Louise: A New Beginning (12 page)

“Well, it’s complicated,” I said, not sure how to respond to her question.

“Don’t get me wrong. . . Sorry, what’s your name again?”

“It’s William, William Blair.”

“So, Mr. Blair, don’t get me wrong, I don’t usually gossip about my students behind their backs, but Louise is a special girl. I have big plans for her.”

Now that was interesting.

“You do?”

“Didn’t she tell you about my proposal for her to join the
Balero’s
troupe after she graduates?”

“She, what? I mean. . .she forgot to mention that.” My eyes traveled to Louise again. Her partner was nowhere around, but she was too busy talking to a group of girls to notice me.

“She’s a very talented girl, Mr. Blair. It would be such a shame if she decided to stop dancing. . .”

Was I imagining things, or was there something in Sabine’s words that was supposed to sound like a message to me? I thought for a moment.

“Oh, you think she will give up on dancing because of me?”

She shrugged. “You know how it happens. . .when a woman is in love, she can hardly think about anything else, including her career.”

“You don’t know Louise. She’s different. Dancing is her life, and even though I wish she paid less attention to her career and more to me, I will never take her dreams away from her.”

“You love her, don’t you?”

It was kind of weird to talk about my feelings for Louise with her mother, though only one of us knew she was her mother. But I didn’t have a single reason to lie to her. After all, I hoped one day she would accept me as her daughter’s boyfriend and maybe, if I was lucky enough, as her spouse as well.

“I do. I love her more than anything in the world.”

She smiled knowingly. “So I thought.”

“Did I look like a complete lovestruck and jealous boyfriend, who came to check on his girlfriend?”

She laughed. “With the only exception that you didn’t expect to see another guy flirting with her. . .”

Now it was my turn to laugh. “You were not exaggerating Mrs. Cormac, you are really good at reading people.”

“Oh, I’m such a silly woman, I forgot to introduce myself, but good news - you already know my name. So please, call me Sabine.”

“Okay, Sabine. . .” Sooner or later, I would have to talk to her and tell her the truth about Louise. So maybe our unexpected meeting was for the best. At least now, she knew who I was and how I felt about Louise.

“You see, William. . . Is it okay if I call you William?”

I nodded in response.

“I have always had an eye for talent. The day I watched a video with one of Louise’s performances, I couldn’t believe my luck. For years, I had been trying to find someone like her, dancers able to dance not only with their bodies but with their souls as well. Then I saw her dance, and I was so happy to know that she was our new student, a true workaholic, beautiful and unbelievably talented. With so much grace in her every move, and so much passion in her eyes. . . It’s truly amazing. . . Have you ever had the pleasure of seeing her dance?”

“I have. And I couldn’t agree with you more – when she is dancing, she doesn’t see anything or anyone around. Dancing is like breathing for her, she can’t live without it.”

“And that is exactly why I want to see her as one of
Balero’s
troupe dancers. She will become our crown jewel.”

She will become our crown jewel. . .

The words got stuck in my head, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation with Sabine for the rest of the competition. She was right, Louise deserved the best of what she could achieve as a dancer.

Again, I thought about everything that she and I had been through. Maybe it was time to step back and let her become the true owner of her life. . .

Dancing is her life, but what will she do if she has to choose between dancing and me? And what will I want her to choose? If she puts dancing first and leaves me in second place, will I be able to live with that? Of course, I will. Simply because I can’t imagine my life without her. But if she chooses me over her dreams, I will never forgive myself for taking them away from her. Of course, she will say it doesn’t matter, but she will never be truly happy without dancing. And for the rest of my life, I will blame myself for torturing her, for causing her to make the wrong choice. And that is not what I want for her. I will never make her suffer because of me. Never.

Louise

“Are you free tonight?”

I wasn’t really paying attention to Gale as he spoke. I was too busy trying to figure out why Will wouldn’t return my calls. Christopher didn’t respond either and I started to worry.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked if you were free tonight. Wanna go somewhere and celebrate our successful performance?”

Gale and I were the best in the Latin-American program, so yes, we had a good reason to go and celebrate.

“Sorry, but I can’t. I have other plans for tonight.” I smiled apologetically, hoping it would be enough to not offend him with my response. Though judging by his suddenly saddened expression he expected to hear a different answer from me.

“It’s okay, maybe next time,” he said, before he walked away.

“Sure.”

I dialed Christopher’s number again, and this time he actually picked up the damn phone, thank god.

“I’m outside,” he said a little too harshly, instead of greeting me.

I didn’t like that. Christopher had always been an exemplary gentleman. He had never been rude to me, not to mention demonstrating his attitude. Obviously, something was wrong with him today.

I went outside, and saw the car, waiting for me. As always, Christopher stepped out to open the back door for me.

