Long Division (35 page)

My vision was blurring, going black; I could feel some horrible ache in my ears and nose and jaws and limbs, but James didn’t release me. With a
smack
my hands went down together and the tower buckled with a scream of metal and more sparks. A wave rocketed through the building, floor after floor, flaring with a horrible light of flashes of electrical equipment going as if it was gutted.

I fell, feeling punched in the gut. I could sense something inside of me bursting. God. I couldn’t move. Water soaked through my jacket, jeans. The crunch of glass beneath my clothing hardly bothered me. If James had more for me, I couldn’t do it. I could only twitch, gasp. Above me, the tower was smashed like tin. The top hopelessly twisted, its middle crunched into an ugly ball; the windows pushed out.

I was aware of something red spreading in the water round me. It was close to my eyes, for my head was against the pavement, and I had no intention of trying to lift it. The sky above me flashed. The power was gone, the flow, James. All of it was gone. I was going, too.

I wondered briefly what destroying that tower meant. What would happen to all of those who were using Godlink at the moment? To James and his tumour? Darkness swam in. I didn’t suppose it mattered. It was gone. I knew it was, even if I didn’t know what I’d done. I’d destroyed something on the inside of that damn building; torn the heart and its guts from it. Whatever else there was, wherever else it was, what good would it do without what kept it alive here? Their world was gone.

I heard myself laughing. It was mad, whooping; more of a sob then a laugh that went on and on as my pain went on. I couldn’t make it stop.

Eventually the wet sounds of feet came rushing for me. People asking if I was all right. Asking if I’d fallen from a window of the building.

I didn’t answer them. I could only howl on. Howl on till long after the blackness closed in on me.

24:Seeing Red

I woke up and was confused to where I was. I should have taken note that since the very attempt to open my eyes was agonising, moving would be unbearable. Still, my first action was to push myself up to a sitting position.

Fire roared through my belly and I hissed out a swear before slumping back again. So I lay still, panting, my chest rising and falling, each time sending a stab of pain through me. I thought, in my brief moment of sight, I was in a hospital bed. How I’d gotten there, however, I did not know.

Long, long minutes, maybe hours, ticked by with me unmoving. In my head I endeavoured to sort it all out. My thoughts came sluggishly and it was a struggle to hold each one long enough to make sense of. Slowly, surely, like hardened honey, the memories slid back to me. James asleep, the tower, me falling in the rain. And I’d ended up here.

Though my insides were burning, I at last forced myself to look. How bad was the damage? What had I done? I knew I’d hurt myself, whatever had happened. I supposed that should have scared me, but it didn’t. Not really. After all, if we were all dead anyway…

I sat straight up and swore again. The tower! I’d destroyed the tower—or James had done. It was over! It was all over! It was the day of the Final Phase and they had nothing left to do! I heard myself laugh, before clutching at my chest with a groan. God, that hurt.

The curtain pulled back and a nurse stepped in. I glanced up at her expectantly and offered a weak smile. She returned it.

‘Finally awake, then. Good to see.’ She gave me a look before striding to a blinking tower of equipment in the corner. ‘Looks like your treatment is still working. Was a little worried after last night when the tower went down. But you were right there, weren’t you?’

My eyes snapped to the device, barely registering what she was prattling on about. Sitting on top of the other equipment was a black cube, blinking with slow red lights. I recognised it well. Something wrapped round my throat. I forgot what breathing was. Oh my God.

‘W—What is that? What are you treating me with?’ I stammered.

She flashed a smile. ‘Godlink, love. We use it to treat just about everything.’

I no longer heard what she said. I could no longer focus on anything. It hadn’t worked. All of that for nothing. The devices were still on. It hadn’t turned off. Was there another tower? Had I not done it properly? The bed spun beneath me. The entire room spun.

I waited about thirty seconds after she’d left the room before I was staggering from my bed on deadened legs and diving for the door. I had to get back, had to get back and see James. I had no idea when the Final Phase was hitting, but by the light from outside, it was already morning. If things were about to go to shit, I wasn’t going to be trapped in some hospital room, I was going to be by James’s side.

Discharging myself, paranoid and in my brain’s addled state, wasn’t easy. I had no idea how many InVizion agents may be surrounding me—or police for that matter, but I was eventually free of the building and jogging away from St Bartholomew’s as quickly as I could manage.

The city was eerily deserted. I wondered if it was on some sort of lockdown because of my destruction of the tower. Were they looking out for me? After all, the cameras had to have seen. So why I was still alive, allowed to go to hospital, allowed to leave, was beyond me. Unless the cameras had been taken out along with everything else. My memories were too fuzzy to recall, but I could think of no other reason for my freedom now.

Perhaps because I wouldn’t be free for much longer.

I ducked into the Underground at the first station I came across and even that felt too long. James hadn’t been answering my attempts to ring him. He could still be asleep for all I knew. I wasn’t sure what I’d do then. Be alone for the end? I could only lie next to him as the world collapsed, watch him as our minds turned.

Once I was released from the trains I sprinted the last stint of my journey back to the flat. Whatever the Godlink device had done to heal what injuries I had, it still hurt to move. I hadn’t exactly had time to take stock of those; it wasn’t really the most important thing to me at the mo.

‘James?’

I stumbled into the room, eyes darting straight to the sofa. He wasn’t there. A painful lurch of panic tore through my chest. Was he…? But then I saw a shape standing in the blank light of the window; with shoulders back, hands pressed to the glass, staring out. Out at the smoking tower, where cranes were already swarming.

‘James?’ I panted, taking several drunken steps towards him.

