Look After Us (14 page)

I think I’ve always felt that way about Ava, even from the very first moment I laid eyes on her, the new mother of a twenty-seven week old preemie while she sat in her wheelchair in complete and utter silence, watching her baby with an awed gaze that mesmerized me. She drew me in like a moth to a flame, and the instant my fingers came into close contact with the fire, I knew I was too late … She drew me in until I was too far gone. I was hers … even if she wasn’t mine.

Yesterday we were blissfully happy; laughing, and having hot, incredible sex, but today … well I’m a miserable son of a bitch because I feel lost without her.

It doesn’t help that when I tried to see her this morning, just to see if she was okay and try to somehow make up for my colossal fuck up to her, my mom wouldn’t let me within a mile of her. She was beyond pissed at me, and it seemed Ava had a new protector in the form of my mom. In a firm do-not-argue-with-your-mother kind of way, she told me, “She doesn’t want to see you. Thanks to you, that girl was a wreck all night. You need to stay away until she’s ready to see you. Let her breathe, Ashton.” Reluctantly I turned away but, in that moment, I came face to face with Riley, and I swear if the look of wrath my mom threw her way could kill, Riley wouldn’t have stood a chance.

Crunching down on my jaw, I purposely ignored Riley and focused on my mom. “Can you at least tell her that I love her,
please
?” I implored.

My mom nodded before turning away, heading in the direction of the guest room that had somehow turned into some kind of bridal sanctuary, but not before shooting another dagger at Riley.

I turned and began to walk downstairs when Riley called out my name. Angry at the fact I couldn’t see my fiancée thanks to Riley, and her need to fuck up my relationship with the only woman that matters to me, I turned to her and said, with a menacing grit to my voice, “Stay away from me. You’re the reason why my fiancée won’t fucking talk to me.”

That led me to now, standing with my brother at the top of the makeshift altar, sweating my balls off as the sun pounds down on us in the afternoon heat as the chairs begin to fill up with guests.

“Jesus, man … whose idea was it to wear goddamn tuxes in the middle of freaking August?” I complain pulling at my collar, hating the way the oppressive heat makes it feel as though it’s constricting my airways.

“Stop bitching, asshat, and man the fuck up.”

I bark out a laugh. “Are you kidding me? I’m not the one who couldn’t stop throwing up this morning because I was getting married today. That, bud, was all you.”

“Come on, man … I’m nervous as hell. You’re my best man, you’re supposed to be making me feel better or some shit.” Despite my mood, I can’t keep the chuckle that escapes my lips. He’s right though; it’s my job to keep his shit together. I step in front of him, placing my hands on either side of his shoulders, gripping him tightly.

“Why are you nervous? You’re marrying the woman of your dreams today, the woman you
love
. It’s a pretty awesome day to be you, brother.” He takes a deep breath through his nose, and exhales out of his mouth. After a few moments, his frigid demeanor slowly relaxes until he finally cracks a smile.

“God, I’m one lucky guy.”

A ghost of a smile splays across my lips as the sudden image of Ava’s beautiful smile, beautiful laugh … beautiful
everything
hits me like a freight train and the clarity, the smooth definition of her perfection takes my breath away, just as it does when her beauty is only an inch away.

“Me too … I just hope Ava is able to forgive me.” Once Tyler woke up this morning and noticed my brooding self on the sofa in the pool house with an unbelievably angry scowl on my face, I was forced to tell him what happened during the night.

“Of course she will, she loves you … and
technically
you didn’t do anything wrong. It was all Riley.”

I nod knowing he’s right, but hating that I’m the reason Ava won’t even talk to me. She can’t even bear to look at me. I hate myself. If I had been one hundred percent sober last night, then my inhibitions wouldn’t have been lowered and I wouldn’t have allowed Riley’s lips to touch mine for longer than a millisecond. Five seconds—even they felt quick—were five seconds too long.

“I know that, but it’s going to be hard for her to trust me again.”

“Well, you need to do something to gain her trust,” Tyler says pointedly, with a huge smile bursting from his lips, almost like he knows something that I don’t.

