Loose Ends (28 page)
Authors: Electa Rome Parks
“Put my husband on the phone!”
I handed the phone to Brice, pulled up the sheet to cover my nakedness and turned my back to him.
“It’s your wife.”
I don’t know what Brice said to her. I remember he was angry and loud. Very loud. I tuned it all out and realized that Christian still hadn’t bothered to call me. When Brice was finished, he gave the phone back to me, apologizing. Calmly, I placed it back on the cradle. Everything was surreal.
“Baby, I’m sorry about that.” He pulled me back to him and kissed my forehead.
“No, I’m sorry. Go home, Brice. Go home to your wife.”
Brice started to protest. I held up my upturned hand.
“Please, Brice. Just go home.”
He knew it was pointless to argue with me. Brice kissed me on the cheek and left. I didn’t bother to see him out. I heard the door close softly. I was thankful that sleep rescued me from my living nightmare and wrapped its safe, comforting warmth around me.
Another couple of weeks had gone by and the start of the new school year was fast approaching. I was living the life of a recluse. I didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t do anything. My life, if that’s what it was, was spent mostly in bed. I didn’t have the strength or the will to do anything more. I wasn’t eating; I couldn’t keep anything down. I was always nauseous or throwing up. Mama had come over and cleaned up the place. She said I ought to be ashamed of living in a pigsty. Mama was still taking care of Lyric for me, because I just didn’t have the patience or the frame of mind to do it myself.
Sharon had stopped by a few times as well. Shortly after Christian left me, Sharon stopped by unexpectedly to find me sitting in the dark. She washed my hair, which was starting to grow back, and gave me a pedicure and manicure. She painted my nails and toes bright red, my favorite color, which did nothing to help my mood. Most of the talking was done by her; I had nothing to say.
“Mia?”
“Huh?”
“I know you’re hurting.”
I didn’t say anything.
“You know I’m here for you, girlfriend. I love you like a sister. This whole situation is tearing me up too.”
“I know.”
“Don’t beat yourself up too much; you’re human. You bleed red like the rest of us. You had a moment of weakness.”
No response from me.
“Do you still love Christian?”
“Yes.”
“Is it over with you and Brice?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, we’ll get through this together, girlfriend.”
At first Brice called me constantly, but I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. We’d hurt too many people. It was over before it started. I told him to work things out with Kree, because that’s what I wanted to do with Christian. For now, he accepted that. He had enough problems of his own at home to deal with.
Christian . . . Sometimes, I’d sleep with one of his shirts to smell him next to me. It comforted me. I hadn’t heard from him or seen him since the night he left me. He was always unavailable at his job. I got the message loud and clear. The one time that Sharon had managed to get me out of the house, Christian came by to retrieve some more of his clothes.
I heard, through the grapevine, that Christian was sharing an apartment with one of his employees, Michael. Mama saw him whenever he dropped by to take Lyric out. She said he didn’t look good at all; he had lost a lot of weight and had a permanent frown.
Another month had passed and I knew it wouldn’t be long before Brice dishonored my wishes to leave me alone. I had taken a leave of absence from my teaching job and was sitting around in shorts and a T-shirt. I heard the doorbell ring. I had actually gotten dressed that day. I saw Brice through the peephole. He looked like nothing would make him go away. I didn’t want the drama or have the strength to argue, so I opened the door and let him in.
“Brice, what do you want? Please leave me alone.” I walked over to the kitchen table.
“Mia, just hear me out. I promise if you’ll just talk to me, I won’t bother you anymore if you don’t want me to.”
I stared at him. I guess he took that as his cue to continue.
“I love you, Mia, and that is never going to change. I’m suffering like you are. Kree threw me out of the house, and—”
“What? I’m sorry, Brice. We were so reckless. We didn’t think about the consequences of our actions. That’s our problem; we just never thought about anything else.”
“We could still be together. You and me. It’s not too late. We could make it work this time.”
“No, no, we can’t. My life is in a total shambles. This isn’t going to work. We can’t go back and reclaim the past. The past is just that—the past. I finally realize that.”
“We could make it work, baby, if we tried. We could go away and start over. Make a new life for ourselves . . .”
“No, Brice. It wouldn’t work. We could never be happy knowing we’d hurt people in the process.”
For once, Brice was quiet and reflective.
“Let’s put everything on the table. I might as well tell you. I may be pregnant . . . with your baby,” I shouted before I lost my nerve.
“What? Oh, my God. Baby, are you sure?” Brice was excited as he searched my face for the truth.
“I’m not a hundred percent sure, but if I am, I’m not having it. I can’t.”
“What? What are you saying? Mia, don’t kill my baby. Please don’t kill my flesh and blood. Tell me you aren’t saying that.”
“Brice, I’m sorry, but I’ve already made up my mind. I’ve thought long and hard on this. Long and hard. It hasn’t been an easy decision, but it’s the only way. Anyway, I don’t know for sure if I am pregnant.”
