Loot (9 page)
Authors: Nadine Gordimer
Now they are in touch again as they have not been since a time, times, they wouldn't remember or would remember differently, each according to a need that made this sibling then seek out that, while avoiding the others.
Ginnie and Ba even meet for lunch. It's in a piano bar-cum-bistro with deep armchairs and standing lamps which fan a sunset light to the ceiling beneath which you eat from the low table at your knees. A most unlikely place to be chosen by Ba, who picks at the spicy olives and peri-peri cashew nuts as if she were trying some unfamiliar seed come upon in the wild; but she has suggested the place because she and Carl don't go to restaurants and it's the one she knows of since her stockbroker asks her to make bookings there for him. When the sisters meet they don't know where to begin. The weeks go by, when the phone rings and (fairly regularly, duty bound) it's the father, or (rarely, she's in a mood when duty is seen to be a farce) it's the mother, the siblings have a high moment when it could be another announcementâthat it is over,
he's
back,
she's
given his life back to him, the forty-two years. But no, no.
he's
back,
she's
given his life back to him, the forty-two years. But no, no.
May he survive. That's the axiom the daughters and sons have, ironically, taken from her. Who is this woman who threatens it?
Her name is Alicia (affected choice on the part of whoever engendered her?), surname Parks (commonplace enough, which explains a certain level of origin, perhaps?). She was something of a prodigy for as long as childhood lasts, but has not fulfilled this promise and has ended up no further than second violinist in a second-best symphony orchestraâso rated by people who really know music. Which the father, poor man, doesn't, just his CD shelf in the livingroom, for relaxation with his wife on evenings at home. The woman's career will have impressed him; those who can, play; those who can't, listen: he and Isabel.
What happened to the man, father of the child? Has their father a rival? Is he a hopeful sign? Orâindeedâis he a threat, a complication in the risk the darling crazy sixty-seven-year-old is taking, next thing he'll be mixed up in some
crime passionnel
âbut Jamie, captured for drinks at Ginnie's house, laughsâDaddy-O, right on, the older man has appeal! And Jamie's the one who does what as youngsters they called âpicking up stompies'âcigarette butts of information and gossip. The child's father lives in London, he's a journalist and he's said to be a Coloured. So the little boy to whom
he
must be playing surrogate father is a mixed-blood child, twice or thrice diluted, since the father might be heaven knows what concoction of human variety.
crime passionnel
âbut Jamie, captured for drinks at Ginnie's house, laughsâDaddy-O, right on, the older man has appeal! And Jamie's the one who does what as youngsters they called âpicking up stompies'âcigarette butts of information and gossip. The child's father lives in London, he's a journalist and he's said to be a Coloured. So the little boy to whom
he
must be playing surrogate father is a mixed-blood child, twice or thrice diluted, since the father might be heaven knows what concoction of human variety.
At least that shows this business has brought progress in some way. Ginnie is privately returning to something in her own experience of the parental home only one other sibling (Matthew) happens to know about. The parents always affirmed they were not racist and brought up their children that way. So far as they felt they could without conflict with the law of the time. Ginnie, as a student, had a long love affair with a young Indian who was
admitted to study at the white university on a quota. She never could tell the parents. When it came to a daughter or son of their own â¦
admitted to study at the white university on a quota. She never could tell the parents. When it came to a daughter or son of their own â¦
The fact of the child obviously doesn't matter to
him
, now. Of course the mother, in her present mood, if she gets to hear â¦
him
, now. Of course the mother, in her present mood, if she gets to hear â¦
Ginnie was at a door of the past, opening contiguous to the present. You never know about anything like that. Principles. Look at me. I wear a ribbon in support of no discrimination against AIDS victims, but what if I found the woman who takes care of my kid was HIV positiveâwould I get rid of her?
Alister, merely a husband among them, had something to say to the siblings. The matter of the child might be an added attraction for him. The rainbow child. Many well-meaning people in the past now want some way to prove in practice the abstract positions they hid in, then. Of course I don't know your father as well as you do.
His wife had something to add.
