Long Voyage Back (33 page)

The nice thing about Neil's insisting on a tight, rigidly maintained watch schedule was that every six or eight hours it forced you to stop thinking and act. Frank pushed himself heavily up off the berth and lowered his legs to the floor. Action. Action. Slowly, painfully, he began putting on his boat shoes. That night in the forepeak Jim and Lisa finally found a place and time to make love. 01ly and Macklin were on watch, and Tony, who also had a berth forward, was talking with Katya up in the wheelhouse. The others were asleep in their various cabins. For Jim and Lisa it was the only place they could find to be alone.

The motion of Vagabond into and over the swells alternately accented and interfered with the motions of the lovemaking in ways that made Jim and Lisa giggle. Everything - even their awkwardness - was a delight. The few couplings Jim had known, burdened with the pressure of performance and the absence of love, hadn't prepared him for the unexpected joy of being with Lisa, who, inexpert, shy and passive, made him feel that his every touch and kiss was a miracle of perfection. His first entering her had been painful for her; his first climax a disappointingly minor event soon forgotten in the midst of rising pleasure and excitement of the continuing play of their hands and lips and words. They were naked and sweating, suppressing their noises and giggles, and enraptured with the discovery of so much happiness. When Jim had climaxed a second time they lay side by side facing each other, grinning, laughing, trying half-heartedly to raise their conversation above the idiotic.

`You did too squeal,' Lisa insisted. 'And it was nice.'

Jim shook his head, smiling. Ì didn't hear a thing,' he countered.

`Do I make noises?' Lisa asked.

Ì was too busy to notice.' Again they laughed, until a noise in the main cabin curtained off only a few feet away sobered

them. They lay quietly, staring at each other, listening. They heard Tony swear and Katya laugh.

`Do you think they might come in here?' Lisa asked. Jim grimaced and nodded. 'They might,' he said. `Should we let people know?' Lisa asked. 'You know, about . .. what we're doing?'

`No,' said Jim. 'Our parents have enough to worry about without . . Ì know,' said Lisa. 'After Frank and Mother had that long

talk after dinner tonight I found her crying in her cabin.' `Really? I don't understand what'

s happening with them

all, do you?'

Ì thought she ... liked Neil, but now . . . I don't know.' `My father said . . Katya abruptly ducked up from the curtain and appeared only a few feet away.. 'Oh!' she said. 'Hey, I'm sorry. I must have the, wrong room.' She laughed briefly and as quickly stooped down to disappear back into the main cabin.

As they heard her and Tony begin arguing Jim grabbed his swimming trunks and pulled them on and Lisa scrambled for her shorts and blouse.

`What is this?' Tony said, suddenly emerging into the room. 'Neil gives me the worst berth on the boat and even then it's not mine.'

Ì'm sorry,' said Jim, whispering. 'Would you please keep your voice down.'

Ì can't even talk in my own cabin?' said Tony.

Òh, shut up,' Katya whispered from behind him. 'Leave them alone.'

`We're leaving,' said Jim. 'And I'm sorry we . . . used your bed.'

Ìt's not mine, it's Connie's,' said Tony. Tut it's the principle of the thing.'

`Tony, you've got as much principle as an eel,' said Katya. `Come on, Lisa,' said Jim.

`Do your parents know you're screwing?' Tony asked.

`Not yet,' said Jim. 'And I'd like it if they didn't know.'

`Sure,' said Tony. 'I dig it. I don't imagine your Dad would be too hot about your fucking with Jeanne's baby. Hey, you know, it's statutory rape! How about that?'

`Go,' said Katya to Jim and Lisa. 'Tony, you're an ass.' `Statutory rape. Army desertion. I'

m witnessing all sorts of crimes.'

`You witness a crime every time you look in a mirror,' said Katya. 'Goodbye, kids. I'm glad you're lovers.'

Jim and Lisa left, the shame and uncertainty stirred by Tony not erased by Katya's blessing. They stopped fora drink of water in the galley and then soberly climbed the steps into. the wheelhouse.

Olly was snoring on a settee while Macklin stood at the wheel, the light of a cigarette casting a brief reddish glimmer to his face. Jim was aware that Macklin had been ordered not to use any of the cigarettes and he automatically stopped, looking at him. Macklin didn't speak, simply returning Jim's gaze, then looking at Lisa, then back at Jim. Lisa left to go to her cabin with Jeanne. Macklin exhaled a cloud of smoke towards Jim but the rush of air from the port entranceway blew it aft.

