Look After You (30 page)

“
He didn’t take advantage of me, Caleb. I wanted it to happen.” I finally admit to Caleb and myself for the first time. It feels good to get my feelings for Ashton out in the open after weeks of inner struggle, a struggle that has been boiling away in the pit of my stomach.

“
Did I just hear you right?” Caleb asks, with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

I nod with confirmation.
 
“We have this connection, Caleb, I can’t describe it, but when I’m with him, he helps me forget all the bad in my life. When I’m with him, I can truly see the light at the end of the tunnel. He is the only person to have ever done that. He makes me feel like me again, the old me before...well, you know.”

He is quiet as he lets that information sink in and for a moment I think he has calmed down, but then his scowl reappears,
clearly still furious with me. “Oh, well that makes it all right then,” he says in a harsh mocking tone, the words making me wince. “What did he mean in the text message, that he couldn’t stop thinking about last night? Did you sleep with him?” I don’t need to give him a verbal answer as the guilty look on my face says everything.

“
Fuck me, Ava...of all the people I know, I never pegged you as the cheating type. Has Sebastian even crossed your mind, while you’ve been cheating behind his back? I mean he’s only your fiancé and all.”

I purse my lips as I struggle not to burst into tears. I know I have done a truly fucked up thing, but he
’s my best friend, he should have my back. “God, you make it sound like some sordid little affair, it isn’t like that! And of course I have been thinking of Sebastian, he’s all I have been thinking about.”

“
Yeah, well it seems like it,” he says in a dejected tone, and it just irritates me further.

“
I have! Do you think it was my intention to cheat on him? I have been fighting my feelings for Ashton since the day I met him! The guilt of it has buried me for weeks and weeks. I can’t help that I’ve fallen in love with him.”

The sound of sarcastic laughter echoes through the living room. He shakes his head irritably at me as he throws himself into a sitting position on the couch.
“Oh, well this just gets better and better; next you’re going to tell me you’re pregnant!”

I grit my teeth, crossing my arms in front of
my chest with an angry exhale. “Don’t be so ridiculous, Caleb, I’m not stupid.” The idea of having another baby, while my Lily is still in the NICU is just ludicrous. I’ll be lucky if I ever get pregnant again, but I don’t want to dwell on that just now.

“
Oh, well I’m glad you still have some sense in that brain of yours. And Lily, have you even thought of how your actions will affect her?” The unruly, condescending tone gives me the impression he has suddenly forgotten our ten year friendship, it’s as if he doesn’t even know me. I feel as if I am talking to a stranger right now.

“
I feel as if we’ve been transported into some twilight universe. You know me from the inside out, yet you’re making me sound like I’m a heartless bitch who only cares about herself. Nothing will affect her in the slightest, I will make sure of it.”

He is on his feet in a spl
it second, charging over to me. “You’re so fucking naïve, Ava, it’s unreal! You’ve gone behind her father’s back with her doctor. How do you think it’s going to affect her? Plus, you’ve inevitably just broken this family up.
Your
family.”

My body is shuddering from the inside out, and I ca
n’t listen to any more of this. “Well it doesn’t feel like a fucking family! I’ve been at this alone-”

“Alone!” His face reddens, while the vein at the top his head almost erupts as
he roars his anger in my face. “Who the fuck was I then? Because if I remember rightly I’ve been here since the beginning, so don’t you dare say you’ve been alone!”

I sigh angrily, almost pulling my hair in frustration, highly exasperated with him for not
letting me finish my sentence. “I was talking about Sebastian, you asshole!”

He visibly calms as my words sink in, but only a fraction.
“How can you even say that though? That you don’t feel like a family.”

“Because it’s the truth! He isn’t here, and if he really loved me, then he’d be by my side, fighting for the health of our daughter, not fighting a war in another goddamn country,” I’m subconsciously reciting Ashton’s
words, remembering the similar things he said to me last night, and I regret them as soon as they leave my mouth.

