Louise: A New Beginning (23 page)

“Bring her some water, please,” Will said, hunking down. He carefully removed the hair from my face, but didn’t say a word about what had just happened.

And then, the realization hit me. I looked into his eyes and saw the answer to my unspoken question.

“You knew. . .” I said quietly.

He didn’t respond.

“For how long?” I asked.

He swallowed, running one hand through his hair. “It doesn’t matter.”

“How long?” I repeated my question.

“I found out recently. I didn’t know Sabine was your mother until you applied to take classes at
Balero.
”

“Which means you knew I was her daughter for almost six months. . . And you didn’t tell me. . . Why?”

“Louise. . . I couldn’t.”

“Why?” I asked louder this time.

“You already know the answer.”

I laughed nervously. “Just don’t tell me it’s about my father again. God, if only you knew how much I hate him. . .”

“Yes, I couldn’t tell you anything, because if I did, Montgomery would make sure to separate you and Sabine. And I couldn’t let it happen, not again.”

“What about her? When did she find out the truth?”

“A few days ago, right before you two went to Regina’s café opening.”

Now I knew why her behavior seemed so weird to me that day. She knew I was her daughter that she thought was lost forever. . .

“Oh, my God. . .” I hid my face in my hands and let the tears flow.

I had found my mother, finally, and now she was dying, and I would probably never get a chance to talk to her again. “This can’t be happening. . . Not right now, now that I have found her. . .”

“Shhh. . .” Will wrapped his arms me, trying to comfort me, but not even his presence could make me feel anything but sorrow now.

“I need to see her,” I said. “I want to talk to her, I want –”

“Louise, you can’t go in there right now. Look at me,” Will said in a firm voice. He knew I was not being myself now. “She is heavily medicated. She is sleeping. We need to wait for the operation to be over. Then I will take you to her, okay? She’ll be fine, we just need to wait a little longer. Do you hear me? She’s going to be all right.”

I nodded, trying to follow his reasoning. He was right. The doctors wouldn’t let me anywhere close to her now. I needed to wait.

“I will wait,” I said.

He nodded, sighing. “Want to go outside and breathe some fresh air?”

“No. I want to stay right here.”

“Here, drink some water,” Regina said, giving me a plastic cup.

I took a few sips and put it down on the chair next to mine.

“Was she happy to know the truth?” I asked. I didn’t know who to address that question to.

Mr. Cormac was the first to answer, “You can’t even imagine. She cried all night, but those were happy tears. She said she was so happy to know that you were alive. But more than anything she was happy to know that you are so much like her, with your passion for dancing and your desire to be the best. She said she’s so proud of being your mother, Louise. . .”

More tears filled my eyes. I was proud too, of being a daughter of the best woman I could have ever imagined calling my mom.

One of the doors in the hall opened and a doctor in his late forties started walking towards us. I jumped from my seat, running up to him.

“How is she?” I asked breathlessly. “Please tell me she is going to live?”

Will, Regina, and Nigel came over to where the two of us were standing.

The doctor said, “I’m afraid I can’t make any promises at the moment. The operation went well, and we’ve managed to remove the bullet. But it shattered one of the ribs, right above her heart, and we needed to remove its pieces from everywhere we could find them. We did our best to remove all of them and make sure her heart and blood vessels were not harmed in the process. All we need to do now, is to wait, and let the healing do its job.”

“Can we see her?” I asked.

“I’m afraid it’s not possible right now. For the next twenty-four hours she will have to stay in the intensive care unit. She’s asleep now.”

“But she will wake up, right?” Nigel said.

“We need to hope for the best,” the doctor replied.

I felt like I was the one dying now, lying on the operating table, with my rib broken and my heart barely beating.

“We will be able to give a more precise prognosis if she survives through the night.”

“
If
?” I asked in a whisper.

“As I have already said, I can’t make any promises, at this point.”

Time had never seemed to go as slowly as it did that night. Whenever I looked at my watch, it showed no more than a minute since the last time I had checked the damn time.

“Louise, you need to eat,” Kate said, pushing a tray of food closer to me.

The mere thought of eating while Sabine –
my mom
– was in that hospital, possibly dying, made me sick.

“I can’t,” I said.

“But you will!” She said strictly, taking my fork and stabbing it into a piece of roast beef. “You haven’t slept or eaten for nearly thirty hours, Louise. . . I hate to tell you, coffee doesn’t count for either one of those things. You need to eat, Louise. I doubt you are going to help your mom by starving or exhausting yourself to death. Eat!” She said, pushing the fork at my face.

I looked at the piece of meat and nodded, finally giving up. “Okay, I’ll eat,” I said, taking the fork.

She smiled approvingly. “That’s my girl.”

She and I were at
Le Papillon
, in my old room. After we had spoken to the doctor about Sabine, I had called Kate. She came to the hospital immediately when I told her about the accident. We stayed there the rest of that night, and then the whole next day, but then she insisted on taking me home. I didn’t want to go to Will’s, so we went to the club instead. There was no show today, so most of the girls were off and out doing their own things. The club was uncharacteristically quiet.

