Lost in You (6 page)

“I don’t care that you’ve never had a girlfriend.”

I have to turn away so she doesn’t see me blush. She laughs quietly, which in turn makes me laugh. For having just met her, I’m feeling like I’ve known her for years.

“Are you a good boy, Ryan, or is there a bit of bad boy hiding in there?”

This question takes me by surprise and I play with the hem of my shorts thinking about how I’m going to answer. I look at her and try not to smile, but have a feeling I’m failing terribly.

“I’m a good boy. I do as I’m told.”

“Good boys are nice.” I think she’s flirting with me, but I’m not sure. But the way her voice changed when she said that makes me think that she is. I wish I wasn’t so lost when it comes to girls.

Nice? I hope she’s not one of those girls who allow the men in her life to treat her like crap. I see the way my dad treats my mom and that’
s not something I’d ever want to do.

“But there is something definitely appealing when that nice boy brings out the bad that he has buried deep inside.”

I nod and make a note of what appeals to girls if I’m ever faced with a decision on whether to be good or bad.

“Tell me, what would a dream date be like for you, staying at home or on the beach?”

I rub my hands over my shorts, wiping away the sweat. “Beach, definitely the beach. I try not to spend a lot of time at home. Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes.” Sh
e says this with a smile like this is the best thing she’s ever done.

“Do you like guys who dress casual or preppy?”

“I like both. Casual is nice because it shows their relaxed side, but there’s something sexy about a guy who dresses up.” I’m curious if she likes how I dress. I’m neither casual nor smart. I’m a hand-me-down kid who can’t afford to buy jeans at a discount store. I can’t even believe she’s talking to me. Can’t she see I’m nothing?

“Okay, my turn. Do you prefer girls in sweats or dresses?”

I look at her and her long legs and know the answer. “Dresses. I like legs. I mean, if you have legs you should show them off, especially if they’re like yours. Not that I’m constantly looking at your legs. Okay, I’ll shut up now.” I can’t believe I actually said that out loud and want to internally hit myself for my inability to control my verbal filter. I turn away from her so she doesn’t see the embarrassment showing all over my face. Dylan has always said that I turn a lovely girly shade of pink when I say something stupid.

Hadley reaches out, her fingers caressing my chin. She turns my chin toward her. Her eyes are smiling, if that’s even possible. “It’s your turn to ask a question.”

I swallow and hate that she’s let go of my face. “Do you prefer singing songs or writing them?”

“I prefer singing. I’m not very good at writing down how I’m feeling, so singing is much easier for me.”

I wouldn’t have thought that about her. She seems pretty expressive. I could probably write a song about how I’m feeling. I’d have to title it ‘Confused, Lost and Freaking the Hell Out’ because I have this gorgeous girl sitting next to me and talking to me and not because she has to, but because she wants to. 

“Do you like girls with long or short hair?”

I look at her and know my answer is based on what I’m looking at. “Definitely long, but without all that crap that girls put in it, ya know? I think I like the loose and natural look.”

Hadley runs her hand through her hair and for the first time ever, I want to reach out and touc
h someone’s hair. I can feel my hand twitching and it takes all I have in me to stop it in fear of rejection. I need a distraction so I decide to ask her about her career.

“If you weren’t a famous singer, what would you be?”

Hadley thinks about this for a long time before answering and I use this time to study her. How she scrunches her nose while she contemplates her answer, how her fingers delicately play with the chain she has around her neck and how I really like the look of her perfectly formed lips. I can’t stop looking at them as she starts to answer.

“Oh wow. I’m not sure. I’ve been performing for so long I don’t think I had the aspirations others did, but maybe
a teacher like my mom.”

“You’d be a good teacher.”

“Why do you say that?” she’s giggling when she says this. I like that I’ve made her laugh.

“Because you’ve already taught me a few things like how to find out what girls like and how to talk a bit more.”

Hadley’s smile turns serious. She leans forward, her eyes traveling
from mine to my mouth and back. This is about to be my first kiss and all I can think is that I should be the one making the first move. I lean forward, hoping to meet her half way. A throat clears behind us, she turns and I save myself from my face hitting her shoulder.

The server is standing there with a plate of food and drinks. It’s amazing how they just know the right time to interrupt something that maybe shouldn’t happen even though I wanted it.

The party in Hadley’s suite has quieted down, but n
either of us wants to see what they were all up to. Each time the door opens I fear it's Dylan coming to take me away. I know I shouldn’t feel like that, but I’m having fun. Okay, not fun, but I like that I’m able to sit out here and learn. Hadley isn’t judging me like the other girls in school do. She isn’t giving me sideways glances or snubbing her nose at me. Last year I tried to talk to this girl, Jenna, but she wouldn’t give me the time of day. I heard her tell some of our classmates that she didn’t date beneath her. I knew what it meant and it hurt. Dylan tells me I’m good-looking, but I guess sometimes that’s not enough.

Until now.

I yawn and stretch my arms up over my head. Hadley takes this opportunity to poke me in the stomach. I grab her hand qui
ckly and her fingers lace with mine like it’s the most natural thing to do. I look down at our conjoined hands and realize that I don’t want to let go.

“Are you tired?”

“I am,” she replies. “But I don’t want this night to end. I’m not sure what the morning will bring.”

I pick up her phone and look at the time. It’s about three in the morning. The sun is going to be coming up soon. I’m curious as to why Dylan never came out here to get me. Did she even know I was gone?

“I can leave you if you want to go to sleep.” I offer this solution, praying she’ll say no.

“No, but I have an idea.” If her idea is letting go of my hand, I’m not a fan. She stands quickly and walks to the back of the chaise lounge and pulls the top portion down until it’s reclined. She’s b
ack before I can comprehend what is going on. She’s kneeling in front of me, before she sits down. She pulls her dress down as far as it will go. I wonder if she’s cold and wish I could offer her a jacket, but I just have on my dress shirt.