“Wow. That’s a new low, especially for you, Ava,” he hisses through gritted teeth. His eyes darken with fury, and I get the distinct feeling he would like to slap me senseless right about now. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“I didn’t mean it…I don’t really think that-”

“You know what? I can’t even stand to look at you right now. I’ve never been so disappointed in you, until this very moment. I don’t even know who you are right now.” With a shake of his head, he storms away towards his room.

“I don’t know what you want from me. I’m trying…I’m trying…” I murmur to the back of Caleb’s head as he continues to walk away and the tears begin to fall fast as the sky continues to fall on top of me. Blood is furiously pumping through my veins and through my anger, I am so tempted to launch my phone at the wall, but instead I call Ashton. He answers on the second ring. “Hi, baby.” I visibly relax at the sound of his voice.

“Hi,” I sigh but my voice is still a little shaky.

“Hey, is everything okay?” I love how he can sense my uneasiness through the other side of the phone. It’s ridiculous how in-tune we are with each other, after such a short time knowing him.

“I had a fight with Caleb, it was pretty ugly. Can I see you? I need you.” My lips tremble at the end of my words.

“I just got out of the shower, let me get changed, and I’ll be there in fifteen.”

My stomach lurches. He can’t come here; God knows what Caleb will do if he sees Ashton right now. I can guarantee it will not be pretty.
“No! That’s not a good idea. I’ll come to you instead.”

“I’ll come and pick you up
, then we can go back to my place.”

“That’s okay, just text me your address. I can get a cab. I just really need to get out of here.” I say, my voice trembling, the fight flashing before my eyes.

As soon as we disconnect the call, I dial a cab, then I head into my room, throw a change of clothes in a bag, put a sweatshirt on, and slip my pumps onto my feet. Once I grab my purse, I am out of the door, not wanting to stay here for another second longer. Thankfully when I make it downstairs, the cab is already waiting for me.

We pull up in front of a two-story townhouse, with a blue and cream wooden
façade
that complements perfectly with the matching townhouses in this cute little neighborhood. I pay the driver, and eagerly jog to Ashton’s house. I don’t even have to knock as he already has the door open before I come to a stop. He looks fresh from his shower, and my heart takes off when I rake my eyes over his body, noticing how delicious he looks in only a pair of gray sweatpants and nothing else. He gives me a sexy smirk when he takes a step forward onto the porch, pressing a lingering kiss against my lips, before pulling away leaving me a little breathless.

“Come on in,” he says softly, and like a gentleman he carries my bags through. I follow him into a small entryway. I am led up a small set of stairs that follow through to a modern open floor plan room with dark hardwood floors.
The sitting area is to my left, and a set of white French doors lead to a spacious outside balcony. There is a small kitchenette to my right and to the left of the entry way sits a stairwell that leads to the third floor. I take in the neutral beige color arrangement, with minimal furniture. I can see a brown corner sofa with a matching loveseat against the back wall, a plasma television mounted to the opposite wall, a shelving unit with a few framed photographs, diplomas, other knick-knacks and gadgets; a coffee table and a fireplace in the very corner of the room. This place looks so damn tidy that I’d have sworn it was a show home. It barely looks as though it’s been lived in, but then again he is rarely at home.

Ashton places my stuff onto the coffee table in the middle of the room, then turns to me, pulling me into the warmth of his arms, stroking the length of my hair. I wrap my arms around his waist and nuzzle my head into the crux of his neck. I sigh with content, the sound of his beating heart reverberating through me, calming me into a state of tranquility. I love this. I love being in his arms. Warm, loved and safe. It’s perfect. He’s perfect.

“Are you okay?” he asks, pressing a soft kiss within the loose ringlets of my hair.

“I am now,” I whisper against his bare skin, pressing a gentle kiss against his pulse, clutching even closer to him, smelling his enticing aroma of citrus fruits and cool water.

