Lost Until You (The Sorrentino Brothers Series Book 1) (15 page)

Oh my, God…my daughter. What was she going to think of this mess?

At that moment, everything dawned on me and I remembered what went down as Brax stormed out the back door without saying anything to me. I needed to get out of here. I placed my feet on the ground and tried to stand up, hoping my wobbly legs would be able to keep their balance.

“Whoa.” Brayden rushed to my side. “Not so fast, cupcake. Just sit back and relax.”

I shook my head, needing to get out of here. I felt like I was going to be sick. I covered my mouth and ran down the hall, praying I could make it to the bathroom in time. I lifted the lid to the toilet, losing all the contents in my stomach. I held onto the counter to keep from falling, afraid to let go.

Several minutes passed before the girls barged through the bathroom door. I couldn’t handle talking to them. Not now. They needed to just leave me alone.

“What the hell is going on, girl?” Tanya asked, but I couldn’t answer her.

I threw up a few more times, and then washed my mouth and brush my teeth with my finger before pulling the door open.

“Jazz. Wait,” Kelly shouted and tried to stop me.

I hurried out of the bathroom and ran outside, needing to get away from everything, away from everyone.

I sprinted as fast as I could through the woods across the street. I came out on the other side of the neighborhood, three blocks away from the main entrance. I walked the rest of the way until I spotted a park, stopping at the first bench I saw. I was out of breath, not caring if any strangers were leering around me. Anywhere had to be better than the Sorrentino house. I dropped to my knees and threw my head forward on the grass.

 “God, no…please…no,” I cried and screamed all of my emotions out loud.

What had I done to deserve this much pain? I had lived through more than enough heartbreak and grief, and for once, I thought I would be happy. That I finally got my happily ever after. This couldn’t be it. There had to be more details. There had to be more to the story.

I had loved my husband for five years. Five long, joyful years. We built a life together. We had a beautiful daughter, a house, and two growing businesses that ran side by side.

Why now? How could I get to such a good place and have all of this happen?

What about Savanah? What would she think of me? Marrying my brother and having a child together wasn’t right. It was fucking disgusting. None of this was my fault. There was no way I could have known. Oh, God, did this mean Brax knew? Had he known all along and didn’t tell me? Was this a sick joke?

I sat up and rocked my body back and forth, hugging my legs, needing to feel numb, needing the pain to go away. My heart felt so heavy, I was surprised I was able to function.

My phone rang in my pocket, letting me know someone was calling, but I couldn’t talk. There was no possible way.

The last time I looked at the clock it was around eight o’clock. I couldn’t go back to that house. There was no way I could face any of those people. They all lied to me. Every single one of them.

Car lights flashed through the field and then a door slammed, followed by another. Footsteps wisped through the grass. I didn’t look up, fearful it would be Brax. I couldn’t see him right now.

“What the fuck, Jazzy?” Tanya yelled as she approached me. “It’s dark as shit out here and you’re in a public park by yourself. How the hell did you get all the way over here?”

She sat down next to me. A hand touched my back, so I turned around to see who it was, fearful of the worst.

“Talk now,” Kelly demanded.

I shook my head, not wanting to tell my two best friends. This wasn’t something you bragged about, something you should share with the world. I felt too ashamed. I was sickened, disgusted, feeling the need to run and never look back.

“Oh, but you see that’s where you’re wrong,” Kelly stated.

From behind, someone reached under my arms and dragged my body over to the bench. They set me down with Tanya on one side and Kelly on the other as silence filled the air. The girls gave me a few minutes to catch my breath, seeing how hard of a time I was having. I was crying myself into a somber rest. I couldn’t handle this kind of pain.

“I can’t do this. I can’t,” I wailed, covering my face. My sobs echoed throughout the park

“Can’t do what? Tell us what’s going on. Please, Jazzy. We’re worried sick.”

I cried harder, if that was remotely possible, and when I started to calm myself down, I tried taking a few deep breaths to get my emotions under control. Once I could speak, I explained to the girls how everything played out at the Lander’s. I told them what Anthony said tonight, shamefully sharing the big news. I could only imagine what they were both thinking.