“And how do you reckon I should do that?” The question sounds a little skeptic, but right now I’ve never been more serious in my life. I will do anything to gain her trust again. Today is the first day that I haven’t woken with her beauty lying beside me or heard her sexy voice on my cell phone—for when I’ve had to do night shifts at the hospital—and it’s been hell. I need her beside me in order for me to function, because without her I simply cannot exist.

“The clue is surrounding you. Open your eyes,” Tyler says.

My eyes take in my surroundings; the white rows of chairs, the cream and white flowers that hang from every row, and the petals scattered along the edge of the white aisle runner, but I’m still clueless to what he means. It isn’t until fifteen minutes later when the ceremony begins that his words finally click into place.

I stand beside my brother, smiling proudly at him when the single key of a piano begins to play a classical version of ‘A Thousand Years’ by Christina Perri. I find my eyes drawn to the aisle and everything around me ceases to exist when the love of my life makes her way down the aisle, dressed in the most beautiful dress I have ever seen her in. It fits her flawlessly. It’s strapless, giving me a clear view of her shoulders, shoulders that I happen to find sexy as hell. My eyes travel lazily down her body, and my dick almost goes hard as I take in the plunging neckline that makes her cleavage look incredible. My stare continues its downward journey, noticing the way the dress clings to her curves before it flows effortlessly to the floor.

She looks beautiful, almost angelic like.

Holy fuck … she’s …
wow
.

“Close your mouth, dude,” I hear Tyler whisper with a snigger beside me, but I pay him no attention as I find it impossible to tear my eyes away from the beauty that is Ava, watching the way the sunshine sparkles against her dress and how the light wind ripples against the long waves of her hair. I can’t keep the dream-like smile from my face as she nears, and I’m confident that my penetrating stare and my awe-like expression is making her nervous by the way her gaze continuously keeps flickering to the ground.

“My eyes are open. I know what I have to do,” I say to my brother without breaking my gaze from Ava, but out of the corner of my eye I see the shit-eating grin break free along his face and I know he knows exactly what I’m going to do.

“Can you at least wait until my girl comes down the aisle please? So I can warn her that you’re about to crash her wedding.”

I chuckle. “Sure thing.”

My laughter falters when Ava finally steps in front of me and it takes everything in me not to reach out and touch her, to bring her in my arms and never let go. She smiles hesitantly as she briefly meets my eyes before she looks back down, letting out a shuddered breath. I hate that she’s so nervous, but it probably doesn’t help that I’m currently eye fucking her entire body. It’s hard not to when she looks as incredible as she does.

“You look beautiful, baby,” I say as she steps to the right of the minister just below the wedding arch, and I can’t miss the way her smile widens at my words as her eyes look down at the flowers she holds in her hands. The other bridesmaids walk down the aisle one by one, but I don’t pay them any attention. My eyes stay locked on my girl, unable to look away. I frown when her body suddenly locks up, and her nostrils angrily flare as the last bridesmaid approaches. With a flicker of my eyes, I see that it’s Riley who seems to be looking only in my direction.
Fuck.

“Ava,” I whisper, and she looks up with what looks to be tears in her eyes. My heart bottoms out and the need to wipe those tears of hurt that begin to fall down her face consumes every fiber of my being. My need to protect her, to look after her … to make her mine is all I can think about, and I need to start by wiping those tears away, and I will the moment Mia gets her ass down this aisle.

“I love you,” I mouth to Ava, focusing solely on those deep chocolate eyes of hers, my own eyes burning into them as if I’m trying to search into her very soul, demanding the deepest part of her to listen to me. That I love her and only her, and that no other woman is ever going to get in the way of that. That she is whom I want to live, breathe and die with. She is the person I want my all with. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Ava is my world, and I want to spend whatever time I have left on this earth with her and Lily, and any future children we might have.

Swallowing down my emotion, I force my focus to the aisle and smile proudly when I see my nephew, adorably suited and booted with a ring-bearer cushion in his hands, walking towards the alter with a toothy grin.

“Looking good, Junior,” I praise when he steps in front of me, giving him a quick high-five, which he excitedly reciprocates before he goes to stand beside Tyler. I return my attention to the aisle and watch as Mia rounds the corner with her father. I briefly glance towards my brother to see his mouth agape, his eyes trained on his wife-to-be as she begins her descent down the aisle, tears already brimming to the surface of his awe-struck eyes.

