Lost in Mist and Shadow: A Between the Worlds Novel (28 page)

Jessilaen looked up, his face impassive, “Certainly. Shall I return here as soon as she is settled?”

Zarethyn looked off across the field. “No. Stay with her until the morning. Tomorrow at 9 we will meet at the Outpost and discuss the situation and I would like your opinion on the likely connections between some of the diverse situations that seem to be occurring.”

Brynneth looked at Allie, wondering if she understood the subtext of what had just been said, if she realized that Zarethyn wanted his brother to stay with her to find out what she knew or how she might be involved in the wider situation. She made no movement or response and he guessed that she either had not understood it or was not concerned by it. It was hard for him to understand how she could have such insight into certain things and yet be so shockingly naive about others. Jess extended his hand to her and she allowed him to pull her to her feet and guide her towards the car. Shrugging the thought away for the moment Brynneth turned back towards the ritual site and led the two mages into the darkness.

It was going to be a long night.

This time Allie knew right away it was a dream. She was sitting in the living room again in the dark with the fireplace’s cheerful light bouncing off the walls. The windows were dark and the house felt oddly still, as if it were waiting for something. Allie shifted in her chair looking around for Syndra.

The other woman finally walked in from the direction of the front door. She was wearing her uniform, the light and dark blue combination of Ashwood’s police department a familiar sight. Allie narrowed her eyes at her friend, not sure what the outfit was supposed to represent.

“Hey Syn,” she said cautiously.

“Hey Al. Finally listening to me, huh?” Syndra began pacing around the room, reaching out occasionally to touch the wood paneling or run her hand along the back of a couch or chair.

“Trying to. Brynneth helped me with some healing, which seems to have dealt with the panic attacks anyway. I’m still afraid of everything and my empathy is still out of control. But I got out to the ritual site,” Allie said turning her head as she spoke to watch Syndra walking.

“What did you find?”

“Three bodies,” Allie said, shuddering at the memory.

“Besides that?”

“Besides that? What do you mean besides that? Three bodies isn’t enough?” Allie said, suddenly angry.

“Don’t get mad at me, I didn’t kill anybody,” Syndra said calmly.

Allie had clenched her hands into fists, and at Syndra’s words she surged to her feet, her voice rising, “Don’t tell me not to get mad. I am mad! This is ridiculous. I don’t want to do this Syn. I don’t want to be dragged through the woods by a skeezy energy trail, feeling someone else’s gross lusty-murder thoughts until I find his victims. His tortured to death, raped, barely-not-kids victims. I don’t want to have their faces burned forever into my brain. I don’t want any of it! I just want to be left alone.”

Syndra had stopped and stood opposite her watching impassively as Allie yelled. “Well I’m fucking sorry that life didn’t work out the way you wanted. I’m sorry that you’re the only fucking one who can do this so you’re the one who has to do it. Sometimes we just don’t have a choice. You want me to tell you that you got a shitty deal? Fine, you got a shitty deal. Personally I’d much rather be alive right now, but boo-fucking-hoo for me. I got a shitty deal too. Do you see me yelling about it? No. Do you know why? Because it doesn’t do a damn fucking bit of good. So get the fuck over yourself already.”

Allie gasped, pulling back as if she’d been punched. “That’s not fair.”

“Life’s not fair,” Syndra said implacably. “Seriously Al, I get that you’re upset. I really do. But people’s lives are on the line here. You really want my death and everything you went through to mean nothing?”

Allie sat back down, feeling defeated. “What more can I possibly do?”

“Fuckin’ A, Al, I don’t know,” Syndra said sitting down on the couch across from her, “I just know it’s not over yet.”

“How do you know it isn’t?”

“Because I’m still here. Because I still can’t go near that place. But mostly because whoever is doing the killing is still out there, and they aren’t going to stop just because you found their little body farm,” she said.

Allie rubbed her eyes, feeling tired, “But they – the police and the Guard – know that the site is still being used, someone is still killing. They’ll lock it down now and the ritual has to be done there at that exact spot or he’ll have to start over.”

“You really think he can’t find a way to use the site even with everyone on alert?” Syndra asked, cocking her head to one side.

“Syn, this isn’t a horror movie, there’s a limit to what one person can do.”

