Lost Voices (25 page)

Luce held her tail out of the water long past the point where the pain throttled her song. She kept it up, her fins contracting frantically in the cool air, until a scream ripped out of her throat.

It took an hour of lying there, promising herself that she would never, ever allow that particular song to escape from her again, before Luce had the courage to try singing at all. Her voice seemed much more docile now, and by the time she’d spun through a long series of airy, haunting trills Luce began to feel better. There was evil in her voice, and cruelty, but she told herself that as long as she kept practicing she’d eventually learn to control it; she’d make it into something beautiful and even innocent. She’d change what it meant to be a mermaid, and they could all live at peace . . .

By the time she left her little cave she was exhausted from so much concentrating, and ravenously hungry. Her thoughts were so completely taken up with the prospect of dinner that she wasn’t paying much attention as she wriggled through the 210 i LOST VOICES

cave’s skinny entrance, still humming softly. There was a sudden heave in the water and a splash as if something like a seal had just dove off the rocks right next to her, but when Luce looked toward the disturbance the thing that had made it was already gone.

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14

Happy Birthday

Over the next few days Luce kept mostly to herself, but she still noticed that the warmer weather seemed to be bringing more boats into their territory: small cruise ships crossed through the waters not far from their cave, their decks crowded with tourists who leaned eagerly over the railings to gaze at seals and whales, and now and then there was a glossy private yacht like the one that had brought Anais. Those boats were all safe for now, though, Luce thought; Anais’s yacht had sunk not long after the Coast Guard boat, and she knew Catarina would want to hold off for a while, maybe even for a few weeks, so that the number of shipwrecks in their area wouldn’t become too outrageous. Luce thought that it must already seem a bit suspicious to the humans, and she wondered sometimes if anyone on land had recognized a pattern. She couldn’t escape the disquieting sense 212 i

that some sort of danger was approaching, and she’d finally made up her mind to try and get Catarina on her own and confide her worries about Anais.

It made her nervous, though. Catarina had become so unpredictable, so moody; she either adored Luce or scowled at her, both for no apparent reason. What if she just got angry? Luce swam slowly back to the main cave, stopping often to drift along submerged, with her face turned up to watch the broken, writhing filaments of sunlight weaving through the water. She was dread-ing the conversation with Catarina so much that when she finally slipped through the tunnel into the main cave she lingered at the bottom for a while, reluctant to sweep up and show herself.

After a minute she realized that there were just a few mermaids in the cave. From her vantage deep in the cave’s pool she could see the tips of three tails flicking lazily, their colors dimmed and wavering in the shady green water. One of them definitely flashed red- gold, though, and Luce thought she could make out the very pale, pearly green of Samantha’s tail, too. She wasn’t sure who the third mermaid was until she heard Anais’s brash, piercing voice. The water barely muted it at all.

“You know, I’m just dying to hear you really sing, Cat. Everyone keeps telling me how fantastic you are. Like, I keep asking them to compare you to some, you know, some famous human singer I’ve heard, but they say it’s impossible. They say it’s just too incredible to even describe that way!” It took a moment for Catarina to answer, and when she did her voice was weary and smoldering, as if her thoughts had been lost in some other world. “I don’t think you can compare any mermaid’s singing to a human’s, Anais . . . Even a mermaid who i 213

we’d barely count as a singer is better than
any
of them.” There was another lull; Catarina seemed to be having trouble focusing.

“Haven’t you tried singing yourself yet?”

“Oh, I’ve just tried a little bit with Samantha,” Anais chirped. “I’m too shy to sing in front of you and Luce, when everybody keeps saying how great you both are.” Luce knew that had to be a lie. She couldn’t imagine Anais having the sensitivity to feel
shy
about anything.

“Hey, I have an idea!” It was Samantha’s voice now, and even through the dulling and distortion of the water Luce thought it had a very strange sound. It was too hard and bright and tinny, as if Samantha were rehearsing lines from a play. “ Luce has been giving singing lessons to Dana and Rachel, right? Why don’t you ask her to help Anais, too?” Luce squirmed with discomfort at the idea, even as she wondered what could have possibly prompted Samantha to suggest such a thing. She must have noticed that Luce and Anais couldn’t stand each other.

