Lost and Found (13 page)

“You were so wacked out
,
you didn’t know he gets night terrors
,
did
you?”

Her stomach felt as if the bottom dropped out like when you
’re
  on one of those
free falling
rides at the fair.

“I won’t let you hide anymore. You’re off the pills
.
You
need to start living again. You can’t keep hiding and pulling the covers over your head. It sucks big time. We got dealt a shitty hand in this life. And there are still days I curse God for the cruel joke he played on us. You know I even believe
d
God was mad at me
for
all the sketchy things I did with Dan, and that was our punishment. We lost our little girl. It’s horrible. But life goes on. And do you know what?”

She was trembling and mesmerized by the tears glistening in his magnetic blue eyes.

“I hurt too. Every day I see her, but I hold her inside me
,
and I’ve learned to go on. Ryley needs me. He needs you. But if you keep pushing him away and wallowing in self-pity and your pain
,
baby, you’re going to lose him for good. And he’ll hate you.”

The smoke detector beeped. Richard jumped back and hurried to the stove as smoke from the forgotten sausage billowed. He turned off the burner and moved the pan,
and
then disengaged the alarm on the ceiling behind Maggie.

“Dad, Dad!” Ryley shouted while racing into the kitchen.
She
didn’t miss the fear that pierced his voice as he reached for his
dad
.

“Whoa, it’s okay. I just burned the sausage.” Richard laughed while he held Ryley tight and rubbed his back. This time when Richard looked over at
her
, she saw the warning and how fragile her boy really was, and with it came self-recrimination. What a bad mother she was for turning on him. Why hadn’t she seen the signs? She couldn’t touch him now. He wanted Richard not her. And she was afraid to find out if he’d push her away. So she stayed safely where she was.

“See
?
They’re
perfect
,
just the way I like them. Why don’t you go wash up
,
and this time I’ll start the eggs
.
They’ll
be ready to dish up by the time you get back down.”

Ryley didn’t spare
her
a passing glance, but she saw how
shaken
up he was. It wouldn’t take much to set him off. Her kid needed help. He carried an awful burden, and she now realized
,
in all her grief
,
she’d forgot about his.

Richard grabbed her arm. “Don’t. You’re not going to creep away
,
to
take this on too and hide out and lick you’re wounds. Suck it up
,
Maggie. Talk to him.”

She gazed longingly at the door as terror filled
her and
made her
want to run out the door and hide. Richard
must have seen
it too
because
he raised his eyebrows in a way she knew he meant what he said.

The toaster dinged
,
and Ryley raced back in the kitchen.

“Butter the toast
,
Maggie.”

She couldn’t speak
,
so she nodded. At least doing something helped her to stop thinking
.
She’d
worked
herself
up
so much,
she’d become untouchable.

Maggie clutched a damp cloth and scrubbed the last remnant of jam from the round oak table. She volunteered to clean up after their late morning breakfast so Richard and Ryley could take off for a few hours on the ATVs. Ryley followed his
dad
, revving the powerful four wheeler and taking off
,
a little too fast, south on an old trail at the back of the property
that led
onto an old logging road near the state park.

Breakfast had been tense, but Richard remained vigilant through everyone’s anxiety and kept the stilted conversation flowing.
She
felt like a guest and through each bite, stared obsessively at Ryley. She knew she was making him nervous
when
he gawked at her with big startled eyes each time the conversation lagged. Richard covered her wrist with his supportive hand and squeezed gently. That was enough of a reminder to pull it together. But her mind continued to reel
,
desperately trying to find a way to bridge the gap between her and Ryley.

The telephone rang
,
and
she
dumped the rag in the sink,
and after
wiping her hands on a dishtowel
,
she
grabb
ed
the cordless phone. A quick glance at the call
er ID
display
, she read
Private Number
. “Probably someone just selling something.” She hesitated for one ring wondering if she should answer. “Hello.”

“Richard…” Static crackled in the background.

“No
,
he’s not here right now. Can I take a message?”

But the strangely familiar male voice was impatient. “No
,
I’ll call his cell.”

A rude disconnect clicked in her ear. Uneasiness burned her stomach
,
and she grabbed the counter to settle herself. “No
,
it can’t be.”

But then the phone rang again—same display,
Private Number
.

“Hello Dan.”

“Hey Maggie, how’s it going?”

“What do you want?”

“I’m sorry
,
really sorry
,
about Lily
.
I never got a chance to tell you.”

