Love Again (7 page)

“I can’t believe this is happening.  I mean…things haven’t been good between us for a while but I honestly would have never thought Justin would do something like this.”

“What do you mean things haven’t been good for a while?  What’s
been going on?”

I took a drink of water, “He’s been super moody.  That night that you showed up, he had thrown my Kindle because he caught me reading on it.  I started to see a change in him after he started traveling more for his dad and his job.  If I read a romance book he calls me a whore for reading porn.  I can’t even tell you how many nights I’ve locked myself in the bathroom while he screamed at me and called me names.  It’s like I’m the most disgusting woman on the planet to him.”

“WHAT?” Corrina yelled.  “Sorry—you don’t deserve to be treated like that.  He’s verbally abusing you to try and make himself feel better about all of this.” She stood up and started pacing in front of me.  “Why haven’t you said anything to me about this?  I’m your best friend, I stood beside you when you both took your wedding vows.” She said. 

“I think he’s just stressed about getting a promotion, maybe his mom pushed him to do this.” I told her.

“Bullshit Lennie!  He knew before you two got married that his mom was a vindictive bitch—yet he still took the same vows as you did!  And now he’s belittling you by lying to you about what he’s doing.  What happened to the Lennie that said she would never let a man break her down until she didn’t know who she was anymore?”

A fresh round of tears started falling down my face, “He…he never hit me.  He’s never gotten physical.”

She interrupted me by pulling me into a hug when she sat down beside me, “He doesn’t have to get physical with you for it to be abuse.  What he’s doing is psychologically tearing you down, tearing your heart out and intentionally hurting you.  Bruises fade over time but what he’s been doing to you is going to be with you for a very long time.  I’m here as your BFF to tell you that NOTHING that asshole has said is true.  He has some pretty serious issues going on, in my honest opinion I don’t think it’s safe for you to go back there.  Maybe if you separate he’ll realize what he’s doing and what he’s losing.”

“I can’t just leave without talking to him.” I protested.

“Lennie, I’m not letting you go back there unless you two have a neutral person there as a mediator.  I really didn’t like his tone today.  If he’s using drugs, that’s probably why he’s so angry and lashing out at you all the time.  How long is he usually out of town on business?” she asked.

“It varies really.  Sometimes it’s a couple of days—sometimes it’s a week. He used to be happy when he would come home and we’d make love for hours and spend our nights watching movies and just cuddling.  That all stopped about a year ago.  Now when he comes home he barely even looks at me, we haven’t had sex in months. It’s like touching me repulses him.” I started sobbing again but hardly any tears fell. 

“Why don’t you go lie down and get some rest when you wake up we’ll call and order some takeout.”

I nodded my head, “Okay.  Thank you so much for being here for me.” I gave her a hug.  She showed me to her bedroom, I kicked my shoes off and climbed under the covers.  Memories of my mom and dad filled my mind. 

“No man is worth the stress and heartache baby girl, you can’t trust any man.  They want what they want and don’t care who gets hurt in the process.” mom’s slurred words played over in my head.    

Tears fell down my cheeks and I quickly brushed them away.  The night that dad left, my life changed forever.  Mom was never the same woman after that night.  She turned to alcohol and never dated a man for longer than two nights
.  “I’m just giving them a taste of their own medicine, they are all the same.”

It wasn’t until she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to undergo chemotherapy treatments and radiation, that she forgave my dad for ruining their marriage by cheating on her.  As she lay in the hospital bed, our hands clasped tightly together her skin felt cool and dry against mine.

“Promise me that you won’t ever let a man hurt you as bad as he hurt us Lennie.  You’re beautiful, smart, intelligent, and have a heart of gold.  You deserve to be treated like a queen, just be careful baby girl, sometimes people change and love just isn’t enough for them.  No matter what I will love you to the heavens and back.”