Or as we think we do.
Â
Ba did not speak at these family meetings.
She is in a house with her father. The house is something familiar to her but it isn't either the family home or her own. Or maybe it's bothâdreams can do these things. Just she and her father; she wonders why he's there in the middle of the day. He says he's waiting for the arrival of the maid. There's the tringtring of an old-fashioned bicycle bell, the kind they had on their bikes as children. She looks out the window, he's standing behind her, and she seesâthey see, she's aware he knows she's lookingâa young and pretty redhead/blonde dismount from a
bicycle, smiling. But there are no whites who work as maids in this country.
bicycle, smiling. But there are no whites who work as maids in this country.
Â
Ginnie and Ba, not telling anyone else, go to a concert. Seats chosen neither too near nor too far back. Yes, she is there with the violin nestling between jaw and shoulder. Follow white hands doing different intricate things, some fingers depressing strings, those of the other hand folded around the bow. She wears the sort of informal evening dress the other women players in the orchestra wear, not quite a uniform; the equivalent of the not quite black-tie outfits the male players allow themselvesâroll-collar shirts and coloured cummerbunds. There's some sort of fringed shawl slipped off the side of the bowing arm. Apparently the dress is quite sexily
décolleté.
They'll verify when the orchestra rises at interval. She is certainly very slimâthe left leg stretched gracefully, and there's a lot of hair piled on top of her head. Not blonde, not redhead. It's the colour of every second woman's at present, an unidentifiable brown overlaid with a purplish shine of henna. She rests her bow, plays when summoned by the conductor, and the sisters are summoned to listen to her. They feel she knows they are there, although she doesn't know them. She's looking at them although blinded by the stage lights. She's playing to
them.
décolleté.
They'll verify when the orchestra rises at interval. She is certainly very slimâthe left leg stretched gracefully, and there's a lot of hair piled on top of her head. Not blonde, not redhead. It's the colour of every second woman's at present, an unidentifiable brown overlaid with a purplish shine of henna. She rests her bow, plays when summoned by the conductor, and the sisters are summoned to listen to her. They feel she knows they are there, although she doesn't know them. She's looking at them although blinded by the stage lights. She's playing to
them.
Â
The palm of the hand.
All that you go through your life (sixty-seven years, how long it's been) without knowing. Most of it you'll never suspect you lack and it's pure chance that you may come upon. An ordinary short flight between one familiar city and another in daily, yearly time. The palm of a hand: that it can be so erotic. Its pads and valleys
and lines to trace and kiss; she laughs at me and says they're lines of fortune, that's why I'm here with her. The palm that holds enfolds the rod of the bow and it sings. Enfolds holds me.
and lines to trace and kiss; she laughs at me and says they're lines of fortune, that's why I'm here with her. The palm that holds enfolds the rod of the bow and it sings. Enfolds holds me.
Â
Matthew mustn't think he can stay out of it! They send him e-mail letters, despatched by Ginnie but addressing him as from a collective âwe'âthe sisters and their husbands, the younger brotherâwho expect him to take part in decisions: whatever there is to be done. Matthew writes, I suppose we gave them the general amount of trouble sons and daughters do. The parents, he means. And what is meant by that? What's that got to do with anything that can be done? What's he getting at? Is it that it's the parents' turn nowâfor God's sake, at their, at
his
age! Or is it that because of their past youth the sons and daughters ought to understand the parents better? All these irrelevancesârelevances, who knowsâcome upon, brought up by the one nice and far-away among the cricket bats and kangaroos. What is there for Matthew to disinter; he was always so uncomplicatedâso far as they know, those who grew up close to him in the entanglements of a family; never ran away from anythingâunless you count Australia, where he's made what is widely recognised as a success.
his
age! Or is it that because of their past youth the sons and daughters ought to understand the parents better? All these irrelevancesârelevances, who knowsâcome upon, brought up by the one nice and far-away among the cricket bats and kangaroos. What is there for Matthew to disinter; he was always so uncomplicatedâso far as they know, those who grew up close to him in the entanglements of a family; never ran away from anythingâunless you count Australia, where he's made what is widely recognised as a success.