“Mia, I’m begging you. Don’t kill my baby, our baby,” he cried as he gently touched my stomach.
I started to cry. “Brice, I can’t handle this right now. I’m so close to losing it. So close. I can’t handle more drama. Please go. Please.”
“Okay. I’m going to go, because I don’t want to bring any more pain your way. I’ve already dealt you enough. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past few weeks myself. Bottom line, everything I’ve ever said to you was real. I always have and always will love you, Mia. I’ll go to my grave loving you.” He held my hands in his.
“I love you too, Brice, but sometimes love just isn’t enough.”
Brice looked at me with sadness and nodded. He stood up and I walked him to the front door. He realized there wasn’t much more that he could say. At the door, he hesitated for a moment. He stared at me as if commiting my face to memory. Brice pulled me into a strong embrace, which lasted for a few seconds, and rubbed my back. He kissed me on the cheek and looked at me one last time.
“My love for you was always real, baby. I can’t force you to have my baby, but know that I want it more than life itself. I can’t believe a part of me is growing inside you. It’s a testament to our great love.” He caressed my cheek and smiled, but his smile never reached his eyes.
With that, Brice turned and walked out the door and my life for the last time. For some reason, I watched him until he drove away and was out of sight.
Later that night, I was in my usual spot on the sofa, feeling sorry for myself, when the doorbell rang. I thought it might be Brice coming back to make me change my mind about the baby. I was surprised to see Kree standing in my doorway. Her appearance shocked me. Kree had a black eye, a bruised face and swollen lips. She was disheveled and crying silently as she pushed her hair out of her face. Without thinking, I hurriedly opened the front door, full of concern.
“Oh, God! Kree, come in. What happened? Did Brice do this to you?”
“You, that’s what happened! Save your sympathy.”
I stood back, suddenly fearful of the venom behind her words.
“My marriage—my life—was going well before you came back into the picture. You couldn’t leave well enough alone. You had to have my man too.”
“Kree, I’m so sorry. It just happened. You have to try to understand; Brice and I had a unique history. We never really had closure after our divorce. And it just happened.”
“It just happened and you’re sorry,” Kree said nonchalantly.
I nodded my head, because words wouldn’t come out.
“That’s all you have to say? Unbelievable! I came over here for answers. To see what you had to give him that I didn’t or couldn’t. And all you can say is that you’re sorry.”
She shook her head in disbelief and pity. “Mia, you are a self-centered, self-righteous, self-absorbed, conniving
bitch!
” Kree slapped the hell out of me. As I screamed out, I fell back a step from the force of her hand. I held my left cheek as she fled from my front door. I closed the door, still holding my stinging cheek, and retreated back to the sofa and my favorite comforter. I was too cried out to even cry. Once again, sleep was my salvation.
bitch!
” Kree slapped the hell out of me. As I screamed out, I fell back a step from the force of her hand. I held my left cheek as she fled from my front door. I closed the door, still holding my stinging cheek, and retreated back to the sofa and my favorite comforter. I was too cried out to even cry. Once again, sleep was my salvation.
Christian
I believe that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
—Author Unknown
I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.—Author Unknown
I avoided Mia like the plague. To me, she
was
the plague. Unselfishly, I served her my heart on a silver platter, and now my heart was an oozing, raw, open wound. I hadn’t seen her since our confrontation. I couldn’t. That girl busted my heart wide-open. I’m no punk. I’m a man and supposed to be strong and hard and not cry. But I’m not going to lie: This betrayal has hit me hard, because I didn’t even see it coming. I was secure in our love, Mia’s love for me, but I guess Brice had a tighter pull on her heartstrings.
I’ve gone through every emotion possible, from hating her, to cursing her, to blaming myself for bringing them back together, to crying in my sleep, to not being able to work or sleep or eat. Yes, Mia has taken me through some major changes, and I despise her for that. As much as I loved my moms and as much as her death affected me, this situation has hit me even harder. And every time I see Lyric, I see Mia in her. It’s bittersweet because Lyric keeps me sane; she’s my one joy.
One night, I parked outside our house for hours, like you see in the movies—you know, lights off, hunched down in my seat, just staring at our dark bedroom window to get a glimpse of Mia. Deep down inside, I also wanted to witness for myself her and Brice together. However, he was a no-show that night. As much as I tried to hate Mia, a part of me still craves to be near her again, but I stay away because I can’t trust her and, without trust, I can’t be with her.
Brice. I want to kill him! No-good muthafucka! In fact, when I first found out about him and Mia, I actually parked in front of his office building early one morning to catch him on his way to work. I was going to put a serious hurting on his sorry ass that he wouldn’t soon forget; I was literally seeing red. I sat in my car for quite a while, but, as fate would have it, Brice never came to work that day.
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