Losing Faith (Surfers Way) (28 page)

On sunset, the surf rats float out three giant wreaths of white flowers. We bow our heads and remember, three years on at our beloved Runaway Beach. Some memories of Faith have faded, but some will live forever. As I watch the wreaths float away, it’s like losing another small piece of my heart. I grit my teeth, pushing myself to hold it together. Having Quade by my side gripping my hand as if it was a life preserver makes this year a teeny bit easier.
Just
.

After a few hours of mingling, the mood has shifted from sombre to more spirited.
Alcohol has a way of doing that.
The bonfire crackles in the distance, smoke spiralling into the cool night air. The constant chatter of my classmates competes with the crashing waves and squawking seagulls.

Quade has been raving on all night about how many people are here. I think the anniversary has been more emotional for him than he thought. So many people have come up and said hi to him and reminisced about memories of Faith. He’s laughed. He’s had the occasional tear, but a smile has never been far from his face. Quade has been my rock today, and I hope in some way I’ve been there for him.

Eden has been flittering from group to group. I’d asked if her boyfriend was here but she’d flat out ignored my question and instead told me that I had to try one of the double chocolate peanut-butter cupcakes that she’d made. Of course I couldn’t resist. Is an orgasm by food possible? No wonder she was so pre-occupied with them.

I look over to the fire where Lily sits with Byron’s sister, Katrina. They seem to be hitting it off, which is really cool to see.
You can always use more friends.

Friends.

I’ll never have another friend like Faith. She was one of a kind.

“I’m just going for a quick walk,” I tell Quade, squeezing his hand.

His eyes fill with concern. “Want me to come?” he offers, sweeping his strong arms around me.

A sigh falls from my lips as I rest in his arms. “No, I just need a minute to myself. Is that okay?”

“Fine by me. I’ll be waiting right here for you.” He leans down and kisses me on the forehead, leaving the warm imprint of his touch on my skin as I walk farther down the beach.

I follow the trees and veer off into the dark. Every year I do this. Retreat to the darkness of night, listening to the waves crash as I cry. Every year I bleed tears until no more will fall.

But this year is different. This year I’m stronger. Deep down I know Faith wants that for me. To be strong. To charge ahead.
To have faith
.

I cross my arms, hugging my sides. This year I won’t let today derail me.

Taking slow steps, I walk back to the party, stopping just out of sight. Mesmerised by the fire, I take a moment before joining the group.

A shadow appears to my right and stops. I doubt she even knows that I’m here, lurking with my solemn thoughts. My heart blooms at the opportunity. We might finally get a chance to talk.

I turn my attention back to the fire. “I miss her so much,” I say loud enough for Mack to hear.

For the longest time, neither of us utter a word. As the waves roll to shore, a feeling of calm floats between us. It feels strange to be here, together in silence, but I’m grateful she’s not running this time. If I thought she’d be receptive to it, I’d wrap my arms around her. Hug the crap out of her and tell her how much I’ve missed her, too. How she took a piece of my heart with her when she left.

Voices around the fire cry out “To Faith!”. Glasses clink as a few people cheers. The wind picks up in the trees. I should say something, but what?

“Lacey, I’m sorry I was such a dick. I ran away, and while I thought it was what I had to do at the time—while I thought I didn’t have a choice—I did,” Mack says and turns to face me. She sweeps her hair from her face, battling with the breeze.

Why did she think she didn’t have a choice?

“I’m so sorry for not being there, Lace. I’m so sorry for giving up on us.”

One side of my mouth curls into a smile, but it quickly fades. I shake my head and let out a breath. If she’s being honest, then I need to be too. If we’re going to salvage our friendship, move on, then we need to talk. Really talk. “Her death was hard on all of us. I get that; I really do. But I hated that I didn’t just lose one best friend that night.” I blink several times, trying to ward off tears. “I lost you, too.”