He pulls away slightly to look down at me. He brushes my hair away from my eyes, staring down at me. “You want to tell me what happened? You sounded really upset on the phone.”

I shake my head, lingering my hands down his silky soft chest, lust beginning to pulsate its way thro
ugh my veins at the very touch. “No, not yet. I will, but first I want you,” I confess, standing up on my tiptoes to press a forceful kiss onto his desirable plump lips. “I need you,” I mumble against his lips, taking a subtle nip against his bottom lip with my teeth, and then slide my tongue across the flesh, causing Ashton to shudder under my touch.

“I missed you,” I say, and I hear him groan under his breath, then he sucks my tongue into his mouth, pulling me deeper into him, whetting my appetite for what I am anticipating will come soon. My fingertips wander over the ripples of his chest, traveling south as the passion erupts around us, our kiss deepening, our bodies melting into one. I reach for the waistband of his sweatpants, and the heat from within me doubles when my fingers sweep under the material, and I am met with hard flesh. He jerks at the sudden hand contact, and I groan into his mouth as I lat
ch my fingers around him. “It seems you’ve missed me too,” I whisper against his lips.

“Like you wouldn’t believe, baby.” I shudder as he calls me baby. The way it flows from his tongue is sexy as
hell.
“I love it when you call me baby.”

“Baby,” he whispers, earning a shiver of delight
that shudders through my body. I instinctively squeeze against his length, and he slams his lips back onto mine. I can feel the floor move from under me, and without breaking our connection, we fall back onto the sofa into an upright sitting position, my legs straddling comfortably around his thighs. I gyrate my hips into his, the friction of his strained cock causes a lustful of explosion to rocket through me, and we groan out together.

We break our kiss, our eyes burning with a lust-filled passion. He peels my Seattle Redhawks sweatshirt off, leaving my hair feeling almost wind swept once he pulls it over my head. Discarding it to the side, he slides his fingers through my hair, lovingly massaging my scalp as he kisses me, leaving me breathless when he pulls away all too soon. I am breathing heavily when his eyes trace my chest, his hand sliding downwards until his thumb traces the puckered nipple that you can clearly see through my white tank top.

“Baby, you’re not wearing a bra,” he says through a breathless exhale, adding fuel to the fire that is quickly igniting. I suppose now is not the time to dwell on the fact that I forgot to put my nursing bra back on after my shower earlier. “Damn, baby.” With a satisfied growl, he quickly discards my tank top, leaving me naked from the waist up. A shiver tingles along my spine when the cold air hits my bare skin, but I soon begin to feel the heat when he leans down and presses a single kiss against my left nipple, then he sucks it into his mouth, causing me to jerk against his lap.

He smiles around my lips
, pulling a little with his teeth, causing me to hiss at the impact. I grasp at his damp hair, pulling through the silky strands. His lips slowly move up the valley of my breasts, pressing tiny kisses without missing a trace of my bare skin, goose pimples replacing each kiss. I arch my back on a breathless whimper and let my head fall back as I feel his lips glide effortlessly up the center of my neckline. He is taking his sweet time adoring every inch of my skin, relishing my body like it’s our very first time all over again. His lips eventually find mine, and with the pent up desire that is currently coursing through my body from the sexual tension from his kisses, I attack his lips, claw my fingers against his shoulders, rock my hips into his, desperate for him, desperate to have him inside me. He has turned me into a sex-craving maniac and with each caress, each kiss, and each sweep of his tongue, it almost sends me over the edge.

Coming up for air, I stare at him, caressing his cheek with my thumb and forefinger, u
nable to take my eyes from him. “I need you, please,” I beg.

He smiles lovingly at me, moving his hands to the waistband of my thin
sweatpants. His thumb moves to the bare skin that sits under the material. His eyes widen. “No panties either?”

I shake my head. I lift myself up off his lap slightly, desperately wanting him to push his entire hand inside my sweatpants. He is happy to oblige and he presses his thumb deeper within the material until his thumb brushes against my swollen clit.