“Are you so sure it’s only one person?” Syndra asked, sending shivers down Allie’s spine. “And between him and Walters they’ve done, what? Ten of the rituals. Out of how many?”

Allie felt her stomach drop. “Thirteen. The original outline was for thirteen.”

“So ten down three to go. That close to finishing you don’t think he – or they – can find a way to get it done three more times?” Syndra said, holding Allie’s eyes so that she couldn’t look away.

“What can I do about any of this? I’m just going to get myself killed at this rate,” Allie said flatly.

“I don’t know what you can do, but you can do something. You’ve done more than the police so far, and you listen to me, which no one else does. You can help them find the answers to stop this from finishing,” Syndra said.

“And if I can’t?”

“Then the world – or both of them – are probably screwed,” she said. “But hey on the bright side if you get yourself killed you can hang out with me.”

Allie opened her mouth to respond but everything was already fading as the dream lost cohesion.

****************************

Monday was always the day Allie used to get caught up on things around the store, because it was usually a fairly slow sales day. Today however she accomplished nothing, sitting listlessly behind the counter and staring out at the street. Everything since finding the bodies had passed in a blur and she still felt, as she had the night before, as if she were standing still and the rest of the world were moving around her.

She could not stop seeing their faces when she closed her eyes. Did people ever get used to things like this? She wondered if anyone had told Sasha’s family yet. She wondered if the human police would come and talk to her too. But mostly, over and over, she wondered why this was still happening. It should have been over, after everything that had happened, after Walters’ death, it should have been over. And yet somehow it wasn’t. Syndra’s words from her dream replayed over and over in her mind. As the day wore on she began to formulate an idea about why things kept on going, but she wanted desperately to be wrong…

“Allie,” Bleidd said, gently touching her arm, “you need to eat something.”

She shook her head slightly, continuing to stare blankly out the window. He had driven her in to work that morning and insisted on staying at the store with her; truth be told she hadn’t had the heart to argue. None of her roommates had taken the news about her finding the bodies well, except Shawn who seemed to find it fascinating in a morbid sort of way. Liz had been nearly hysterical, insisting that Allie needed to leave town and go stay with Liz’s brother across the country. It showed how very upset she was since Liz and Mike hadn’t spoken in almost 30 years; Allie had never even met him and their grandmother had rarely spoken of the grandson who had run away as a teenager. Liz knew full well, at least when she was being rational, that Allie would never even consider going to stay with a total stranger in strange place. Jason and Bleidd both seemed convinced her life was in imminent danger and nothing she could say would convince them otherwise.

“Allie, you must eat,” Bleidd insisted. “As much as it pains me to agree with Jessilaen about anything he was right when he told you before he left that you should stay home today and rest. If you are going to stubbornly insist on pushing yourself I cannot stop you, but you can at least replenish some energy by eating.”

“You didn’t have to drive me here today if you felt that way,” Allie said.

“And you would no doubt have convinced Jason to bring you in, and probably leave you here alone,” Bleidd said grimly.

She turned her attention to him, annoyed, but before she could think of a retort his face tensed and he stepped back slightly. The bells over the door rang and she turned to see Jess and Mariniessa walking in.

Jess shared Bleidd’s faintly hostile expression, but Mariniessa was regarding Allie’s friend with open appraisal. Bleidd returned the elven woman’s look with one of his own and Allie felt herself bristling followed immediately by a wave of embarrassment. She had no right to be upset that someone else was interested in Bleidd. Nonetheless she gritted her teeth and busied herself behind the counter. She felt Jess’s concern and after a moment’s hesitation reached out to his mind, opening the line of communication for him to speak to her, “
Is everything all right my heart?
”

The problem with mind-to-mind communication, especially as an empath, was that it was almost impossible to conceal what either party was feeling when speaking. “
I’m fine. I’m just learning the hard way that I have a jealous streak
.”

“
What are you jealous of
?” he asked, and she bit her lip, unhappily.

“
I don’t like the way she’s looking at him
,” she admitted.

“
Are you jealous that someone else might be interested in him or that he might return the interest
?” he thought back, and she could feel his own mixed emotions at the idea.