I watch as she
lays down, her eyes on me the whole time. She’s on her side, on the edge, leaving space for me. I unbutton my shirt and pull it off, thankful that I’m wearing a t-shirt underneath. I lay it across her legs before turning on my side to lie next to her. She immediately pulls my hand into hers and sets them between us.

“The sun is almost up.”

“That means the night is almost over and I’m definitely not ready.”

“Me neither,” I say. “Can I try something?”

“Sure.”

I sit up slightly and pull her up a bit with me.
I slip my arm under her head and she falls into the curve of my elbow. I lie back down and pull her closer until her head is resting on my shoulder. For the first time I’m holding a girl in my arms. Something I’ve only dreamed of.             

“Is this okay?” I only a
sk for confirmation. She seems very comfortable with me holding her like this. I know I like it, I just hope she does too. I dread the sun coming up because that means everything ends. At least right now I feel like I’m someone special with her.

“This is p
erfect,” she says, wrapping her arm around my waist. I set my head on top of hers and hold on for this emotional ride I’m about take myself on. I already know I’m going to miss her tomorrow when I have to face reality.

I fight the urge to close my eyes, bu
t it’s a losing battle. I want to prolong this night because I know that when the sun rises, it’s all over and tonight has been one of the best nights of my life. She’s going to go on to her superstar life and I’ll return to the dirt road and house that I share with my parents. School will start and I’ll just be another body in the cesspool of high school. Back to wearing clothes from the second-hand store and eating lunch at a table in the corner.

Hadley will return the stage and find herself a man that i
s capable of and deserving of being seen with her. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but I can’t help it. What if… what if
I
was Hadley’s boyfriend? Images of us standing side by side while she gets her photos taken flood my mind. They call her name and she looks only at me while flashes of white light go off repeatedly.

Her image quickly changes to dust as realization slaps me in the face. I can never be that guy on her arm. She’d be embarrassed by me. She needs someone who can complement her in e
very way and that is just something I can’t do.

Tonight is a fantasy. Something everyone dreams about, but only few can enjoy. No one will ever believe me. Not that I have anyone to tell. Dylan probably knows, but she won’t say anything. Or maybe she will.
For all I know she could be jealous that I’ve spent all this time outside with Hadley while she’s been stuck inside. It didn’t escape my attention that only the server came out here. No other fans or her best friend.

I rest my head upon her and breathe i
n her scent. I don’t know what perfume she’s wearing and I can’t describe what I smell. I’ve never been this close to a girl to learn all the things I should know about them. Seventeen years old and I’ve never been kissed. You’d think that is something a girl would say, but sadly that is my life. Having Hadley in my arms is surreal. I close my eyes and think about what it would be like to do this every night.

Hadley

I have never felt
so warm before in my life. The early summer heat is flickering down on my arms and my back. I open my eyes carefully so the sun doesn’t blind me. I’m met with a white shirt as it stares back at me. My eyes trail up, squinting as the sun becomes brighter. I slowly emerge from his cocoon. He looks peaceful and content.

I would’ve never imagined him as the man he portrayed himself to be last night, especially when he took off his shirt and used it as a blanket to keep me warm. No one has ever done something l
ike that for me. And he did it after only knowing me for a few hours.

Looking at Ryan, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need him in my life. I definitely want to spend time with him because last night was not enough. I’m not sure how to make that happen
, but I will. Ian is going to flip. The age difference alone is enough to cause issues, but I don’t care. Ian is going to have to accept that Ryan is my friend… for now.

I shift closer hoping to remember what his body feels like against mine. He sleeps so
softly as if he doesn’t have a care in the world, but I know that’s not true. He has dreams, even if it’s just to move to a city, they are still dreams he should follow. My hand inches higher up his back and I wonder at what point in the past few hours did my hand move under his shirt and if he minded. I know that I don’t. Feeling his soft skin and the outline of his shoulders against my fingertips drives my thoughts to places they shouldn’t go. He whimpers softly and I remove my hand, not wanting to wake him. I’m enjoying the calmness that he’s sharing with me.

My hand doesn’t stay still for long as I find his hair. It’s a bit shaggy, the in-style right now with teens. He at least has that going for him, aside from the fact that he’s gorgeous and makes my h
eart flutter every other second. My fingers push through his mane, massaging his scalp. He adjusts, leaning somewhat into my hand. I feel his body relax as he tries to move closer to me. His hand grips my hip tightly. I realize that this is turning him on. I know I should stop, but I can’t. Knowing I can do this to him, for him, encourages me.

Has anyone ever done this for him? It’s a question plaguing my mind, but also one I don’t want to know the answer to. I know he said he hasn’t had a girlfriend, but
what about a fling or a hook-up? I want to be the one who fulfills every fantasy that he has. Ryan buries his head into the crook of my neck, his nose skimming along until he’s rested by my ear. If I had any reservation about him, it’s gone. I thought he’d wake up and wonder where he is, but he knows. I have to fight the urge to take over, to guide him. I know nothing can happen. I have to remind myself over and over again. It has to become my mantra.

“Can I try something?” he whispers, clearly awake and aw
are of what I’ve been doing. I nod, unable to find my voice. I don’t know what he’s going to try, but I’m eager and afraid all at once to find out.

His lips touch just below my ear in the softest of kisses. He does it again and this time his fingers spread
over my back, holding me to him. I know I should stop him. My mind is yelling for me to put on the brakes, but my heart is screaming for me to turn just slightly so that when his lips touch me again they will be pressed against mine in what’s surely going to be the most sinful kiss I’ll ever experience.