Lost (8 page)

I vaguely remembered a dream I had while lying in his arms
during the wee hours of the morning. The desperate need I’d felt
then leaked into my consciousness. But this was so much better than
any fantasy my mind might come up with. I just wasn’t capable of
imagining his perfection.

His hand
circled mine, to lead the head to my entrance. Both of our breaths
stopped as he slid into me with one terribly slow stroke. My hips
rose to meet him earnestly, while he caught my hands to drag them
above my head.

Loren’s lips collided with mine, when his perfectly built
body rolled us over. He left me breathless when his hips surged
forward, to bury himself all the way.

“
Yes that’s it, nice and slow,” he pleaded. “Ride me, my
love.”

My
thighs widened, with my heels digging into the mattress for
leverage as I scoured myself over him. My body was so tight and
wound up when I’d caught a glimpse of his canines, inspiring the
compulsory need for him to take from me.

I
convulsed around him when he struck, fangs burying deep. Shrieking
almost loud enough to bring the house down around us, I swore there
was a chuckle that floated up from one of the floors
below.

Loren
sat up, arms closing around me, to apply pressure on my lower back.
The action kindled fresh torrents of ecstasy, bringing us that much
closer together.

The act of sex and blood opened a direct path between us. It
was far different this time, and I knew why. Loren had allowed some
barrier he’d constructed to fall, something he never allowed
before. I hadn’t even known such a thing was possible, and it
humbled my history with Gene more than ever.

His sensuous feeding connected straight to
my nerve-endings, and each gulp vibrated through me. I could
hear
his
pulse
pound in my ears.

I wrapped myself around him, and cried out while my own
pleasure mounted, until I was paralyzed. Every little thing he did
was completely designed to please me. Never before had he been so
incredibly attentive, in fact no man had.

I’ve been doing this a long time. For both sex, and
you.

If I could’ve spoken, either in my head or out loud, I’ve
would’ve agreed.

Everything about you interests me. From
what makes you come, to why you think the way you do.
He rolled his hips, and all I could do was
tremble. My muscles locked onto him as the current of feeling
pulled me under.

Loren purred again, when he came deeply inside of me. His
tongue cleaned the wound he’d wrought, and he sighed in
contentment.

I
thought he was humming, but as I listened with my crashing
heartbeat thudding between us, and I realized he was murmuring.
When the words became clear, both my breath and my heart
stopped.

“
I love you. It’s a lie to say I’m just falling for you,
because I plummeted a long time ago,” he whispered apologetically.
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t or can’t love me, I couldn’t let
you go back to him, without at least telling you.”

But
after being in my head every waking moment since the “event” at
Brody’s, did he honestly think…

I took a
deep breath. “I’m not going back to him.”

One thing was clear. I couldn’t be with
someone who would do this. I had enough trust issues, and kept
ninety-nine-percent of either world’s population at arm’s length.
Knowing I could trust the person I shared my life with was a
must
.

I had finally realized beyond doubt Gene
would
never
be
that person for me.

“
Then what will you do?”

“
I don’t know yet.”

He
nuzzled my neck, and we lay in silence for a while. Occasionally he
would press his mouth to my body, or my hand would skim down his
back.

“
You always have a place with me,” he said after long a
moment.

“
What, as a room-mate?” I joked, but suspected he meant far
more than that. I still couldn’t fully believe this was happening,
even after both proclamations.

“
I think we should have this particular discussion at a later
time,” he backtracked.

“
Why?”

“
Because you are not ready to hear it, and I refuse to rush
you into anything,” he murmured, a little self-consciously. “It
would be incredibly unfair of me and it’s selfish of me to say it
now.”

“
Loren…”

“
No, my love. I thought about it a great
deal last night while you slept
somewhat
peacefully.” He paused to
run his nose from my chin to my ear and flicked his tongue over my
pulse. “I’ve waited forever to tell you and I chose last night,
when you were at you’re weakest point to strike.”

“
And you think I blame you for that?”

“
You should.”

“
Well, I don’t. You gave me the truth in the heat of two
separate moments. You’re enormous control slipped, and there is
nothing I find wrong with that.”

“
I didn’t tell you all of it.” He laughed bitterly. “I do have
a little control over myself when I’m with you, but I have no idea
why anymore.”

“
What are you talking about?”

“
You don’t believe most of what I say, no
matter how utterly
sincere
it is. I want you for my own, but would you ever
accept that? I don’t possess all of your trust or heart…yet.” Loren
waited, though I didn’t interrupt him like he expected me to, but I
was stunned into silence. “But I’m more than willing to wait for
you.”

“
You already have me. In fact you’re still inside of
me.”

“
No, my love. This isn’t all I want.” He
smiled down at me. “I want you for my mate, to have every part of
you as
mine
.”

“
Seriously?”

“
Honest, cross my heart.” Loren grinned, holding his hand up
like it were a pledge.

“
Humph.” I grunted, unsure on how to answer that, especially
when it delighted me so much. But he was right.

It was
too soon.

I wanted
to run away, to be able to think far away from this mess, and
hopefully see from a fresh perspective, though the chance of that
happening was nil.

“
I have an eternity to wait for you, my
love.” Loren kissed my cheek patiently. “I think you should attend
to your guests. But just know, no matter what you decide, I
will
always
be
here for you,” he promised.

