Lori Connelly (16 page)

“No,” Her cheeks burned. “I’ll find our cards.”

“We have cards? That’s nice. What games do you know?”

“You taught me poker.” She dug the deck out of the basket.

“Thought you didn’t approve of that?”

Evie shuffled, considered his question a few seconds then answered, “Poker’s just a game. I objected to how you used it.”

“What didn’t you like?”

“Gambling with the intentional cheating.”

“You think I cheated?” His voice tight, controlled, but he spoke without heat.

Evie started to deal out the cards then paused. In the dim light she looked up into green eyes, studied them a moment while she considered her answer. In the end she decided though it’d likely be painful to hear, it was best to stick to the truth, evading would serve nothing. She took a breath.

“It took months to sell one horse after the others were lost and that was for a fraction of what you’d expected.” She put the remaining cards in a stack between them.

Ben picked up the hand she’d dealt him. “And I became a bitter drunk.”

“You lost faith in everyone.” Evie struggled to find the right words as she arranged her hand to her liking. “You’d say there was no point in being good when others got to do whatever they wanted to do.”

“You took that to mean I stopped
being good
?”

“Usually when we’ve needed money, you picked up odd jobs, but instead of working you spent your time at The Dancing Pony.”

“Why didn’t I catch more horses?” Ben put three cards down while she discarded two.

“You said you didn’t see the point.” She drew replacement cards, “Others reaped rewards doing nothing so why work hard.”

Ben laid down a pair of tens but she won the hand with three twos. “You don’t approve of profiting from gambling?”

“I think if fools sit down at a table and willingly lay their money on the luck of the draw it’s their business.”

“So you only disagree with me in particular gambling?”

“I object to cheating.”

“If I was a cheat,” Distain dripped from his voice. His gaze focused on the cards he shuffled, expression grim. “I must not have been a good one. We’ve little more than the clothes on our backs.”

Evie hesitated, uncertain whom her husband intended the scorn for, and considered her options. She could go on or not say another word. After a moment, she pressed on, the truth however much it may hurt him was important.

“At cards? You were good but then you drank away most of your winnings.”

“How do you know I cheated?” He slapped down cards, his tone angry, raw. The storm outside intensified. Wind howled. Rain drummed. “How do you know I wasn’t just a skilled player?”

Her legs shifted, restless. She slowly picked up the cards he’d dealt, took her time arranging them. “The sheriff came by. There were a number of complaints against you.”

“And you believed the complaints?” Ben demanded sarcasm a heavy flavor in his voice.

“No,” Voiced in her single whispered word was all the pain born out of shattered faith. “I knew you were having a hard time but I believed you were a good man. I trusted you.”

Silence descended. They played the next few hands without exchanging a single word. The wind died. Only the raindrops made sound as they splattered on the canvas stretched above.

Ben cleared his throat, “The sheriff changed your mind?”

“No. He warned you and left.”

“Then why are you certain I was guilty?”

“All you said to Sheriff Green was if he wasn’t going to arrest you then leave. Rude but calm, unusual for a man who prized his honor and always vehemently defended it.”

“Maybe I blamed the man for losing my horses.”

“Perhaps,” Evie put down the cards she held and looked out at the grey shaded world. The road remained empty. She looked back at her husband. “You wouldn’t look me in the eye when I asked what was going on. You said it was nothing I’d want to know about and stomped out of the house. I knew then.”

Her heart ached. Chilled in her damp, muddy clothing she shivered. Evie gathered up the cards and shuffled restlessly.

“At cards.”

“What?”

“You said I was a good cheater at cards.”

“Yes.”

“The implication is that I wasn’t at something else.”

“Look,” The clouds had parted. Scattered rays of sunlight illuminated. “I think it’s stopped raining.”

“Evie.”

With a heavy sigh, she answered. “As far as I know there was only one other matter.”

“Which was?”

“You sold the last horse to a neighbor. He paid a good price for the well-trained animal you promised him but Spice was only green broke. His son was thrown.”

Her husband’s expression became stone. His bloodless lips set in a hard line. Flat, emotionless eyes held her captive.

“You folks okay?”

A voice from outside broke the moment. Evie looked out to see a couple men peering in at them. Without a word to her, Ben crawled out. Evie followed her husband, stood at his side while he explained their situation. Several minutes later, with the young men’s help, they loosed the wagon.

After that, the strangers accompanied them for a few hours, traded stories with Ben. It was late in the afternoon before their company rode off. As soon as they were alone, her husband became withdrawn. He pulled off the road as soon as they found a good spot to camp.