They both sat quiet while I let it all out. I was mortified, to say the least, utterly and completely humiliated. This wasn’t something I wanted them to know. I didn’t need them looking at me any different or letting our friendship go because of everything. These girls were my life. They had been with me for a long time. They stood by me during some of my darkest moments in life. I couldn’t afford to lose them, too.

“Please…please don’t say anything. I can’t…I can’t handle much more.”

“Oh, girl. We’d never tell a soul. You know better than that,” Kelly promised, pulling me in for a hug.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and tried to keep my breathing at a steady pace. Tanya got up and squatted down in front of me, taking a hold of my hand.

“I can’t imagine everything you’ve been through this week,” she said with a weak smile. “How about you let us take you home. You can lie down and get some rest. We’ll figure everything out in the morning.”

“No,” I shook my head, pulling away from them both. “I can’t go home, I can’t go back there. Brax and I…I can’t see him. I can’t do it.”

“Shhhh…” Kelly whispered, hugging me again. “You don’t have to go back there. I’ll take you to my house.”

I sat there for a few minutes and contemplated on my options, when really, I had no other place to go. So, I nodded my head and followed her lead to the car, promising I would try and get some rest. That was Kelly’s only stipulation. That I lie down and close my eyes. I knew Tanya and Kelly were concerned about me—I was concerned for myself. This was an all-time low for anyone to reach.

Tanya climbed in the back as I sat up front. Kelly got in the driver’s seat and drove us to her house. I heard Tanya talking to someone on the phone from the backseat. She told them I was okay, and she would call them later. It must have been Brix. I can’t imagine who else she would have been talking to.

An hour later, we arrived at Kelly’s condo. She handed me a t-shirt, while I stood in her spare bedroom, unsure what to do.

“Put this on. I’ll check with you in the morning. Get some sleep.”

I hugged my best friend with the little bit of energy I had left, and then walked over to the bed. I changed into the t-shirt, and lay down, not bothering to get under the covers and cried myself to sleep.

I would be lost without Kelly. She had been a big part of my life since I was fourteen. I can’t thank God enough for sending her to me, especially at a time like this. I just hoped God didn’t take her away from me anytime soon, too. Because honestly, losing one more person would send me over the edge. I couldn’t handle it. I had lost enough.

**

The sun set on the beach with perfect colors afloat in the sky. It was a beautiful night. As I walked around the corner to the hill, ready to meet my man, I couldn’t help but to feel nervous. I had never felt this much love before in all my life. Less than fifty feet away stood my future husband, waiting for me at the altar. Our friends and his family sat on each side of the aisle, smiling happily for the two of us to finally become one.

Today was going to be a dream come true. I was finally getting my happily ever after.

I’d never had a bunch of money or needed fancy things. They weren’t what was important to me. All I ever wanted was to be loved, to feel wanted and desired, and it was all happening in less than five minutes.

I took each step with pride, even though my legs felt unsteady, and made it to the back of the aisle. The smile on Brax’s face lit up the beach and helped me remain focused. Brax was a beautiful man both inside and out. His outward appearance was mouthwatering, but his heart was full of gold. I loved that man more than anything in this world.

The music changed to ‘More Than Words’ by Extreme, telling me it was time. Brax picked out this song when we first fell in love. I would never forget what Brax said to me the night he told me he loved me.

We had taken a trip to Bethany Beach for the weekend. It was a surprise gift from Brax for our one-month anniversary. We were lying in the bed of his truck, looking at the stars, talking about life and what we wanted to do with our future. Brax shared his stories and I shared mine, and then he leaned up on his elbows, rolling to the side, pulling my body toward him, needing to see my face.

Brax looked directly at me, his eyes filled with unshed tears.

“I never thought I would get to this place, but since we first started dating, I have fallen more for you than anyone in my entire life.”

My mouth felt dry, and a part of me wanted to run, until Brax reached out and placed his hands on both sides of my cheeks and whispered, “I love you, Jazzy. I love you so fucking much it hurts. When we’re not together, you are on my mind. When you’re with me, I can’t keep my hands off you. I have never felt like this before in my life. Your eyes capture my soul and melt my heart. And your smile is so bright, it’s contagious. I need more of you, baby, I need all of you.”

