Love and Hate (13 page)

Is it possible to be so angry but
also happy that someone actually sees you for a change? Like the real you. I am
shocked that someone like him could just see me like that. I don’t think I’ve
ever felt more known before in my whole life. His intuitiveness of the little
things about me makes me feel.

Well it makes me feel something I
can’t feel for him.

What do I say to all that? Do I
scream at him? Be a bitch? Kiss him? I stare at his lips imagining our kiss and
how I want to recreate that moment. I want to feel alive again.

“I can’t do this.” I force myself
to say.

“Why?” He asks knowing what I
meant. His eyes show so much need and anxiety towards me.

“Because we’re not supposed to feel
this way. This isn’t a movie or a book. My father wants to put yours in prison,
Donovan. This can’t be a thing.” I quickly gesture my hand back and forth
between us. “It can’t happen because it would bring nothing, but misery and
pain and Donovan I can’t do that. I’m not strong enough for that. So please if
you really care for me. Stop with the looks. Stop with the great annoying
speeches about how you feel and how you see me.”

“Claudia” He takes a step closer
and I frantically back away.

“No!” I fight back to hold in my
tears. I have to make him see that I can’t go through this pain again. “When I
was younger, I went through a lot of shit. I went through things a kid should
never have to go through. When I was eight I was kidnapped by some psycho. Why
I’m telling you all of this, I don’t know. I just need you to understand that
ever since then I haven’t felt that strong. Then a year after that my mom died.
If I let myself feel for you, that’s another person I lose. Because let’s face
it, we would not work. Given everything around us we would not work. So please
just leave me alone.”

I quickly run towards my car
before he can protest anymore.

That’s it. That is definitely the
end of it. He gave me the truth and I gave him my truth. I told him something
that I had blocked out a long time ago and I have to keep blocking it out. I can’t
remember that long dreadful weak where I was locked up and tortured. I can’t
remember the look on the man’s face when he came after me. I can’t remember the
little boy who saved me.

 That was our closure. It’s done.

Chapter

6

“Defining Moments”

Donovan

Kidnapped?

It’s like it triggered the memory
in me. Is that why we were connected? Did we recognize each other and not know it?

 This was all I could think about
as I drove back home after Claudia and I’s confrontation. I know my father
isn’t home so now is the time to get the truth. I have to remember.

“Mom” My mother turns around to
me as she cuts apple slices. She always has them for a late night snack.

“Hey sweetie. I’m just fixing a
snack before bed. Wait.” She says looking me up and down. “Have you been out?”

I look down guilty. I snuck out
earlier because I needed some air. I was going crazy in this house. I met up
with Emile at Kelly’s which is where we saw Claudia and Eric.

“Donovan seriously! You can’t
just leave this house late at night when you feel like it!”

“Was Claudia Stonem the other
kid?” I watch as her eyes widen at my question.

“What?”

“Was Claudia Stonem the little
girl that was locked up with me?”

“Who told you that?”

“I remembered.”

“Listen maybe we should talk
about this later.”

“Mom, please.”

“Why do you need to know? It was
a long time ago.”

“I just do. I need to let it all
go.”

She lays the knife down and wipes
her hands on a kitchen towel. She grabs a seat at the table and I sit across
from her.

“Yes, she was.”

“But it wasn’t on the news. She’s
the daughter of an Assistant U.S Attorney, how could it not make the headlines.”

“Because they knew he would kill
you.”

“Who was he?”

“He was Billy Chambers. He was
the son of Isaac.” She slowly says.

“Isaac Chambers?”

Isaac Chambers was a well-known
mob boss. He was also my father’s godfather and my grandfather’s best friend.
They were my family’s allies. I had never heard of Billy though.

“Billy was the son, Isaac
disowned. He exiled him when he got caught by Henry Stonem and the police.
Stonem used Billy to get to Isaac causing him to go to prison.”

Isaac was sentenced to life
prison when I was born.

“Billy was always sick in the
head. He was always jealous of your father’s relationship with Isaac. Roman was
the son he always wanted especially after your grandfather died. Billy wanted
revenge on your father and Henry so he kidnapped Claudia first. Your father found
out and had you protected.”

