Longings of the Heart (34 page)

“Not in the least. It was the same for me.” He gave her a sideways hug. “And for you too, I imagine.”

“As I recall.”

John tucked Hannah’s arm into his and the two walked toward the church. Hannah was surprised at the peace she felt.
Of course I should feel safe. This is my church family. What better
place to feel secure than here among my friends.

She’d nearly reached the steps when she saw Deidre just inside the door. Peace took flight. Hannah sucked in a breath and pressed a hand against her chest to quiet her thumping heart. “She’s here,” she whispered.

Deidre remained where she was and met Hannah’s gaze. She almost smiled and then disappeared inside the building.

“Pay her no mind,” John said as he stepped up to the reverend. “Good day to you.”

The reverend smiled and shook John’s hand. “It’s a fine day, eh. Looks to be a hot one, though.”

“That it does.”

He doesn’t know.
Hannah nodded at the reverend and managed a tremulous smile. What would he think of her once he knew?
What has become of your faith? You confronted Deidre
with confidence. You felt God’s power and presence. What has
changed?
Hannah knew God hadn’t changed, it was her. She’d allowed her mind to reflect on what might go wrong, rather than staying focused on his promises.

John kept ahold of Hannah’s arm and steered her through the door and inside the church. Bright sunlight streamed in through the windows, heating up the room. Needing comfort, her eyes sought out the cross at the front of the sanctuary.

John moved forward, guiding Hannah. She could feel his strength and was thankful for it. He stopped and stood aside to allow her to sit and then moved into the pew beside her. Hannah kept her eyes forward, not sure just what to do. What if Deidre was telling people at this very moment?

Just as Matilda James sat down at the piano, Thomas scooted in beside his parents. He pushed blond hair off his forehead and smiled at Hannah and John, then moved in between them.

Matilda’s fingers played over the keys as a familiar hymn resonated throughout the sanctuary. “ ‘All hail the power of Jesus’ name! Let angels prostrate fall; bring forth the royal diadem, and crown him Lord of all!’ ”

Hannah voiced the words, but she barely heard them. “ ‘Ye chosen seed of Israel’s race, ye ransomed of the fall, hail him who saves you by his grace, and crown him Lord of all.’ ”

Voices melded in worship. Hannah tried to feel the power of the words, but she could only think of Deidre. What if today was the day?

Hannah looked about the room and saw worshipful friends. Would they still be her friends if they knew the truth? She had no doubts about the Athertons or Gwen and Perry or Lydia, but she felt no certainty about the others.

The first hymn was followed by another. Hannah kept her hands clasped in her lap. She felt overly hot. Where was Deidre? Hannah glanced behind her. Three rows from the back she sat, looking smug. While she sang, her pale green eyes found Hannah and bored into her. Hannah quickly looked toward the front.
She’s going to spread her poisonous lies.

Matilda stopped playing and the reverend moved to the lectern at the front. “Good day to you all.” He smiled. “As a reminder, today is the church picnic. After services we’ll gather at the river. I hope you all can join us. There will be games and the food promises to be superb. I understand the women have been cooking all week.” He smiled, then cleared his throat and brushed back his graying hair. “Fun and frolic is good for the soul.”

He opened his Bible. “Now, shall we look into God’s Word together.”

“Reverend, I must speak first.”

Hannah heard Deidre’s voice. She fumbled for John’s hand. He squeezed it tightly.

“Reverend, I have a matter that must be addressed.”

Hannah kept her eyes forward, staring at the back of the pew in front of her. She heard the rustle of clothing. She glanced back. Deidre stood, looking innocent and wholesome, nothing like the woman she’d seen when she’d confronted her.
Lord,
please let there be justice.

“Miss O’Neil, perhaps you could wait until after services.”

“It can’t wait. I have a duty to expose a grievous sin.”

The reverend’s blue eyes were troubled.

“The Word says we’re to expose sin and deal with it, am I right?”

He ran a finger under his tight collar. “Of course. But we must keep Scripture in context. Sin is to be dealt with, but perhaps it would best be done after services and not so publicly.” He looked down at his Bible.