Throughout the evening, Ben barely spoke. He gathered pine boughs and made their bed while she made dinner. Evie watched and worried as her husband tended chores. Pronounced lines of strain marred his handsome face. He moved like an old man. Her attempts to talk to him were politely but firmly rebuffed.

Stars winked in the sky when Evie crawled under the covers to wait for her husband. A nearby creek delivered the peaceful sound of running water. Ben slipped in beside her. A chorus of frogs croaked. She lightly touched his hand. He turned his palm up and clasped hers.

“Was he okay?”

Warmth flowed through Evie. She closed her eyes. That was the reaction she’d expected the first time she’d told him about Talbert’s son. To hear it now, restore a little faith, brought hope that she could believe in her husband.

“He broke his arm but otherwise he was okay.”

“Thank God.” Ben gave her fingers a gentle squeeze then spoke with careful deliberation. “I don’t know what happened to me, why I acted without scruples but my honor
is
very important to me. Whatever possessed me won’t again.”

“That’s nice to hear.”

Ben turned on his side, brought his hand up and brushed her cheek. “Why do I get the feeling you don’t believe me?”

“I want to,” Her gaze locked on his while her ears rang with hard pounding of her heart. “I really do.”

“But?”

“What happens when you remember? When you remember why?”

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“No.”

There was a long silence, “Something about James.”

“No,” Her voice heated, Evie stiffened. “Where did that come from?”

“You rarely speak of him.”

Her hand moved down, rested on her lower belly. She blew out a breath. “Right after we lost James, he was all we spoke about. We cried. We grieved. Time passed and we talked about him less but there’s
nothing
about our son I haven’t told you.”

“You’ve gotten over him.”

“I don’t think a person ever gets over losing their child but I’ve accepted it, we both did,” Her tone weary, hollow.

“It all seems unreal.”

“Losing our son?”

“Everything you’ve described about our life together.”

Agitated she tried to move away but Ben put his arm around her, kept her close. “That’s why I worry.”

“Why? Make me understand.”

“When you remember, when everything seems
real,
I think that may change how you feel about things.”

Ben kissed her forehead, “Whether or not I regain those memories, I’ll never compromise my integrity again, promise.”

Absolute conviction burned in his voice, made her want to believe him. His thumb brushed across her cheek. Ben raised her hand to his lips, kissed each finger.

“Do you hope I remember or wish that I don’t?”

“Honestly?” A flush crept up her neck. “Both.”

“Care to tell me why?”

Evie pulled her hand free. Her voice held worry, tension and a suggestion of challenge, “Does our marriage seem
real
?”

“You are very real to me.”

“You don’t remember me. Can you really care about us?”

“Yes I can.”

Doubt rushed in, ugly, denied the answer she most wanted to believe. “How can you? You don’t know me.”

“I know enough to like you, be attracted to you.”

“You’ve known me a few weeks, days really because at first you were in such bad shape.” Restless she shifted, part of her wanted to pull away, run from the awkward, emotional discussion.

“More than enough time.”

“Maybe you’re just making the best of a bad situation.”

“You consider our marriage a bad situation?”

Her teeth sawed her bottom lip a moment, “Sometimes.”

“Ouch.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize I welcome the honesty.”

“Still I didn’t have to be so blunt.”

“It’s fine,” Ben assured her though she could hear the strain in his voice. He tucked a few wayward strands of hair behind her ear, “And I do care for you Evie Rolfe.”

“You barely know me.”

“I know enough.”

“Ben I-”

“I know you don’t like early mornings but you get up and do what’s needed anyway. I know I’ve done wrong by you yet you nursed me, took care of me and stayed with me. I know you’re bright and compassionate. I know unless they’re stealing bread seeing a wild animal makes you smile. I know when I hold you in my arms you tremble. And I know when you’re near, all I want to do is kiss you, touch you and give you pleasure.”

Hope sparked within her. “That’s quite a list.”

“I aim to please.” His low voice packed with raw need, his breath caressed on her lips. “Can I kiss you now?”

Evie set her worries aside, “Please.”

Gentle fingers caressed her cheek. Blood rushed through her veins. She held herself rigid as her husband brushed his lips against hers then pulled back. The tease of a kiss stole her breath. His thumb caressed the sensitive skin of her bottom lip. He kissed one corner of her mouth then the other.

“Please,” Her breath fast, her whisper a plea.

Ben claimed her mouth again and this time didn’t stop. He deepened the kiss. His tongue tasted, demanded. Sensation shot through Evie. Her lips parted, allowed him further intimacy.

Passion soared as he probed the recesses of her mouth. She squirmed, whimpered and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her lower body strained to get closer. His hand moved down, grasped her hip and pressed her to him.