`Have a good time?' Macklin asked.

Jim returned his stare a moment longer and then walked past and out of the wheelhouse towards his own starboard cabin. His futile rage at Tony and Macklin had him trembling. Down in the cabin Frank was awake, staring at the ceiling. `Where you been, Jim?' he asked.

Jim went to the little sink to wash the sweat off his face.

`With Lisa,' he answered after a moment. . . Talking . .

His father didn't say anything for a while. Jim wiped off his face and chest, the salt water leaving him still sticky.

Ì'm glad, Jim,' Frank said. 'I mean your and Lisa's getting together. Being friends. It's good.'

Jim, his back to his father, felt a wave of emotion flood him

- gratefulness to his father, love of Lisa, sadness at his father's troubles.

`Thanks, Dad,' he said, wiping his face and chest.

`You know,' said Frank, still invisible on his berth, 'Jeanne and Lisa and Skip are really part of our family now. We've got to take care of them . . . take care of them just as we would . . . your mother and Susan.'

In the darkness Jim put the washcloth and towel down on the sink and went to his narrow berth forward of Frank's.

`They . . they're good people,' Jim said as he climbed up on to the foam mattress.

`They're family,' said Frank. 'Lisa's your sister.'

Jim pulled the sheet up over his damp, sticky body and pulled off his swim trunks. He felt a chill at his father's describing Lisa as his sister, fearing that Frank was thinking in terms of himself and Jeanne and not seeing Lisa as separate, as . . . a woman.

`Goodnight, Dad,' he said.

Àll of us ...'Frank seemed to say softly, but Jim didn't know what he meant, and in another minute he could hear the heavy rasp of his father's breathing in sleep. Lying in her berth beside Katya the next morning Jeanne thought about Neil and about Skippy's not eating enough and of how gaunt Frank was beginning to look, and of Neil's thighs and Skippy's fascination with fish guts, and of Lisa and Jim, and of the planet withering with the plagues unleashed by the war, and of her weariness in dealing with it all, and of Neil and of her happiness. At times their voyage seemed hopeless; at other moments selfish and narcissistic. Part of her felt that she ought to be suffering and dying on the mainland with the rest of the world, not alive with love. She wanted to be a nun administering to the suffering victims of this war horror; she wanted to be naked in Neil's arms. She wanted to devote her life to bringing up her children so that the world they created would be free of the evil that her

generation had unleashed. But she wanted a house, a big double bed, with a supermarket and restaurant next door. She wanted Frank tostop loving her and Neil never tostop. She wanted the world to stop surprising her with its ability to kill people; she wanted to die. No, she wanted to live, to live, to live.

She slipped briskly out of her berth and, though it was still forty minutes to go before she was due to feed the two watch teams, she began to dress.

`Hey, what's the problem?' Katya asked her unexpectedly. `You've been tossing and turning as if trying to solve the entire world's problems in one long think.' Resting on one elbow, Katya was looking sleepy-eyed at Jeanne, who stood a few feet away buttoning her blouse. Katya spoke in a low voice so as not to disturb Lisa and Skip, still asleep in the adjoining berth. At five, the light was just gathering in the east.

`Restless,' Jeanne answered.

`Men do have that effect, don't they?' Katya countered, not accepting the evasive answer. Jeanne stared back but didn't reply. 'Frank and Neil are both coming on to you,' Katya went on, 'and you're interested in Neil. Where's the problem?'

Jeanne leaned down to put on her boat shoes. Although she liked Katya, she was unused to confiding in another woman, especially one she barely knew. Ì don't think my personal emotional problems are worth talking about,' she finally said in a low voice.

`They're worth talking about if you plan keeping me awake every night thinking about them,' Katya replied. 'Hey, come, on, I'm exactly the person you should talk to.'

Jeanne walked softly to the forward part of the cabin to check that Lisa and Skip were asleep. When she returned opposite Katya a gentle swell rolled under Vagabond making her three hulls tip, slide and roll with a queasy sideways motion that always made Jeanne feel a mild dizziness.

`Have you slept with Neil?' Katya asked after the silence continued. Unused to such bluntness, Jeanne remained turned away.