He leaned in and kissed my lips, sending shivers down my spine. I was stunned, to say the least, and wanted to say the words back to him. But out of fear, I let him continue, hoping I would find enough courage to tell him how I really felt.

“Have you heard this song before?” He pulled back and hit play on his iPhone.

 ‘More Than Words’ by Extreme came on, and my cheeks felt flushed. I had heard the song a few times before, so I nodded.

Brax sat up, lifting me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Every lyric, every line. That’s me, Jazzy. Those are my words to you. No matter how near or far you are, you will always own my heart. You’re it for me, baby. Always and forever.”

I wiped the tears from my eyes, remembering that night, and then exhaled slowly. Stone squeezed my elbow, asking if I was ready. I smiled up at him, wanting to hurry up and get to my man.

Stone walked me down the aisle at a slow but steady pace. My focus remained on Brax the entire time. He was wearing khaki shorts with a white button-down shirt. His dark brown hair was combed to the side in perfection. He was breathtaking.

Since we chose the beach, our favorite place, to have a wedding, it made the view that much more spectacular. Brax stood on one side with Kelly on the other, while the preacher stood in the middle.

When we reached the end of the carpet, the music stopped and the preacher began speaking.

“Who gives this woman away this evening?”

Stone spoke up and said, “I do,” and then released my arm. He pulled me in for a hug and kissed my cheek.

“I’m so proud of you, girl.”

I stood on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, thanking him for all he had done.

“Thank you…thank you for everything,” I murmured. “I love you.”

He smiled down out me and replied, “Love you too, babe.”

He waited for me to walk forward and get settled before he walked around the front, standing next to Brax.

The preacher went through the service, as we dedicated our hearts to God and to one another. When it was time to say our vows, I knew Brax was going to get the best of me. The man had been known to bring me to my knees with the things he said.

Thankfully, I was first to share my vows with Brax. I reached behind me for Kelly to hand me the ring, and then turned back around to face my husband.

As I placed the ring on Brax’s finger, I said, “I didn’t know what love was until you walked into my life. I hated everything about the word to be honest. But you changed that.” I smiled, looking into his eyes. “You changed me. With all I had been through, I swore I wasn’t worthy to be accepted, to be cherished, but when we met, you proved that theory wrong. There aren’t enough words that can possibly express how I truly feel, because my love for you is indescribable. You mean more than the world to me, Brax, and I can’t thank my lucky stars enough for placing you in my life.”

I grabbed both of his hands and continued. “Thank you for loving me, for showing me there was more to life than what I thought there was. Thank you for not only being my best friend, but for being everything I had ever dreamed, everything I ever needed. I promise to love you, honor, and worship you, and take care of you, until I am no longer breathing. I love you, Brax. I will love you always and forever.”

A sob escaped my throat as I finished the last of my vows. Tears ran down Brax’s cheek and I lifted my hand, wiping them away, wanting to hurry and kiss him. He was the man of my dreams and tonight, I was going to show him.

Brax turned around and grabbed the ring from Stone, and then reached out for my hand. I tried to smile, but all I could do was cry happy tears. It was inevitable. I had been waiting for this day all of my life.

Brax placed the ring on my finger and said, “I promised myself years ago that I would never fall in love. I made fun of my brothers for the things they had done and couldn’t stand to watch my parents get all syrupy. But then you walked in my life and my world completely shifted. And the first time I looked into your eyes, I knew you were the one. There was something about your smile that captivated me. And when I kissed your sweet lips, I knew I needed more.” He wiped at his cheek, pushing his tears away. “You were right when you said there were no words that could be spoken about our love, Jazzy, because every time I tried to describe how I felt about you, I was left speechless. But it means more than words, because you saved me. You stole my heart and loved me at times I wasn’t loveable. You put up with my bullshit and didn’t care what anyone thought. You gave me life; you gave me hope and a bright future to look forward to. I love you with everything in this world and I promise I will worship you until the day that I die. You have my heart, my soul, my love. You’re my world, baby. I love you so fucking much.”