In the middle of the night that night I was startled awake when her hands went limp in mine.  I knew there was no saving her, I knew that she had passed away and was no longer in pain.  “I love you too momma.” I brushed my hand down her cheek and kissed her forehead.  The machines beeping alerted the medical staff and they rushed in to the room.  Thirty minutes later they all hugged me and gave me their condolences.  One nurse, Clara, stayed in the room and held me as I cried.  “She talked about you all the time Lennie, you were the sunshine on her face and the light of her eye.  If you need anything…anything at all, don’t you hesitate to call me.” She wrote her name and number on a sticky note before leaving the room.  I was scared half to death of what would happen from that day on, I wasn’t even eighteen yet and wouldn’t be for another year.  The night my dad left us was the last time I seen him, but I knew that somebody would contact him about moms death.  Part of me hoped he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me but part of me wanted to know why cheating on mom and ruining their marriage was so easy for him. 

Mom’s funeral was a small service, dad sat in the back of the funeral home and cried.  After the service he was waiting on the front steps of the house when I got there.  He followed me inside, “We should talk about some things.” He said.  I sat down on the couch and waited for him to continue.  “I know you won’t understand this and you probably hate me for what I did but please just hear me out.” He said while pacing the living room of the place we all once called our home.

“Okay.” I twisted the button of a throw pillow and waited for him to continue. 

“I loved her, your mom, you’re a lot like her in so many ways.  I should have never asked her to marry me.” He held up his hand and stopped me from interrupting him.  “I knew she loved me differently than I loved her.  I
wanted
to love her like she loved me, it doesn’t make what I did right and not a day goes by that I don’t regret causing you and her so much pain.  I guess in my mind I thought if we got married that I would find that connection with her, that my heart would let me love her like she did me, but it didn’t happen.  In all honesty I would have been better off breaking up with her while we were dating.  God why can’t I get this to sound right?” He blew out a breath and put his hands on his hips.  “I guess the only way I can tell you how I felt about her was, a best friend type of love.  I could talk to her and we got along great.  Then when she told me she was pregnant I couldn’t just break up with her, I had to…no I wanted to stay with her so you would have both parents in your life.  I came from a split family and didn’t want that for my child.”

“Do you actually love Jennifer?” I knew that he was married after I found his social media page. 

He smiled, “I do,” he nodded his head.  “Lennie don’t think I didn’t love your mom, I wish that we both hadn’t been so young and things hadn’t moved so fast for us.  Jennifer knows about my past, we’ve been married for almost ten years now.  Sure we have our arguments, our fair share of yelling matches, but we always work through whatever gets in our way. Under different circumstances I think that her and Jennifer would have been able to be good friends.”

I shook my head and wiped my eyes, “That just sounds so crazy.  I mean, how did mom not know you weren’t really in love with her?  I guess I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell her.”

“I tried to, I honest to God tried to talk to her about it but she just didn’t see where I was coming from.  Cheating on her was wrong and I knew that, I knew when I did it that eventually it would tear us apart.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t care about you or her, because I did.  When I walked away from this house, I walked away from the one person that had never betrayed me or hurt me…I walked away from my best friend.  I wanted to come back for you, I tried to see you for years but your mom wouldn’t allow me to.  She said that she wouldn’t allow me to hurt you like I did her.” He sat down beside me on the couch, “I don’t want you to hate me, I want to get to know you and to have a good relationship with you.”

I finally looked at him, “Does this mean I have to move in with you?”

He gave me a sad smile, “I’m not turning my back on you again Lennie.  I’m not a monster just give me a second chance, please?”

I moved in with dad and Jennifer after that.  It took some time for dad and I to have a good relationship but over time I forgave him and accepted him back into my life.  Jennifer and I became close after talking about everything.  I could tell that Jennifer and dad were truly in love and I hoped that someday I could find that kind of happiness. 