Normally I would have teased him, but since I spent the night almost on the verge of tears, struggling to cope without Ava in my arms, I’m hardly in the position to mock.

I glance back into the direction of Mia but not before stealing a peek at Ava. I stall, momentarily surprised when I find her pretty gaze on me; especially since this is the first time she’s looked at me for longer than half a second. However, the moment our eyes lock, she quickly looks away and returns her eyes to the front, without giving away a single thought, except for the flush of pink that begins to glow against her cheeks.

Mia finally approaches and even though no one can compare to Ava, I have to say Mia looks near enough as beautiful in her wedding dress that appears to be almost identical to the bridesmaid dresses, except it’s white and the train continues on for what seems like miles. Her smile is bright as her father presses a gentle kiss against her cheek before handing her over to Tyler. I find myself smiling as I watch the dumbfounded expression on my brother’s face, his eyes a mist with unshed tears as he takes in his fiancée and the beauty that glows from her. I’m so happy he’s finally found his soul mate, and I couldn’t be more honored to be experiencing this moment with him.

My heart rate picks up speed when he pulls her into him and whispers in her ear. A moment later her wide eyes fall onto me, a huge smile gradually taking over her face. She gives me an excited nod, before saying, “Well go on then. What the hell are you waiting for?” I chuckle under my breath, mouthing a quick, “Thank you,” before turning my attention back to Ava. My eyes penetrate hers with determination as I step in front of her, and I can tell by the way her eyes flicker from side to side that she’s nervous. Maybe even a little terrified as her shoulders suddenly begin to rise and fall, her breathing labored.

I take her soft hand in mine and breathe a sigh of relief when she doesn’t pull away.
Thank God.

“Come here,” I say pulling her to the front of the altar.

“What are you doing?” she whispers in a panic-stricken voice, her eyes wide.

I take the flowers from her other hand and pass them to my mom on the front row. “What I should have done the moment you said yes to my proposal.” I ignore the questioning stares that I feel burning into my side from the guests and focus on the only person in the world that matters to me, taking her hands into mine.

“Ava, I’m so in love with you, and as I look at how incredibly beautiful you look right now, I know I’m the luckiest man alive … well, one of the luckiest men alive.” I wink at my brother before resuming my stance in Ava’s direction, my fingers clutching tightly against hers. “I spent a lifetime searching for something I didn’t know I was searching for, but it seems the moment you came into my life I knew I’d finally found it. I finally found the missing piece in my life. You are everything to me, and no one will ever compare,
no one
,” I emphasize, hoping to get it into her head that no one, including Riley, will ever have a piece of my heart. Only Ava will have that piece of me.

“Last night our entire lives were almost ruined because of one stupid moment and this morning, when I didn’t wake up to your beautiful face smiling at me, I could barely function. My life is not complete unless you’re in it. Today has given me a taste of a life without you, and I hated every minute of it because a world without you is a world not worth living in.” Her eyes glisten and a smile pulls against her lips at my familiar words, and I’m pretty certain I can hear a sigh leave the lips of every single woman here.

“I love you, baby, and my life doesn’t exist without you. I want to exist but only with you and Lily.” I pause for a brief second, taking in the beauty of her pretty eyes that sparkle as they soak in my every word. “I know we were going to wait until Lily was a little older, but I can’t wait a moment longer. Ava, will you marry me? Right here, right now?”

Her mouth drops open and her eyes nervously flitter around our surroundings. “Are you serious?”

I pull her closer until her body is flushed against mine. I love the way her heartbeat thrashes in time with mine. “I’ve never been more serious.”

“But … Lily … we can’t get married without her.”

I can’t keep the lazy smile from my lips as I hear the panic stammering from her mouth. I’ve shocked her, and I’m happy she’s finally talking to me.

“I will give you as many weddings as you want, baby, but I can’t spend another day without you being my wife, without making you
mine.
I want to marry you now, and give you the life that you deserve. I want to protect you, cherish you, love you,
look after you
until my last dying breath.” My voice trembles as the emotion of this moment slowly begins to ripple through me.