Wordlessly, I got into the car, and waited for him to get back behind the wheel. Only after ten minutes of unbreakable silence did I dare to speak, saying, “Is everything all right?”

“Yes,” he responded, his eyes still focused on the road.

“Are you sure about that? ‘Cause I have this weird feeling telling me that something has happened, but you don’t seem to be telling me about it.”

I leaned forward, waiting for Christopher’s response. But all I got was a slight shake of his head, indicating I was wrong, obviously; not a muscle moved on his face.

“Okay.” I gave him another curious look and leaned against the back of my seat.

I tried to call Will again, but his phone was out of the coverage area.

“Do you know where Will is?” I asked, hoping he would at least answer one of my questions.

“No.”

Well, that was quite unexpected.

“But you
always
know where he is,” I said, hoping he was going to explain what was going on. Because I was sure that something was going on, only I didn’t know what it was.

“Not today,” Christopher said, turning onto the road that led to Will’s house.

“I see. . . Why don’t you just tell me what happened?” I said, getting a little nervous. “Is it about my father again? What did he do this time?”

“Nothing. It has nothing to do with your father, Louise. And, actually. . . I hoped you would be able to tell me what happened.”

He parked in front of the house and turned around to look at me.

“How would I know?” I asked, surprised. “I haven’t seen Will since this morning.”

“Oh. . .you haven’t? I was sure you two met after your competition.”

“No. . . Did Will come to watch the competition?” That surprised me too. He didn’t say a word about his intentions to come to the school today. Did he come to see me dance?

“At least that is what he told me he was going to do,” Christopher said. “Then he came back home, packed his bag and left, saying he needed some time away from here. So naturally, I thought it had something to do with you. I thought you two had another fight or something.”

I frowned, trying to realize what could make Will leave the house, but didn’t remember doing anything that would piss him off or make him believe that I didn’t want to see him at home.

I looked at the phone I was still holding in my hands. Why wouldn’t Will return my calls?

“Do you know another way to contact him? His phone’s off.”

“There is another way to find him, come with me.”

We got out of the car, entered the house and went to Will’s office.

“I have a program, tracking his car, his phone and his private jet.”

Christopher turned on the computer and entered the password letting him into the program he had mentioned.

“Does Will know you can track him?”

He smiled, nodding. “It was his father’s idea actually. I used to follow Randal as well. This is how we found out about the accident with the boat, when we lost the signal.”

“I see.” I looked at the screen and saw a small, flashing red light in the center of the map. “Is that where Will is now?” I asked, pointing at the red light on the screen.

“Yes. And according to the map, he’s out of the city.”

“Can you tell me the exact address?”

“Sure.” He pushed a few buttons and said, “Here you go, it’s a small hotel, west from New York. I know this place, Will often goes there.”

“Why this place in particular?”

“It’s isolated and peaceful – a perfect place to clean the mess happening in his head now. He used to go there a lot after Randal’s death.”

“Can you take me there, please?”

Christopher hesitated. “If he’s not here, but still in the country, it probably means he simply needs some time away from here, Louise.”

“From here, or me?”

“Both, I guess.”

“I don’t care, I need to talk to him.”

Will never just disappeared like that. He never turned his phone off. Maybe there was something he didn’t want to tell me, and I needed to know why he left without saying a word about where he was going or why he was leaving.

“Why don’t we wait until tomorrow?” Christopher said. “I know him, Louise. He would never do anything without a reason. If he left, it means he wants to be alone.”

I sighed. “I hate being a pain in the ass, but I really need to see him, now.”

Christopher shut down the computer and nodded, saying, “Okay, I’ll take you to William. But don’t say that I didn’t warn you. You might not like the Will you’re going to see once you get there.”

I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I didn’t ask any more questions, up until the moment we stopped at
The Bay
– a small hotel, near a beautiful lake.

“You were right,” I said to Christopher, getting out of the car. “It’s a perfect place to think. How do we know whether he is here or not?”

“I guess we should ask the receptionist. Wait here, okay?”

I nodded and looked around again. The place was amazing, with old oak trees, and spruces, spread on both sides of the road leading to the lake; wooden arbors and sign plates on each of the benches that had different writing on them.

I walked closer to the nearest bench and read the writing,
“Don’t look for perfection, be it.”

I smirked.
Easier said than done
, I thought to myself. I never believed in perfection. For me, it had always been something that was nonexistent, and out of reach if it did exist. I never expected anyone to be perfect, I never wanted to be perfect myself; people are full of imperfections by nature. But when it came to my life, and my future in particular, I wanted it to be perfect, as much as I could make it perfect. . .

“Louise!” Christopher called, coming back out of the hotel. “Will is here. He’s in room twenty-three. Do you still think it’s a good idea to go to him?”

