Lost and Found (25 page)

“She tried to give you something?”

I hate that I’ve given so much information away. “Just keep her away, got it?”

She backs up a step, annoyed with me. “Yes, I’ve got it.”

I leave the lobby and shut myself up in my office, hoping my blood pressure will calm down soon. I feel like I just ran a four-minute mile.

I’m at my desk for less than five minutes when Veronica’s voice comes over the intercom.

“She’s baaaaack,” she says, evil laughter in her voice.

I push the intercom button. “Do
not
let her in.”

“I heard you the first three times,” she says, cutting off the intercom.

From inside my office I can’t hear anything. A little while later, I press the intercom button.

“Is she gone?”

“Yes. I called security and they escorted her out.”

Picturing Leah Betty or whoever she is being led away by two gorillas makes me feel guilty. But she asked for it, trying to force something on me I don’t want. Hopefully now she has the lay of the land and she’ll go trade that ring in for something she can use. Like a new wardrobe maybe.

I go back to my files, determined to get out of the office before seven. Eventually, a smile takes over my face and won’t go away. Imagine the balls on that girl, coming in here dressed up like a rapper of all things. Where would she get that idea from? She might be crazy, but she has my respect. And very possibly my admiration. I’ll bet she’s fun as hell when she’s on her meds.

Chapter Forty-Nine

JANA AND I SET ASIDE half a day to find Jeremy so we can discuss Cassie’s future with him and get him to sign the guardianship papers, but so far, we’ve come up empty.

“What about the brownstone?” Jana asks as we crawl the streets of Manhattan in her Audi. Cassie’s asleep in the back, thankfully. She may be tiny, but she has powerful lungs. I’m not sure if she fell asleep at her regular time or if she collapsed in exhaustion. Apparently, she hates riding in cars.

“I checked there before you picked me up,” I say. “He hasn’t been there since I found him the other night. The place is stale.”

“He’s not at his old apartment, so what’s next?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. As far as I know he’s not seeing anyone that he’d be staying with.”

“No way,” Jana shakes her head, “Laura is still fully alive in his mind. He’d consider it cheating to be with another woman.”

“All his friends have disappeared.” Jeremy always had more friends than I did. He says it’s because I’m too driven, too competitive. I say it’s because I never had any time to fool around; I was always too busy studying and then working. But all the friends we thought Jeremy had turns out were just there for the good times, not the bad. Not that I blame them; Jeremy has pushed everyone past the limits of common decency.

“Even Danny?” Jana asks. Danny and Jeremy were friends starting in first grade.

“Yeah, even Danny. I talked to him last night. He said Jeremy’s a total downer. Showed up at his house wasted, and the kids saw him falling all over the place, breaking things, mumbling about death and other bullshit. Danny had to tell him to leave. His wife was pissed.”

Jana’s face twists up in pain. “I hate to imagine him sleeping on the street somewhere.”

“I doubt he’s doing that, but wherever he is, it probably isn’t much better.”

Jana stops at a light and looks at me. “What should we do?”

“I’m going to hire a private investigator to track him down. He’s probably still using his credit cards. Anyone with access to those records can figure out where he’s staying, where he’s drinking.”

“What will we do when we find him, though?”

“Get him into a treatment facility of some sort, before he ends up in jail or worse.”

“Or worse.” Jana shakes her head as tears well up in her eyes. “Who would have thought his life would come to this?” She glances over her shoulder at Cassie. “Why can’t he see her and get out of his rut?”

“He’s in too much pain. It’s blinding him. Making him numb.” I stare out the window, wondering what it would be like to love someone so much that it destroys you when they leave. When Hilary left me it was a relief. I just cannot comprehend that kind of connection, but I know it’s real. At least for some people.

“What about the guardianship?” Jana pulls forward as the light turns green.

“Robinson says if Jeremy can’t be found, the court can go through the process of appointing you as guardian without his permission.”

There’s a long pause in the conversation, and I think we’re moving on to other subjects when Jana surprises me.

“I want us both to be guardians,” she says, glancing over at me. “I can’t do this alone.”