The general amount of trouble. Jamie. And for the parents he's unlikely ever to be regarded as anything other than troubling.
As long as they're happy
, parents say of their engendered adults, swallowing dismay and disappointment. What did the parents really know of what was happening to their young, back then. Ginnie's Indian; the irony, she sees it now, that it was his parents who found out about the affair and broke it off. Never mind falling in love, that kind of love was called miscegenation
in those days, punishable by law, and would have put his studies at risk; his parents planned for him to be a doctor, not a loverâin prison. Ba's abortion. How
he
would have anguished over his favourite daughter if he had known. Only Ginnie knows that this botched back-room process is the reason why Ba is childless. No-one else; not Carl. It belongs to a life before Ba found him, her rare and only elect mate, come upon in the bush. It's unlikely that Jamie has a passing thought (in the reminder of the general amount of trouble they've given) for what he arranged for his frantic sister, that time; even as a teenager he had precociously the kind of friends who were used to mutual efforts in getting one another out of all manner of youthful trouble. Yes, it was JamieâJamie of all of themâBa turned to; as it was Jamieâof all of themâher father had turned to in his trouble, now.
As long as they're happy
, parents say of their engendered adults, swallowing dismay and disappointment. What did the parents really know of what was happening to their young, back then. Ginnie's Indian; the irony, she sees it now, that it was his parents who found out about the affair and broke it off. Never mind falling in love, that kind of love was called miscegenation
in those days, punishable by law, and would have put his studies at risk; his parents planned for him to be a doctor, not a loverâin prison. Ba's abortion. How
he
would have anguished over his favourite daughter if he had known. Only Ginnie knows that this botched back-room process is the reason why Ba is childless. No-one else; not Carl. It belongs to a life before Ba found him, her rare and only elect mate, come upon in the bush. It's unlikely that Jamie has a passing thought (in the reminder of the general amount of trouble they've given) for what he arranged for his frantic sister, that time; even as a teenager he had precociously the kind of friends who were used to mutual efforts in getting one another out of all manner of youthful trouble. Yes, it was JamieâJamie of all of themâBa turned to; as it was Jamieâof all of themâher father had turned to in his trouble, now.
It became possible to have
him
to eat a meal at one or other of their homes, without the mother. As if it were normal. And not easy to convey to him implicitly that it was not; that his place as a lover was not at this table, his place here was as a husband with his wife, mother-and-father. This displacement did not apply to their mother because she, as they saw it, was the victim of this invading lover in the family circle. She had accepted to come to them, in her own right (so to speak), now and then, her carefully erected composure forbidding any discussion of the situation at table, and now she had gone to spend a holiday with her cousin, a consular official in Mauritius.
him
to eat a meal at one or other of their homes, without the mother. As if it were normal. And not easy to convey to him implicitly that it was not; that his place as a lover was not at this table, his place here was as a husband with his wife, mother-and-father. This displacement did not apply to their mother because she, as they saw it, was the victim of this invading lover in the family circle. She had accepted to come to them, in her own right (so to speak), now and then, her carefully erected composure forbidding any discussion of the situation at table, and now she had gone to spend a holiday with her cousin, a consular official in Mauritius.
After the meal with her at Ginnie's or Ba's house, one of them, her daughters or their husbands, insisted on a sense of reality by bringing up the subject; the only subject. How did things stand now? Was there any exchange of ideas, say, about the future, going on between
him
and her?
him
and her?
Her lawyer had met him and an allowance for her had been arranged; there were other matters to be cleared up. Possessions. These were not specified, as if it had nothing to do with anyone but herself. It was Carl who was able to say, out of his privileged innocence close to nature's organic cycles of change and renewal, Maybe your absence will be the right thing. For both of you. When you come back you may find you can work things out again together.
She looked at him half-pityingly, for his concern.
Things are worked out. It was his work.