“Yes.”

“Shall I wait for you?”

I thought for a moment. “No. I’ll be fine.” I didn’t know how much time I would spend with Will, so it was pointless to make Christopher wait. “I’ll call a taxi, if I need one.”

“Just keep your phone on, okay? One missing person is more than enough for one night.”

I smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep in touch.”

He nodded and went back to the car; I headed for the hotel entrance.

To be honest, I was a little nervous about showing up on Will’s doorstep when he wanted to be alone. Deep down I knew I should have probably listened to Christopher and leave him alone, at least for one night. But something was telling me that he needed me now, and I couldn’t ignore that feeling. He had been suffering because of me for too long, I didn’t want to give him another reason to regret the day we met for the first time, years ago. And I wanted him to start hating me even less, which I thought was very close to what he must be feeling for me right now.

I went to the second floor of the hotel and stopped at room twenty-three. I knocked on the door, and waited.

No less than a minute later, Will opened the door.

“What?” He snapped, staring angrily at me. It took him a few seconds to realize that I was not just another hotel staff member who came to check if he needed anything. “Louise?” he asked after a short pause.

I swallowed, watching him. His shirt was half-open, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair was a mess, and I could swear the scent of alcohol was seeping out of the room, surrounding him, and coming from his breath.

“Is this how you relax when you can’t stand being around me anymore?” I didn’t mean to sound like a bitchy wife, who came to see if her husband was cheating on her with another woman, but I just couldn’t restrain the anger suddenly storming within me.

“What are you doing here?” He asked in a dry voice.

I let myself in without asking for permission first, and looked around the room, saying, “I thought you simply needed some space, but now I can see that I was wrong.” I nodded to a small empty whiskey bottle, sitting on a coffee table next to the floor-length window, opening to the terrace. “What the hell does this mean? Couldn’t you get drunk at home? I wouldn’t bother you, if you had just told me to leave you alone.”

“You don’t understand. . .” He went over to the mini-bar installed into one of the walls with cabinets surrounding it, opened it, took out a bottle of champagne, and opened it, taking a few sips straight from the bottle.

“Feel better now?” I asked with as much venom as I could put into my question.

“Not even fucking close,” he barked, giving me another angry look.

“What is going on, Will?” I asked, softer this time. I never saw him like that. Christopher was right, it was like seeing a different side of Will, the side that I didn’t know anything about.

He laughed, running one hand through his hair. “Ugh, isn’t it obvious? I’m trying to drown my sorrows in alcohol.”

“And?” Did he really believe alcohol would make him feel better?

He stopped laughing and put the bottle he had been holding in his hand next to the empty one. “Not successful.”

“Figures. . . Why don’t you take a shower? You need to freshen up. I’ll wait.”

His eyes met mine across the room. “Why did you come?” He asked.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

He smirked. “To talk. . . Of course. Talking is the only thing I can expect from you, right Louise?”

Why was there so much anger in his words? He had never talked to me like that. Like I was not good enough to even think about bothering
His Drunk Highness
,
William
Blair
. Suddenly, I felt like running away and never coming back. A part of me knew too damn well why he was smashed now, it was all my fault, I could feel it. And it didn’t make me feel any better. I just wanted to go home and wait for Will to become his usual self again. The Will I could see now scared me. I didn’t know how to react to his words or his behavior.

“You are not thinking straight,” finally I said. “Christopher was right – it was a bad idea to follow you here.” I walked to the door, but Will wouldn’t let me anywhere close to it.

He caught me by the hand, turned me around and roughly pulled me to his chest, wrapping both arms around me. “Why didn’t you listen to him?” He hissed, looking down at me. God, there was so much hate in his words and in his eyes. He had never looked at me like that.

“I can’t breathe,” I said, feeling his embrace tightening.

He loosened his grip on me and repeated his question, “Why didn’t you listen to him? What did you expect to see here, Louise? Another woman?”

I didn’t answer. Was he right? Was the idea of seeing him with another woman the true reason for my sudden desire to see him tonight? Well. . . I didn’t know the answer to that question. Or maybe I did, but I didn’t want to let it too deep into my head.

“Do you really believe I can sleep with another woman simply because I can’t have sex with you?” He said with so much disgust in his voice.

“No, I don’t think so,” I replied, feeling my pulse accelerating. I was still a little scared of him, but apart from that, I was too excited to be in his arms now to think about the rules that I had set for us.

I could see the desire start to boil in his gaze, apart from anger that was another thing that I could so clearly see in his eyes. If at first I thought hate overshadowed all of the other things he had ever felt for me, I was wrong. Will didn’t hate me, he hated himself, for still wanting me, for craving me, for his weakness of not being able to resist those things he felt for me. And that made two of us.