Lost (16 page)

Gaia looked away, guilt permeating every pore of her body. He'd gotten involved with her, that's what he'd gotten involved in. And it had torn him away from his family.

“Anyway, I'm sorry,” Sam repeated. “I just really needed to hear their voices.”

“I understand,” Gaia said, wiping her hands on her pink pants.

“It's weird, but ever since I hung up the phone, I've been dying to see them,” Sam said, putting his head back against the wall and looking up at the ceiling. “It's like there's this sucking black hole where my heart used to be.”

“I know,” Gaia said. She got on her hands and knees and crawled over to sit down next to him. “Just spending that little time with my father . . . it's like it made me miss him even more.”

“Like a tease,” Sam said, looking at her.

“Yeah. Like a tease,” she replied. “I just hope this doctor I met today was right. He said my dad might be able to come home soon.”

Or that they may never figure out why he's in a coma,
she added silently.

“Really? That's great,” Sam said.

Yeah . . . great,
Gaia thought. She looked down at her hands, at her chewed fingernails and her bruised knuckles, and sighed. A chunk of hair fell forward from her ponytail and grazed her cheek, tickling her
skin. She thought of pushing it back behind her ear, but her arms suddenly felt very heavy.

Gaia felt Sam shift, and before she could move, his fingertips grazed her cheek, sending a pleasant chill down the side of her body. How could his touch still do that to her? After all this time. After everything. After Ed. He tucked her hair back slowly, softly, watching her face the entire time. Gaia froze, her heart pounding in her chest, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

He was still beautiful. There was no denying that.

And he was doing it again. Looking at her that way. That way that used to send tingles to parts of her body she shouldn't be thinking about in his presence. She crossed her legs and concentrated on feeling nothing. But she could remember now—remember how much she used to want him. And it was clear that he still wanted her. It made her feel sorry for him. And confused. And even more guilty than she already did.

“I'll always be here for you, you know,” Sam said, still watching her closely. “I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere.”

Gaia trained her eyes on her hands again and willed him to turn away. Willed him to stop staring at her like that and to stop feeling the way he was feeling. It was all so confusing. So complicated. It was too much for her to sort out with everything else that was going on.

If Ed knew where she was right now, he would kill
her. No, he'd kill himself. No, he'd probably just have an embolism.

“I know,” Gaia said.

Finally Sam turned away and closed his eyes, slumping down a bit farther against the wall. “Eating makes me so tired now,” he said sleepily.

Gaia scrambled to her feet. “I'll let you sleep,” she said, happy for an excuse to escape.

Sam's hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. “You don't have to go,” he said, his eyes at half-mast.

“I have a lot of work to do for school,” Gaia lied. “So I really do.”

“Oh. Okay.”

She was pretty sure he was asleep before his head hit the pillow. Gaia gathered the garbage from the hot dogs and crept out of the room, shutting off the light behind her. She kept her eyes on Sam's sleeping face as she closed the door and closed herself off from him. Then she turned and leaned back against the door, her full stomach turning dangerously.

It was all so confusing. Sam was back. He seemed to have been thinking of her while he was gone. What if he was expecting to pick up where they left off? There was a time not long ago when Gaia would have prayed for that. But now, with Ed in the picture, things were so different. What a difference a kidnapping made.

It
didn't happen the way it was supposed to. In my mind there was a lot of kissing. I mean, sure, there would have to be explaining first. Apologies, forgiveness, laughter over how silly we'd been to let each other go. But that part was never all that fun to imagine. It was the other stuff. The stuff that would come afterward. The thought of Gaia weeping with joy in my arms. Her telling me she never gave up hope and kissing me like one of those classic movie heroines. She'd wear a low-cut red dress with matching lipstick on her full lips, and her hair would be billowing in a soft, tropical wind. . . .

Or some other slightly more realistic scenario, untainted by the pathetic fantasies of a twenty-year-old guy locked up in prison without a woman in sight. When Gaia and I saw each other again, I wasn't supposed to be getting the piss beaten out of me. I wasn't supposed to be saved by her. I wasn't supposed to be wearing clothes that would make
the reject pile at the Salvation Army. I spent months envisioning how it would happen, and not one of the above details ever appeared in my daydreams.