For some reason, I believed him. But it wasn’t like he’d ever
given me reason not to. In my lifetime, it was so rare to find
someone I could confide in, who wouldn’t judge me. I cherished that
he would always be my accomplice in arms, and any trouble we tended
to seek just for kicks. It was a relationship I
understood.

“
What are you going to do?” I asked. It sounded like he wasn’t
coming with me.

I knew
he was a very busy man, and I was used to trying to organize my
life around another. It certainly wouldn’t be much different than
it had been with Gene.

His stuff was always more important than
mine. I'd tried hard to make sure I could help him, when he allowed
me to. He hadn’t thought me capable of doing so with his workload
Corrine added to daily, and there wasn’t much I was
allowed
do. I’d become
resolved to it, and eventually it went on the backburner of my
daily worries.

“
Only business, my love.” He chuckled. “Foxworth Shipping
doesn’t run itself. And with Canya and Gregory running all over
Europe again, it’s up to Jesse and me to run things in their
absence.”

Foxworth Shipping was Coven’s human cover and one of the
biggest and well known in Canada that resided in Surrey. It was
what the RedLine was to the Cornwalls—not only a business, but
something to do that wasn’t vampire or Council related. And we all
valued that.

“
Will you be long?” I asked. When Gene was busy with
accounting, he would hole up in his office at the club for hours. I
wasn’t even allowed to disturb him.

“
If you need me, just come on up. No more than an hour or two,
absolute max. After that, I’m yours,” Loren promised.

Oh, I
liked that.

“
Now, go play with your friends.”

“
Yes dad.”

I
laughed when he glared resentfully at me. I wondered if the
difference between our ages might be a sensitive subject. And me
being me, I had to prod.

“
You’re robbing the cradle here, buddy,” I jabbed, and he
grumbled.

“
You’re an adult by both vampire and human standards,” he
replied. His dark brow rose, and he stared at me with a haughty
expression.

“
Well, you’re just old.”

He
pulled me into his arms, and whispered in my ear, “Does that bother
you?”

“
No, I really like antiques.”

Loren
picked me up into his arms, swinging me around. His tongue rolled
with mine, and scattered my thoughts. One hand traveled down my
back to land on my ass to clutch me to him.

I forgot
all about Marcus and Kelly just a floor or so below us. I forgot
about Gene, blondes and just about everything else.

When he
put me down, I had to brace myself against him when my weak
equilibrium caught me off guard.

“
Damn boy,” I demanded. He kept surprising me this morning.
“Why haven’t you done that before?”

“
I’m not a boy,” He rolled his eyes, and ran his hand over my
ass. “And consider that our first kiss.”

“
That was not our first kiss. More like the millionth, or
something.”

“
Okay, that’s just a little bit out of
proportion.” He tickled my ribcage, and I giggled. “And this is
what I would
like
you to consider as our first kiss.”

“
I can do that,” I permitted gracefully, “Now work, my man.
I’ll be that-a-way.” I pointed towards the open door, as if he
didn’t know exactly where I was going, and who I’d be doing it
with.

He bit
his lip while watching me get dressed, with a longing that
suggested he wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. If he kept
looking at me like that, I’d drag him there myself. Work and
houseguests be damned.

I
watched him go into his office right off the bedroom, and then
turned to flounce out of the room, feeling confident about the few
decisions I’d managed to make overnight.

There
were a lot of things up in the air for me, but one thing was for
sure; I was going to talk to Gene.

There
was only one unknown factor in my game plan. I didn’t know if he
wanted to speak with me. Or if he did, how well would it go? Much
like Loren, I would do a lot in the heat of the moment. If I was
tempted to knock him out at the wrong moment, I would.

And we
both knew I could, without much chance of mishap.

It was
something that aggravated him to no end. Holly kept telling me that
women just weren’t made the way I was. That only extensive
suffering and trauma could create the need to be so harsh, to make
sure I struck out before the thought to hurt me even crossed
another’s mind.

And to find someone, whether friend or lover who had proven I
could trust them explicitly, was so exceptional, I treasured it
when I found it. And in the past year I'd found many who’d stuck
with me.

I knew I was screwed up, not whole or
possibly unclean. I also knew that part wasn’t
entirely
my fault. But they never
saw that, nor faulted me for what another forced me to become, at
such the impressionable age.

They
didn’t resent my past like Gene did.

I had nightmares because of what happened to me. And he hated
them, sometimes even me for having them. When it had been just
Kelly and I, it had been okay, because she’d always been there to
remind me what reality was when I woke up screaming.

With Gene, he would tell me to shut up and
not bother him. More often than not, I ended up on the couch alone,
crying myself back to sleep, so no one could hear or see me.
I
despised
being
weak, but it wasn’t something I had control over. And if I could
help it, no one would see me in such a state.

I
followed Marcus’s and Kelly’s voices. I walked into the front room
to see the entire west wall covered in clear, perfect glass windows
that looked over the bright sunny west coast. I couldn’t see the
mountains from this side of the property, but there were hints of
evergreens littered all over the rocky shore beyond.

Kelly turned and smiled vibrantly the moment she sensed me
there. My thoughts lifted a degree just to see her looking like
everything was fine.

I wondered how I would’ve turned out without her. She’d kept
me sane, centered and I'd love her for eternity because of it.
There was no way a blood-sister would’ve ever come close to being
what she was to me. Her steady optimism had gotten me through so
much in the past ten years, even when she hadn’t been with me in my
incarceration.