Long Road Home, The (13 page)

“But Ross, you’ve gone to church for years, and of course you believe in God. I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell us.” Lenore looked at her son with honest confusion.

“This is different, Mom, and I’m not doing a very good job explaining it.”

“Ross, are you trying to tell us you want to be a preacher?” The question came from his father, his face serious.

“No, that’s just it. Even though I feel closer to God than I ever have before—I mean I know He’s going to stay with me—well, even though I feel that way, I don’t think I’m supposed to be a pastor. The truth is, I want to be a lawyer. In fact, I’ve never been so sure of anything.”

Lenore was still looking at Ross as though she had missed something, but his father was delighted.

“This is great. It was never my plan for you to take over the mill unless, of course, you wanted it, but well…a lawyer… that’s great. You’d be a fine lawyer. What are your plans?”

“I’m not sure yet. The whole idea is still pretty new. But I did want to let you know what I was thinking.”

Ross and his parents talked some more, and he felt great about having told them of his faith in Christ. He also was terribly excited about a possible career in law. It had long been a thought playing around in the back of his mind, and suddenly it was as though God was saying “yes.”

He knew as he left his parents to see if Paul was awake that his mother had not been comfortable about something. He hoped she would come to him when she was ready.

Ross found Paul getting ready to stand with the help of a cane by the side of the bed.

“Steady,” Ross said as he shut the door and moved quickly to his aid. “I thought you were going to wait for me to help you each day.”

“I was, but I’m afraid I can’t keep this cane hidden from Abby much longer, and I want to get steady on my feet before she catches me.”

“You sound like a kid caught with cookie crumbs on his face.”

“And you sound like you’ve never had Abby get after you for disobeying an order. Makes me tremble just to think of it.”

Ross laughed and Paul asked, “How did things go with your parents? I was praying for all of you.”

“Thanks. They loved the idea of me becoming a lawyer, but I’m not sure they understood about my faith in God.”

“There are verses in 1 Peter chapter 3, Ross, that tell the wives of unsaved husbands to witness with the changes in their lives, not with words. I think they’re good verses for everyone. At times our sinful actions are so loud people can’t hear what we are saying about God.”

Paul felt a few moments of deep regret at how “loud” his actions had been over the last few months. He had talked with Mr. and Mrs. Beckett a few days ago in an attempt to apologize for his actions in their home. They had been polite, but there was no way of knowing what they had really been thinking when he told them he was a backslidden pastor. He hoped that in the short time he had left here they would see a difference. The cane sure didn’t help. He wouldn’t be hobbling along with it and needing Ross’ help if he’d kept his eyes on Christ.
But it was over, and carrying the guilt around would only hinder his growth.

“I think that’s enough for right now, Ross.” Paul was out of breath and struggled to get the words out. He dropped heavily onto the edge of the bed.

“Thanks.”

“Are you okay, Paul?”

“Yeah, I just feel like an old man.”

“How old are you, anyhow?”

“Twenty-six.”

Ross gave an exaggerated whistle. “You
are
an old man!”

Paul took a playful swing at him with the cane, and Ross grabbed it and tucked it under the bed—all of which happened none-too-soon as Abby picked that moment to join them.

Abby looked carefully at Paul and Ross. Everything appeared to be in order. Ross was in the rocking chair—a place he had sprung to when he heard the door open, and Paul was against the headboard where he had scooted himself as Ross had made for the chair. Oh yes, everything looked normal—too normal.

“Is there anything anyone would like to tell me?” Abby inquired solicitously.

“You look very pretty today, Abby,” Ross said with an innocent smile.

Abby’s eyes narrowed reprovingly at Ross for deliberately misunderstanding her question before swinging to Paul who was rubbing his upper lip in a suspicious manner. Suddenly Abby felt very self-conscious and wondered if she was the target of a private joke.

“Well,” Abby said too brightly, “if you don’t need anything, I’ll just get out of your way.”

“Get her back in here, Ross,” Paul ordered as she sailed out the door. He was coming to know Abby like the back of his
hand, and he easily read the vulnerable look on her face, even from across the room.

Within seconds Ross led Abby back into the room. Sensing immediately that his presence was not needed, he left Abby and Paul alone.

“Ross said you needed something.”

Paul only stared at her wondering what he was going to do. She was under his skin in a way he never thought possible. Believing himself to still be in love with Corrine, why did he think about Abby most of the time? Why did his heart beat faster and his day seem brighter when she came into the room?