Mack draws in a stuttered breath. “God, I am so, so sorry. I wish I could change what I did, but we can’t rewrite the past.” She takes a pause, her thoughts taking her somewhere else. “All we can do is plot how we move forward.”

I stare into Mack’s eyes and give her a small nod. “Let’s start by moving forward over there then, huh?”

One step at a time.

Mack extends her arm and laces her fingers through mine. My heart pumps harder, as if recognising a dear friend is near. I squeeze her hand tight, my smile growing wider with every step towards the bonfire. In this moment, I give myself permission to have hope, to have faith that these are the first steps of us mending our friendship. We have a long way to go, but I know in my heart that one day, we could be best bitches again.

We join the group around the fire which is about twenty-or-so people. I sit down on a blanket beside Quade, Mack sitting beside me. Quade nods, looking between Mack and I. His smile and the soft kiss to my temple that follows tells me how happy he is that we’re finally connecting.

Everyone has a funny story or something to say about Faith. Some memories make us laugh, some make me tear up. No matter how many times I’ve heard these accounts, I’ll happily hear them over and over again.
We will never forget you, Faith.

Before I know it, Mack says her goodbyes. As if we’re both afraid that the other will bite, we ease into a hug. I sigh as the emotion of it washes over me. Mack asks me to meet her for coffee tomorrow. I agree, unable to respond with more than a casual “sure”. Things between us might just be okay. It’s a start.

Mack hugs Eden and then leaves.

“Glad you two finally got a chance to talk,” Quade says as he pulls me to my feet.

I dust the sand from my shorts and look my gorgeous boyfriend in the eye. “Yeah, me too.” Tomorrow I might finally get some answers about my old friend.

When I think this night couldn’t get any more perfect, that’s when I see him approaching the bonfire. A shudder runs through me, a chill resting in my bones.

Why is he here? I mean, I know why, but I didn’t invite him. Did Eden?

“Mr Kelly,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper as he steps within metres of Quade and I.

Quade reaches for my hand and grips tight. I arm myself for what he might have to say about all of this.

“Quade. Lacey,” he says with a nod.

“What are you doing here, Dad? I thought—”

“It was time,” Mr Kelly says, and offers me a soft smile. He looks around at the celebration, hordes of people sitting around a campfire and down the beach, celebrating the life of a friend we all lost. “Everyone is here for our Faith?”

My shoulders drop as my defences fade. He’s not here to attack us.

“Yeah, Dad. They’re here for you too, you know. For our family,” Quade says and looks around. “Is Mum coming?” Hesitation is clear in his tone.

Mr Kelly gives Quade a tight smile. “She said she’d try, son.”

Wow
. She’ll try? Every other year they’ve flat out refused to be a part of it. If Mr Kelly is telling the truth, then this is a big deal.

Mr Kelly draws Quade into an awkward hug, and then it’s my turn to for a serve of awkwardness.

“How’s your mum doing?” he asks me.

Goosebumps prickle at my skin. I take a deep breath to settle my nerves. I need to remind myself that it’s not Mrs Kelly’s fault that my mum ended up in a hospital bed. Mum had been a ticking time bomb, and like the doctor said, it was better she was at work when it happened rather than home in Runaway.

Mr Kelly releases me from his embrace, which helps with the breathing issue.

“She’s okay. She’ll be taking it a bit easier the next week or so, but then she should be cleared to go back to work.”

“Good to hear, love.” He places his hand on my upper arm. “It’s touching that you and Eden continue to do this, Lacey. To honour her memory.”

“Of course,” I say and nod. Wow. I can’t believe this man is finally acknowledging something that I’ve done when it comes to Faith.

“And I owe you an apology. It seems we might finally have some answers.”

“What do you mean?” I don’t want to come straight out and talk about Mr Whittaker. It’s up to the police now. I have to leave it to the professionals, and even though all signs point to him, it’s not my role to determine his guilt or innocence.