His mouth lifted, breath hard, voice rough, “I need you.”

One hand moved up her body and cupped her breast. Evie gasped. He captured her lips again, hungry, urgent. She lost herself in the wave of passion her husband created for several long moments then he shifted. His rigid arousal pressed against her thigh through their respective layers of clothing. Icy cold reality clashed with the heat of excitement.

Torn, confused, Evie broke off the kiss, brought her hands down to his shoulders and started to scoot back. He halted her retreat with a firm grip on her hip. His lips found the side of her neck. He spread wet, hot kisses down to her shoulder. His teeth raked sensitive skin. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

“Ben.”

His palm moved over her hip to the soft curves behind. He pressed her against him, “Evie.”

“Ben I-” His tongue ran over her collarbone. Her fingers dug into his broad shoulders. Thoughts scattered.

Voice husky, his head lowered, “Yes.”

His mouth closed over the peak of her breast. Evie sucked in a breath. She arched, her body taut as his tongue lapped, wet her shirt. Quilts slid down. His hand started to bunch up her skirt.

“No.”

Ben stilled. After a couple seconds he lifted his mouth a hair’s breath. His hot breath fanned the damp fabric, stirred an ache deep inside her. It almost made her throw caution to the wind. Almost.

“No?”

“I …  I … ” She tried to slow her breathing, form a coherent thought. “I’m not …  I can’t.”

Evie felt his heavy sigh all the way to her bones. Guilt added another thread in her tangled emotions. His hand released her skirt, moved to her mid back. Her grip eased. Ben shifted up and slightly apart. For some time that is how they remained.

Her breath slowed to normal. Coyotes howled close by. The lonely sound felt like a reflection of her heart.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Ben dropped a kiss on her nose.

His palm came up, caressed her jaw. Still torn between doubt and passion, she moved one hand down, over his chest then along his side. When her fingers brushed the bindings on his ribs, he sucked in a sharp breath.

“Sorry,” Evie pulled away and this time her husband didn’t try to stop her. Flat on her back, she stayed beside him.

Ben reached out and clasped her hand. “It’s okay.”

Clouds crossed the night sky, covered the bright moon. Her mood as dark as the inky black that surrounded them, Evie didn’t respond. She felt the weight of his gaze but refused to look at her husband. After a couple minutes, Ben squeezed her hand then released it. He pulled the covers up over them. His arm snaked out over her waist.

Anxious, Evie turned her head and stared at him. In the darkness, his expression was indiscernible. The knot in her stomach tightened.

“Stop worrying pretty lady and get some sleep. It’s all right.” He kissed her hair. “Sweet dreams.”

His voice rough, weary rang with sincerity. Her tension eased. A measure of peace wrapped around her like a blanket, comforted her. Within minutes, emotionally drained, she slept.

Sunshine found its way into the shadowed area under the wagon and woke her the next day. On her side, Evie stared out into the world. A pair of squirrels played among the roots of the giant pine. A robin perched on a bough above. Oaks dotted the hill beyond the tree. She yawned, stretched then turned over and discovered her husband gone.

His voice traveled to her on the light spring breeze as she tossed back the blankets. Evie couldn’t make out his words but the cadence of his voice was soft, soothing. Curious, she eased out from under the wagon and found him a few feet away, brushing Sugar.

“Good morning.”

Ben turned and dropped a kiss on her lips, “Morning.”

“I …  uh,” For a second, Evie’s mind blanked. “I’m going to the creek and get some water.

“Wait,” He gave the mare a pat. “I’ll come with you.”

“It’s just over there,” her arm swept to the left.

“Where I can’t see through the thick brush and trees.”

A chill shot through her, “You think I’d be in danger?”

“I don’t think so but we’re in unfamiliar territory and should be cautious.” Ben strode back to the wagon, reached up under the seat and pulled out the rifle.

“Oh,” Slightly more at ease, Evie walked past him to the tailgate. She grabbed the canteens, soap and a cloth. “Okay.”

Side by side, they walked through tall grass to the shallow flowing strip of water. Ben helped her get water then leaned against a tree. With his hat low on his brow to shade his eyes, he watched Evie wash her hands and face.

“How are your ribs feeling?” She stood up, finished.

“They’re there.”

His dry response made her laugh. “Still hurt?”

“Only when I breathe.”

Evie moved to his side, “I’m sorry, I thought you were doing better.”

“I was.”

It came to her in a flash. Her eyes closed for a brief second as she beat herself up for not noticing before. “You hurt yourself again getting the wagon free.”