“Oh, Samantha, you know Luce doesn’t like me.” Anais had the same peculiar sound now, and Luce began wondering if she and Samantha had composed this scene together in advance. “I don’t know why. I really try as hard as I can to be nice to her, but she always acts like she hates me! The only reason I can think of is that she knows I’ve heard her practicing singing by herself all the time, like maybe she doesn’t want anybody to know about that. But
why
would she want to keep that such a big secret?” The water around Luce felt colder and darker; there was the sensation of something squeezing her, a giant clammy fist.

“ Luce is always practicing?” Catarina was paying more attention now, but her voice turned flat and metallic, the way it got when she was trying not to let anyone know she was upset.

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“See how
weird
Luce is?” Samantha shrieked abruptly, with a sudden spasm of her pearly tail. “Like, you’re practically her best friend, right, Cat? And she doesn’t even tell
you
what she’s doing. That’s totally why she’s always going off alone. Yeah, she just sits in her cave and sings to herself all day long. I’ve heard her, too. I mean, I can’t imagine why she feels like she needs to practice so
much
. Miriam thinks she’s already just as amazing as you are.” That wasn’t what Miriam said at all, Luce wanted to object; she’d only said that Luce was
almost
as good. Why was Samantha lying about that?

“Does
Miriam
think so?” Catarina wasn’t hiding her bitterness anymore. Her voice cut like razors through dead skin. “I haven’t heard anyone express the opinion that Luce’s singing is equal to mine, but maybe if she’s been working so hard on improving she’s better now than I realize.” There was a glacial silence, but Luce could see Anais’s blue tail rippling from suppressed excitement. When Catarina spoke again her voice was thick with calculation. “She
was
remarkably good when we changed you, Anais. I admit I was surprised when I heard her.

She was
too
good, and there was something in the sound of it . . .

like listening to things I’d forgotten, like hearing my own life whispered to me . . .” Catarina’s voice trailed off dreamily, and Luce remembered all the bewildering accusations Catarina had fired at her that evening and how unhinged she’d seemed.

Catarina’s tail gave a little flip as she broke from her abstrac-tion, and when she spoke again she sounded harsh and deadly. “I suppose now I know why she was able to do that.” Luce suddenly had a sickening sense of what was coming next.

“But why on earth?” Anais asked with such fake, cloying innocence that Luce’s nails dug into her palms. “I don’t get it at i 215

all. I don’t understand why Luce wants to work so hard on her singing instead of hanging out with everyone, and I
certainly
can’t understand why she’d want to hide it from you, Catarina! I just assumed she must have told
you
even if she’s been keeping it a secret from everyone else.”

Samantha and Anais had definitely rehearsed this, Luce thought. And they’d been spying on her! Were they trying to get her expelled from the tribe? She wanted to rush to Catarina, but the thought of how terribly hurt Catarina must be kept her frozen where she was.

“Oh, Anais, you can be so naïve sometimes!” It was Samantha again, trilling almost gleefully. Wouldn’t Catarina realize that this was all a show they were putting on for her?

“Isn’t it obvious? There’s only one reason Luce could have for trying to become a
better
singer than Catarina!” Luce saw the wave start up in Catarina’s tail; it began slowly, then ended in a convulsive whiplash. But how could Cat possibly believe them? “Isn’t that seriously messed up, though? I mean, after you saved her life and everything? You’d think she’d have more loyalty than to go around scheming to squeeze you out as queen!”

“I’d like to see her try!” Catarina’s voice was rough but too shrill and wild to seem really confident; Luce had a sudden apprehension that something in Catarina’s heart was truly and ir-revocably broken. “I suppose Luce thinks she’s the new Marina, and that I’m just a kind of pretender, always getting in her way . . . And there
is
something about her voice that that pulls me back . . .” Cat was starting to drift again, her words ascending into an ethereal, mournful lilt, a drowsy half- song.