“Paul?”

“I asked Ross to bring you back because I think you believed we were having some joke at your expense.” He was being up front with her.

“I could tell I came in at a bad time. How did you know what I was thinking?”

“Oh, Red,” Paul laughed softly in the way that always made Abby think of being held by him. “You are as easy to read as the pages of a book.”

“I am not!” Abby said, but her voice lacked all conviction. Looking for something to do with her hands, she straightened the bed and rattled on about the first thing that came to her mind.

“I don’t think you are concentrating on getting out of this bed, Paul Cameron. You know you can’t lay here forever. We’ve got to get you back on your feet. I think you’ll be ready maybe as early as next week to try a few steps.”

Abby stopped when her jaw was cupped in one of his longfingered hands. He spoke with eyes looking directly into hers.

“Don’t ever pretend with me, Red. No one was laughing at you, and that’s a promise. And if I could get up and walk
right now, well, let’s just say I’m not sure if either one of us is ready for that.”

There was no mistaking his meaning as he held her face close to his own. She would be lying to herself if she said she had never thought of their situation—their dual need for companionship and love. But he was right—she was not ready.

She had to get out of the room. She was going to get kissed if she didn’t. In an effort to escape the draw of his beautiful blue eyes, Abby closed her own. She felt Paul’s hand leave her face, his fingers sliding gently along her jaw as contact was broken.

“If you need something, Paul, send Anna,” Abby spoke without once raising her eyes to his and left the room.

The letter Paul received from Grandma Em was brief. She said she would write again later, but she felt it important to reply right away, and she had been too emotional to write more.

Paul had shared with Abby and Ross during Bible study, and Abby couldn’t believe how pleased Paul was. It crossed her mind that there was something more to his happiness, but she pushed the thought aside.

Of course, dispensing with thoughts of Paul was getting harder and harder all the time. She didn’t feel unfaithful to Ian, but neither did she take herself too seriously. She still loved Ian and was sure she always would. But she was also beginning to realize that God probably did have another husband somewhere for her.

Unbidden, Paul’s face appeared in her mind, and Abby knew why. Abby was still thinking about the fact that he had nearly kissed her. She knew it wasn’t too significant—after all it was only natural after weeks of close contact that certain emotions would come to the surface. But the whole conversation and Paul’s hand touching her face preyed on her mind.

It wasn’t that Abby thought herself irresistible—in fact, quite the opposite. But Paul did possess a very tender nature that really only surfaced after he “got right” with God. He probably felt some guilt about the way he had treated her and was just being extra-kind to her.

Abby went to the mirror and then wished she hadn’t. To her, the freckles on her nose stood out like stars. And her hair! The humidity made it a frizzy mess! It certainly wasn’t any wonder that Paul Cameron didn’t find her attractive.

“I’m too self-absorbed,” she told herself in an effort to take her mind off her looks. But even though she prayed all the way down the stairs, thanking God that she was alive and healthy, she was nearly depressed by the time she got to the kitchen to prepare Paul’s lunch.

For the first time she was glad that Anna spoke only Norwegian. Abby was in real need of peace and quiet. When she heard Paul’s door open, she figured Ross was on his way out.

“Your timing is good, Ross. I’m just about to carry this tray to Mr. Cameron.” Abby turned then and moved to the door. What she saw would have caused her to drop the tray if Paul’s hand had not shot out to catch it.

He was standing! Paul was standing! He stood in the doorway and filled the frame. She realized in the instant how much she cared for him. Abby should have been thrilled he was able to get out of the bed, but she wasn’t. It was over. He didn’t need her anymore.

“Sit down, Abby,” Paul ordered her.

“Why?”

“Because you’ve gone white as a sheet,” Paul said with concern.

Anna had come forward to rescue the tray, and Abby felt Paul’s hand on her arm leading her to the table.

“You scared me,” she said weakly.

“I’m sorry. It was meant to be a surprise, not a scare.”

Abby gaped at him. He had taken a chair beside her, and she noticed for the first time the dark wood cane he had leaned against the table.

“It’s good to see you out of that bed,” she said honestly. “I take it that this is what has been going on between you and Ross when I wasn’t looking?”

“Guilty as charged,” he replied and held up his hands.

Full of concern, Abby asked, “Are you sure you’re not rushing this? Maybe you should check with the doctor.” The nurse in her was back in control of herself and the situation.

“I’m taking it very slowly.”

