Authors: Rachael Eyre
“What am I going to do?”
“Make it up as you go. Isn’t that what you usually do?”
Dilemma
Noah Sugar was a conflicted man.
He’d faced ethical questions before. You couldn’t avoid it in his line of work, building life forms with human intelligence but none of the rights. Whether to pay them. Whether children should be left in their care. If they had the right to demolish a robot, should its files become corrupted. If it should be rescued in a disaster. Now this.
He’d never listened to the girls’ reservations. Malik was a malcontent, obsessed with sex - no wonder she’d gone into psychology. Fisk was like every joke about mothers he’d heard. Her beloved “son” spending time with a reprobate? No way!
If the boys liked each other he didn’t see what the big deal was. Josh used to be so mixed up and angry - since they’d been friends, he’d blossomed. And Langton hadn’t been arrested for over a year. All was well in the state of robotics. Until -
Dropping Josh off in Talos, something niggled. It’s not normal to fling yourself on your male friends if you’ve only been apart a fortnight. That summons in the middle of the night, Langton beside himself. His insistence he stayed. Doubts piling, ready to collapse. All they needed was a good shove. That came when he’d finished Josh’s surgery. Almost every part of him was wrapped in bandages; Sugar practically carried him. They went into the corridor and fell over Langton, asleep with his hat over his eyes.
“Gods, that man’s stubborn,” he’d said. “I told him there was no need, but would he listen?”
Sugar stopped, struck by the artificial’s expression. One he’d seen before, though never on a face of Josh’s shape. It wasn’t so much the elephant as the whole flipping circus in the room:
He’s mine.
He crouched beside the sleeping man, spoke softly. “Hello, you.”
Langton opened his eyes, looked at Josh - and damn it if he wasn’t gazing at him in the exact same way!
Sugar wasn’t naive. He knew these things went on
.
But it still shocked him to think big, strapping Langton was
like that
. Though hadn’t there been rumours, thirteen years ago - ?
He’d give the earl the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty. Sighing, he picked up his case and set off for work.
Ozols was in her office, kicking her heels. She hid her cigarette as Sugar came in.
“Don’t set yourself on fire.”
She shrugged. “I thought you were Aidy.”
“How’s your swain?”
“Don’t ask.”
Without preamble, “I need your advice. I don’t want Myleen going ‘I told you so’ or Julia hitting the roof. You’re my only hope.”
“Sounds ominous.” She looked at her calendar. “Hang on, isn’t today -”
“The day a certain blond bloke returns.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Josh has - there’s no easy way to put it -” Sugar continued in dumb show.
Ozol’s mouth fell open. “No!” Smoke gushed from her nostrils as she laughed.
“I’m glad you find it funny. If this gets out -”
“Has anything happened?”
“No idea. We should avert trouble before it starts.”
“There’s always corrective therapy -”
“It was outlawed for a reason.”
“Just a suggestion.” She flicked her ash into the bin. “Langton, eh? Go, Josh. I always fancied him.”
“What is it with women? If you’re nice and normal, they ignore you. If you’re a thug who wrestles bears, you’re gorgeous.”
“He’s so, you know. Rugged.”
“Rugged men don’t fancy pretty boys. Robots. Jeez, is there any part of this that
isn’t
screwed up?”
Sugar couldn’t focus. He was supposed to be inspecting the latest robotic dog. Stieg Olsen ran through its properties - lasts longer, non allergenic, doesn’t need to be taken to the vet - but it washed over him. “Are you alright, doctor?” Stieg asked accusingly.
“Headache. Let’s take a break.”
When he looked out of the window, the first thing he saw was Josh tethering his z-bike. He was actually whistling, throwing his key card up into
the air and catching it.
Forgive me.
It’s for your own good
.
He lost track of the artificial for a few hours. He drank a flask of black coffee and pulled his puzzle cube to bits. First Malik stuck her head around the door and cried, “Ha!”, scuttling down the corridor. Next a tearful Fisk materialised in the middle of his rug. “What are we going to do?” she cried.
“Take it you’ve heard.”
“He told me himself.”
“What did he say?”
“I asked if he was alright. He said never better, though he was worried about Cora Keel. Fair enough, but then he went, ‘I thought you should know. I’m moving out.’ I thought he was coming back here, but no! ‘I’m moving in with Lord Langton.’ He wouldn’t stop talking about him, like an infatuated schoolgirl -”
“It’s mutual. I noticed in Talos.”
“Why didn’t you say?”
