Love Beyond Sanity (21 page)

Kal cleared his throat. "He drowned."

"Drowned?" She hadn't seen that one coming. "What was he doing swimming?"

"How can you sound so blasé about this?" Isabelle narrowed her eyes.

Okay, Charma hadn't handled that well. "I guess I'm just trying to cope with the fact that my boyfriend is dead and my overwhelming jealousy that you guys have found such happiness."

That was what the so-called doctor was trying to make her believe, right?
That she was so overwrought with grief that she couldn't bear to see Kal happy? Okay, she could play along until she figured out what to do.

"I'm so proud of how well you are handling this." Isabelle smiled.

Kal's wife and soul mate had never sounded so patronizing in her life. Charma grinned back. "You know what? I think I could use a little fresh air."

"It's snowing outside." Leonardo sounded concerned, but his eyes were blank, lifeless.

"A little cold air is just what I think I need right now." She swung her legs over the bed and stood, glad when she didn't fall. Quickly, she tried to remember all of the things she had learned when she was stuck in Jason's mind. Real life rules still existed here. She couldn't just decide she wanted to fly and fly. Her powers seemed null and void. Probably because the people weren't real so why would they have subconscious thoughts that needed healing?

No, if everything was just pretend then…

She stopped short. Everything wasn't fake. There was something in here with her that still existed on the outside too. Swinging around, she narrowed her eyes at the 'doctor'.

First of all, in real life, they never would have brought a stranger to the island. Not in a million years. But, beyond that, there was something about him that was so familiar. Goosebumps covered her arms. She knew this energy. Closing her eyes, she pushed her senses forward and slammed into a wall of darkness. Her eyes flew open as she raised an eyebrow.

She'd been right. It was Self-loathing. She had told Jason that the creature didn't have a gender, and whatever it played at, it could be male or female, or maybe both if it really wanted to. Walking around on the outside, she looked like a thirty-something professional woman and in here an aging male doctor with lines on his face.

Something stirred to life inside of her. She clutched her stomach. This was not a sensation she liked or was familiar with.

"Charma, you okay?"

Leonardo's voice should have been comforting to her. But it was like being surrounded by a mechanical version of him. All of the strength and none of the warmth. What she wanted was Jason, and she wanted him now. When she'd been with him, she'd felt strong and unafraid. Well, except for the time in the elevator shaft but then it wasn't likely anything was going to get her through that bit of terror. Hell, she'd thrown herself at Self-loathing in Jason's mind.

Whirling through her system, she felt power stirring. She had no idea what it was or how she was supposed to control it. Nodding at Leonardo, she turned her back and walked to the window. What was happening?

Sweat formed on the back of her neck. She lifted up her too long hair and fanned herself.

For one split second, her vision dimmed then clarity slammed into her body. The surge of power sent her back into the windowsill and she blinked. It was as if the world became more focused, sharper. The illusions of her family vanished from the room leaving her staring at a big mound of blackness swirling in front of her. Charma wasn't sure what happened. But, at the moment it wasn't important.

So that is what you actually look like, huh?
She moved forward towards the blackness that had moments before been the doctor.

"I can see you as you are now." And honestly, what was so frightening about black smoke? You could just blow it away.

"I can see you too, Charma." The voice that spoke to her now was deep and guttural. The words were slurred together as if they were one long word instead of separate words. "I wondered if you had that inside of you. Tell me, how much evil have you been consuming in your spare time?"

Keeping her face blank, she digested what Self-loathing had just said. The Darkness she'd taken in the other night was somehow appearing. That was fine. There was nothing she could do about it. She wasn't in control of it, but she might as well see if she could make it useful.

"Enough that it's frightened you."

"Frightened?" The swirl of blackness moved to the left of where Charma stood. "More like intrigued. I'm thinking it will make you taste even better when I take your soul."

Charma didn't want to think of the implications of what that meant. For now, she just needed to think about surviving.

No,
a voice in her head argued,
we're going to kill it
.
Together.

Kill it? Where had that thought come from? In her life, she'd never possessed a drop of power that could allow her to
kill
anything.

Now you do
. The voice inside of her head sounded like her own but more ominous and very un-her.

Almost of its own volition, her hand raised and pointed towards the black cloud of evil. Energy shot through her body and out of her hand. The creature shrieked. Charma shuddered. It hurt like hell. She tried to lower her hand but it shot back up.

This should not be happening.

The knowledge hit her hard, and she sucked in her breath. For years she'd been wishing for an offensive power, something that could make her strong. But she hadn't wanted this. This was not
her
.

She was possessed.

Belatedly, she realized she should have listened to Marina when she'd told her not to mess with the evil outside of the house.

But it had called to her.

And you wanted me
.

The voice no longer sounded like hers. It was old and rough, like sandpaper made audible, and it was consuming her from the inside out.

She fell to her knees.

"What's the matter, Charma?" The blackness that had clearly not been stopped by the burst of energy that moved through her surrounded her. "Can't control what's happening to you?"

She shook her head. There was no point in lying. Tears formed but she blinked them away.

That's right, little girl,
I
control
you
now
.

Even if she beat Self-loathing, how would she ever stop this thing that lived inside of her? Maybe
it
was the evil that had been prophesized about.

And she had been the idiot to release it on not just the Outsiders but the entire world, too. With her power of mind manipulation, it would be far too easy for the Darkness to simply take over humanity.

And you invited me in
.

"Stop that thinking right now."

Charma looked up and gasped. On the other side of the room, stood a mirror image of herself. Well, not really, she amended. A mirror image would be backwards to look at and instead she was looking at what she thought was her actual image staring back at her.