“I think not. Not this time. I have something to say that everyone should hear.” Unable to disguise her ruthlessness, Deidre no longer looked innocent. “God’s Word says we are to hold one another to account. Isn’t that right?”

“Correct, but not—”

“And doesn’t it say we’re to go to that person and see to it that they repent?” Deidre’s eyes found Hannah. “I’m simply obeying the Word.”

The reverend leaned on the lectern. “Yes, Deidre, we are to hold one another accountable, and repentance is necessary to maintain a vigorous relationship with God. But there is a process by which the church must conduct such matters. I’d like to discuss that with you . . . after services.”

“No, Reverend. This can’t wait.” Deidre turned and faced Hannah. “We have a fraud among us!” She pointed at Hannah. “Hannah Bradshaw must be held to account!”

Gasps erupted throughout the sanctuary. The reverend, looking aghast, turned to Hannah.

“She’s an adulteress!” Deidre said.

“Deidre, I think—”

Ignoring the reverend’s appeal, Deidre continued, “While living in London, she sold her body to a magistrate, and when she found herself with child, she left in the middle of the night, but only after having stolen a costly silver chalice.”

Nausea swept through Hannah. She thought she might faint.

Deidre strode to the center aisle and moved closer to John and Hannah.

John stood and faced her. “You are lying.”

“Oh and what of you?” Deidre spat at him. “You’ve accepted her sins and protected her—even though she married you under the false pretense of purity.”

“You will be silent,” John bellowed. “You do not speak the truth nor do you have an understanding of the truth.”

“But I do. As well you know.”

Hannah stood. She hung on to John’s arm and looked to the reverend. “Please, may I speak?”

His expression grave, Reverend Taylor nodded.

“Deidre is speaking falsely.”

“What I’ve said is true! Ask her about the child.”

“I . . . I was with child . . . once. That is true. But the manner in which I came to be in that condition is not as she says.” Dizziness swept over Hannah, and she tightened her grip on John’s arm. She felt a small hand find its way into her palm and looked down to see Thomas gazing up at her, his blue eyes filled with love and encouragement.

“She was an innocent,” John said. “Assaulted by a man of power and wealth. It was he who deserved prison. After he attacked her, Hannah escaped to the streets. It was only when she was at a point of starvation that she took bread from a merchant. That was her only crime.”

He turned a gaze of contempt upon Deidre. “If anyone deserves punishment here, it is you.” He looked over the congregation. “For months she has threatened to expose Hannah’s past, but her version of it, which is a lie. She has remained quiet only because I’ve paid her to do so. My sin is that I’ve given in to her coercion and have not stood strongly enough with my wife against this evil.” “And if yer wife didn’t commit a grave sin, why would ye pay me then, eh?” Deidre challenged. “It was the child. She destroyed it, killed it with her own hands.”

“That’s not true!” Lydia flew to her feet. “I was there. The baby was born before it’s time. It was too tiny to live. It took not one breath. Hannah had no hand in its death.”

Hannah moved to the center aisle. She smiled at Lydia and then looked from John to Deidre and back to the reverend. “Stop. Please stop. I am not innocent. I have committed a grave sin. As my husband has said, my employer, Judge Walker, attacked me and I ran away and I lived on the streets.” Hannah felt strength pour into her. “Days later I was arrested for stealing bread. Judge Walker was the magistrate who oversaw my trial. He accused me unjustly of thievery, saying that I had taken a chalice from his home. I was sentenced to transportation to Sydney Town.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks. “While on board the prison ship, I discovered I was with child . . .” She glanced about the room, knowing that what she had to say would likely sever her relationship with most of those present. “I prayed that the baby would die.”

Gasps and murmurs moved through the congregation. Hannah took a deep breath and continued. “It was a grave sin, one I shall never forgive myself for. The child was born early and it did die.” She closed her eyes. “But as someone once pointed out to me, I am not God. It is he who chooses who lives and who dies. Yet, he is merciful and has forgiven me for my shameful request, though I do not deserve it.”

Looking at John and the reverend and those she felt closest to, she continued, “And now, I ask for your forgiveness. I’ve tarnished not only myself but my family and my church family. Please forgive me.” She moved back to John and took his hand. “John and I will move away if it is considered a just punishment for what I’ve done.”