“I had a call from Sergeant Wilson this afternoon. They received some information from an astute member of the community”—he widens his eyes at me—“and as a result they brought someone in for questioning. Wilson wasn’t forthcoming with the details, but with the new evidence that has come to light, he said it’s likely that the coroner will reopen the inquest. ”

“Wow,” I breathe. It’s only been twenty-four hours since we went to Wilson. Surely the forensic examiner hasn’t finished their examination of the car. Unless … Did Mr Whittaker confess?

Mr Kelly places his hand on my shoulder. “Thank you for persisting, Lacey.”

“My Lace is going places,” Quade says proudly and smiles. “Any day now she’ll have her Diploma in Legal Studies, and then the skies the limit.”

“I’m sure that wherever you end up, you’ll be an asset,” Mr Kelly says.

Aw, how nice of him to say. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“Faith would be so proud,” he says and nods. He looks to his son. “Of both of you.”

It took losing Faith to find myself.

Mr Kelly mumbles goodbye and disappears towards the path to the car park. For a moment Quade and I stand there, dumbfounded.

“Did that really just happen?” Quade says.

“Yup.”

I glance around the party, and then look to the magnificent display of stars above us.

There’s still something missing. Something that I know my friend would want me to do. Today of all days.

“Quade?”

“Uh-huh?” he says, pulling me into his warm embrace.

My brows pull together as I work out how to pose my question. “How do you feel about nudie runs?”

PROLOGUE

Three months later

I roll over, hiding from the morning light.

“So?” Quade whispers.

I pry one eye open. He’s looking at me exactly like he did last night when he asked me the same question.
Oh boy.

“Are you finally going to say yes?” Quade asks.
Again
.

Anyone would think he’d caught a case of Lacey Marone Persistence, that according to Quade has become legendary in Runaway.

“I’m messy,” I blurt out. “Like, seriously, apocalypse kind of messy. I don’t wash up until there’s not a single plate or bowl left in the cupboard. My cooking skills extend to pizza and sliced meats on a platter.”

“And you’re worried about this, huh?” His blue eyes hone in on mine. He smirks as he does, flaunting sexy dimples all over the place.

“Yes.”

“And you think this is an area of concern for me, huh?”

“Yeeessss,” I whine.

“Well you sound like the perfect housemate.”

“But what if you get sick of me?” It sounds so stupid leaving my mouth.

He rolls his eyes. “Sick of you strutting around naked and cooking pizza? Yeah, I’ll get sick of that
real
quick. Not.”

I swat him on his shoulder. “Just let me be serious for a minute.”

“Okay, go.”

“I get the worst PMS ever, and for two days a month I can’t even be classed as a sub-human. For forty-eight hours I whinge, I cry, and the only things that help me feel marginally better are Nurofen and a crap-tonne of chocolate.” I finally voice my worst fear. I don’t want to come down from this lovesick high as a result of me turning into a hormonal freak once a month.

He lets out a loud breath.

“What?” I bark.

He chews on the inside of his cheek.

I knew it. He’s gonna take it back. He’s changing his mind.

“Lace, I tell you what, I—”

“It’s okay to change your mind,” I blurt out.

“Lemme finish. I tell you what I’ll do. For those two days in the month, I’ll make sure there’s a mammoth supply of drugs and chocolate in the house. I’ll make myself scarce if that’s what you need.”

Could he be any more perfect?

“And sometimes I have nightmares … not often but when I do, they’re full-on ones.” I haven’t told a single soul that until now.

“So what. I do too sometimes.”
He does?
“Sometimes, I have sexy dreams about you.” Quade wrestles me to his chest.

I kiss him until I run out of breath. This is love. Accepting someone for all their weaknesses and their innermost fears.

Quade jabs me in the sides. I laugh until I can barely catch my breath.

“Move in with me,” he says. “There’s nothing I want more.”

In the wise words of a certain hunky man I love to pieces, “
every day is a gift
”. I have no more arguments left. He’s got me.
Forever.

“Yes,” I say on an exhale. “I’ll move in.”

