Love Charms (41 page)

"Maybe
there's something we can do, Evan," she said.  "I don't know her, but
I trust you, and if you say she's not dangerous, then I'm sure she isn't.  She
didn't seem it before, but it was a shock.  I... we can talk to Alex, maybe? 
We can show him."

"Alex
won't let me go near her," he said.  "If I try, then he's told the
others to restrain me.  For my own good, supposedly.  He knows it's bullshit,
and I'm sure he doesn't actually believe she's that dangerous, but he's doing
it to keep me here.  He's blackmailing me into staying until the spring to help
out because he says he needs me here.  He says he can't afford to let me leave
until then, so he'll do anything to stop me, pretty much."

"Oh...
 Oh, Evan.  I'm so sorry.  I..."

"I
don't want to talk anymore," he said.  "I'm sorry.  I'm really
tired."

He
closed his eyes as if he meant to go to sleep, but his hand continued to rub a
light circle across Desiree's stomach.

* * *

I
wake to a boom.  My body stiffens, startled, and I feel sore.  Looking up, I
see the open sky overhead.  Dark grey clouds float above me, threatening to
open up and drench me with rain at any moment.

Why
am I outside?  I scramble off the ground and sit, worried.  Did I fall asleep
on a summer day while laying out on the lawn at my parent's house?  I don't
have much of a lawn behind my apartment so that's the only place I could be. 
Except why am I at my parent's house?  I need to go into work today.  I have to
get up and get inside.  Not just because of the rain, but I need to take a
shower, too.

I
have to write a note.  I need to let my manager know that I have a doctor's
appointment soon and I won't be able to come into work that day.  I might be
able to work for a little bit, but I'll have to leave early, and I don't know
if I'll be able to make it back after that.  I'll work extra a few days in
advance to make sure everything is settled for that day, though.  I'll...

I
lurch onto my stomach, finding it difficult to remain seated.  Flopping onto a
soft, flattened cushion, I stare forward.  In front of me, straight ahead and
to the sides, are bars.  Small, thin bars rise up from the ground, then higher
still, taller than me when I stand.  I'm not standing now but my eyes rise up,
looking as high as I can, and I see the ends of the bars.  They look so far
away, lost somewhere in the middle of the angry rainclouds high above.

I
try to grab the bars, but I don't know why.  I don't know why there are bars in
the first place, either.  My fingertips reach for them and they feel cold to
the touch.  I stare at the metal and my hand, distracted and lost.

Why
is my hand a pale blue color?  My fingernails are dark purple like I've painted
them with nail polish, but I don't even own purple nail polish.  I prefer reds
and greens sometimes, or blues.  Mostly red, but I like to wear other colors on
occasion.  Special occasions.  I had a date the other night with a man I met at
college and I would've liked to wear blue then, but...

Wait.

Am
I in college?  I can't be.  I have a doctor's appointment soon.  I work.  I
graduated.  I'm employed at a small marketing firm in the city.  What city?  I
don't know the name of it.  I can't remember.  It's where I went to college,
though.  It's where I met him.  What's his name?  Does he have a name?  Did I
go on a date?

I
don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I can't think at all and I
don't know.

I
want to curl up into a ball and hide and fall asleep and cry, but the first
drop of rain from the dark clouds above falls down and slams against my
forearm.

It's
just rain and I know this, but it doesn't feel like rain.  The small drip lands
on my exposed skin and it feels like someone's beamed a high-powered laser into
my flesh.  I can feel it ripping through my arm, digging into my body, harsh
and penetrating.

And
then it's gone.  Just one drop of rain, fast and relentless.

There
will be more, though.

I
sit up, huddling close to myself, trying to work out what's happened in my
head.  There's a dog bed beneath me; that's the cushion I saw before.  I don't
think there's a dog, though, is there?

I
found a kitten the other day at the grocery store.  I don't know why a kitten
was at the grocery store, nor do I know why I didn't bring it to the store
manager, but I found one and I've brought it home.

I
named her Cinna.

The
rain destroys me.  It falls again, landing on my head and my nose and my neck. 
I cry out in horrendous pain, feeling the splashes devouring my body.  They
drop, unstoppable.  I try to back away, to escape them, but I run into the
metal bars.  It's impossible to flee.

Why
does the rain hurt so much?  Has something happened?  Is this acid?  Will I
die?  Will my skin melt from my body, slough off my bones?

My
skin is a pale blue and I am dead.  I remember now; at least a little bit.  I
am cold, forever, and I am one of them.  There's nothing I can do about it.

And
the rain is painful.  It falls softly now, a gentle summer shower, but by the
looks of the clouds it'll pick up soon.  Another boom, with a slash of
lightning in front of me and to the left, and more rain.  It lands on my hands
and arms and drenches my clothes, burning into my skin.  It isn't a warm burn,
not like a too-hot shower, but a cold, frozen one.

It
feels as if someone has taken a canister of liquid oxygen and decided to spray
it directly onto my flesh.  My body feels like a steak that's been left exposed
in the freezer for weeks; broken, raw, and burnt from the cold.  I stare at my
arms and cry and it doesn't look like I'm burning, but I can
feel
it.  I
feel it everywhere, all around me, in me.

Opposite
me, in the cage, is a door.  I can escape through the door, I think, except
when my eyes clear from the burning tears splashing across my cheeks, I see the
chain.  Someone's chained the door shut and locked it and I can't open it.

Can
I climb out?  I don't even think I can move right now.  At the bottom of the
cage there are thick pegs pounded into the grass, with heavy wire holding the
cage to the ground.

I
am trapped in a cage made for dogs and I'm in the most horrifying pain I've
ever felt in my life.

"Help
me set this up!" someone says; a woman.

