LOVE AND HATE (A Billionaire Romance) (52 page)

“Well…uh, yes, I was speaking about Matt. He’s really nice and sweet,” she said hopefully.

A frown formed on my face. I snapped, “So you just came here to tell me you’re going to start fucking one of my teammates?” Alyssa blinked, clearly hurt by my words. I felt bad but couldn’t help it. How could she throw something like that in my face?

“It’s more than that!” she snapped. She took a calming breath. “I think you should consider dating someone, too.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want anyone else.”

“Okay.” She nodded. “I just wanted to get everything out in the open, I guess.”

I watched her stand to leave, but she turned back and walked close to me, taking my hand in hers. Even though it was just a simple touch, I reeled into a mind full of memories of her soft, gentle caresses. She looked up at me with her glassy, blue eyes, and I melted at the sight of her.

“Blake, I miss you. I really want us to be friends,” she said. Her voice was soft and pleading, and I had to give in. It tortured me to see her hurt like this.

“Okay.” I nodded after a moment. “It’ll be better.”

She left then, and part of me left with her. I felt empty.

***

Another two weeks passed, and I was back into my old routine, studying hard and practicing like crazy. Matt and Alyssa had begun to date, and it drove me crazy every time I saw them together. Alyssa claimed she still needed me in her life, but aside from casual conversations in class, I had to keep my distance. I started dating Brittney again, but her shrill, whiney voice didn’t fill the void in any way.

“Blake, will you take me shopping tomorrow?” Brittney asked from across the table, picking delicately at her salad.

“No,” I said coldly, not bothering to give a reason.

“Please? I need a new dress for this weekend,” she whined, batting her thick eyelashes at me and pouting.

“I have practice tomorrow, B,” I said through gritted teeth.

I cut vigorously through my chicken sandwich and devoured it with concentration. I was chewing when I saw Alyssa across the sandwich shop, making her way to our table. I practically choked and quickly gulped some water.

Alyssa beamed at me and said, “Hi, guys!”

Brittney chatted with her for a minute. I stared at Alyssa. Matt walked over, sliding off his apron. “All done, babe,” he said to Alyssa, planting a quick kiss on her lips.

I froze in my seat, anger coursing through me, hot and raging. I hoped the jealousy wasn’t too obvious, and I quickly put on a fake smile. “So you work here?” I asked Matt casually.

Matt began to talk about his job, but I tuned him out, my eyes focused on his arm wrapped tightly around Alyssa’s waist. I was pulled back into the conversation by Brittney, who said, “Does that sound good, baby?”

“Does what sound good?” I asked blankly.

“A double-date with Alyssa and Matt on Friday!” she exclaimed excitedly.

My mouth was dry, and I nodded because everyone had already agreed. A heavy knot formed in my stomach, and I was unsure if I could handle a whole night of Alyssa and Matt without ripping anyone’s head off.

We left the restaurant together, and I got quickly in my car without speaking another word to Alyssa. We drove off quickly, and I knew I would make it to campus fast, ready for bed so this day would end. We pulled into the parking lot, and I said, “See you tomorrow, Britt.”

“Wait.” She leaned over to kiss me. I jumped as she pressed her hand onto my crotch. “Want to come up to my room?” she crooned.

I put my hands on her shoulders to hold her back and said, “Brittney, you know I’m not ready yet.”

She frowned. “I don’t get it. Any other guy would have slept with me by now.”

I sighed. “You know I like to take things slow.”

She nodded and got out of the car, bending to tell me, “I know, Blake. See you Friday.”

I trudged to my dorm, trying to think of a few good excuses to get out of the date on Friday. I was grateful to finally climb into bed, and I tried to fall asleep quickly. After a long hour filled with painful, angry thoughts, I was finally able to drift off to sleep, knowing my body would be exhausted the next day.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was miserable. I sat across from Matt and Alyssa with Brittney draped obnoxiously over me. We had gone to see an action movie and after to a fancy sushi restaurant. I clenched my jaw as I watched Matt feed Alyssa another piece of sushi, a familiar soft giggle escaping her throat.

“So, you ready for the game next week?” Matt asked me with a friendly smile, his arm draped around the girl I loved.

“Yeah, man,” I commented, shoving another piece of sushi in my mouth. “It’s going to be killer.”

Alyssa looked up from her food and asked me, “So how are classes going?”

“Fine,” I said bitterly without looking at her.

The rest of the meal was filled with pointless small talk, and time crawled by. Matt finally went to pay the check, and Brittney stood a few seconds after that, rushing off to the bathroom to fix her makeup for the fourth time since we had arrived. Alyssa and I were alone at the table.

“What is your problem?” she hissed at me, her voice angry and low.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, feigning puzzlement

“You’re not even trying,” she commented. “You’re acting miserable.”

I banged my fist on the table and whisper-roared, “I
am
miserable.”

Alyssa was quiet for a moment, guilt in her eyes. I was breathing heavily and felt angry adrenaline coursing viciously through my veins.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered finally, looking down at the table sullenly.

I stood up, and before I stormed out of the restaurant, I snapped, “You should be. It’s your fault.”

I hurried outside, my body shaking with anger. I got in the car and drove home without a thought. Once I reached my dorm room, I locked the door and grabbed my phone, throwing it against the wall with all my strength. I watched it shatter into pieces and crawled into my bed, hot tears threatening to pour down my face. I spent the next few hours lying in bed. I ignored all calls and knocks at my door.

After my breakdown, I sat up. It was time to sort through my feelings and make a decision. I had let myself be angry long enough. It was time to stop throwing tantrums. I loved Alyssa, but my irrational, angry responses just made us more miserable. I had been over it a thousand times in my head, but I just didn’t see a reality where Alyssa and I could be together. We couldn’t spend our whole lives sneaking around our parents and pretending to be siblings.

