Love at First Note (26 page)

“So really, truly, you think
it’s over for real?” Lilly paced around
the living room while I sat on the couch and folded a basket of
towels. “I think you need to talk to him one more time.
”

“Lilly, I said I love you, and he walked away. I think he made his feelings pretty clear.”

“Does he know you’re going to Europe?”

I shook my head. “When would I have had the chance to tell him? Plus, I don’t want him to know.”

“Why? Because then he might realize just how much you actually love him?”

Well, yeah.
“I don’t want to put him on the spot like that—like,
now, because I’ve done this big thing for him, he’s obligated to, I don’t know, love me back.”

“You’re completely crazy.”

I put the last towel on top of the stack and stood to carry them to the linen closet. “No, I’m trying really hard to not be crazy. I need to be a grown-up about all of this.” Also, I needed to not cry. And if I let my guard down even for a second, the tears came hard and sure and fast. Any little thing set me off: seeing (or wearing
or sleeping in) his jacket still hanging in my bedroom, listening to the song he’d written just for me. A constant “I am a grown-up” inner monologue was the only way I was keeping myself together.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave,” she called down the hallway.

“It’s not like you wouldn’t be leaving this summer anyway.
Unless you were planning on having Trav move in here with us after the wedding.” I stored the laundry basket on top of the washing machine in the hall closet and went back to the living room, where Lilly sat admiring the diamond sparkling on her finger.

“I still can’t believe it’s actually going to happen,” she said.

“I can, and it’s going to be great.”

A knock sounded on the door, followed by Trav’s deep voice shouting a greeting. “Hello! I’m coming in!”

Lilly smiled but didn’t move from her seat on the couch. “Hi.”

Trav bent down and kissed her hello. “You ready to go?”

“Yep. You sure you don’t want to come, Em? It’s supposed to be a good movie.”

“Um, so I’ve got a big concert this weekend? Have you heard? We actually have to practice if we’re going to be any good, so rehearsal tonight.”

“Don’t be getting all
sassy. We know about your concert.” Trav pulled a pair of tickets out of his pocket and waved them around. “In fact, I just picked up these puppies today. It’s a good thing I ordered them ahead of time. They’re saying the performance is sold out.”

“Look at you planning ahead and being all thoughtful. You really are a changed man, huh?”

He beamed. “I’m doing my best.”

I smiled. “I’m glad you guys are coming.”

“Are you kidding?” Lilly said. “We wouldn’t miss it. We’ll probably
be downtown after the movie if you want to meet us after rehearsal. Want me to text you where we are?”

“No.
Ava’s coming over to watch the rehearsal, and then we’re heading to The Chocolate Lounge.”

Lilly gave me a quick hug good-bye. “I’m happy you and Ava are on Chocolate Lounge terms. Bring me home a macaron?”

* * *

It was past eleven when Ava and I finally made it back to my apartment. Ava carried a big box of French Broad truffles, while I
hauled two to-go cups of steaming hot chocolate, a piece of pumpkin torte, six salted caramel macarons, and two different kinds of brownie. It was more than we could eat on our own, but choosing had been
impossible. Also, a night out with my sister, free of the tension
that had plagued our relationship for almost a year, felt like a good reason to celebrate. Dropping thirty bucks on dessert was nothing.

Ava giggled while I tried to pull my keys out of my purse without
toppling one of the hot chocolates. “I’m not sure we got enough,”
she said. “I think there’s an extra inch of space in our box. We should
have had them put in another brownie.”

“Shut up and take these so I can get my keys.”

She put the truffles on the floor of the entryway and took the
cups of hot chocolate. “Where’s Lilly? Can we just kick on the door
so she’ll let us in?”

I kept digging, but my keys were inexplicably absent from my purse. “She’s out with Trav. Seriously, Ava. I cannot find my keys. They have to be here. I just used them to drive us home.”

“Did you leave them in the car?”

It had been a bit of an orchestration getting us both out of the car with all our chocolate, plus Ava’s overnight bag. It was possible my keys had gotten lost in the shuffle. “Wait here. I’ll go check.”

Two minutes later, I returned to the entryway completely disheartened.

“No keys?” Ava asked when she saw my face.

“No, they’re there. Right on the center console. But seeing as how the car is locked, they aren’t much use.”

“Oh no! Do you have a spare key?”

“Sure I do. Inside my apartment.”

“So we’re locked out of everywhere. Can you call Lilly?”

I pulled out my phone. “I’ll send her a text. Dang it, I feel like an idiot.”

“It could be worse,” Ava said. “Your front door could have been locked. Then we’d be locked out
and
freezing. At least the entryway is warm.”

Lilly responded to my text almost immediately.
Ended up seeing a late movie. Done in an hour. Can you wait?

I sighed. “Lilly can be here in an hour.” I keyed out a response.
Yeah, we can wait. Thanks.

Knock on Elliott’s door. He’s there. Saw him arriving on our way out. His couch is better than the floor.

So Elliott was back. I knew I’d see him at rehearsal the next morning, and I’d been mentally preparing for that. But right now? With my little sister along? I stood staring at his door long enough that
Ava figured out what was running through my brain.

“Is he home?”

I glanced out the front door. “I don’t see his car, but Lilly says she saw him come in.”

Ava took two steps across the entryway and knocked on his
door before I could even utter a protest. “Our arms are full of food,”
she said. “What guy says no to free food?”

Seconds later, Elliott opened his door. He looked from Ava to me, then back to Ava again. “Hi.”

