Lost & Found (21 page)

“Yeah. But I was feeling…nothing. And then when my eyes were screwed, I was just pissed off at everything and everyone. Until you.”

He held her gaze.

“You made me feel stuff again, Krissa. You made me feel good. God, you made me feel more than good. You ripped holes in me.” She blinked at him, her smile quivering. “But when I started feeling good, all the bad stuff came, too. I didn’t want to feel it—I didn’t want to hurt. I didn’t want to feel the pain of being betrayed or losing someone I loved, but I started to feel that too, two years later. I didn’t want to fall in love again.” He shook his head, touched her cheek with gentle fingers. “And when I realized what I’d felt for Lauren was nothing compared to what I felt for you…Christ, it scared the hell out of me. Especially knowing you belonged to someone else.”

He closed his eyes, heard her small murmur. “When we first slept together, it was supposed to be a donation. Nothing more. No feelings involved.”

“I knew that. It hurt me.”

“I know. I tried to make it better for you after that, but I didn’t realize my own feelings were going to get all mixed up in it. Like you ripped something open and it all came spilling out.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it was good. I needed that. I don’t know what would have happened to me if I’d never dealt with all that stuff—the grief, the anger I felt toward Lauren. I’m afraid of what might’ve happened to me.”

He stroked her hair off her forehead, rested his hand there. “I won’t make the same mistakes with you. I won’t leave you, Krissa. Any longer than I have to. I know I was partially responsible for what happened with Lauren.”

“No.” She looked at him. “No, don’t do what I do. Don’t blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault.”

“I’m not taking all the blame. Believe me, I know Lauren was responsible for her own decisions. But…I have to accept some responsibility for things I did wrong. I know I neglected her. My career was just taking off. I was so excited, it was all I could think about.” He shook his head. “I was an idiot. But…I didn’t feel the way I do now. Sad to say. The truth is…I couldn’t leave you like I did Lauren.” He wouldn’t be taking off for months at a time to travel, like he did with Lauren. If he had to go for more than a couple of weeks, Krissa—and the baby—would come with him. He wouldn’t put his career over his family.

“You are so different from Derek,” she whispered.

“I watched you keep your anger all bottled up inside you and I knew you couldn’t keep doing that either. Some day it was going to come exploding out of you.”

“Oh, yeah. It came out.” She giggled. “You should have seen my parents’ faces when I told them about us.”

“Oh, Jesus. What did you say?”

“My mom figured we’d been screwing around on Derek after that morning she showed up.” She related her conversation with her parents, designed to shock them. And she told him about Cameron.

“Wow,” he said. “When you let it out, you let it out.”

“I never would have if it weren’t for you. You made me fight.”

“Ah, bunny.” He gathered her close.

“I’m not responsible for everyone’s problems.”

“Uh…no.”

“I’ve always felt that way,” she confessed into his chest. He stroked her hair. “With my mom, and with Derek. He did blame me for our problems. Even when we realized it wasn’t me that couldn’t get pregnant, he still made me feel like it was all my fault. It was my fault that he had to go screw other women.”

“Jesus. I’ll kill the fucking bastard.”

She moved her head against him. “No. Don’t kill him. He’ll figure it out. Maybe he already has.”

Nate knew he and Krissa had betrayed Derek. Derek had known about them, approved of it, encouraged them to have sex—but he hadn’t planned on them falling in love.

“I want us to be together, Krissa,” he said. “I want to be a father to this baby.”

She rolled toward him, pushed him onto his back and moved over him. “I want that too.” Eyes glistening, she bent and kissed him. “I love you. And I’m so sorry for how this started.”

“Don’t be sorry. Things happen for a reason. It was whacked, but in the end—maybe we all get what we deserve. I don’t know why I deserve you, but I’m just going to count myself lucky. I’m just sorry I lost my best friend.”

“Maybe you can forgive him some day.”

And maybe one day Derek would forgive him, too. A sad and hopeful anticipation filled him.

“I think I understand why he did what he did,” Krissa continued. “He just wasn’t a strong enough man to accept responsibility for his mistakes. And then he tried to make them right by using us to make him feel better. I was so determined to get what I wanted, I let him do it.”