And she turned away
as of her right
to grandmotherly talk with Ginnie's small boy, for whom she had brought a model jeep, and then to a low exchange in intimate tone with her favourite, the elder of the two teenage daughters, who happened to be at home in the family that evening. No boyfriends around tonight? Usually when I come at the weekend I hear a lot of music and laughing going on upstairs. Helen's friends, the girl says. And not yours, not your typeâI understand. What's your type ⦠all right,
the
one, thenâI have a pretty good idea of what would interest you, you know.
as of her right
to grandmotherly talk with Ginnie's small boy, for whom she had brought a model jeep, and then to a low exchange in intimate tone with her favourite, the elder of the two teenage daughters, who happened to be at home in the family that evening. No boyfriends around tonight? Usually when I come at the weekend I hear a lot of music and laughing going on upstairs. Helen's friends, the girl says. And not yours, not your typeâI understand. What's your type ⦠all right,
the
one, thenâI have a pretty good idea of what would interest you, you know.
And the girl lies, describing the non-existent one as she thinks an adult would wish him to be.
When the mother-grandmother had left, Ginnie's husband Alister told them: Isabel thinks we're on
his
side, that's the problem.
his
side, that's the problem.
Why should we be.âNobody takes up Ba's statement.
May he survive.
Â
Best of all. Early in the morning some days to wake at the sound of the key turning in the lock; her key. Hear it but not sufficiently awake to open eyes; and there's a cold fresh cheek laid
against the unshaven one. She's left her apartment before seven to deliver the child to nursery school and after, she's suddenly here. Yesterday. Heard her shoes drop and opened eyes to follow her clothes to the floor. She glides into bed, the cheek is still cold and the rest of her is her special warmth. Not today: waiting for the key to turn. Tomorrow. Again it will turn. Again and again.
against the unshaven one. She's left her apartment before seven to deliver the child to nursery school and after, she's suddenly here. Yesterday. Heard her shoes drop and opened eyes to follow her clothes to the floor. She glides into bed, the cheek is still cold and the rest of her is her special warmth. Not today: waiting for the key to turn. Tomorrow. Again it will turn. Again and again.
Â
They broach to one another the obligationâthe usefulness, perhapsâof inviting him to bring her along some time. Sunday lunch? No, too familial a gesture, and Ba and Carl would not be there, why should Ginnie and Alister deal with this on their own, you can't count on Jamie. Come by for a drink sixish, that would do. What's she likeâlook like? The two men want to know in advanceâafter all, they are the father's fellow malesâwhat to expect in order to put themselves in his place. But the splash of stage lights drops a mask on faces, there were cavehollows of eyes, white cheeks, bright mouth. It was the hands in movement by which an identity was followed.
The man who brings her to Ginnie's house is another personage: their father? He who always listened, talks. Although this is not his home, he is not the host, he rises to refill glasses and offer snacks. He is courting her, in front of them, they see it! Their mother is much better-looking; still beautiful; this one has a long, thin, voracious face, the light did not exaggerate its hollows, and her intelligently narrowed eyesâhazel? greenish? doesn't matterâare iconised by makeup in the style of Egyptian statues. She's chosen a loose but clinging tunic and the sisters see that she has firm breasts. When they compare impressions afterwards it seems it was the women who noted this rather than, as they would have thought, the men. Her hands are unadorned
(the mother has had gifts of beautiful rings from
him
, over the years) and lie half-curled, the palms half-open on chair-arm or lap; it's as if the hands' lack of tension is meant to put them at ease, these hands that make music. And pleasure their father. She has a voice with what the women suspect as an adopted huskiness they believe men find attractive. It turns out no-one of the menâJamie was presentânoticed it either as an affectation or an attraction
he
might have responded to.
(the mother has had gifts of beautiful rings from
him
, over the years) and lie half-curled, the palms half-open on chair-arm or lap; it's as if the hands' lack of tension is meant to put them at ease, these hands that make music. And pleasure their father. She has a voice with what the women suspect as an adopted huskiness they believe men find attractive. It turns out no-one of the menâJamie was presentânoticed it either as an affectation or an attraction
he
might have responded to.
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