“Maybe,” He shrugged and headed for their camp. “I believe these are blackberry bushes we’re walking past.”

“It’s too early for berries.”

“I know.”

His wistful tone made her smile as they parted ways near the wagon. Her husband loved berries. While Ben made coffee, Evie searched her kitchen things until she located a particular tin. She mixed pancake batter then added what she’d found to it when he wasn’t looking. Some minutes later, anticipation high, she handed him his plate. He noticed the blue dots right away.

A boyish grin spread across his face, “Evie how?”

“We dried blueberries last year and had a few left.”

“You’re amazing.” Ben put his plate down on the tailgate, pulled her into his arms and gave her a quick hug. “Thank you.”

Her husband strode off, fetched a fresh cup of coffee for her then turned his full attention to the task of cleaning his plate. Evie sipped the hot bitter brew, took care to keep her expression composed. The last of the honey had been drizzled on their breakfast but it was a small matter. The important thing was the smile on Ben’s face.

Her husband went to hitch up Sugar, whistling, after they finished eating. His good mood infectious, Evie smiled as she cleaned up and readied herself for the day. She made sandwiches for their lunch while Ben packed up their bed then put out the fire. A short time later, they rolled out of the clearing.

Evie glanced up when they bumped onto the road. Dull grey clouds edged areas of blue. The threat of rain made her swallow a sigh. She left her bonnet on her lap, tilted her face to the sky, determined to enjoy the sun while it lasted. Ben reached down, gave her thigh a squeeze. She turned, smiled at him.

For a moment, it felt like they were the only people in the world. Hoof beats shattered the illusion. Evie grimaced. All the traffic the bad weather must have discouraged the day before appeared out of seemingly thin air. From that moment on, other travelers were constantly within sight. She almost wished it would storm again.

They rounded a bend and the road started to follow a wide, deep blue river. She noted tilled fields and farm animals with increasing frequency as midday neared. Rain never materialized though the day remained overcast. The road, deeply rutted from heavy use, made the ride uncomfortable. Early afternoon, they arrived at a busy ferry with a sprawling city across the way.

The ride over the river was uneventful but crowded. Evie was relieved when they drove off into Ontario. Ben started to say something but a loud whistle drowned out his words. Excited to see a train, she looked in the direction of the sound and slumped. There were too many buildings in her way.

Ben smiled and snapped the reigns. Sugar picked up speed, kicked up a cloud of dust. Skillfully he navigated around other vehicles. He found the station and pulled in the crowded lot by it as the train, a black metal beast, shuddered to a stop.

Buckboards and buggies littered the area around them. More than two dozen people crowded the platform and others gathered on the ground nearby. High-pitched squeals of excited children rang in Evie’s ears. The chaos that surrounded them absorbed her attention for a few minutes.

“Seen enough?”

“Oh Ben thank you,” She resisted the urge to clap her hands like a child. “Could we stay for a few minutes?”

“We can stay as long as you’d like.”

Evie impulsively kissed his cheek then without pause pulled out their lunch. “Thank you.”

“First time you’ve seen one?” Ben leaned over. His lips brushed her ear as he spoke.

“No,” Fascinated by the train, she hardly paid attention to her food as she ate. “You took me on a trip for our first anniversary.”

“Did you like that?”

Her smile came slow then spread wide. “I loved it.”

“So our life wasn’t all terrible?” He mused aloud.

“Did I give you that impression?” Expression somber, Evie faced him. “No, it wasn’t all dreadful. We had good times.”

“I’m glad.”

“Me too.”

Gazes locked, silence ruled a moment, “Ready to move on?”

“Out of town?”

“Well we need supplies first but I was wondering if you’d like to spend the night in town?” Ben put them in motion.

“I’d love a break from the wagon’s rock hard seat.”

“Oh does my wife have a sore b-”

“Mr. Rolfe.”

“Yes my dear.” He glanced at her. His eyes twinkled, his tone entirely too innocent as they drove down main street.

Warmth snaked through Evie even as her cheeks heated. His teasing made her feel they were becoming a couple again. Ben stopped and asked directions to the stable. Confident her husband set a fast pace.

“You know, if you’re hurting I could rub yo-”

Evie swatted his arm, “Stop.”

“What?” The knowing smile he flashed at her sent shivers along her nerves. “I just want to help.”

Her lips parted to deliver her retort when Ben pulled up in front of their destination. She clamped her mouth shut. They arranged for Sugar’s shelter. For a little extra, Mr. Jacobs, the stable master, allowed them to park the wagon next to the building. He promised their things would be secure under his watchful eye. The helpful man also gave them directions to a store in easy walking distance.