“But I messed up and snuck out.”
I remember I was so mad my father wouldn’t let me go play outside.

“You didn’t know.” My mother says
grabbing my hand. “Billy saw his opportunity and took you. That was the only
time your father and Stonem became allies and helped each other. They decided
to keep it secret because if people found out Roman worked with Stonem they
might think he was a rat. Stonem didn’t want to get into trouble with his
bosses and he didn’t want the media to find out, besides that’s when his wife
got sick and I don’t think she ever knew.”

“So that little girl I was locked
up with for three days was Claudia Stonem.”

“Yes and she was there for like a
week I think, but Donovan you guys got out. You saved her.”

“We saved each other.” I mumble
to myself.

Finally, I let my memory kick in.

It was when we lived here in East
Brook. I was mad because my father told me I couldn’t play outside, but I did
anyway. One of my dad’s security guards got killed because of me. Billy shot
him while grabbing me outside. I remember all the blood and his face when he
was shot. I remember being put in a trunk for an hour. I was panicking the
whole way. I even pissed on myself. Finally Billy took me out when we arrived
at this really old abandoned house. He took me into the basement and put me in
a dog cage. I remember being so scared.

Soon I saw there was another cage
next to me and it was a little girl with brown hair and gray eyes. She was
dirty and she was hugging a bear. She didn’t speak to me and I didn’t speak to
her.

Billy would come down stairs and
scare us. He burned us with cigarettes on our backs and arms. He would take a
kitchen knife and stick it in our cages, laughing at how terrified we were. We
got cut sometimes. I remember crying on the floor scared to death. I also
remember Claudia grabbing my hand through the bars of the cage and lying next
to me. We just stared at each other. Our connection got me through the second
day. I remember on the morning of the third day he came down with a larger kitchen
knife. I avoided the tip of the knife but Claudia couldn’t. She got stabbed in
her side. I remember watching her fall down to the ground, crying. I remember
Billy laughing. I was so angry. I wanted to get her out of there. So when Billy
came back to my cage with the knife. I grabbed it by the blade end. It hurt
like hell but I was determined to take it away from him. He let me have it too.
I still have the scar on my right hand from that. I had expected him to come
after me but he just took a sip of his bottle and walked back up the stairs. I
told Claudia to hold on.

I picked the lock with the knife.
Chris had taught me to pick locks. It took me three hours to do it. I know this
because there was a raggedy clock on the wall that I always watched.

When I got out of my cage, I
picked the lock off Claudia’s. She was still lying on the ground holding her
side staring at me. It took me two hours to unlock hers. We snuck up the stairs
with the knife in my hand. We snuck through the living room. It was so dirty.
It smelled like liquor and vomit. We were almost out the door until Billy
stopped us.

He grabbed Claudia from behind
and slapped her. I charged him and stabbed him deep in his leg. He screamed
like crazy. I ran to Claudia to wake her up. As I woke her up Billy was slowly
taking the knife out of his leg. He was walking toward us when I saw the gun on
the coffee table next to us. I didn’t hesitate. I grabbed the gun and just
pulled the trigger. I remember thinking that it was just like using a water
gun. All you had to do was point and shoot. So I did. The first bullet went
through his stomach. The second through his chest and the third, fourth and
fifth, I can’t even say.

What scared me the most about
that moment is that I enjoyed it. I enjoyed watching him die. A minute later,
people bursted through the front door. I recognized them as my father’s men.
They carried us out and put us both in different cars. The last thing I
remember is seeing that little girl getting carried to the car. That was the
last time I saw her.

Well so I thought.

“We had to leave Eastbrook because
we didn’t want you two to see each other and tell people, so we just moved. You
went through therapy and eventually blocked it out. You asked about her a couple
of times and we just told you the truth that she was back with her family. I
heard she went through a lot of therapy too.” My mother says still holding on
to my hand.

“Yeah, well I guess the blocking
out part worked.”

“I’m sorry sweetie; we just
wanted to protect you.”

“I’m fine. I just wanted to know.
She and I don’t talk so it’s no big deal.” I lied. It was a big deal. A very
big deal.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Thanks mom for telling me.
I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I rise out of my chair to leave,
but not before telling my mother one thing. “And by the way… you’re an amazing
mother.” She slowly smiles at me. I can tell she wants to cry but doesn’t.