“I hoped I was wrong.”
“What a fucking mess.”
She didn’t normally swear. He tried to pat her shoulder - difficult, she was half a foot taller than him. It was like comforting a block of wood. “Be careful what you wish for, eh?”
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve been trying to make a robot with the capacity for love for years. Now we’ve done it and he hasn’t got the decency to be straight.”
“What caused it? A corrupted file?”
“What else? Unless,” he chuckled, “some nutter added something -”
Her laughter sounded forced. “What an idea!” Plucking his sleeve, “Come on, Shuggy! We’ve work to do!”
He stared after her as she left the office. Never, ever had she called him Shuggy.
Julia, what have you done?
Josh’s good mood fizzled out as soon as he crossed the threshold.
He hugged Pip, gossiped with Madge’s team, exchanged pleasantries with Mandy. All the time he sensed Fisk twenty floors above. When he went into her office she was reading, or pretending to.
“Hello, Josh.” She always put his name in quotation marks. The temptation to do the same to hers was overwhelming. “You look well.”
One part of him talked about this and that. The other thought about moving out, what he would keep, what he might sell.
“Langton? Why?”
His brain caught up. “I want to be close to him.”
“You’ve spent a year with him! Why?”
How could she understand? She was old and used up. “We’ve become - intimate. He asked me to move in.”
Her voice was sharp. “What do you mean, ‘intimate’?”
“Well -” He looked at the floor.
The knuckles clutching her desk were white. “Are you lovers?”
“When you put it like that -”
She swore. An ugly, vicious word, one he’d seen chalked on lavatory walls. As she ranted flecks of spit flew from between her teeth.
“Honestly, Dr Fisk,” he said. “You should know better.”
A ringing slap, both sides of his face. He hoped it’d get the anger out of her system. Instead she ran out.
He didn’t know how long he was sitting in her office. He tried to see which conversations he could pick up, but interference got in the way. Faces appeared at the glass. He might as well be in the Aquarium.
“Get fucked.” He wasn’t sure what it meant but it had a gratifying effect. He was considering reading Fisk’s book, however boring, when Ozols came in.
“Hello, Josh. How’s tricks?”
Well, he had uncontrollable feelings for his best friend, his handler had gone berserk, his
other
best friend was going to be squelched –
“Situation normal.”
“Dr Sugar and I have a few things to discuss with you.”
When he tried to remember afterwards he could only recall sense impressions. A pink drink with a crisp aftertaste. Hot amber lights. Malik’s voice floating out of the darkness.
He was overheating. He wanted to scratch an itch on the back of his neck but couldn’t move. His eyes were trained on a series of images beamed onto the wall. “Concentrate,” Malik ordered.
If he split his attention, he could hear Sugar and Ozols.
“I don’t like this. It’s unethical.”
“It’s no different from wiping corrupted files.”
“If we did it to a human it’d be brainwashing.”
“Good thing you’re not.” Adrian butted in. “See it as reprogramming.”
“Will you pipe down?” Malik’s voice was so shrill the mike hissed. “Now, Josh: what do you think of girls?”
“I like them as friends.”
“How would you describe your relationship with Langton?”
“Very nice.”
“What do these pictures convey to you?”
Fisk sat in the interface, her eyes bruised with crying. This had been her haven, somewhere she could pay homage. Now it was exposed as a hollow mockery.
Langton!
There weren’t words to express her disgust.
Of all the people in the world, it had to be
you
.
It couldn’t go on. Josh might have imprinted upon him, but she was the one with the power. She crossed the floor to his memory banks. She soon found what she was looking for. Viewed from Josh’s perspective, footage of him fucking Langton. It was rough but tender, spontaneous but passionate. Listening to Josh as he sighed and climaxed, she grew damp. Watching the old monster’s reactions, you might even think - No. It wasn’t possible. Not
him
. He couldn’t, wouldn’t ever.
She clicked on the files and deleted them.
Revelations
Damn cravats. Whoever invented them deserved to be shot. Then again, Alfred thought, perhaps they served a purpose. The fussing focused your mind wonderfully.
It was ten days since the row with Gwyn. She stormed around with red eyes and nose, cutting her eyes away when they crossed paths. Ten days since Josh left. He’d started to worry but the previous evening he’d received a message.
“I’ve something to tell you. Can I come up?”
Alfred was through with soul searching. If they both wanted it, where was the harm? All that mattered was how to put those words, so torturous and ordinary, momentous and overused.
I love you.