My phone vibrated on my bedside table. I looked at the screen and canceled the call.

“Is that Will again?” Kate asked.

I nodded, chewing the piece of meat.

“Why won’t you pick up the phone?”

I shrugged. I didn’t know how to reply to her question. I just didn’t feel like talking to Will right now. Maybe I was being petty, but after I found out about Sabine being my mom and having her one step away from her grave, I got so angry at him.

He knew the truth. . .the whole time. . .and he didn’t tell me. And at this point, I didn’t care whether it was because of my father or someone else, because chances were high I would never be able to call Sabine my mom or tell her how much I needed her. I could have been doing all of that for six months, six
safe
months, seeing as Fletcher Fucking Montgomery never once showed up at the school to murder either of us until the showcase. A half of a year, I could have known the truth, and Will left me in the dark, and seemingly motherless, when in fact, I had her the whole time!

“You are angry at him, aren’t you?” Kate asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.

“I’m angry at the entire world,” I said.

“But he didn’t have a choice, Lu. . .”

I gave her a meaningful ‘
No, shit?’
look. “We always have a choice.”

“No, not always. And you, of all people, should have figured that out by now.”

Kate was right. I had never had a choice but to live following the rules others set for me. And now, that I was finally free, my life felt like it was getting better and better with every passing day, at least until Tuesday night, when everything got even more screwed up than it usually was. Again, I didn’t have a choice but to sit and wait for some good news, which I still hoped would be good, because I couldn’t imagine losing my mom again, once was more than enough for one lifetime.

“I can’t lose her, Kate,” I said, pushing the plate of food away. “Thanks, I have had enough calories to keep going for the next thirty hours or so.”

Kate looked doubtfully at my barely touched meal, but said nothing about it.

“I need to go back to the hospital,” I said, getting up.

“No! You will stay here, at least for the night.”

“But what if Sabine wakes up?” She was still unconscious. She was in critical condition, but the doctors were saying she was at least stable.

“Drew will call us. He’s there, remember? He won’t leave until he has news for us.” Kate smiled a little, trying to encourage me.

“God, I have never felt so helpless in my entire life,” I said, running both hands through my hair. I leaned back against the pillow and proceeded, “Too bad you couldn’t stay after the showcase, you would have at least gotten the chance to meet Sabine before that jerk shot her. Why couldn’t the bullet have hit me instead?”

“Sweetie, I think that bullet was meant for her. . . But I will meet her when she gets better.”

“What if she never –”

“Ah, stop, right there,” she held up her hand. “Don’t even think about it, Lu! She will wake up and she will be fine.”

I sighed. “I wish I could have your assurance.”

“Fate can’t be that much of a bitch to you. She won’t just take Sabine away from you again, not this soon anyway. I’m sure, she’ll be all right. Besides, with every passing second that she breathes, her body is healing. If she is breathing, she is healing, if she is healing, she is closer to being okay, right? So, just try to relax. We will get the news as soon as there is news to get.”

My phone buzzed again.

“For God’s sake, Lu. . .  Answer the damn phone already. . . Will must be going crazy because you’re ignoring him. This can’t be any easier on him, he is probably wracked with guilt.”

“I can’t. I don’t know what to tell him.” I didn’t say a word to him after the talk with the doctor, who said that the operation went well, but my mother was still too weak and he couldn’t guarantee she would survive.

Will knew I was angry. He didn’t need to ask how I was feeling about the whole situation, and he didn’t push his luck. He didn’t leave me even for a minute, even though I didn’t talk to him. Then Kate said she would take me home, and I left without even saying good-bye to him. I bet he was worried about me, but I just couldn’t make myself talk to him. Not yet, anyway.

“Fine. If you won’t talk to him, I will,” Kate said, picking up my phone. “Hello?” She answered the call.

She paused while Will spoke on the other end of the line. “Yes, she’s with me.”

I could hear him speaking to her, and I kind of felt bad for ignoring him while he was so worried about me; Kate replied to whatever he was saying, “Don’t worry, she has everything she needs here.”

I faintly heard him say how sorry he was for keeping the truth from me about Sabine and then he stopped, Kate tried to soothe him before asking the questions I had been thinking, “I know you are, Will. . . How is she doing? Any changes?”

He replied too quietly for me to hear, then she said, “I see. . . Okay, I’ll tell her. Take care of yourself, Will. Bye.” She ended the call, and gave me one of her favorite,
half-pissed, half-disappointed, you-are-such-a-pain-in-the-ass
looks.

“What did he say?” I asked. I was kind of scared to ask that question. Because of how quietly he had spoken, I knew I wasn’t going to like the answer.

“Sabine is the same, there are no changes as of yet. The press-conference starts tomorrow, at noon. Will wanted to know if you are going to be there.”

“Yes, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Are you sure you can handle it? I mean after everything that happened to Sabine?”

“I have to be there, more for her than any other reason.”

“I’ll go with you then.”

