to make things up to you somehow—”

“Then I’d spend the rest of mine telling you it wasn’t your fault,” she broke in, the truth of that statement seeping into her skin, settling into her bones.

She could hear the question marks in his patient silence. A silence she knew he’d never be the first to break.

Again, so different from Luke.

“I said I don’t forgive you; I didn’t say I still blame you.” Her words snagged in her throat as she replayed the final, paradoxically heartbreaking look of peace on her father’s face just before the monitors flatlined—simultaneously imagining Eric having gone through that same final moment with his mother. Alone. “You did what you needed to do for someone you love, Eric. The only fault there is in loving that person beyond all reason and ramification. So no, I don’t blame you for what happened to my dad. Not anymore.”

“Dani...” He sounded shocked. Out of sorts. “You
don’t
have to do that. I told you, I don’t deserve it.”

“Well, you’re going to damn well accept it, you stubborn ass,” she huffed, smiling when she heard the stunned pause followed by the surprised chuckle ringing out from his end.

It took him a moment to get his bearings, and when he did, the Eric that returned was definitely not the same man she’d been engaged to. Just as she was no longer the same woman.

“Wow,” he said in something close to awe. “You really have changed.”

“Yep.” Pride—and thoughts of Luke—filled her then. “Haven’t you heard? I’m all hardcore now. I issue throwdowns, kick ass, and take no prisoners.”

His chuckle deepened. “I
have
heard.”

“I also collect on debts owed to me.”

“Yeah?” Amusement and curiosity battled for dominance over that one word.

“Uh-huh.” She took in her first deep, unstifled breath of the night before throwing out lightly, “After all is said and done, the fact is, mister, you owe me for everything you’ve done. Big time. And just so you know, the day I forgive you is the day I’ll start collecting. So be ready.”

He was smiling now, she could hear it, and the sigh he expelled was rich with fondness. “I’ve missed you, Dani. You tell Luke I said he’s one lucky guy.” Humor and admiration lit his tone. “One very lucky, very brave guy.”

Aw
, that compliment just got the guy one step closer to debt-collection day.

* * * * *

LUKE WAS
ready to lose it.

It had been two whole days since he’d broken the Eric news to Dani and the woman hadn’t called him. Not once, dammit.

Well, to be fair, it was only a
day and a half
, really, considering it was four in the morning right now…

Okay, okay. Their talk had been late in the evening and she
had
texted him before she’d gone to bed the next morning to thank him for coming over. So
technically
, mathematically, it was really more like a day.

Longest freakin’ day of his life.

And it wasn’t helping one bit that he was sitting in his soon-to-be-closed shop, unable to do shit about that situation either.

As he stared out the window across the pitch-black side lot that led to Ocotillos, straight out of left field, Luke remembered the story that waitress had told him and the guys months ago—about how, even when they’d been looking at closing their doors for good, instead of wallowing, Vince Dobson had thrown everything he had into one last brew. One final recipe. To go down swinging, and leave it all out there on the field.

Huh.

One last chocolate. One final recipe.

Yeah.
That
, he could do.

Moments later, his hands were already pulling ingredients off the shelves, seemingly independently from his brain. While his heart rarely got involved in the chocolatiering process, it was clearly calling all the shots today. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. Within minutes, Luke was a man on a mission, tempering the butterless
couverture
white chocolate before adding the rich cream that would thicken it into a consistency somewhere between a truffle and a mold chocolate.