“We all have our weaknesses.” And clearly, Krissa was his. He, too, had been drawn into Derek’s manipulations and he had to admit he hadn’t resisted all that hard. He’d known the kinds of problems they could face doing what they’d done, but he’d done it anyway because he’d been unable to resist Krissa’s sweet temptation. Logic and the knowledge of consequences, right versus wrong, had nothing to do with decisions made with the heart.

“Does he know…you’re pregnant?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t told him. I haven’t seen him other than just after I left. I wasn’t showing then. He may have heard from other people, though.” She sighed. “When he blamed me for him screwing around, that was it. I couldn’t take any more.”

“I wish you’d called me. I hate thinking about you being alone, finding out you were pregnant when you were alone.”

“I think it was good,” she whispered, stroking a hand through his hair, then over his cheek. “I had to be alone. I was so confused. I thought I loved Derek, and I thought I loved you. Then I felt like I hated him. I didn’t know how I felt. I was a mess.”

He covered her hand with his, pressed a kiss to her palm.

“I needed to figure myself out before I could figure us out,” she continued. Her eyes pleaded with him for understanding. And he did.

“I know.” He paused. “Me, too. Christ, Krissa, I didn’t know how lost I was. Until I found you.”

They’d done things that many would consider unforgivable. Nate wasn’t sure why he and Krissa were lucky enough to have found a second chance; a chance at happiness together. But he wasn’t going to risk losing it again. Facing the loss of his eyesight and his photography had been painful, but losing Krissa had been the worst agony of all.

She leaned in and kissed him. “We found ourselves. And we found each other.”

About the Author

To learn more about Kelly Jamieson please visitwww.kellyjamieson.com. Send an e-mail to [email protected] or join her Yahoo! Group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/KellyJamiesonnewsletter/ to get the latest news and contests.

Look for these titles by Kelly Jamieson

Now Available:

Love Me

Friends With Benefits

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2 Hot 2 Handle

They agreed: All the fun, no messy emotions. Until their charkas aligned..

Friends With Benefits

© 2009 Kelly Jamieson

Yoga is Kerri Harris’s life, but that doesn’t mean she’s a New Age flake. She’s a successful businesswoman, and it’s about time everyone took her as seriously as her mother-of-two, “real-career” sister. That means adding a new item to her spreadsheet—marriage plan. There’s only one person she trusts to help her check off this task: her best friend Mitch.

Divorce attorney Mitch MacAuley gets the cold shivers at the mere mention of matrimony. After the disasters he’s witnessed from childhood, marriage equals miserable. The last thing he wants is to help Kerri down that road, but he’s never been able to say no to her. He expects to feel pity for her as she goes on one disastrous date after another. The complete surprise? Thinking about Kerri with those other guys makes him crazy.

Her frustration collides with his confusion, leading to a big fight, a hot kiss and a scorching sexual tension that hits them both broadside. Prompting Kerri to propose a new plan…to add the bedroom to their list of BFF benefits.

They quickly find out there’s nothing casual about the heat they generate. In fact, the burn could ruin a perfectly beautiful friendship.

Warning: This story contains a late-night booty call, hot hotel sex and naked yoga!

Enjoy the following excerpt for Friends With Benefits:

“I can’t believe you’ve set me up with all these guys and every single one of them has been all wrong for me. Not just wrong for me…like, not even close.”

“Uh…Kerri. I didn’t set you up with Eric. You met him at the golf tournament.”

“Well. You invited me to the golf tournament.”

Mitch sighed.

 “It’s not just a coincidence, is it? You are doing this on purpose because you don’t want me to get married.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” he corrected her.

“So you admit it!”

“No! No, I don’t. You’re twisting things.”

She snorted. “How do you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.”

At that moment, Sela poked her head in to say she was leaving.

“I thought you left hours ago!” Kerri exclaimed. “What about your shopping?”

Sela glanced at her watch. “We still have time. Doug is bringing the girls to Paseo Nuevo and I’m meeting them there.”

“Go, go.” Kerri waved her hands. After they heard the door close behind Sela, she sighed. “That woman really has to learn to balance. Her family is paying the price for this move.”

Mitch nodded. “She is kind of driven, isn’t she?”

Kerri studied him. “Like you aren’t.”

He shrugged. “I balance fine.”

She glanced at him, remembering they’d been interrupted while starting to have a big fight.

 “Look, Kerri,” he said. “I know you’re not happy, but you can’t blame me for all this. You have a role in it too.”