My final decision was that I would be kind to Alyssa, but we didn’t have to see each other more than necessary. I would keep my distance and behave platonically, and eventually, I should be able to get over her. The thought of never getting to kiss or hold Alyssa made me ache, but this was the best decision for everyone involved.

The next morning, I finally got out of bed, hollow and empty. I opened my door to go to the cafeteria but almost tripped over Alyssa sitting in my doorway.

“Blake!” she cried, standing up.

“Alyssa? What are you doing in front of my door?” I asked her, confused.

“I was worried about you,” she said, crossing her arms defensively. “I called you after I got back to my dorm last night, but you weren’t answering your phone. You just left the restaurant.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that,” I said, my voice genuine. During my time alone, I had worked through my emotions, analyzing my actions and their consequences. I felt guilty for treating Alyssa the way I had. It wasn’t her fault our parents were married, and I had to stop taking my frustrations out on her.

Alyssa seemed surprised by my apology and clearly held back words that had most likely originated in an angry place. Instead, she let out an exhausted sigh and asked, “So you’re okay, then?”

“I’m fine.” I threw my arm around her and said, “Let’s go get some breakfast, kid.”

I was grateful to see a smile on her face, and we headed to the cafeteria. I felt better after getting some food in my stomach, and I watched her chow down on some pancakes. She munched happily, and I heard her hum softly to herself. I realized how much I missed that sound.

I stood up so I wouldn’t be late for practice. Alyssa looked up at me and, with her mouth full, asked, “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah, I’ve got practice,” I said, turning to leave.

“Wait!”

I turned around and raised my eyebrow. “What?” I asked her expectantly.

“Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow?” she asked, a hopeful smile on her face.

I let out a sigh and said, “Alyssa, this doesn’t change anything. I don’t want to be friends.”

She frowned. “I don’t understand,” she said softly, her voice hollow and sad.

I gestured towards her clothes and said, “You spent hours waiting for me outside my dorm room when I locked myself in. We drive each other crazy, Lys. We have to keep our distance for our own good.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “You have to let it go, Alyssa. You’re my stepsister, and you have to accept that.”

Her eyes watered, and it hurt me. “If that’s what you truly believe, then fine, believe it.” Her tone changed from defensive and angry to soft and knowing. “But I know we will always be more than that, and I think you know it, too.”

I let her words sink in, knowing that a sincere truth lay in them, but I was unable to accept it. I walked away, knowing I wouldn’t be able to handle any more time talking to her. I hurried to practice, filled with a mess of emotions again. Every part of me ached walking away from her, but I was right. We were toxic together, bringing out each other’s worst qualities and recklessly causing each other pain. I knew that I was using this to hide behind my true emotions for Alyssa. She was my stepsister, and we had to start acting like a family, so if hiding behind falsities made it easier to distance my emotions, then maybe that was the best option.

I got to practice ready to run, all of my anger and pain fueling me as I sped across the field. We practiced play after play, and I got lost in the game. We took a break, and I saw Matt talking to the other guys. Blood pounded heavy in my ears as I watched him. The jealousy was overwhelming.

When we were back on the field, my eyes locked on Matt, and as soon as I heard the whistle, I bolted without thinking, aiming for Matt. I tackled him to the ground, our bodies crashing heavily.

He stood up, ripping off his helmet, and let out a roar. “What the hell, Anderson?” he bellowed at me, his face red with rage.

Without speaking, I pushed him to the ground and slammed myself on top of him, shaking him. I lifted my fist to punch him. Our teammates were quick to pull me off him, and I stood there, glaring at him while everyone watched me with concern in their eyes. I pulled my helmet off and headed towards the locker room, running away from the mess I had just created. After showering and changing clothes, I knocked on the coach’s office door.

“Come in,” came a gruff voice, and I entered the room, ready to take a verbal beating.

“Hey, coach,” I greeted, sitting in the chair he gestured to, embarrassed.

“Some kids would get a suspension for that,” Coach said, a warning clear in his voice.

I nodded and let out a defeated sigh. “I know, Coach. I’m sorry. My adrenaline got the best of me.”

He let out a grunt and said, “It’s all right, kid, but this is your final warning. I need my quarterback to stick around, so you better shape up.”

I nodded and said, “You got it.”

I left the office feeling better, relieved he hadn’t decided to take any disciplinary action. I had worked so hard this semester, and I didn’t want to lose everything because of a stupid fight. I knew it would be tough to face Matt and the rest of my teammates later, but we were close, and I had to accept responsibility and apologize like a man.

All of this rage was ruining my life, so I needed to figure out how to fix it, fast. If I continued down this road, I could lose everything. I loved Alyssa, but if I didn’t get over her quickly, I would be doomed by this self-destructive anger. It was going to be tough, but I had to be strong and start taking ownership of my mistakes.

Alyssa

I sat next to Matt, gingerly pressing an ice pack to a bruise on his face. I was horrified when Matt told me about what Blake had done. I was worried about him, but I was even more worried about Blake. He wouldn’t be happy with Matt and me together, I knew, but this was just dangerous.

“He’s a maniac,” Matt spat angrily. “I don’t know how you lived in the same house as him.”

I sighed, dropping the ice pack into my lap. “It’s complicated, Matt. He’s a very intense person. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.”

Matt stood up and snapped, “You didn’t see him, Alyssa. He had a crazy look in his eye. He
wanted
to hurt me.”

I shook my head. “Matt, sit down, you’re going to be okay. I know he didn’t intend to hurt you, and you guys will make up in no time.”

Matt looked at me, angry and offended. “I’m so done with you defending him. He’s a piece of shit, Alyssa.”