Well, I know one thing. This
thing between Claudia and I is far from over.

Claudia

What do you do when the guy you
have feelings for but can’t be with is standing by your locker at 8 am in the
morning?

 Well in my case, I should probably just kill myself
right then and there...

“What the hell are you doing?” I
snap at Donovan once I reach my locker.

“We need to talk.”

“What? I thought last night I
made it perfectly clear....”

“When you were kidnapped, you were
taken to an abandoned house that smelled like liquor and vomit.” What? “You
were locked in a dog cage for a week and fohree days of that week a little boy
was locked up next to you.”

I can’t even respond because
suddenly Donovan raises his right hand, palm facing me to show me a long scar
curved around it.

Everything inside me immediately
drops.

“Meet me in the library basement
after school.” That was definitely an order from him.

I continue standing there
speechless and shaking while all the horrible memories come back to me. Remembering
that long week in that basement, where I was locked up, the smile on my
kidnapper while he tortured me and the little boy who saved my life.

 The same little boy who cut his
hand on the kitchen knife trying to take it from our kidnapper, so he could
pick our locks for hours.

The little boy that killed our
kidnapper.

The little boy with blonde hair
and baby blue eyes.

Donovan

I waited ten minutes for her.

She finally peaks around standing
in front of me by the shelves of dusty old books. The library basement is for
when you have to do a twenty page research paper. So nobody hardly ever comes
down here.

“So is this a joke?” She asks me
nervously.

“No. When you mentioned that you
were kidnapped last night, it’s like something triggered in me. Like all the
memories came back because for a long time I blocked them.”

“Me too.” I see her eyes watering
up. “I use to have really bad nightmares too.”

“Me too” I tell her.

“Why were we kidnapped,
together?”

“The guy that kidnapped us blamed
your dad for getting his father arrested and disowning him. He hated my father
because his dad loved him. So he took the things that our fathers loved the
most. I think he would have taken my brother and sister too, but I was the only
one dumb enough to leave the house. Do you have a scar where he stabbed you?”

She slowly raises up her shirt
just enough to show the slanted medium length scar on her side. I move closer
to her and gently touch the scar. Her skin is so soft while the scare is
slightly jagged. I feel her shake a little so I remove my hand. She drops her
shirt and wipes her eyes.

“When people ask me about it, I
just say I fell on top of a kitchen knife.”

“I say I accidentally cut myself
trying to climb a gate.” I’m trying to lighten the mood here so I kind of laugh
at my statement.

“My dad told me some crap about
how people couldn’t know because of other bad people out there and but I didn’t
care because I didn’t want to remember anyway.” I look down at my feet trying
to figure out what to say. “But I didn’t really want to forget you.”

I quickly look at her. The way
she said it was like she was shocked at her own admission.

“I didn’t want to forget you,
either.”

Her eyes go from my eyes to my
lips. I know she wants to kiss me and I want to kiss her too.

“Yeah, well.” She says snapping
out of her trance.  “Thank you for saving me that night and thank you for
telling me. I better go.”

I can’t let her go. Not after
what we found out.

“Wait.” As she turns away, I grab
her wrist.

She looks down at my grip than
back up at me.

“Donovan, we talked about this”

“I know.” I release her wrist.
“But don’t you see? It’s fate.”

“Fate? Are you Serious?”

“Yes. When we were eight years
old, we went through a really shitty thing together. When it was over we never
saw each other again and after what I’m guessing some really expensive and
crappy therapy, we just decided to shut it all out. Including each other
because we didn’t want to face the bad part about the experience. At sixteen we
met each other again and we instantly connected like we were meant to find each
other or something. Then some more bad shit happens and we get separated again.
A year later I come back and our connection is more intense than ever.”

“It’s a coincidence” She quickly
says.

“Really? Come on Claudia wake up.
You use to believe in fate I know you did. The girl I met at that party did.
She believed in love, passion, and fate because I’m guessing that’s what your
mother taught you. See you and I keep blocking things out because we don’t want
to face the bad part of it all, but Claudia we have to remember the good. Now I
know you’re scared. Trust me I’m scared too, but I swear we can do this. We at
least have to try.”