“You never mentioned that before.” I’m stalling. I had no idea she felt this way, and while I appreciate what she’s going through, I’m not sure I’m in a position to be that person for her or Cassie. I’ve never even owned a pet, let alone acted as a father to a child. I break out in a cold sweat just imagining it.

“I know, but I was thinking about your upcoming babysitting this weekend, and I thought it might be better if we took turns with her to some degree. Give her two parents or role models or whatever. I need to get out of the house more, get a job…” Her hands squeeze the steering wheel over and over. “I love Cassie, I really do. It’s just that I’m so tired all the time and I don’t get any interaction with adults anymore. I was going to wait until I was at least thirty-five and married before I had any kids.”

Seeing her so stressed out makes me feel bad. And selfish. I’ve been allowed to live my life exactly as I’ve wanted, but ever since Laura died, Jana’s life has been derailed. I need to find a way to do what she’s asking, even though I’m probably the least qualified person in Manhattan for the job.

“If you need me to, I’ll do it. Just relax. We’ll figure this out together.” In the back of my mind I’m picturing Jeremy getting his shit together and taking his child back soon, even though I know in my heart it isn’t very likely to happen.

I take a deep breath in and let it out.
One day at a time
, isn’t that how the saying goes?

“Are you sure?” she asks, pulling into a parking garage near my condo. “You’ve never had to be a parent before.”

Her reminder of how unqualified I am stings. “Are you kidding?” I give her my parking card so she can get past the barricade. “I’ve been parenting our brother for years.”

She smiles for the first time all morning. “And you’ve done such a great job.”

Ouch
. I can always count on my sister to be real, at least.

“You’re lucky we’re all grown up now,” I say, reaching out and poking her in the ribs.

“I’m kidding. His bull … you-know-what … is no reflection on you and all the things you’ve done for him.”

I sigh as she guides the car into the second space reserved for my unit. “Maybe, maybe not.” Whether I could have done better by him is haunting me more often these days. I’ve never doubted myself so much before now.
 

She shuts off the engine and puts her hand on my arm, pulling me back into the moment. “Seriously. I was only kidding. He’s in a tailspin but none of it’s on you. It’s just the way life worked out. He was never good at handling tragedy. When mom died and then dad … it took him forever to get over it.”

“And he had Laura then.”

“Yeah. He had his rock. Now his rock is gone and he’s just floating out there in the ether.”

“And I thought
I
was lost.”

I freeze, realizing I’ve revealed too much, hating that I said that to her. The last thing I need is anyone feeling sorry for me, especially Jana. She’s already worried about too much as it is.

“You? Lost?” My sister laughs as she opens her door. “You’re about as found as a person can get, brother of mine.”

I smile so she won’t see how much I disagree with that statement. “True, so true. Ready for lunch? I had sushi delivered.”

“Sushi? Say no more. Just point me to my plate.”

Jana gets Cassie out of her carseat while I get her bag of stuff from the trunk. I have no idea why a ten pound baby requires twenty pounds of shit, but Jana says every bit of it is necessary.

“You can change a diaper while I’m here,” Jana says, placing the sleeping baby gently to her shoulder. She sounds way too happy about the idea. “Practice for your slumber party.”

I laugh, pretending like it’s no big deal, but inside I’m more worried than I’ll ever admit. I’ve got forty-eight hours of feeding, crying, pooping, peeing, and God knows what else ahead of me.

Jesus
. What did I agree to? Am I crazy? I’m a surgeon, not a father-figure. Put a face in front of me that needs to be made to look ten years younger, and I won’t bat an eyelash. But a helpless baby? A whole weekend? Fuck me. I’m in so much trouble.

I follow my sister to the elevators and try to focus on other things. For example, crazy women who show up at my office dressed like rappers. I really want to tell my sister about her, but I refrain. After hearing about my semi-stalkerish good samaritan, Jana might worry about leaving the baby with me, and I know how badly she needs to get out into the adult world, even if it’s just for a weekend.

I keep my Shay Dee anecdote to myself, but even though I’m going through the motions of getting the sushi out and putting together bowls of soy sauce and wasabi, I can only think of one thing: Her.