I
turn towards the voice, keeping my face downwards, trying to at least keep some
part of me dry.  It doesn't work and the rain collects on my head, soaking my
hair, and dripping down onto my forehead and into my eyes, but still I try.

The
woman looks familiar.  She's pretty and probably about as old as me.  Does she
work with me?  There's another man, too, and he helps her set up a tent
alongside my cage.  They place it right next to me, on the other side of the
bars. 

It
is a small, regular tent, like one that a younger child might play with in the
backyard.  It has openings at either side so you can enter from two places. 
They place one of the openings so that it's at my back.  I can see it by
looking over my shoulder, but I can't move any more than that.  I want to--I
need to--but I can't.

Why
are they setting up a tent and why won't they let me out of this cage?  Why
aren't they helping me?

I
know why now.  I am dead and a zombie and they aren't.  They're human and
regular and I wish I was too, but I can't be anymore.  I desperately want to be
normal, but I'm not, and they're afraid of me.

I'm
afraid of them, too.  I don't know what they're doing.

The
woman's name is Desiree and she's a friend of Evan.  I went with Evan to a
movie theatre last night and we made love in one of the seats.  I don't
understand how none of the other theatre patrons noticed this, but... no, there
was no one else in the theatre except us.

Everything
is gone and abandoned and Jonny, who is like me, let us in.  He eats popcorn
and feels a little better because of it.  I think he's lonely and enjoyed the
company.  I would do anything to visit him right now and escape this
rain-filled cage of agony.

The
two of them outside my cage set up the tent fast.

"I'll
take watch for now," Desiree says.

The
man nods to her.  "Let me know if you need anything.  She doesn't look
like she's going anywhere, but better safe than sorry."

But
what if I need something?  I try to say the words, to ask them for help.  The
only sound that escapes my throat is a thick, sickening croak.

* * *

The
tent is set up and I am alone again.  The man left, going somewhere inside my
house.  It isn't actually mine, but I've come to think of it that way.  It's
definitely not mine anymore, though.  They've taken it for their own.

The
woman, Desiree, went into the tent some time ago.  I can't see her now since
I'm leaning against the cage, desperately hoping the rain will stop.  Thunder
roars above me, sounding as if it might strike me down on a whim.  Lightning
must have flashed but I can't remember seeing it, nor can I see very well with
the acidic pitter-patter of rain pelting my body and burning my vision.

I
push back against the bars behind me.  If I felt better, stronger, maybe I
could push them over and free myself, but I don't.  I haven't felt strong since
I became like this.  I'm weak and that's how I ended up this way, isn't it?

Evan
is strong.  Evan isn't like me.  He says he likes me, but he isn't like me.

Was
it a lie, though?  The man from last night told me that it was planned.  He
said Evan took me away from my house so they could set up camp here.  Why,
though?

I'm
confused.  I'm always confused, but this is even more confusing.  If they
wanted to take my house, they didn't need to shuffle me away from it.  If they
came, they could take it, and nothing more.  What would I have done about it?

They
could trap me, too.  They could do anything.  I'm nothing right now, no one
important.  I'm me, Sadie, and only two people care enough to call me by my
name.

Evan
does because he likes me.  I believe this and I don't believe that other man.

Desiree
does, but she hates me.  She's trapped me here, brought me horrible pain, and
even now I know she's hiding in the tent behind me.  She's there, safe, and
even if she had no tent, the rain doesn't bother her.  She could dance in it,
sing, splash in puddles and make a mess.

She's
pretty, too.  Desiree is everything I wish I could be again.

Through
the thick sting of rain and the thuds of thunder, I hear the zipper of the tent
opening behind me.  Why is she opening it?  To talk to me and torment me and
torture me more?

"Sadie?"
she says.

I
say nothing.  There's nothing to say.

Desiree
squeezes close to the bars and I feel the weight of her body pushing against
me.  I lean against her, but not because I want to; it's impossible for me to
move or lean anywhere else.  My arms press against the bars and I keep my head
down, huddled close to myself.  If I shrink, there is less of me, and I won't
feel as much pain.  That's what I hope, anyways.

Desiree
presses a finger through the cage and touches the side of my arm.

My
senses flare and I feel her heat.  Eyes wide, staring at the ground, I start to
breathe heavily and try to calm down.  Her finger feels nice, warm, but only
there, only in that small place.  Her touch isn't like Evan's, but different. 
Softer and quieter.

"Sadie,"
she says.  "I'm so sorry.  I... I was jealous of you.  I'm so, so
sorry."

I
choke down the taste of bile and manage to speak.  "Why are you
jealous?" I ask.

"I..." 
She starts to say something, but stops.

I
lean against her and I hate her, but the feel of her finger against my arm is
like a soothing balm.  The rain hurts, it stings, it rips, but a little less
now.  A very small amount, but it's enough.

"I
never knew Evan before," she said.  "We met after all this happened. 
He's the only one in our camp who acted regular, though.  Everyone was worried
and scared and we all thought the world had gone to shit, but Evan stayed
optimistic.  He's not always happy, but he's never upset about what happened. 
He wants it to get better.  Everyone else... they... they don't care.  They
want themselves to feel better and that's it."

I
rock against the bars, listening.  If I keep my body moving, I think I can
avoid some of the raindrops.  I know I can't, not really, but I can't make
myself not move anymore, either.

"I
liked him," Desiree said.  "I thought maybe he might start liking me,
too.  We were friends, but I hoped we could be more.  Evan, well... he never
hoped that.  I was jealous of you two going on a date, and that's no excuse,
alright?  I understand."  Desiree sounds mad; but not at me, at herself. 
"Evan never brought me anywhere.  He never asked me on a date.  I tried so
hard, but the more I tried the more he avoided me, and then... then there's
you.  And he hates me, Sadie."