“Hi.” There was something else I was supposed to say, but,
surprise
,
my brain totally stopped talking to my mouth the second Elliott said hello.

“So we’re locked out,” Ava said, giving me a pointed look. “Can we hang at your place till Lilly gets home to let us in?”

Elliott looked my way, his eyebrows raised in question.

“Sorry. I locked my keys in my car, and Lilly won’t be home for another hour.”

“We have food, if that helps.” Ava held up her bag of chocolate. “We just bought out The Chocolate Lounge.”

Elliott looked weary, his face passive as he ran his hand across his jaw, but he finally smiled, his hesitance gone in a blink. “I’ve only heard about The Chocolate Lounge. I guess it’s time I finally try it.” He pushed the door open behind him. “Come on in.”

We spread our assortment of desserts over the counter in
Elliott’s kitchen.
Elliott’s
kitchen.
Where he was standing. His hair
a little unkempt. Bits of stubble lining his chin and cheeks. It was
almost too much for me to handle.

“This was just going to be for the two of you?” he asked, eyeing all the options.

“It was too hard to choose,” I said. “Plus, we’re celebrating happy sister time.” I looked toward Ava as she stood in the living room studying Elliott’s bookshelf.

“Things are good?” Elliott asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Better than they have been in a long time.”

“I’m really glad.”

We were being too polite, ignoring the tension humming between us, pretending like our last conversation hadn’t been groundbreakingly
awful. But with Ava in the room, it was impossible to say anything different.

“Are you kidding me?” Ava called. “This is signed by the author?” She held up a copy of Brandon Sanderson’s
Words of Radiance.
“This
is seriously one of my favorite books.”

“Yeah? Mine too,” Elliott said. “I met him at a charity event last year.”

“This is the coolest thing ever.” Ava opened the book and
studied the title page, Sanderson’s swirl of a signature gracing the bottom half.

Elliott crossed the room and stood beside her. “You know what? Why don’t you keep it? He didn’t personalize it, so you should have it.”

Ava looked like she was going to melt out of her shoes. “For real?”

“I’ve got his e
-mail. I’ll ask him to send me another one.”

She looked at me and held up the book, her eyes and smile
equally wide. “Do you see this?” She pointed at the book. “Do you
see how amazing this is?”

I laughed as she stretched out on Elliott’s couch and opened the book. “Okay, don’t worry about me,” she called. “I’ll be right here basking in the brilliance of Brandon’s words.”

Elliott walked back to me, genuine happiness in his eyes. He was happy for Ava and me. He didn’t even have to care, but he
did
anyway, and it was unraveling my emotions faster than I could reel them in. When he stopped in front of me and ran his fingers through his hair, I had to turn away. I cleared my throat and crossed to the other side of the kitchen.

“I haven’t seen her this happy in a long time,” I managed to say.

“I’m glad you guys were able to work things out.”

I leaned against the counter. “It was easy, really. I just had to ease up and let her know I loved her no matter what. She should have known that all along, which is the hardest thing for me to realize. If I’d just talked to her and listened to how she really felt . . .” I shrugged. “Live and learn, I guess.”

He pushed his hands into his pockets.

“Thanks for nudging me in the right direction,” I said.

He moved across the kitchen so we were standing side by side. “It was nothing. I’m thinking maybe it’s advice I should have taken myself.”

His words sent my nerves into a full-on frenzy. My stomach felt a little like it was trying to crawl out through my throat, and my hands started to tremble.
Stupid hands.
I clenched them into fists and crossed my arms, hiding my fists in my armpits. I swallowed, hoping I understood what he meant. “Yeah?”

Ava popped her head in the kitchen. “Sorry. Just getting another macaron.”

I forced myself to breathe. “It’s okay,” I told her. “You can get whatever you want.”

She picked up a cookie and took a bite, moaning with pleasure. “Seriously. How have I never tried these before? They’re French, right? Promise when you’re in Paris you’ll send me some.”

I closed my eyes and winced.

“Paris?” Elliott asked.

“Emma’s touring Europe this spring. She hasn’t told you yet? I keep begging Mom and Dad to let me fly over to see one of her performances, but they seem to think high school is more important. It’s so lame.”

Elliott looked my way. “So you took the job with Cleveland.” He didn’t sound mad exactly, just surprised.

I nodded. “Rehearsals start in February. I have to be there by the tenth.”

“Wow. I mean, is that . . . I guess it’s great. What about your mom?”

“Grandma moved in just after Christmas. I know I had my
reasons for not going, but I guess stuff has changed.
Plus, I’ve done
a lot of really hard thinking since we . . . since you left, and, well . . . yeah. I’m going to Europe.”

My explanation felt hollow. Words were screaming through my
brain—explanations, assurances, promises I was ready and willing
to make—but it didn’t feel right to say any of them, not when as far
as I knew, Elliott’s feelings were no longer the same as mine.

“Are you excited about the performance tomorrow?” Ava asked
Elliott. This time I was actually glad for the distraction.

“Yeah. I really love playing Prokofiev.” He turned to me. “H
ow have rehearsals been?”

I shrugged. “I think we’re ready. We’re maybe not as good as we should be—not good enough for you. But I think we’re as good as we can be. We’re doing Dvorak’s Seventh before the Prokofiev. It’s my favorite.”

Silence stretched between us until it was almost unbearable. The awkwardness was killing me.

Ava grabbed another macaron, shoving the entire thing in her mouth in one bite.

I looked around Elliott’s apartment, to the sheet music scattered across his piano, the shoes by his bedroom door, the books lining his shelves. And then I realized—I turned to face him. “You haven’t started packing.”