“What else did he say?” A part of me wanted to hear his voice, wanted to hear that he still loved me. While the other part, still ached just thinking about the fact that he loved me and could keep the fact that I had a mom from me. How could you claim to love someone so much, and yet keep something from them, that they wanted more than anything in the world?

“Uh, Louise, why don’t you call him? He sounded devastated. . . He really thought he was doing the right thing. I don’t want to sound like I am taking his side, because I’m not. . .but I can see his reasoning here. He thought he was keeping you both safe. And think about this,
really think about this
, you guys are planning to out the senator in a few days; he probably figured a few more days wouldn’t hurt. He didn’t expect Montgomery to come to your recital and shoot her. In fact, that is exactly what he was trying to prevent by not telling you. Just think about it. He said, if you need anything, just let him know, or call Christopher.”

I didn’t respond to her defending Will’s actions, instead I said, “I just need my mom to be okay. Can he or Christopher make sure she’ll be fine? I don’t think so.”

“Lu…” Kate sat back on my bed and took my hands in hers. “Listen to me, Will thought he was protecting you. He lost his dad because of that man. It is
not
his fault that he thought he couldn’t tell you the truth about Sabine.”

“He should have told me anyway, Kate! I wouldn’t have told anyone; I wouldn’t have even told Sabine. I would have simply enjoyed my time with her, talking to her, dancing, and knowing that she had been there watching me. I would have simply been happy knowing that I had finally found my mother. . . Even if she hadn't known she had found me too.”

“I know, Dear, I know. But please, don’t make another mistake with Will. Leaving him months ago wasn’t your best idea; you know I never supported that decision. But now, I know that you need him, just as much as he needs you. He’s been taking care of you for years. . . Is this how you want to thank him for that – by pushing him away, simply because he tried to protect you?”

Tears ran down my face. Both angry and broken-hearted, I didn’t know what to do. I tried to see the reason in Kate’s words. And maybe she was right, and I was being foolish, yet again. But I knew, in my heart, that I would never be able to forgive Will for withholding the information from me if Sabine never recovered. . . I would never be able to forget that because he was overprotective, I had lost my one and only chance to have a mother, even if it only had lasted a little while. I would have killed to go back and have just one conversation with her, knowing she was my mom. Just one. . .

“He knows,” Kate said, as if she could read the thoughts running through my mind. “Yesterday, when I talked to him at the hospital, he said he can’t forgive himself for keeping the truth from you. He keeps blaming himself for everything that happened after the show. He said he should have made sure Montgomery’s people would stay away from you and Sabine. He said he would rather die than watch you suffer because of what happened to your mom. He’s in pain, Louise. And he needs you now, more than ever.”

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“My sweet girl, come here.” She scooted over to sit next to me and wrapped her arms around me. “We need to believe that she is going to be fine, and she will be. Because I’m sure she wants to see you again, especially now that she knows the truth.”

“I have to believe she has enough will to live to make her wake up. I desperately want to talk to her, Kate. . .” My voice trembled. “I have never had a mom, but then I met Sabine, and you know what? From the very first time we talked at school, I knew we had a bond, I just didn’t realize it was in our DNA. I even thought about how cool it would be to have a mother like Sabine. And then, when I learned the truth, it was like I was holding my dream in my hands, and then like the glass she was holding when she was shot, my dream shattered into a million tiny pieces right in front of my very eyes. My fate is a bitch. . . I feel like I am not meant to have a real family of my own, because every time I feel like I have one, something awful happens, taking them away from me; and that includes William. . . ”

***

On Friday morning, I awoke to the sound of voices, coming from behind the closed door to my room. I listened carefully, and realized that it was Kate talking to Christopher.

I rose from my bed, put on a robe over my shirt, and went out into the hall.

“Is it time to go to the press-conference?” I asked, instead of greeting them.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” Kate said, smiling slightly. “You slept like a baby.”

“After crying myself to sleep, it is not surprising at all. What time is it?”

“We still have about two hours before the conference is scheduled to begin,” Christopher replied. “I’ll take you and Kate to Will’s office. He said the reporters are already there, waiting impatiently for our announcement.”

“Do they know it’s about my father?”

“Yes. They have been informed.”

I felt my palms sweating. “Give me fifteen minutes, and I’ll be ready to go.”

“I’ll wait outside,” Christopher said. He turned to leave, but then he stopped and took a small envelope out of his jacket pocket. “Oh, I almost forgot. . . This is for you,” he said, handing it to me.

To Louise
, the writing on the front said. It was from Will. My hands shook holding it.

“Thanks,” I said, before I went back into my room, closing the door behind me.

Swallowing, I tore the envelope open, and took out a small note that said:

“They say true love can withstand all the trials it faces.  . . I guess they forgot to mention that true love can also be the cause of the problems people need to overcome. . . I never meant to make you suffer, Louise. I am so sorry. . .

P.S. Don’t be nervous or afraid. We will do this thing together; you are not alone. And as long as I am alive and breathing, even if you don’t want me, you will still never be alone again. I will always be here waiting. . .