Love Ahead: Expect Delays (2 page)

alone and got beaten up in Idaho for being a Jewish homosexual in a Geo

Spectrum.”

“Ha. Everybody knows Geos are popular in Idaho.” Zach laughed, but he felt

light-headed every time Austin mentioned he loved him.

Zach turned the key in the ignition. After a few weak revs, the engine burst to

life.

“There’s a present for you behind my seat,” he told Austin.

Austin was still frowning when he reached back and deftly raised a blue cooler

from the floor. Zach had stocked it with all his favorite Austin bait: summer

sausage, sour-cream-and-chives potato chips, salsa, tortilla chips, spinach dip,

Love Ahead: Expect Delays

5

pretzels, even crackers and a canister of spray cheese, not to mention a collection of

soda and beer.

“No way, baby!”

Zach smiled. Food made it easy to win Austin’s heart.

Austin, momentarily content with a bag of potato chips, didn’t complain

further, and Zach pulled out of the apartment complex and headed east to the

freeway.

He’d planned the trip with time to spare, in case they wanted to spend an

extra night somewhere along the way. It would take three days to get to Boulder,

leaving five days to spend with Zach’s family before they flew back to Seattle.

At first Zach hadn’t relished the prospect of driving cross-country in winter

either.

“
It isn’t safe for me to take the car
!” Bubbie had screamed over the phone.

Having lost her hearing, she’d resorted to shrieking everything.

“
If it isn’t safe, then why would you want me to drive it
?” Zach had argued. He

had imagined many ways of visiting his parents and his grandmother in Colorado,

but
in a white Geo Spectrum
was not part of even his darkest imaginings.

“
You’re young
!” Bubbie had reasoned.

“
How does that help the car
?” Zach had countered.

“
This is the kind of adventure you young boys love, anyway
,” Bubbie had told

him.

Zach had many rebuttals. He was not, technically, a young boy anymore. He’d

busted into the third decade the previous month.

And he had also never been one for road trips. The last time he’d taken one,

he’d ended up stranded in Bakersfield after the high school band bus drove off

without him. He’d had to hitch a ride carrying his tuba. A man had solicited him for

oral sex, and a woman who might have been a prostitute had stolen his fanny pack.

6

Astrid Amara

Zach no longer played tuba, and he’d sworn off fanny packs years ago. He’d

matured. Matured in the kind of way that made the idea of driving an old car from

Seattle to Boulder in December sound less like an adventure and more like a plain

old bad idea.

But then he’d thought about Austin and changed his mind.

After all, it seemed like the kind of undertaking the two of them needed at this

stage in their relationship. It was a good way to test things, see if the overpowering

affection Zach had for Austin was strong enough to hold up to the tensions of, say, a

road trip through snow.

For the last month, Austin had been pressing for them to move in together. It

had started as casual joking, but with every repetition, Zach had realized Austin

was completely serious. Austin had even started looking at condos in Zach’s part of

town that would be big enough for two.

But every time domesticity raised its head, Zach politely and firmly beat it

back down. It was too soon. They had only known each other for six months.

And Austin had a temper. He was brash and outspoken and didn’t care what

others thought about him. Nothing seemed to frighten him, which had the strange

aftereffect of frightening Zach. What trouble could a man like Austin get into?

So in many ways this road trip was a consolation prize for Austin. Zach knew

Austin’s feelings got hurt whenever Zach casually shot down the idea of domesticity.

So Zach hoped Austin would see that, even though he wasn’t ready to commit to

moving in, he was serious about their relationship, that this wasn’t just a casual

fling.

Besides, Zach was thrilled his parents were finally going to meet a guy worthy

of being taken home. He could prove to them he was capable of making good

decisions when it came to his personal life. He’d struck out too many times for them

to trust his judgment.

Love Ahead: Expect Delays

7

And that was another reason Zach worried about moving in with Austin. With

others, he’d grown so distrustful, jaded by all but the moment of lust that drove him

and left him careless and, later, regretful.

Zach knew it was partially his hang-ups that had made past relationships

difficult. Too many men had assumed his self-effacing sense of humor and slim

build meant he was a pushover. Maybe he was. Zach had never learned how to

defend himself physically. He preferred joking his way out of situations.

But many of the men who were attracted to his dark hair and long, thin body

seemed to take his passive nature for granted and push too far.

After a string of disappointments, the last thing Zach wanted to do was move

in with another tough guy.

But Austin
was
different. Even though he was a big man—six feet five, two

hundred and fifty pounds, all muscle and hair—Austin was unexpectedly

affectionate, a man who loved to touch and be touched, with a hungry need for

closeness, making his broad chest even more inviting. And despite his hulking

presence in bed, Austin was a polite and selfless lover who saw to Zach needs first,

even to extremes. It had become Zach’s obsession of late to see Austin get off first,

but Austin showed remarkable self-control and never pushed his requests until

Zach was sated.

And besides being surprisingly kind, Austin was an all-around different type of

guy than Zach usually dated.

He didn’t own a single suit, for one thing.

He’d gone to the technical college and was a skilled mechanic. He worked out

religiously, watched football obsessively, and spent the rest of his time taking

comalike naps that alarmed Zach with their death-resembling intensity.