Lips meet mine in a loud smack. “It’s a new year and a new us, Lace. We’re gonna win at life.”

“Yeah. We totally are.”

“Don’t stress about today, either. Just be yourself.” Of course when he says “don’t stress” it’s exactly what I do.

“Shit,” I say, and rip the sheets off me. “What’s the time?”

“You have plenty, Lace. Go shower and get yourself all suited up and I’ll cook up some eggs.”

---

I grab the newspaper from the front lawn and flip over the pages of the
Sydney Morning Herald
as I eat my way through the man-sized serve of scrambled eggs on the plate in front of me.
Seriously, how much does he think I eat?

I’ve been scouring the paper religiously for weeks. My sources told me that the jury was going to deliver its verdict last Friday in the Crown v Whittaker case. I flip the page. Air whooshes from my lungs as the headline screams out at me.

RUNAWAY HIT-AND-RUN CASE FINDS LOCAL MAN GUILTY OF MANSLAUGHTER

He’s guilty. Sentencing in the coming weeks.
It’s over
.

We discovered the truth, Faith
.

“Quade,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. A tear threatens to spill from my eye, but I won’t let it. The truth has been uncovered. Today is a day I’ve waited for for so long. This whole town has.

“Babe? What is it?” he says, reaching across the dining table and covering my hand with his own.

I swallow down hard and swing the paper so he can see it. His eyes widen. I’m wrapped up in my boyfriend’s arms before I can blink.

“Come ’ere,” he croons in my ear. His lips press hard against my temple. His shoulders jerk.

“I don’t wanna cry,” I say through my tears.
Dammit, I’ll need to do my makeup again.

Quade leans back and places his hands on my shoulders. “You’re allowed to cry, Lace. We’re all allowed to take this in. It’s a big deal.”

I try to blink away the vision of the frail man I’d bumped into at the cemetery. The man who left the rose on her grave.
He must’ve thought about her a lot.

“He’s an old man. He doesn’t belong in jail. I know it’s justice, but is it strange that I feel a little bit bad for him?”
Please don’t hate me for saying that.

“You have a big heart, babe. I love you for it, but at the end of it all he took a young life. He failed to come forward.”

“You’re right. I know.”

“Things might’ve been different if he took responsibility, but he didn’t. He tortured us instead by withholding the truth. I’m sorry if that sounds cold.”

He’s right. We’ve all been tortured by the what-ifs. Now we can all finally move on.

---

Dressed, fed, and composed after hugging it out, Quade and I walk out towards our cars. We promised each other that we would take today for what it is.
A new start. A new life together.

I smooth my hand down my black pencil skirt and do up the button on my matching cropped jacket. I’m adulting today. My first day on the job, working in the registry at the Newcastle courthouse. I’m excited and nervous. I may just throw up the sensational scrambled eggs I had for breakfast.

Quade holds my face in his hands and kisses me softly on the lips. “You’ve got this, Lace. Just remember one thing, please?”

“What’s that?” I ask, eager for any wise words of advice.

He drops his hands and swats my bum. “Slow down in the speed demon, huh?”

I shake my head and laugh. Ever since I got my licence a few weeks ago, it’s a running joke.

“Very funny, Mr Kelly,” I tease, and poke my tongue out. He grabs my hand and we walk together to the driveway.
Our driveway, I guess.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Quade says, opening the door to his truck. “Your dad rang me while you were in the shower.”

“Yeah? What’d he say?” I ask, playing dumb.

A beautiful smile curls at his lips. “It appears that he’s done some serious fundraising for the school.”

“He did? Wow,” I say in a high-pitched voice.

He shakes his head and snorts. “I fucking love you and your family, Lace.”

“We love you too.” I stand on my tippy-toes and kiss him on the lips. “Just think of all the bats and balls we can buy,” I whisper against his mouth.

Hands move to my hips, pulling me against him. “Don’t get me started talking about bats and balls, Lace. You know how that conversation is likely to end.”