As I drifted off to sleep the last thing that flashed through my mind was Dominique Hastings with that sexy smile and those royal blue eyes, as he looked me over from head to toe. 

~~~~~~

A few hours later I woke up, my body was stiff and my face felt like Muhammad Ali had used me as a sparring partner.  On the bedside table were two Tylenol and a glass of water with a note from Corrina. 

WOW, you snore REALLLLLY bad. Take these and take a shower, then come find me XOXO

She had laid out a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt for me, spending the night relaxing would be wonderful.  Her shower was huge, it reminded me of a car wash.  I laughed out loud when all of the sprayers turned on, but when they were all hitting me and relaxing my aching muscle I couldn’t help but sigh out in relief. 

“So what do want to order for supper?” Corrina laid out a stack of menus for me to choose from.

I looked up at her, “This means you have no food in your fridge, do you at least have some good wine?”

She bit her bottom lip and shook her head, no. 

“I want a nice glass or five of wine!” I whined.

“Well, I went to your apartment while you were sleeping and grabbed some of your clothes.” Corrina said.

“WHAT?!”

“You’re not going back there until you two talk, he wasn’t even there. Lyle has his suspicions of what is going on and let me in.  And for the record, he is NOT happy with Justin.  Clothes are over there on the couch.  Do you want to go to ‘The Glo’?  I’ve heard it’s pretty fun.”

I wrinkled up my nose, “I’m not sure I’m in the mood to go clubbing.”

“Go change, we’ll figure it out as we go.” She said with a smile. 

I decided that my skinny jeans and black off the shoulder tank top paired with my red high heels would work for the night.  I was comfortable and the outfit wasn’t revealing. 

“I really hate you.” Corrina told me when I walked out of her room. 

“What did I do now?” I asked as I fastened the sliver hoops in my ears. 

She waved her hand up and down my body, “You and those sexy ass curves, why you didn’t pursue a modeling career I will never understand.”

“Riiiight!” I shook my head and laughed. 

The first restaurant we went to was full of couples that were staring dreamily at each other holding hands while whispering to each other.  I looked at Corrina and shook my head at her so we walked back out and started walking through downtown.  Before we would walk into a place I would peek through the window to see if it was filled with more lovey dovey couples.  One window I looked through I was startled by a couple leaning across the table kissing. 

“Never mind, obviously I should just go home.” I told Corrina.

“Nope, you want wine…we are going to find us a good bottle of wine!  The Glo is right there.  We’ll get us some drinks then find us a table in a dark corner while we people watch.  People watching will totally lift your spirits for the night.”

I sighed, “Fine, you win.”

The Glo had an electric vibe to it, laser lights of all colors flashed above the crowded dance floor and strobe lights flashed along to with the beat of ‘Bang Bang’.  The bar area had brightly lit shelves that contained bottle after bottle of alcohol.  Corrina pushed through the crowd while pulling me with her.  While she ordered our drinks I turned and looked around, I couldn’t help but feel like somebody was staring at me though.  When I looked up at the balcony, I could only assume was the VIP section, staring down at me was Dominique.  Standing next to him was the guy that we seen at Corrina’s building when we were getting off of the elevator.  Dominique smiled at something the guy said, then tipped his beer bottle back.  “Here you go ma-lady.” Corrina handed me my drink. 

I took a drink, “I said wine not a Cosmo!” I said with a laugh. 

“They are going bring us a bottle in a little bit.  There’s a table over there, come on.” She grabbed my hand and we weaved through the crowd to the darkened area below the balcony.  I could feel Dominique staring at me the entire time. 

“This place is pretty awesome!  I think it’ll help take your mind off of stuff for a little bit.” Corrina said.

“I like it, at least the music’s not so loud we can’t have a conversation.  Good choice!” I lifted my glass and winked at her.

We both took a drink and stared out at the crowd of people, “You have no idea how mad I am about everything, not at you, I’m more disappointed that you never told me things were getting so bad with him.  I’ve always thought he was a selfish prick just putting on a good act for you.  How are we going to find out if it’s all true or not?  He sure as hell isn’t divulging any info.”  Corrina said.