In the beginning, their opposite lifestyles had worried Zach. He didn’t know

anything about cars other than how to drive them. He worked for the local

government as a city planner. Zach read a book a night and had a penchant for sad

Asian movies. His exercise routine was designed to be as brief and painless as

8

Astrid Amara

possible and existed solely to ward off threats of developing the Roth-family gut,

which perched on spindly Roth-family legs like a terrible, round goiter.

But despite their differences, Zach and Austin had lasted six months.

Apparently he made Austin laugh, and that was a good thing. Austin’s laugh was

one of those honest, happy sounds that was contagious. So Zach kept Austin

laughing.

And Austin made Zach feel safe. Safer than he had in a long time, since those

bad months with Ed. Once, at the movies, a drunk had accosted Zach. Austin had

turned and punched the assailant so fast that Zach hadn’t even realized what

happened until the other man clutched his jaw and writhed on the parking-lot

cement.

There was something to be said about having a tough guy on your side.

But most important, they trusted each other, and with that trust had

developed a relationship Zach truly felt excited about. They had the prospect of

being something amazing together as long as Zach didn’t ruin it by rushing into

domesticity, or as long as Austin didn’t screw it up by becoming a bully. It was a

relationship worthy of gentle coaxing, something built with care and consideration.

* * *

crested the foothills, and rose into the Snoqualmie Pass. Winter was mild that year

in the Pacific Northwest, and they didn’t need the chains Zach had purchased for

the trip. The car chugged forward at an even forty-five miles per hour as they

traversed steep-banked switchbacks and passed through tunnels of dirty early snow

stacked into formidable walls along the highway.

The view was stunning: endless cliffs of sharp evergreens and exposed rock.

Austin’s mood lifted as he munched on pretzels, hummed along with his songs, and

chatted about their mutual friends. Zach too would have enjoyed the vista, if it

weren’t for the fact that every other vehicle seemed to find his presence on the

Love Ahead: Expect Delays

9

mountain insulting, and they swerved around the car with the fear of one avoiding

a drunk driver. Even semitrucks passed them. Around blind curves.

But Austin, a typical speeder, appeared unconcerned by their unimpressive

acceleration. He offered Zach pretzels and entertained him with amusing stories

about his clients, and Zach let his worries and ego go and allowed the others to

cruise on by. The line in the road needed to be his focus, not the furious drivers or

flipped fingers and not the chasm of death to his left or the icy avalanche of

destruction to his right.

Given their late start and slow trek up and down the pass, it was well past

sundown by the time they wound out of the Cascades and hit the college town of

Ellensburg. Zach made his first executive decision as navigator and decided to call

it a night. He’d intended to reach Spokane before stopping, but in truth, he was

relieved to have the mountains behind him, and he needed a break.

The Ellensburg Stay-a-Nite was located just off Interstate 90. The flat, bleak

landscape was composed of a blazing ribbon of red and white vehicle lights, a

rotating advertisement for a massive RV-sales compound, and a nearby fast food

restaurant. The area smelled faintly of dead animals. Although there was no snow,

a bitterly cold wind sliced over them, and Zach and Austin rushed from the car to

their motel room in two hasty trips to spare themselves the biting stink.

The motel room itself was depressing, with faux-wood paneling and

frighteningly textured orange comforters over twin beds that reeked of twenty years

of cigarette smoke. Zach had considered asking for a king-size bed but decided not

to press his luck; the man at reception had looked at him disapprovingly until

Austin glared with such obvious loathing that the man shoved an enormous moose-

headed keychain toward Zach and moved to the back office without a further word.

Despite the terrible look and smell to the room, Zach delighted in the small

surprises such motels offered by way of amenities. This one provided several

rumpled, dog-eared hot-chocolate packets next to a darkly stained coffeemaker,

which did not have coffee. A box of sugar cubes and creamers were tastefully

10

Astrid Amara

provided, however. A television guide prominently displayed the twelve channels

offered, and a notice enticed guests to make use of the pool, open until September.

In the bathroom, Zach found a uniquely combined complimentary

shampoo/conditioner/shower-gel/face-wash/hand-lotion bottle. There was also a

shower cap and shoe-shining rag. Everything, including the shower, was on a timer.

A thin slip of paper guarded the toilet seat like a chastity belt, a weird symbol

of sterility only found in the cheapest of motels. Zach tore it aside.

“It’s like a ribbon-cutting ceremony for my piss,” Zach commented.

Austin mumbled some reply in the other room, but Zach couldn’t hear because

Austin had immediately turned on the television and cruised the channels.

Zach flushed the toilet, washed his hands and face, and joined Austin. Austin

had pushed the two beds together and removed the offensive comforters.

Although he was tired, Zach wanted to observe the first of his road-trip rituals.

He fumbled through his suitcase and pulled out a change of clothes (Austin

mumbled something neutral), a tube of lubricant (Austin made an approving-

sounding rumble), and the cardboard box that held his most recent purchase.

The portable menorah was made of plastic and included eight red LED lights,

plus a pale yellow shamash candle light in the center.

Austin watched as Zach folded out the two arms of the tiny menorah, attached

a nine-volt battery to the base, and held it out on his palm.

“So that’s your menorah?” Austin asked.

“Pretty cool, huh?”

“Isn’t it supposed to have candles?”

“Yeah, but this one is neat. You turn on the lights by connecting the circuits.”

“It still counts?”

“Well, technically, I’m supposed to light these before darkness, but that doesn’t