He hadn’t changed. And for a second
,
she could almost believe his sincerity as his deep voice took on a soft edge of caring, which made you want to believe. Except
,
all his smooth kind words were a mirage. Because she knew better.

“Um
,
listen Richard isn’t answering his cell
,
and I really need to talk to him.”

She closed her eyes. She should hang up.
“Sorry Dan
,
he’s not here. I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

“So, are you two back together? I heard you split up.”

Fight the urge
;
don’t confide. He made it too easy to slip into
a
false sense of comfort where you wanted to tell him everything. Except that would be dangerous.

“I’ll tell Richard you called.”

“Not going to answer me
?
I’m sure after everything you’ve been through
,
things are pretty shaky between you two. I told Richard the same thing the other day.”

It felt like she
swallowed her heart, a heavy lump stuck in the middle of her chest, and instinctively
,
she gasped aloud. Then she winced knowing he heard. “He didn’t tell you? Maggie
,
I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize…
I shouldn’t have said anything. I just thought…well I would have thought Richard would have told you. Why would he keep that from you?”

Damn you
,
Richard
,
don’t you be involved with him.
“Actually he did, I just forgot. He raced out of here in a hurry the other day late
.
I guess I just forgot it was you.” She wasn’t any good at lying. This was a game Dan played well
.
She
really had no business stepping into his arena. A snake
,
he changed his colors as rapidly as a chameleon and would strike when least expected.

He laughed. “Well
,
he was late. Okay
,
so maybe I was wrong.”

Oh fuck
!
Richard
,
you stupid idiot I’m gonna kill you when you get home.
“Yah, can you remind me what the meeting was about
.
I’m forgetting things lately.”
She
winced.

Dan let out a heavy sigh. “What are you doing? Don’t play games with me. Richard needs to be careful with you…
I’m sure he’s got a good reason for not telling you. But I meant what I said. I’m so sorry for your loss
.
It
can’t be easy for you. And if you ever need to talk…any
time
,
I mean it
.
I’ll bring over some exotic beer and…”

“I’ll tell Richard you called.” She hung up and slammed the phone down on the counter. He was slippery
with
that soothing compassion he could turn on and off. She trembled because she scared herself
with
how much she wanted to confide in him, even knowing what he’d done to her, Sam, Marcie
,
and Richard. What was wrong with her? “Richard
,
you stupid idiot
.
What
the hell are you doing bringing him back into our life.”

She punched his cell number into the phone, but it went right to voice mail, “Hi
,
this is Richard
,
you know what to do.”

“Call me as soon as you get this
,
Richard. Dan called
.
” Maggie knew, when Richard was in range and listened to her message
,
he’d come home. What worried Maggie was what business Richard had slipped back into with Dan.

Several hours passed and still no Richard. Maggie paced the kitchen
and then
the living room until she was sure she’d worn a path on the hardwood floor. Unable to wait patiently like a good little girl, she searched Richard
’
s office—the spare room just off the living room
—
and rummaged
through
each drawer of his big mahogany desk
and
the bookshelf.
When
she yanked the top drawer of the file cabinet
,
it was locked
,
and she searched everywhere for the key. And all she’d been able to find were receipts, invoices,
and
work orders. Nothing that would give her a clue as to what Richard and Dan were involved in
.
With
Dan
,
it would be something not quite legal.

“What’s this
?
” Maggie slid out a folder from the bottom drawer of the file cabinet
.
In
it
were insurance
papers for a new Chevrolet full size
,
extended cab
,
truck, registered to Dan McKenzie. “What the hell’s this?” She scattered the file on Richard’s desk and jumped a foot when the phone rang beside her.

“Hello.”

“Maggie
,
I just got your message. We were out of cell range. We’ll be home in ten.”

“Richard, what are you doing with Dan?”

“Maggie…don’t. If he calls again
,
don’t talk to him. We’ll discuss this when I get home.”

“Richard, you know better than to get involved with him
.
I found insurance papers for a truck with his name on it. Why do you have this?” She clutched the papers and waved them in the air as if he was standing there and could see them.

“You searched my office?” Richard snapped.

“You bet I did
.
Last
night you tried to…”

“I’ll talk to you when I get home.” He hung up. The dial tone buzzed in her ear.

Maggie stared at the phone in disbelief just before she heard the roar of two ATVs. Maggie dropped the phone on the desk and hurried to the kitchen door, just
in time to see
Richard and Ryley
drive
into the barn. Richard ruffled Ryley’s helmet hair, and he hugged his
dad
and
then
ran to the huge sand pile beside the barn where his large
Tonka
trucks were piled.