Love and Devotion (59 page)

She turned another page and out fluttered a single photograph; it landed on the dusty floor at her feet. She stooped to pick it up and flipped it over to see the picture, then did a double take. Her initial reaction was to turn it over again, to pretend she’d never seen it. But her eye was drawn to it. Holding her breath, she took in the naked bodies, the absorbed intimacy of the act. It must have been taken using the camera’s timer device and it was graphically explicit, yet at the same time wholly erotic. The two people in the photograph were doing nothing she hadn’t recently done with Will, yet Harriet could hardly bring herself to look at it. It wasn’t what they were doing that chilled her, it was the knowledge that this represented so much more than just an affair. Putting the photograph face down in the palm of her trembling hand, she saw that Felicity had written on the back of it -
‘Soul and body have no bounds.’
Underneath was a date; it was February of this year.

Harriet felt sick. How could she have been so stupid?

 

From his sitting-room window, Will watched another carload of guests arriving for the McKendricks’ drinks party. An invitation had been slipped through his letterbox, but he’d thrown it in the bin. They couldn’t honestly think he’d show up.

He stayed by the window, absently watching the road until a car he recognised appeared and turned cautiously into his drive, which he’d cleared earlier. He’d half expected — half hoped - the snow would have put Maxine off and that she would have phoned to cancel. But she hadn’t. She was here. It was too late now for him to wimp out.

He had no idea how his words would be received, but he owed it to Suzie to give it his best shot. He’d decided that if he and Maxine could put the past behind them, the future might not seem so pointless.

He opened the door to Maxine and surprised her with a kiss. She looked startled, as if he’d pinched her. ‘What’s that for?’ she asked.

‘Happy New Year,’ he said, ignoring her question and offering to take her coat. It was fur. Real fur; the colour of butterscotch.

‘I’ll keep it on for now,’ she said with an exaggerated shiver. ‘It’s freezing.’

Suspecting that the real reason she didn’t want to part with her coat was because she had no intention of stopping for long, he said, ‘I’ll make us some coffee. Fresh coffee,’ he added before she refused it on the grounds of never drinking instant.

‘I’m not really thirsty,’ she said, prowling uneasily round the small kitchen.

‘I’ll make some anyway.’

He was just filling the cafetiere when Maxine cleared her throat and said, ‘Okay, Will, let’s make this easier on each other. What was it you wanted to say?’

He stopped what he was doing, took a deep breath, and turned to face her. Courage, he told himself. Besides, what did he have to lose? ‘Maxine, I know this is going to be hard for you to believe but I want us to be friends.’ His words came out in a nervous rush. Then more slowly, he said, ‘I want to feel comfortable around you and I want you to be comfortable around me.’ He forced himself to meet her gaze. ‘At the very least I want you to feel that you can take your coat off when you’re in my house.’

‘Why? Why should any of that be important to you?’

‘Because the love we once had for each other should still mean something.’

‘What if it doesn’t?

‘Then I’m buggered.’ He leaned back against the worktop and dragged his hands over his face. ‘It might sound crazy, but by being emotionally close to you again I think I’ll feel closer to Suzie. To put it bluntly, I’m terrified I won’t survive this mess unless you help me.’

‘Nothing will bring her back, Will. Don’t delude yourself.’

‘I’m not. I just know that she was a part of you and me and that by bringing the two of us together — ’ But his nerve failed him and he hung his head. Moments passed and then: ‘Look, Maxine, I’ll admit it, I’m desperate, I can’t do this alone.’

‘You are only talking about being
friends,
aren’t you?’ she said more gently. ‘You’re not suggesting we get back together again?’

He looked up. ‘I think that would be a challenge too far, don’t you?’

For the first time since she’d arrived, her expression softened. ‘You’re right. And Steve might have something to say on the matter too.’

‘I know I’m repeating myself, but he really is one of the good guys. I envy you having such a supportive partner right now.’

‘What about the girl you were seeing? What happened to her?’

‘She reached the conclusion that an older man wasn’t appropriate.’

‘What was the age gap? Gemma implied she wasn’t much older than ... Suzie.’

‘I think that was Gemma wanting to stir things up. Harriet’s thirty-three.’