Ìf you'd like me to vacate this berth and take Skip off your hands today so you and Neil can be alone, I will,' Katya said. Ì mean getting it on with a lover on this boat is getting to involve a major logistical effort. It's worse than a girls' dorm.'

Jeanne turned back to Katya.

`You . . . and Tony?' she asked.

Òh, me and Tony are the types that could make it in Grand Central Station . . . if that's what I wanted,' Katya replied, smiling sleepily. She sat up and stretched, the sheet sliding off and revealing her small breasts with long nipples.

Jeanne looked away. 'It's not a problem of privacy,' Jeanne said softly.

`Well, tell me what it is,' Katya said. 'I promise to give you bad advice which you can ignore. It's the telling that will help.'

Jeanne glanced again at her sleeping children and finally, with a sigh, began talking. She explained that in the wake of the personal losses all had suffered, those aboard the ship now formed a kind of family, one which took precedence over any single person's desires. Nothing should be done which might divide the family. Although she and Neil might be attracted to each other, she felt that if that meant the unhappiness and bitterness of Frank then it wasn't worth it. In the telling she somewhat played down her feelings for Neil, an action which, when she'd finished, left her vaguely dissatisfied with her explanation.

Katya, now sitting up and leaning back against the partition between her berth and that of Lisa and Skip, was brushing out her curly, ashblonde hair. When Jeanne stopped talking, Katya frowned. `So don't sleep with either of them,' Katya concluded, looking puzzled. '

Most men survive. Or they find someone else they can bury their sorrow and other parts of their anatomy with.' She looked at Jeanne questioningly. Jeanne was depressed by the advice. It was excellent advice, but had the flaw of asking her to give up Neil.

Òr sleep with both of them,' Katya went on, watching Jeanne carefully.

`No, I can't do that,' Jeanne said simply.

Katya swung herself out of bed to begin dressing. As she reached into a cubby to get her shorts she became abruptly irritable.

`You think too much, Jeanne,' Katya said. 'If you and a man love each other, that's it, that's first. The rest of the world doesn't count. Family doesn't count. A woman friend doesn't count. Grab it.'

She stepped into her shorts, then grabbed a yellow tee-shirt and pulled it over her head, shaking her hair and brushing it down when her head emerged. Èveryone else does,' she added, and, with Jeanne staring after her, she climbed the hatchway steps, slid back the hatch, and left.

According to Neil's noon sunshots Vagabond was now about fifty miles north of the reef and cays lying off the northeast coast of Great Abaco Island. Sailing at about seven knots, Vagabond might come within sight of land a little before sunset. The thought gave Neil little exhilaration. He found himself approaching this landfall warily. Already he and Frank had argued that morning about whether it was definitely necessary to obtain additional food and water before sailing on for Puerto Rico. Frank was concerned at having to halve their food intake for up to two weeks, while Neil himself felt that starvation was not their primary danger. The Bahamian government had announced that it was confiscating any foreign vessel that landed in Bahamian waters without first clearing Customs at Freeport or Nassau. All weapons aboard any ship were being confiscated. The rash of pirates that were afflicting Bahamian waters could be stopped only by the rigid enforcement of these rules. All food was strictly controlled and rationed by the authorities. Foreigners unable to pay with gold, silver, or barter for their food, were being forced to join work forces or - those who had them - give up their boats as exchange.

Had not the wind direction made a landfall on Great Abaco Island a logical course Neil would have preferred to stay at sea, away from the dangers he foresaw closing with the land. The sun was shining brightly, the sky a deep blue, and the sea sparkling with small whitecaps from the twelve-knot breeze still blowing perniciously out of the eastsoutheast. Frank, at the helm, was pinching Vagabond a bit east of south because when they came to the reef they' would have to

proceed southeast along it until they decided if, where, and when to take Vagabond into land.

It was a little before the changing of the watch at two o'clock that Jeanne, using binoculars, spotted a ship. At first this was all she could be sure of. Ten minutes later she and Neil, alternating use of the large pair of binoculars, had determined that it was a sailing boat heading north, but without any sails up. A minute later, when the boat altered its course to the west, Neil thought that it, like the only other sailing ship they had seen on their trip south, was starting to flee. Then he realized differently.

`What is it?' asked Jeanne.

Ìt's a drifting boat,' he replied, handing her the glasses. `Probably abandoned, a derelict.'