Lost Honor (30 page)

“Before we dock.”

“Then what are you going to do?”

“Stop asking so many questions. I’m the older brother here, not you.”

“It doesn’t seem it,” Harry continued. “Was she a virgin when you took her?”

She didn’t hear his answer, but she didn’t need to. Tears filled her eyes.

“Morgan, you have to marry Arianna. You ruined her.”

“I realize that, but I can’t.”

“Yes, you can, and you must.”

“Harry.” He paused. “I also bedded Susan the night before I left to find you. She could be quickening with my child, and I made a vow to our mother to wed her. I can’t break it.”

Arianna sank to her knees. He never loved her. She had been convenient.

“So could Arianna, and you love her. I never should have left the two of you alone on the island.”

“You couldn’t always be with us. I prayed we could live there, or at least until Susan considered me dead and married someone else.”

How could she have been so stupid? Pain lashed through her as tears streamed down her cheeks.

“And because you couldn’t restrain your cock look where it got you. You ruined two women.”

“I was drunk when I slept with Susan.”

“Does that make it right? I’m not a saint, but I have never taken a woman’s virginity.”

A huff of disbelief shot from the room.

“I haven’t,” Harry defended himself. “Besides, we are not discussing me. What do you intend to do?”

“I’ll ask Arianna to be my mistress.”

His mistress? Outrage pulsed through her. She had not preserved her virginity and given it to him, the man she thought she loved, to be his mistress. He was not who she believed him to be. He was the type he feared his sisters would fall victim to, a vile beast. She considered herself so superior she could teach them what they needed to know when all along she had been the fool. To think she had intended to give up her dreams for him.

She didn’t want to hear any more. She swiped her trembling hand across her teary eyes and her arm under her runny nose then flew down the dim corridor and up the ladder. On the main deck, she marched past bewildered men to the ratlines and started to climb.

“Arianna, what are you doing? Captain Danvers does not want you in the rigging,” Andrew called.

“I don’t care what he wants,” she shouted back and continued her ascent until she reached the maintop platform. “I am relieving you,” she told the startled man.

He eyed her strangely. She must look a sight with red, puffy eyes and wet cheeks. He didn’t argue. Most men didn’t know how to deal with a crying woman. He left her alone with her grief and rage.

****

“Mr. Markham needs to speak with you straight away, Captain.” A breathless Mark addressed Morgan as he entered the cabin. “He says it is urgent, sir.”

Morgan flashed Harry a questioning look. “We will continue this at a later date.”

“What is there to discuss? You have already made up your mind.”

He had no choice in the matter. His stomach churned, and his heart cried. Duty before love.

Morgan fought to expel Arianna from his thoughts as he made his way to the main deck. If there was a situation Andrew couldn’t handle, he needed a clear mind. Harry followed. “What is the problem, Mr. Markham?”

Andrew pointed to the maintop platform. “Arianna is up there.”

Anger surfaced, and it felt good, forcing out all else, but fear accompanied it. “She knows I have forbidden it.” When did that ever stop her? But her ability to stand up to him and with him was one of the many things he loved about her. Although, it drove him insane when all he wanted to do was protect her.

“She said she didn’t care what your orders were.” He lowered his voice. “And Morgan, the men said she was crying.”

Alarm shot through him. Dark foreboding slithered down his spine. He whirled to his brother and their gazes met. “Do you think…”

Harry shrugged. His face filled with concern. “I hope not.”

When he woke this morning, she wasn’t in bed, and he hadn’t seen her until now. “Andrew, do you know what part of the brig she came from before she climbed up there?”

“From somewhere below.”

His world crashed down. She must have overheard his conversation with Harry. This was not how he wanted her to find out.

Andrew’s intent gaze darted between Morgan and Harry. “What’s going on?”

“I’ll tell you later.” His mind raced. He needed to speak with Arianna. To explain.

But what good would it do. No matter what he said, Arianna would be hurt.

There had to be a way to make it better.

There wasn’t. His head throbbed.

His hand gripped the tarred ratline, and he climbed. Slowly. To Arianna.

“Go away.” She stared out over the ocean, her rigid back to him, her short, blonde hair waving in the stiff breeze.

He couldn’t. He needed to speak with her. To clarify his reasons for what he had to do. To tell her how much she meant to him. He stepped onto the platform. “Arianna—”

“Get away from me.” Her hard voice stung. “I want to be alone.” A slight hitch broke through.

He reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder, hoping to soothe her. She jerked away. “Don’t touch me.” She swung to face him. “Don’t ever touch me again.” Wet tracks marked her red face, and tears sparkled in her eyes.

His heart wept. His soul screamed out his raw anguish and despair. For her. For him. For them. “Arianna, let me explain.”

“There is nothing to explain. You are to marry a woman named Susan, and you want me to be your mistress. Do I have it right?”

“There is more to it.” He leaned toward her. She retreated, perilously close to the edge. Terror shot through him. He stopped and backed away.

“No, there isn’t.” Bitter words flew from her mouth. “It is short and concise and so is my answer. No. No, I will not be your mistress.” She spat the words at him. Her blue eyes as cold as ice.

“Arianna, I love you.” The truth struck him as the words slipped from his mouth.

“No, you don’t.”

She pushed past him. He grabbed for her, but she slipped from his grasp and raced down the ratlines. He’d never catch her. It would be dangerous to try. When Arianna neared the deck, she jumped, landed solidly on her feet, hurried across the wooden planks without speaking to anyone, and disappeared below. He could go after her, but it would be useless. She wouldn’t listen. It would be better to wait until the shock and rage lessened.