And now it's been a whole day and we still haven't even kissed.

That
is something I never would have predicted. I mean, I figured after everything that happened, we would let bygones be bygones. And I know it has to be weird for her. She thought I was dead, so the whole thing must take some adjusting. But I know she loves me. I know she still does. And I know she wants to kiss me. I can see it in her eyes.

And she's right down the hall. Sleeping. I bet she looks so beautiful right now, all curled up in her bed, her hair spread out on the pillow, her bare feet kicked out from under the blankets. She's right . . . down . . . the . . . hall. . . .

But I'm not going to push it. We were meant to be together, and we will be. We will be. I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

Swallowing Back the Sobs

GAIA SAT UP STRAIGHT IN BED,
her heart pounding from being ripped so quickly from a state of slumber to a state of hyperalertness. She rubbed at her eyes, which refused to focus, and realized the telephone was ringing. She blinked at the clock. 5:02
A.M
. If this wasn't an emergency, she was going to have to crack some skulls.

“Who is that?” Tatiana asked groggily from the next bed.

Gaia flung out her arm and whacked the phone from its cradle, then brought it to her ear.

“Hello?”

“May I speak to Ms. Moore, please?”

The voice was male. Older. Tired but efficient. Gaia gripped the phone tightly and swung her legs over the side of the bed, her adrenaline flowing. For some reason, she had the distinct feeling that this phone call was going to send her flying out the door.

“This is Gaia Moore,” she said.

Tatiana sat up at the intense sound of Gaia's voice. She knew it meant trouble. Gaia glanced at her and then looked down at her knees. Her body seemed to be producing an unusual amount of heat. So much so
that she wanted to peel off her clothes and jump in a cold shower. A trickle of sweat ran down the side of her face.

“Ms. Moore, this is Dr. Sullivan. We met yesterday?”

Instantly every muscle in Gaia's body contracted. Dr. Sullivan. She liked Dr. Sullivan. But still, if he was calling her at this hour, odds were he had some serious news to share with her.

“I told you to call me Gaia,” she said as lightly as possible, hoping to keep the conversation from taking the negative turn she was sure it was going to take. Hoping to keep it peppy even though she was allergic to pep of all kinds. Unfortunately it came out sounding like an order from a drill sergeant.

“Yes. Of course. Sorry, Gaia,” he replied. He was distracted. Exhausted. His laugh lines were most definitely not crinkling on the other end of the wire. Gaia's free hand clutched the top sheet on her bed into a tight little ball.

“What is it?”
Tatiana mouthed. Gaia shook her head ever so slightly.

“What's going on?” Gaia asked.

“Well, I'm afraid I have some bad news,” Dr. Sullivan replied. He took a deep breath that seemed to take forever.

Out with it!
Gaia wanted to scream.
Just tell me already! Enough with the dramatic pause!

“We found a disturbing irregularity in your father's
tests,” Dr. Sullivan continued. Gaia could hear papers flipping in the background.

“What kind of irregularity?” Gaia asked, the fingers on her free hand curling even tighter on the sheet. Tatiana was now on the edge of her bed, her skin as pale as the white USA T-shirt she'd worn to bed.

“It's a very rare blood disease, Ms. Moore,” he said grimly.

“What!” Gaia blurted.
But he choked. Wasn't that what started this?
How had they gotten from choking to a
blood disease?

“Luckily, though, the situation is not entirely without hope,” Dr. Sullivan continued. “I've had your father transferred to St. Augustine's Clinic in Switzerland, where they've made magnificent strides in—”

Gaia felt like her train of thought had just hit a brick wall. What had he just said? “You
what!?”
she shouted, erupting with a force previously unknown to man. Tatiana's blue eyes filled with fear and she stood up, one hand holding the fingers on the other, her knees pressed together like a toddler's.

“What? What is it? Gaia?” Tatiana asked desperately.

But Gaia was too busy listening to the silence on the other end of the line. She could practically hear Dr. Sullivan's mind reeling. Switzerland. He had not really just said that he'd sent her father to Switzerland.