"What the hell?"

The black smoke turned like it was looking where Charma gazed. "Who are you talking to?"

Moving her hand, Charma pointed at her double. "You can't see that?"

"Oh, this is delicious, you really are insane. There is nothing back there."

Her double raised an eyebrow. "Really? Or maybe it just can't see me because I don't want it to."

Rubbing her forehead, Charma stood. "This is getting a little bit too weird, even for me."

"Did you think I would hurt you after you soothed me?" Her double crossed to the mirror where she turned her head slightly as if she examined herself. "Personally, I think you were right to cut your hair. I prefer it the other way. Not like this."

She cleared her throat. "Who are you?"

"I'm the darkness you calmed, as you think of me."

"But you're inside of me." Charma touched her chest. "You just shot energy out of my fingers."

"Who do you think you're speaking to?" The black smoke seemed to pulsate with anger.

"Enough of you." Her double waved her hand and the black smoke vanished. "It's only a temporary fix. It'll be back."

"What is going on?"

"You tell me."

Stomping her foot, fully aware that it was juvenile behavior, Charma let out an exasperated sigh. "Look, I'm running on empty, so help me out and tell me what's going on."

"What did Self-loathing tell you she was going to do to you?"

"She said she was going to make us live our worst fears. Trap us and destroy us."

The blonde-haired doppelganger nodded. "And what has been going on here since you woke up? Come on, Charma, I know your powers make you live in the emotional world, but let's pretend you're Jason for a moment and use some logic. Tell me what is happening here."

"Why can't you just tell me?" She wanted to throw something.

"Because you have to beat this. Only
you
can. Marina isn't coming to rescue you. She wants to, but even she can't get through the barriers Self-loathing set up. Jason doesn't have these capabilities. It's all on you. It always was. So you tell me. What is happening here?"

"Self-loathing trapped me in my own mind."

"Wrong." The other version of her stepped forward and rubbed Charma's cheek. "Try again. She trapped Jason in his mind. Does that resemble this at all?" She waved her hand around as if she was examining the surroundings.

"Not my mind?" Charma shook her head. "Well, I'm trapped somewhere."

"Certainly." The woman nodded. "But where, Charma? Where are you? What is this place?"

"It's where I grew up. My bedroom in Maine."

"And who isn't here?"

"My family or Jason." She added him on reluctantly. For some reason she felt compelled to leave him out of this.

"She tried that one, right? It didn't work. You knew they weren't your family right away, and you didn't get riled up about Jason's death because first of all, you've already lived with that idea for twelve years, and second because you also knew that was nonsense."

Charma nodded. "That was exactly what happened. So she tried to make me think I was crazy."

"But you're not."

Energy surged through her body. "No, I'm not. So then…" This was where she felt confused. What had happened? "I fought her, but I felt so evil doing it."

The other woman crossed her arms. "A-ha."

"But none of the earlier stuff was real so that must have been imaginary too."

"This whole set-up was what she told you she would do. You were going to live your worst fears."

"She found it. I am terrified that I'm evil. That since I touched evil when I soothed you, I internalized too much. That I'm somehow going to be responsible for the destruction of everything."

"Why would I have saved you from it earlier today if I wanted to destroy you now? Do you think I'm really evil?"

"No," she shook her head. "And there's more too. I lose what I heal in a matter of hours. It doesn't stay with me."

"So what am I Charma? Say the words and we can leave."

Her lips quivered. She almost couldn't say what she needed to. It had been a secret for so long. How did you admit to something that you had hidden just to be able to survive?

"Say it before she comes back."

"You're me. You've always been part of me. You're the part of me that I hide from everyone else. You're where I store what I see and feel in others. You're what makes it possible for me to do what I do. The external evil left a long time ago. You're what lives inside of me that no one else can see. They all think I'm so good, so right and so incapable of being bad. But I'm just as multi-dimensional as everyone else. Sometimes I'm just not that nice."

"You were not nice to Jason when you ran out in a huff."

She nodded. "And yet, he still likes me."

"Let's face it, he loves you. You were born to be together."

Charma's cheeks heated and she pushed down the thought. It was not time for that. She had to finish this.

"So nothing outside of me beat down Self-loathing before. I did it all by myself."

The woman smiled. "You did. So now," her clone moved forward until they stood nose-to-nose. "Wake up."

Charma's eyes flew open, and she looked around the room. Someone was shouting. No, not someone, Jason was shouting. He was yelling at Marina.

"Fix her. You did it earlier."

"As I've told you a million times," Charma could hear the stress in Marina's voice, "if I could, I would, but I can't get through that block."

"God damn it."

"Don't talk to her like that." Drew sounded ready to explode.

Marina spun around to glare at him. "When I want you to defend me, I'll inform you it's time to do so."

"Okay, that's enough. I'm awake."

All three heads turned at the sound of her voice and she smiled as she pulled herself into a sitting up position. Shock registered on their faces. "Well, you three were screaming loud enough to bring back the dead."

"Don't even joke about that." Jason strode across the room fast. He leaned down. His eyes roamed over her body, and though she knew he wasn't looking at her sexually, it warmed her insides.

"I'm fine. You don't have to scan me. Although, it's kind of cool that you can do that."

Nodding, he pulled his gaze from her body and turned his attention to her face. She flushed and he smiled. "Did we really wake you with our yelling?"

"No. I got myself out of a jam by realizing something I should have known a long time ago. I'm carrying evil, and it lets me resist evil. It's like my own personal offensive power."

"Your power is complete now." Drew took a step forward. "I can see it. The demons won't be able to find you anymore."

"I hadn't realized I was incomplete."

"What is your latent ability?"