She gaped at him. “What are you saying? Are you saying I’m such a loser I can’t manage to attract a guy?”

“Jesus, no! That’s not what I’m saying.” He ran a hand through his hair.

“So you’re saying I’m deliberately sabotaging things for some strange subconscious reason of my own?”

He stared at her. “What drugs are you on? You’re acting nuts today.”

“Yeah, I’m crazy, that must be why I can’t find a husband.”

“Aaarrrgh!” He slid down the wall until he lay on the floor and covered his face with his hands. With his arms up like that, Kerri could see the paler skin on the underside, which emphasized the bulge of his biceps below the sleeves of his T-shirt. He stayed like that for a moment, dragging big, slow breaths into his lungs.

Kerri rolled in her lips and scooted a few inches away. Mitch had a temper, but he’d learned to control it over the years. And okay, she was acting like a bitch and hated herself for it, but the words just kept coming out of her mouth. She was just so frustrated and disappointed and Mitch was there to poke at, take out her frustrations on. A shiver trickled down her spine. Maybe she’d pushed too far.

She bit her lip as she looked at him. With his arms raised, his snug T-shirt had ridden up and she could see tanned, ripped abs and a hint of golden brown hair just above the low-riding waistband of his jeans. His hair was all tousled from running his hands through it. She swallowed.

She put a hand on his arm tentatively, wanting to apologize, fearful she’d pushed him too far and now he’d be really mad at her. She knew she could get away with a lot with Mitch and he just laughed at her, indulgently let her act all princessy, then called her on it and brought her back down to earth. But maybe this time his patience had run out.

His arms jerked away from his face at her gentle touch and she jumped back. He grabbed her hand, held it tightly. Now she could see his eyes flashing dark gold, his jaw clenched so tight she was sure it must hurt.

“M-mitch…I’m…”

“Kerri.” He growled, low and rough. “Just stop right now.”

She nodded a bit frantically. “I’m sorry. You can let go of my hand now.”

His fingers actually tightened on hers, crushing them, and she yanked on her hand. “Ow! Mitch, you’re hurting me! Let go.”

His hot gaze held hers as she tried to pull free.

“Jesus, Kerri.” His voice still sounded low and rough. “You can only push me so far.”

Her eyes wide, she watched a vein throb in his temple. She again tugged her hand away from his but he wouldn’t let go, rather pulled her toward him. She put her other hand out, palm flat on his chest, hot and hard under the soft T-shirt, to push him away. The warm scents of laundry detergent and male skin mingled as she breathed in, and she trembled.

She pushed ineffectually at him as he dragged her toward him, right up against him, practically on top of him.

“Mitch.” She struggled against him, but he was stronger than she was, and his powerful arms held her there. God, he was warm.

One big hand slid into her hair and cupped the back of her head. They stared at each other, Kerri’s heart banging against her ribs, tension crackling between them like static electricity, and then he pulled her to him and her mouth met his.

“Mmmph.” She tried to protest, shocked to her toes at Mitch’s actions. She dragged her mouth away from his. “Mitch! What are you doing? Are you—”

He kissed her again, his hands holding her head against his mouth and her body against his. Again, her palms pushed on his chest, but something happened inside her and to her shock and horror she was…aroused.

The liquid warmth between her legs and the flippy feeling of excitement low in her tummy stunned her. No! This was Mitch, her friend! She couldn’t be feeling like this. And what the hell was he doing?

He was kissing her. And kissing her again. And God, he was a really good kisser, his mouth firm and warm on hers, opening over hers, and her mouth parted for him. Astonishingly, she was kissing him back.

The room spun around her as he flipped her gently so she lay on her back, and he shifted beside her, so he was almost lying on top of her, his body big and heavy and warm against hers.

His mouth continued to devour her—long, consuming kisses, his tongue licking into her mouth, filling her mouth, and it was so exciting she thought she might burst into flames. God, it had obviously been a long time since she’d been with a guy if she was responding like this to Mitch. But she had never been so turned on as she was right then, and helplessly she arched into him, her hands clutching his shoulders through the soft cotton of his shirt and she kissed him back. Her tongue stroked his and he tasted faintly of the tea he’d had earlier and delicious warm male, so she opened wider, letting his tongue in, sucking his tongue, devouring him.