He watched her mentally do the sums. ‘That’s not so bad,’ she said. ‘It’s not much more than the gap between Steve and me.’ She then shrugged off her coat and put it over the back of a chair. ‘Is that offer of coffee still on?’

He swallowed his relief that his plea for help hadn’t been met with an outright rejection. ‘I’ve lit a fire in the sitting room; why don’t you go and sit down in the warm?’

She did as he said and minutes later, he joined her with the tray of coffee things. He found her standing by the desk where he kept his collection of framed photographs. She was holding one up to the light: it was of Suzie and Gemma as toddlers; all blonde hair and best party frocks. He put the tray down and went and stood next to her. ‘I never meant to be such a bad mother,’ she murmured.

He put a hand on her shoulder. ‘You haven’t been a bad mother, Maxine. Don’t ever say that about yourself.’

She put the photograph back with the others. ‘What I regret most is that she never knew how much I loved her. I never took the time to tell her. I never once showed her what she really meant to me. I ... I was always too busy.

Too busy trying to be the person I thought my father wanted me to be.’ Her voice caught in her throat and she put a hand to her mouth.

‘Come and sit down,’ he said.

‘I idolised him, Will,’ she said, making no attempt to move. ‘But then you always knew that, didn’t you?’ Her voice was tight with emotion.

He nodded.

‘As a child I thought he was better than Superman. I was utterly devoted to him. I wanted to be just like he was; all-powerful and utterly invincible.’ Tears filled her eyes. ‘I sacrificed everything for him. The silly teenage dreams I’d had for myself. You. And now Suzie. If I hadn’t been so obsessed with following in his footsteps, to prove myself to him, Suzie would still be alive. It’s all my fault. I know it is.’ The tears really flowed now and Will took her gently in his arms. He tried to soothe her but she wouldn’t listen, just went on berating herself. With tears filling his own eyes, he let her cry it out.

He’d only ever seen her cry once before, and that was when her father died.

 

Half an hour into its stride, the McKendricks’ sherry fest had looked as though it would be as tedious as it always was. The usual suspects had been circling the buffet table and Harriet had been doing her usual act of trying to appear sociable while totally ignoring everyone.

She’d had no intention of causing such an almighty scene, but when it happened - when Dora and Derek offered to find the children some orange juice in the kitchen, and she found herself alone with Miles and Dominic - the red mist came down and she gave in to it all too readily. By now she’d had sufficient time to figure things out, and was more than ready for a confrontation.

‘There’s something I want to discuss with you two,’ she said. ‘Let’s go outside where no one will hear us.’

‘Harriet, are you quite mad? It’s about minus six out there!’

‘Dominic, trust me, I’m in no mood to argue with you. Now get outside. You too, Miles. Unless you’d both prefer for your parents to hear what I’ve got to say.’ Her voice had risen and people were staring, but she didn’t care. She took hold of Dominic’s elbow. ‘Move it,’ she snapped. ‘Now!’

She slammed the front door shut after them. ‘Right,’ she said. ‘I’ll start with you, Miles. How long had you been having an affair with my sister before she died? To the nearest month will do.’

 

 

 

 

Miles stared back at her in horror, just as Harriet had expected him to. ‘Don’t be shy, Miles,’ she said. ‘After all, it’s not the big secret you think it is. Your brother had it all worked out ages ago. Isn’t that right, Dominic?’

Dominic looked at her warily, his eyes slightly narrowed, his composure jolted imperceptibly out of line. He didn’t answer her, though.

‘Lost for words, are you?’ she said nastily. ‘Wow, that must be a first.’

‘Look, will somebody tell me what the hell’s going on here?’ Miles said.

Switching her gaze between the two brothers, Harriet said, ‘Now that’s what I call a seriously good question. Dominic? Do you have an answer for your brother? You usually have an answer for most things.’

Still Dominic said nothing.

‘Well, Miles, in view of your brother’s refusal to speak, allow me to fill in the gaps. Several months ago I discovered Felicity had been having an affair, and when I mentioned it to Dominic, guess who he suggested as being the most likely candidate to be her lover. Yes, that’s right. You.’

Miles’s jaw dropped. He turned to his brother. ‘Why? Why in hell’s name would you say that?’