“Now, Ms. Moore—”

“You sent my father out of the country without
talking to me first?” Gaia shouted, standing now, all the heat in her body rushing straight to her head. Her veins and arteries felt like they were going to explode. “What the hell kind of procedure is that? Without my permission? Without my consent? You can't just ship sick people all over the world without telling their families! Who the hell do you think you are?”

“Ms. Moore . . . Gaia . . . please calm down—”

“Don't tell me to calm down!” Gaia shouted, burning tears coming to her eyes and slipping down her cheeks. “You can't do this!”

Natasha appeared at the door to the bedroom, her hair sticking straight up in the back as she pulled on a silky pink robe. She looked at Gaia, and her face went slack.

“What's going on?”
Natasha mouthed to Tatiana. Tatiana shrugged in response, her hand held over her stomach as if she were nauseated.

Gaia saw this but didn't register what Natasha had said. She couldn't comprehend anything at the moment. Her father was on a plane traversing the Atlantic Ocean unbeknownst to him and everyone he knew. This could not be happening.

“Gaia, transferring your father to St. Augustine's was the only hope we had of saving him. Trust me, he'll be in good hands there. They are the foremost pathology experts in the world,” Dr. Sullivan continued.

“I don't understand,” Gaia said, reduced almost to a whimper. She felt like her life was slipping away from her. And in a way it was. Her father—her only family—was in the hands of people she didn't know in a country half a world away. “How can you do this without telling his family?”

“Your father has no living adult kin,” Dr. Sullivan said. “There was no one to sign off on this, but believe me, Gaia, I would not have sent him if I didn't believe the situation was dire.”

“You should have called me,” Gaia said, trying to be firm. “You should have—”

“What . . . oh . . . yes . . . one moment,” he said, holding the mouthpiece away from him. “I'm sorry, Ms. Moore, I'm needed in emergency,” he told her. “I will call you as soon as I've had confirmation of your father's arrival at the clinic. And don't worry. As I said, he's in good hands.”

Before Gaia could respond, the line went dead. She held it for a moment, staring down at the glowing green buttons, then pulled back and hurled the phone across the room, where it smashed against the wall and exploded into a hundred pieces all over Tatiana's bed.

Natasha gasped and held her chest, her eyes wide. “Gaia! What is wrong?”

“They took my father to Switzerland,” Gaia replied, wiping in vain at her eyes.

“What!” Tatiana and Natasha exclaimed in unison. Neither of them moved a muscle. It was as if this news had frozen them in time.

“I knew I shouldn't have left him there. I should never have left him!” Gaia turned and brought her hands to her head, pushing her fingers into her hair.

The tears were coming freely now, choking her words and soaking her shirt. Gaia hated showing this weakness in front of Natasha and Tatiana, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't stop herself. This was her father, and she'd let him down. Again.

“Switzerland,” Natasha said, her eyes searching Tatiana's as if she might find some explanation there. “Switzerland?”

“He said there was some special clinic there that could deal with his particular irregularity. Some blood disease,” Gaia said, throwing up her hand and letting it slap down against her thigh. She sniffled and got almost no air through her stuffed nose. “What blood disease? He choked!”

“Who told you this?” Tatiana asked, taking a step across the room. She sounded indignant, ready for battle. As if she were going to go over to the hospital and hunt this person down. Gaia knew the feeling.

“Dr. Sullivan,” Gaia said, crossing the room and flinging open the door of her closet. “I trusted him!” she spat, yanking a gray wool sweater down from the top shelf. “When am I ever going to learn? I can't trust anyone!”

“Gaia, that is not true,” Natasha said, coming to the door of the closet. “You can trust us.”

A lot of good
that
does me,
Gaia thought. Clearly she wasn't even sure that was true, considering she had a certain secret houseguest asleep across the apartment. Gaia wasn't ready to trust Natasha and Tatiana yet. Not fully. Otherwise she would have told them all about Sam. She just hoped her tirade hadn't woken him. If it had, he was probably sitting in his cave right now, petrified and dying to know what was going on.