His mind in turmoil, he descended. Andrew confronted him on the quarterdeck, his eyes flashing fire. “I’d like to speak with you by the railing, Captain Danvers.”

Morgan’s gaze darted to Harry as he followed. “You told him, didn’t you?”

Harry raised his hands in a helpless gesture. “He needed to know. His sister is involved. He would find out sooner or later.”

“Andrew—”

“If you weren’t my commanding officer, I would punch you. What you did is reprehensible. My sister was an innocent, and even though she is promised to you, you are not married.” Andrew pointed his finger at his face. “And then to make the matter twice as bad, you ruin Arianna, a fine, delightful young woman.”

“Keep your voice down. The crew doesn’t need to know what happened. And Arianna was already ruined.” Andrew’s and Harry’s faces flashed disbelief. “Not in the sense you mean, but what do you think will happen when she returns to England and people learn she was the only female on a ship comprised of men?”

“To protect her reputation her family could let it be known one of her brothers accompanied her. Her original plan was to sail with one of them. But that is not the issue. You ruined my sister and then betrayed her by bedding Arianna.” Andrew’s chest heaved as his breath whooshed in and out. His hands clenched into fists at his side. “I may just forget you are my commanding officer.”

“Go ahead. I deserve it.” Nothing could make him feel worse than he already did.

Andrew stared at him with blazing eyes and features filled with wrath. “You’re not worth it.” He stalked away.

Andrew was right. He wasn’t worth it.

Chapter Twenty

“Cap’n, would you like me to serve your breakfast in your cabin or here on the quarterdeck?”

His tired eyes burning, Morgan tore his concentration from the course he steered and focused on Mark. “I’m not hungry.”

“You didn’t eat anything at all yesterday, sir.”

Mark was right. He had to put something in his stomach, if only a biscuit. “Bring it to the quarterdeck.” Morgan suppressed a yawn. He should change his clothes and lie down for a few minutes. Remaining at the helm, he had not closed his eyes last night. Arianna slept in his cabin, and he didn’t want to disturb or agitate her. He hadn’t seen her since she scurried down the ratlines and disappeared below. It was only twenty-four hours, but it seemed like a year. He missed her.

Had her temper eased? Would she listen to reason now?

But what did he have to say that she would want to hear? He couldn’t marry her. The only solution he could offer was an insult to her good name.

“Mr. Peters take the helm.” He stretched his aching, weary arms, and as he did so, Arianna appeared, looking pale but beautiful. Not glancing in his direction, she grabbed a mop and bucket and proceeded to swab the deck.

He couldn’t tear his gaze away. Her rear swayed, her gently curved body rocked, and her arms swung back and forth as she pushed and pulled the mop over the deck, speaking to various members of the crew as she did so.

“I brought lobscouse and coffee.” Mark set the tray on the table Arianna had used while she healed.

“Thank you, Mark.” Growling emerged from his stomach. Even if he didn’t want to eat, his stomach did.

Mark, seeming jittery and overeager, stood to the side, ready to serve him. Apparently, he felt the undercurrents and tension that gripped the ship.

“You can go about your duties, Mark.” He placed a spoonful of the beef and bread mixture in his mouth.

“But you may need something.”

“I have everything I need.”

Mark’s gaze darted to Arianna and then back. “Sir, is something wrong with Arianna?”

The hand holding his spoon halted in midair. “Why do you ask?” he answered cautiously.

Mark swallowed audibly. “Because I think I heard her crying in the cabin yesterday.”

Morgan’s heart shattered into a million pieces, and his stomach somersaulted. He placed his spoon neatly beside his plate as he thought about how to answer the boy. “She is sad, but that is all I can tell you. Be extra good to her.”

Mark straightened with importance. “You know I will, Cap’n.”

“Good. Now go about your duties.” He pushed his plate away.

A hand grabbed the plate and pulled the food back. “You have to eat it all. That is an order.”

Morgan tilted his face up and spied Harry standing over him. “You, my younger brother, is giving me orders?”

“Someone needs to.”

Morgan shrugged. “Who am I to complain? At least you are still speaking to me.”

“You are my brother.”

The situation between them had reversed. Harry was caring for and helping him with his problems, instead of the other way around. It went against his nature to allow it, but he didn’t have the will to refuse. He sipped his coffee. “I have made a terrible mess of things.”

Harry nodded. “Yes, you have. What are you going to do to fix it?”

“That is a good question, and one I don’t have an answer for, even though I thought about it all day yesterday and through the night.”

Harry’s sympathetic eyes studied him. “Did you sleep at all? You look awful.”

“Thanks.”

Harry smiled. “Go to bed.” He glanced at Arianna. “I will keep an eye on her.”

Morgan yawned. “I am tired, but—”

“Go. Once your head is fresh and clear, you’ll be able to find a solution.”

Harry was right. Ideas, plans, words, and explanations swam together in his head. He gazed at Arianna, yearning for her with every inch of him. Wishing he could take her pain away. Craving her forgiveness.

****

Morgan’s eyes bored into her from his superior position on the quarterdeck, but Arianna refused to glance at him. He had betrayed her. Had ripped her heart from her chest. But he would not defeat her. She would remain strong and labor long and hard to achieve her goal. Her hands clenching the mop handle, her arms surged back and forth in a furious rhythm.

Her body connected to his, she knew the exact moment he left. Morgan was the other half of her, even though she didn’t want him to be. She didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

After crying through the long night, her agonized soul pouring from her eyes, she decided what she must do. She would work on the
Sea Dragon
, staying as far from Morgan as possible, until they docked in Boston and then sign on another ship heading for home. Every moment spent in his presence caused her further torment.