Abby took him at his word. They sat together at the kitchen table and ate lunch. Both were subdued, and Abby wondered what Paul was thinking.

Paul was so filled with praise that he was once again walking that his mind wouldn’t focus on any one thing. He was out of bed, and the woman he was coming to deeply care for—if not already love—was near. All of this was more than Paul ever could have hoped for.

He knew that very soon it would be time to go to Bayfield. He knew the trip would not be without its pain, but he was going to face all of it with Jesus Christ by his side, and in that he knew peace.

It was a treat for everyone to be at the Beckett supper table that evening. Paul had come out a few times in his wheeled chair to eat with them, but knowing he had come on his own two legs was extra-special.

Abby had had a good afternoon. Immediately following lunch she had gone to her room to pray. She had poured her heart out to the Lord—her feelings toward Paul, the deep hurt within her at having to face life without Ian, the fear of her father-in-law, the unaccepting attitude about herself that she knew hindered her growth in the Lord. Everything.

As she had known He would, God gave her peace. She read in Matthew 6 about God’s special care for His own. She was not to be worried about tomorrow because God was in control. The last two verses, 33 and 34, were just what Abby needed:

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.”

Abby wondered as she readied for supper if maybe it wasn’t time to go home. She really had no other place to go right now. Even if her father-in-law did go there to find her, she would see him eventually—of that she was sure. But to fear him was not to trust God, and Abby wanted that above all else: to daily place her life in His care.

Conversation around the table was light. Ross had a friend over named Dave, and Abby sat across from him with Paul on her left. Lenore was at one end of the table and Mr. Beckett at the other end to Abby’s right. Paul, Ross, Dave, and Lenore were in conversation when Mr. Beckett sent a question to Abby.

“Well, Abigail, does it feel good to get your patient on his feet?”

“Yes, it does,” she said with a smile.

“What are your plans now? Where will you go when it’s time to leave here?”

“I’ve been thinking about that, Mr. Beckett, and I’ve decided to go see my parents in Michigan. Maybe I’ll look for work over there. I’m not sure of anything beyond that.” When Abby finished talking, she realized she had the attention of the entire table. Not that she minded—she wasn’t ashamed of having to support herself. It never even occurred to her to live with her parents. As a nurse she could get work in many places. To Abby, her ability to nurse was just another way of God taking care of her. Both her father and brother were doctors. Maybe one of them could use her help right now.

After supper the young people made their way out to the garden. The evening was warm and inviting. Ross and Dave moved away and Abby watched them, wondering if maybe Ross was telling Dave of his conversion. She looked away from them to find Paul watching her.

“I must say, Abby, I’m a little disappointed. You didn’t strike me as a person who reneged on her words.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about your plans to go to Michigan after you told me you’d go to Bayfield with me. Or maybe I misunderstood you and that isn’t what you said at all.”

“No, I mean, that’s what I said. But you never said anything, so I assumed you didn’t want me to go.”

In Paul’s mind the whole thing had been completely settled. She had offered and he had thanked her, and as far as he was concerned she was going. But then she didn’t know how much he wanted—no,
needed
—her with him.

“I want you to go.” The words were said easily, without force or as an order, but there was an intensity in Paul’s eyes that Abby had never seen before.

“When do you want to leave?”

“I think the end of the week, if that’s good for you. I was also thinking of asking Ross.”

“Oh, Mr. Cameron, that’s a wonderful idea.”

“I wish you’d make up your mind as to what you’re going to call me.”

Abby blushed to the roots of her hair. She had really hoped the times she had slipped and called him Paul had gone unnoticed.

“I, well, I mean, I never meant to call you. I mean, I think it’s presumptuous and I’m sorry.”

Paul said nothing, just watched her until she ran out of words and stood before him in acute embarrassment.

“I’d like you to call me Paul. After all, you’re not my nurse any longer, and I’ll feel like an old man on the trip if you call me Mr. Cameron. We are, I think, only a few years apart in age.”

Abby couldn’t argue with anything he had said, and it was becoming an effort to call him Mr. Cameron when she always

thought of him as Paul.

“Alright, I’ll call you Paul. Are you going to call me Abby?” Her look was innocent as she asked the question, but he was not fooled.

“Sometimes,” he answered her in all honesty and smiled. To him she was Red, and he didn’t think anything could stop him from calling her that.

Abby smiled back, and the two of them spent the rest of the evening discussing Bayfield.