Luce had the sudden fear that Anais and Samantha might start 216 i LOST VOICES

to think Cat was going insane; a desperate impulse to somehow intervene and protect Catarina surged through her, but she didn’t see what she could do to help.

Luce began sliding very carefully back toward the tunnel.

She couldn’t try to talk to Catarina now, not if Cat really thought that Luce was plotting against her . . .

Once she was outside Luce noticed how wondrously beautiful the light patterns were that skimmed across the surface of the sea. It was deep green with lozenges of shining sky blue, running streaks of silver, a crosshatching of milky white where the water reflected a patch of clouds. But, Luce thought suddenly, the sea would be just as beautiful somewhere else. How could this still be her home if Catarina believed Luce was betraying her? Hadn’t she always showed Cat that she was loyal?

It had been a terrible mistake, Luce realized, not to tell Catarina herself about her singing practice. If only Catarina weren’t always so ridiculously touchy about everything to do with singing, and if she hadn’t seemed half crazed after they’d sung Anais into her new form, then it would have been so much easier . . . but maybe it had been cowardly not to at least try to talk to her about it.

And then, Anais and Samantha must be planning something awful, Luce thought. That much was clear now. And they’d made sure that Catarina wouldn’t listen if Luce tried to warn her.

Luce floated for an hour, thinking of swimming south alone, but then she changed her mind. She had to be ready to fight on Catarina’s side if serious trouble came. Catarina had saved her life more than once, after all, and the least Luce could do in return was stick by her, even if Catarina didn’t trust her at all anymore. Still, i 217

it took all Luce’s determination to swim to the dining beach that evening and eat with the others, then go back to spend the night in the main cave. She hadn’t come above water and looked around the cave in days, so she was startled to see the jags of rock festooned with Anais’s trophies: leather belts and sunhats hung from protruding spikes of stone, and the beach was littered with makeup kits, dishes, ornate cut- crystal lamps, and even, Luce saw with a jolt, a few paperback novels that had probably belonged to Tessa.

She picked up a copy of
Jane Eyre,
but it had been underwater for too long: its pages were lumped together, stiff with salt, and only crumbled when Luce tried to peel them gently apart.

She kept glancing over at Catarina all evening, but the red- gold head stayed stubbornly averted. Even when Luce deliberately swam to a spot only a few feet away Catarina didn’t look at her once, and Luce saw Anais smirk and nudge Samantha.

Luce was too worried now to go off alone and practice singing. It would only confirm Catarina’s suspicions if Luce spent time away in her small cave, and Luce forced herself to stay with the group, chatting and splashing as if nothing were the matter. When Dana and Rachel asked her for another lesson Luce cringed and then reluctantly agreed, looking at Catarina the whole time. Catarina still wouldn’t meet her eyes, and Luce constantly had to fight down tears.

Three days after that awful overheard conversation, Luce woke up in the greenish dimness of the main cave, convinced she’d heard something. It was so early that the few bands of sunlight crossing the darkness were apricot- colored and angled near the ceiling; near dawn, then, but dawn came so quickly now that it might have been only two or three in the morning.

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Everyone else was asleep, their lovely faces lined up along the shore while the water lapped across their chests like a living blanket. Miriam seemed to be having a nightmare; she whimpered and flailed, one pale hand raised to ward off something only she could see. Had that been the sound that woke Luce?

No. She heard it again: a distant voice that pulsed through the water and then echoed lightly inside the cave until all the air was brushed with ecstatic sound. Luce looked around and realized Catarina’s fiery head was missing from the row of sleeping faces. Was Catarina singing to someone out there in the sea?

Luce listened for a while to the voice that merged and fluxed inside the constant ringing of the waves. Catarina’s singing was so luxurious, so strange and sweet that Luce still couldn’t believe the incredible compliment Miriam had given her. Could it possibly be true that Luce’s own singing was almost that wonderful?

Luce shook her head as she considered the idea. And how could Catarina be insecure about it when the music that emerged from her was so beautiful that it seemed to come from a place far beyond Earth? Luce had the unwelcome thought that, if Catarina weren’t queen, if she weren’t so determined to protect her tribe, there’d be nothing to stop her from descending into furious self-destruction.