‘Oh, I think that’s obvious,’ Harriet said. ‘Don’t forget he’s the master manipulator. What better way could there be to prevent me from viewing you as anything more than a friend, than to put the idea into my head that you’d been screwing my sister on the quiet?’

If it was possible, Miles looked even more horrified. ‘But that’s sick. Dominic, surely not even you would sink to that!’

‘Believe it, Miles,’ Harriet said, without giving Dominic a chance to respond, ‘because it gets a whole lot worse. He couldn’t handle the thought that anyone else might find happiness when he couldn’t. I blame myself for being so gullible. It never occurred to me that he could be bisexual. I made the fatal mistake of taking him at face value, just as you probably did. We thought he was only interested in men. And why wouldn’t we, because he made such a big thing about it, didn’t he?’ Reaching into her trouser pocket, she pulled out the incriminating photograph she’d found amongst Felicity’s things. She pushed it under Dominic’s nose. ‘See anyone you recognise?’

Before he could reply, Miles snatched the photograph out of Harriet’s hand. He stared at it, first in disbelief, then in understanding.
‘You!
You and Felicity. Oh, you bastard! You complete and utter bastard.’

The first punch was a direct hit on Dominic’s cheekbone. It was so direct and unexpected it knocked him backwards and he lost his footing. As he scrambled to stay on his feet, Miles came at him again, this time throwing all his weight against him; the powdery snow softened their fall. His fists smashed into Dominic’s face, and spots of blood began to splatter the snow. It was then that Harriet realised Dominic was making no attempt to defend himself - he was just lying there submitting himself to his brother’s vengeful anger.

Behind them the front door suddenly flew open and Harvey McKendrick’s voice demanded to know what was going on. ‘Have you taken leave of your senses?’ he shouted at his sons. ‘Stop it at once!’

Knowing there would never be a better opportunity, Harriet said, ‘Congratulations, Dr McKendrick. You turned your eldest son into a monster. Because of you, he has no sense of right or wrong. He uses people. Abuses them too, just like you do.’

Miles was getting to his feet now and straightening his clothes, but Dominic continued to lie in the snow, his arms outstretched, blood trickling from his mouth and nose. A crowd had gathered at the door behind their host, gasping when they saw Dominic. Harriet felt a prickle of regret when she caught sight of her mother and Freda looking out from the sitting room window, but she tapped into her anger - there was still plenty of it - and delivered one final blow. ‘For once, Dr McKendrick,’ she said, ‘I’ve actually enjoyed one of your miserable drinks parties.’ She then walked away from the house, along Maple Drive.

 

Bob helped Harvey get his eldest son to his feet. He’d never been particularly fond of Dominic and suspected that whatever the fight had been about, Dominic had probably deserved what Miles had done to him. Although what Harriet had to do with it, he couldn’t think. He was just gathering up the loose change that must have fallen out of the brothers’ pockets when something caught his attention: it looked like a photograph half-buried in the snow. He bent down to pick it up.

‘I wouldn’t, if I were you. Really, it’s not something you want to see.’ Miles was standing next to him and something in his tone made Bob turn the photograph over at once. He froze. It was a while before he could speak. ‘When was this picture taken?’ he said.

‘I don’t know exactly.’

‘It looks recent to me,’ Bob murmured. He turned the photograph over again and looked at the date on the back.

‘Perhaps it would be better if you gave it to me.’

Miles’s bloodied hand reached out for the picture, but Bob stepped away from him. It was just the two of them in the McKendricks’ front garden now; the show over, everyone else had gone back inside. In the silence of the snow-muffled day, Bob could feel an enormous bubble of anger rising within him. The pressure of it was filling his body, forcing the air out of his lungs. ‘Is this what you were fighting about?’ he said breathlessly. His chest felt so tight he wondered if he was about to suffer a heart attack.

‘It’s part of it,’ Miles said.

‘Felicity would never have an affair,’ he whispered. ‘She wasn’t ... she wasn’t that sort of a girl. She was so good ... She was a loving and devoted mother. Your brother must have forced her. It’s the only explanation. Yes, that’s it, he must have forced her.’ But the thought of Dominic making his darling girl do something she didn’t want to do was too much for Bob and the bubble of anger suddenly burst. He looked wildly around him. ‘Where’s that filthy bastard? I’m going to finish off what you started!’