Who is this woman
really
who came to me looking one step above homeless, trying to give me back a ring worth half a million bucks? Where is she from? What’s her story? And why does she keep turning up in my life? Is it just the ring or is it something else?

Laura used to say that finding Jeremy was part of her destiny. I always laughed at her when she said that, but now I’m wondering if there might be something to her theories.

Chapter Fifty

AFTER ESCORTING JANA AND CASSIE back down to the car and seeing them off, I go back up to my condo and lie down on the couch. I can’t remember the last time I did something like this — take an afternoon off and then be on the couch when I could be working. It feels strange. Not entirely unpleasant, but still, not quite right. Laura used to tease me and say that I have no idea how to relax, and I used to laugh her comments off. Now I’m wondering if she wasn’t some sort of angel, put on this earth to bring us all messages before she had to leave.

My cell phone buzzes, and I take it out of my pocket to check the screen.

“Hey, Robinson, I was just thinking about calling you.”

“I hope you have good news for me.”

“Not really. Jeremy’s gone. Can’t find him anywhere. I’m going to hire that investigator you told me about.”

“Good. In the meantime, I’m going to file this petition now. We won’t get a hearing for a few weeks. You see what you can find in the meantime.”

“Yeah. Got it.” I’m pulling the phone away from my head to hang it up, but I hear Robinson’s voice again, so I wait, expecting to hear him signing off.

“Listen, man, I need to ask you a question.”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“You okay?”

I blink a few times, sure there must be more. But he waits for my response.

“Okay? As in, am I feeling okay?”

“Yeah. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” I’m waiting for the joke that’s sure to come next.

“I don’t mean to be getting all touchy feely on you, but the last time I saw you, you kind of looked like shit.”

I sit up and run my free hand through my hair. So much for relaxing.

“Yeah, well, my sister-in-law was killed by a drunk driver three months ago, my brother’s disappeared and is probably going to kill himself with an overdose, my baby sister’s raising his abandoned child, and I just broke up with my cheating girlfriend who’d I’d just decided to propose to. I guess you could say I’ve been dealing with some stress. Nothing I can’t handle, though.”

Silence is his response.

“But hey, thanks for asking about me. You’re a good friend.”

“Nah, I’m a shit friend.” His tone is laced with guilt.

“Why?”

“Because, I’ve done nothing to help you guys out.”

“You’ve done plenty, believe me. We got your flowers and card, you’re taking care of the Cassie issue … we’re going to be okay. It’s just going to take some time.”

“If there’s anything else I can do for you, you’ll let me know, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And I’m not charging you for this guardianship issue. It’s on the house. Pro bono.”

“I don’t expect you to do that.”

“It’s done.”

“Don’t expect me to fix that nose of yours for free,” I say, trying to lighten the mood. His nose is famous for the beating it took in college during our intramural rugby days.

“The day I go under your knife is the day I’m on the coroner’s slab, buddy, trust me on that.”

I laugh for a second and then an image of Laura in the morgue jumps to mind and my humor disappears completely. I was at the hospital when she was brought in, but didn’t find out about her injuries until she had succumbed to them. Jeremy had a breakdown after seeing her on that gurney. That was easily the worst day of my life.

“Listen, I have a meeting starting five minutes ago. Talk to you soon?”

“Yeah,” I say softly. “Talk soon.” I hang up before he can respond, and drop the phone to the couch. I should probably get up, but I can’t. My legs aren’t functioning. All I can do is sit and stare at the floor.

Images play in my head like a movie montage. Things I don’t even remember seeing are there for me to enjoy, whether I like it or not.

Jeremy in his tux on his wedding day.

Laura in her bridal gown, holding a bouquet of wild flowers.

Jana crying with both happiness and extreme sadness, holding a brand new baby Cassie in the hospital, just hours after her mother is declared dead.

Jeremy trashing the house in Brooklyn that he and his wife had spent so much time remodeling together.

The ring, sailing through the night air and splashing water as it landed in the fountain.

A fake rapper named Shay Dee going to ridiculous lengths to do the right thing by me and return my property.