“
Mostly I’m an idiot,”
she thought back, feeling tired, “
I’m not myself today at all
”. Out loud she made a point of greeting both of the Elven Guard politely as they reached the counter, “Good afternoon, Jessilaen, Mariniessa. Mariniessa this is my friend Morighent who goes by the name Bleidd here.”

The double name clearly piqued the mage’s curiosity and she smiled charmingly at Bleidd, “Good afternoon to you both. It is a pleasure to meet you Bleidd.”

“And to meet you as well Mariniessa. I had forgotten how good that uniform could look on the right figure,” Bleidd said, the compliment a fairly tame one as such things went. It grated on Allie’s nerves anyway and she braced herself for the return compliment that etiquette required Mariniessa to respond with. It would show how genuine her interest in him was.

The elven mage tilted her head, looking up through her eyelashes, “And I would not have thought that drab human clothing could look so good as they do on you. Perhaps later we could explore this further?”

“I need to use the restroom and grab some lunch from the back,” Allie said, earning a concerned look from Jess which she ignored. “I’ll be right back.”

“
Allie
,” Jess thought to her, as she ducked into the bathroom “
does it bother you so much to see him with someone else
?”

“
I have no right to be bothered by what or who he does
,” she thought back waspishly.

“
And yet you are. Do you love him so much then
?” he thought back to her. She could feel his jealousy and unhappiness at the thought and she closed her eyes, leaning against the wall.

“
I do love him, you already know that. But I am with you and only you. And he is free to be with whoever he chooses
,” she thought to him. She doubted that was a fully satisfying answer, but it was the truth and she hoped it was enough for him; she didn’t want to walk back out into the middles of a fist fight.

Allie came out of the bathroom and almost ran into Bleidd in the narrow hallway. For an instant they stood awkwardly before she moved to edge past him and he reached out and grabbed her shoulder, “Allie, if it bothers you I won’t do it.”

“Maybe she just bothers me,” Allie muttered, looking down, but she shook her head slightly knowing that wasn’t fair. “Bleidd I have no right to tell you what to do in your life. If you want to sleep with her, then sleep with her.”

He pressed forward, into her personal space, until she could feel his emotions as strongly as her own, “Tell me not to and I won’t.”

“I can’t tell you not to go with her when I’m not offering you anything here,” she said tightly.

“Allie,” he started, but she cut him off.

“We both know you want to, just do it, but if you want me to tell you it bothers me, then fine. It bothers me. I don’t know why it does now when it never has before, but it does. I’ll just have to learn to deal with it,” she said, forcing the words out.

“What do you mean before?” he shifted slightly away from her, making it easier to sort out her own feelings from his.

“Before, Bleidd. Meaning every other time you hooked up with someone before now.” At his completely stunned look she frowned, “You must know that I knew? You never brought anyone back to the house, but all those nights after you’d been drinking when I helped you – I’m an empath, even when my shielding was better and my gift wasn’t all over the place, touching someone, well I’d have to be totally head blind not to know.”

He looked down and she was surprised to feel what she would almost swear was chagrin coming from him. “You can’t seriously have thought I’d believe you were just celibate all this time? All these years? I’m young but I’m not stupid.”

“Of course you’re not,” he murmured. “My apologies. Perhaps I had nurtured a view of myself through your eyes that may have been a bit unrealistic.”

“Why would it bother me? You’re an elf, that’s what elves do.”

“But it’s not what you do Allie,” he said gently.

“So what? Why should you change for me?”

“Why shouldn’t I? He has and you seem to like that well enough,” he shot back.

She pushed past him, into the small kitchenette. “As you pointed out earlier, I need to eat.”

“Allie-“

“Listen, I don’t want people changing for me,” she said, trying to keep her voice low. “I don’t want to feel like other people, people I care about, are making themselves unhappy to try to be what they think I want them to be. I realize I have this whole monogamy hang up, which is completely un-elven. And I also realize I’m a raging hypocrite because I’m in love with two people myself which isn’t the most monogamous thing ever, but I just can’t change that it feels wrong to me to even think about being with – sleeping with – more than one person at a time. And don’t make a joke out of that because you know what I mean. I’m with Jess and that means that I can’t also be with you and so if you have a shot at her take it. For the love of the Gods take it. Because it will bother me to think about it but I’ll feel a lot worse if you don’t do it because of me.”