Deidre wore a look of satisfaction.

Perry stood. “If she goes, then I guess I’d better go too. I’m a sinner. I grew up on the streets and committed just about every sin a man can.” He moved into the aisle.

“And I’ve committed the gravest of sins,” Lydia said. “I murdered a man. I was protecting my mum, but still I took his life.” She looked down at David. He stood and offered her his hand. Together they stepped into the center aisle.

Deidre looked unsettled and her bravado dwindled.

Mrs. Atherton was the next to stand. “It was my sin of pride that kept me from adopting a child while I was still young enough to be a mum. Pride is a grave sin. The Lord’s forgiven me, but I’ve still had to live with the devastating consequences. William and I both have.” She looked tearfully at William and then at Hannah. “Please stay. I would miss you terribly.”

Deidre’s bluster had changed to anger. “Can ye hear yer—” “I believe you’ve said enough!” The reverend looked out over the congregation. “Please, all of you sit.” His gaze was gentle and loving. It rested on John and Hannah. “You also. Please.”

Everyone returned to their places. Deidre dropped into her seat with a huff and folded her arms over her chest. “She’ll have to go—”

“I said—enough.” The reverend turned the pages in his Bible. He stopped and looked out over the congregation. “Romans 3:23 says, ‘For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.’ ” He smiled. “I’d say most of us know that verse, eh.”

There were words of agreement and nods.

“There is more—we rarely quote the rest of the verse.” He glanced down at the Scriptures and then read, slowly and resolutely, “And are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished—he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.”

He looked out over the congregation. “Everyone in this room has sinned, no one is without fault. But God in his goodness and his kindness offered his Son as a sacrifice.” He looked at Hannah with kindness. “He looked down through the ages and he saw you, Hannah Bradshaw. And he sent his Son for you.”

He turned his gaze on Perry. “And he knew you, Perry, and you, Lydia and Catharine.” His gaze moved from one to the other, touching everyone in the church, including Deidre. “He knew and loved us all even before we were born. And it is his love that saves us. There is nothing we can do but trust in him.”

His eyes settled on Deidre. “He treated us with mercy and has asked that we imitate him and offer mercy to one another.”

Deidre slumped slightly lower in the pew, but her arms remained tightly clasped across her chest.

The reverend looked out over the church. “We are sinners; that is the sad truth. But we have been created anew and God sees us as holy and blameless because he chooses to.”

Again Hannah felt Thomas’s hand grasp hers. The ache inside her began to fade, and in its place she felt gratitude and wonder. She’d never experienced God’s love more powerfully. Unaware of her tears, she felt John’s arm go about her, and she pulled Thomas in close.

“God’s greatest commandment is that we love one another,” the reverend continued. “And in this church I shall do my best to see that we follow his decree.”

He looked at Deidre. “Everyone is welcome in the house of the Lord.”

Deidre stood. “I know what yer thinking—that I’m the worst of sinners.” She glared at the congregation. “I’m not. I know more ’bout most of ye than ye’d guess, more than ye’d want me to know. And I’ll not stay here to be judged by any of ye.”

Her hands clenched and her arms swinging at her sides, she strode to the back of the church, then stopped and looked at the congregation. “Yer a weak and pathetic lot.” She opened the door and stomped out.

The parishioners gaped at the church entrance and then turned back to Reverend Taylor. He looked bereaved, and then he did something unusual. He knelt beside the lectern and closed his eyes. Soon others were kneeling as well. Hannah and John and Thomas knelt together and prayed. The fragrance of worship filled the sanctuary.

When the reverend stood, Hannah saw tranquility in his eyes. And she recognized the same peace that lived within her own heart, a peace only God gives.

“Let us close with the hymn ‘O Love Divine, What Hast Thou Done,’ ” the reverend said.

He began and the congregation joined in. A sound like angels’ voices swelled, and God’s divine and holy presence pervaded the room.

Hannah looked at John on one side and Thomas on the other. She’d had so little faith.
How could I have forgotten the
goodness of God?