He rehearsed what he wanted to say. The best he’d come up with was, “I love you, I can’t live without you, and if we don’t have sex again soon I’ll explode.” It needed work.
The bike was zipping up the lane. Josh always drove as though he had a death wish. Alfred gave the cravat one last tug and went downstairs.
Be still, my heart. Don’t reek
of desperation
.
Who was he trying to kid?
Josh was coming towards him. Alfred went to put out a hand and thought better of it. “Where’s the chair?” the artificial asked.
“It was driving me potty.”
“Can we go for a walk?”
“Oh. Alright.”
He went to lead him down their favourite trail. Josh shook his head. “What’s this part with the wall around it?”
“It’s the Experimental Garden.”
“What, like CER?”
“Not quite. No reason why you can’t have a look.” Alfred took the house keys out of his pocket and found the one to the garden’s door, rusty from disuse.
Josh kept close behind him. When he saw the miniature dam he gasped, and walked around to see how it worked. They tried skipping stones but since Josh’s were half a brick, they sank. It was only when he turned from the game in frustration he saw the garden’s other foibles. Pumpkins the size of cottages. Flowers that tinkled in the breeze. Creepers that bloomed, shrivelled and budded as you watched. The floral clock, petals opening and closing.
“It’s amazing! Who planned it?”
“Mum mostly. It’s what my parents did: travel, find unusual plants and grow them here.”
“They were explorers too?”
“Sort of. Dad groaned when I told him what I wanted to do. He thought I’d be better off as a lawyer. ‘Young man, this is a hobby. What you need is a career.’” He grinned. “He thought Gussy would be Earl. He’d be horrified to see the mess we made of our lives.”
Josh followed him down the track, asking questions. “I wish I could make things. Humans are right to look down on us.”
“Don’t be soft.”
They reached the edge of the garden, the last plant before the gate.
“They’re roses, aren’t they? They’re
blue!
”
“Mum loved roses. Dad presented her with one every day of their engagement. She was hell bent on producing an officially recognised blue rose.”
Josh picked one.
“Smell it. It’s nicer than other roses, more exotic.”
He buried his nose in the flower. “I’m glad I can smell things. It cuts you off when you can’t.”
“Have you all your senses now?”
“They’re sporadic, but yes, they’re there.” He looked closely at the rose. “It’s not plain blue, look. I can see green, gold -”
“That’s why it wasn’t accepted.”
“It’s the loveliest thing I’ve seen.”
“Yes,” Alfred said softly. “It’s artificial but so beautiful.”
An answering flame had lit in his friend’s eyes. He put his hand over Josh’s, touched the small face.
“Josh -”
The flame guttered. Josh began to say something, then, with an effort, moved away. “I’m getting married.”
Alfred laughed. It wasn’t a pleasant noise. “You’re joking.”
“I wish I was.”
“You’ve been away, how long? Ten days?” He couldn’t look at him. “Who is it? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Please don’t make this harder -”
“
You’re
finding it hard?” Alfred couldn’t keep still. “Hell’s teeth!”
“It’s not my choice, alright?”
“You’re not making sense.”
“
They
want me to get married.”
“What about -”
“There’ll be a show, they’ll pick a girl -”
“You’re
letting
them?”
“What can I do? They own me.”
“What do
you
want?”
“I don’t know.” Josh stared at the ground. “I haven’t the words.”
Alfred unlocked the gate and held it open. “Show yourself out.”
“I thought I was staying for tea -”
“I’m not in the mood.”
“Don’t act like this. It isn’t fair.”
“I don’t need
you
to tell me what is and isn’t fair.”
“Why are you being so mean?”
Glaring either side of a door - all too familiar. A gentle word and they’d gone from antagonists to friends. Could it work again?
“You mean the world to me. You know that. You’ve a beautiful mind and a beautiful soul. I don’t want you to throw yourself away on a little tramp who wants to be famous. If you must give yourself to somebody, let it be someone who loves you.”
“I have to.”
“Then there’s nothing left to say.” Alfred limped down the path.
Catching up with him, Josh gasped, “My dear,” and put his hand to Alfred’s face. He shook him off.
“Once you’re married, there’ll be no more of this. I can’t hold you. I can’t touch you. I certainly can’t do
that
to you. No sensible wife would want you near me. Go
home
.”
Every step away hurt. As he reached the front door, Josh cried out, “Alfred!”
He nearly went to him, but that would mean admitting defeat. When he looked out of his bedroom window he saw Josh sitting on the pillion, head in his hands.