For a moment, he did not move, and then his head turned. In the contrast of light and shadow could see his sharp, gaunt profile, hair messy as it framed his face. ‘I was worried you weren’t coming.’

I swallowed, my throat feeling much too tight. ‘I…I was in hospital. Do you remember? Remember what happened?’ I looked to the smoking remains of the tower. ‘We did that.’

He breathed deeply as I stepped beside him. I put a hand on his shoulder.

‘It didn’t work.’

Our eyes met in tacit answer. So, he knew, too. I nodded slowly. ‘I know. The devices still work. I—I don’t know why. I don’t know what I did wrong. There must be another command station somewhere. James, I’m so sorry.’

His soft lips pulled up sadly. ‘It wasn’t your fault, Mark. This…this wasn’t something we could stop. It was a fool’s hope.’

I didn’t want to break the contact we had. I reached out a hand to his and let my thumb brush against his wrist. ‘Today’s the Final Phase. I don’t know when it will happen.’

‘Last day on Earth?’ He smirked a little, as if he found it funny, which I did not.

I nodded tightly, feeling my throat go more uncomfortable. ‘Yeah. Something like that. This is the end.’

He turned his big green eyes back to the window to watch the swinging cranes doing their best to keep the precarious structure upright.

‘I need to leave.’

The statement caught me off-guard. I gaped. No, this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to be together! We were supposed to have each other when the last moment came. ‘What? You can’t! We—I can’t be alone, James! I need you here! Why?’

He ignored me. ‘I was waiting till you came back. I was beginning to worry.’

My insides clenched as if by some invisible fist. It made me want to grunt. ‘Y—you’re not coming back?’

His head shook slowly. ‘No. No, I’m not coming back. Like you said, this is the end.’

My grip on his wrist grew tighter. ‘No, James! Fuck whatever it is you have to do! You can’t just—just crawl off to die somewhere and leave me! I won’t have it. Wherever you’re going, I’m going too! Whatever it is, we’ll face it together!’

His head went back and forth again. ‘No.’ His fingers reached forward, cool, and touched under my chin. ‘This, all of this, it’s not over. I still have to do something. I feel it inside of me. It’s…pulling. And I can’t fight it. Not for much longer. It’s been all I can do to just stay here and wait for you. But I have to go, go alone, and go soon. And you have to stay here. I just…I needed to see you one more time.’ His eyes fluttered a little. He looked so tired. ‘I didn’t know that was something I could be conscious of. But I needed you to see me again. Needed to…leave some sort of impression on you.’

His fingers pressed up a little more and pulled my jaw towards his until it ended in a soft, warm kiss. My eyes flickered closed and I sighed, leaning in, off-balance, as our lips collided. He was growing a little more experienced with his kisses and I didn’t mind the few broken trips his mouth made, it felt all the more personal. My mind followed as his other hand, not captivating my jaw, slipped from my slackening grip to slide down my front, rubbing across my chest and belly to cup up between my legs.

I stopped the kiss immediately, surprised by the contact. Unexpected as it was it instantly shot an electric sense of attention through me. I wanted to settle my balls against the spread of his hand, which was perfect and large and gentle, used to holding pieces of chalk or a mobile, not this. His eyes locked with mine in perhaps the most meaningful way I’d ever seen him look.

God, had he waited whatever impulse that was drawing him away for
this?

His stare had caught me frozen. My breathing was already coming tighter. Heat had begun to flood through me; feeling his hand resting against my groin was starting to shift and become my entire world. His fingers slipped from my chin to tighten at the back of my shirt, un-tucking it, pulling it up past my shoulders, trapping me. I timidly reach for the fly on his trousers but he shook his head, once, curtly. ‘No.’

‘But—’

He squeezed a bit tighter, oddly insistent for him and I groaned.

He brought his mouth to my ear and when he spoke, his voice trembled with stress. He was running out of time. He knew it, and he was frightened. ‘Just let me do this.’ Almost begging.

I looked into his eyes. There was a pleading desperation to his features I didn’t really understand. There was no time for arguing. We were almost out of time, and this…this was the most important thing to him?

I nodded slowly. ‘Okay,’ I whispered, leaning in to kiss him, and letting my erection press against his palm.

James let out a breath of relief and released me just long enough to push the fly down on my jeans with nimble fingers; slipping his hands down, till he had me bare. A shudder went through me at this exposure. I hadn’t pictured him as one to take control. And here at the end? God, it wasn’t even appropriate. But maybe this was the only way I’d want it to end. One last time, even if it was just him, not me.

His touch grew to a gentle tug and I clenched my teeth. I wrapped my fingers around his neck, needing some sort of closeness to give back to him. I rested my cheek against his. ‘I love you, James.’ It swept out of me, the whispered words that I’d at first not wanted to accept a few months ago now came willingly. I loved James Nightgood. More than anything. I hoped those words meant something to him.

He didn’t answer, yet he stilled and his mouth turned to kiss my neck. And as much as I wanted to slide my arms round him, he would not let me, for just as his slow strokes began to bring the first moan to my lips he sank down to his knees.

‘James…’ My breath was coming too fast now—everything was. I needed it to slow down. I needed to not be so selfish; it made me guilty. Hell, was there even time for guilt? If I focused on that now, I’d have no thoughts left.

He slid my trousers down farther, hands running along my legs, throwing my skin into cold prickles. And then came the hot, wetness of his breath.

I threw my head back against the window, gasping, as that warmth flooded me completely. I knotted my fingers in his hair, not to hold him there, just to touch him. He was…he was good at this. My stomach gave a wild flip as I thought of that. He’d been planning this. And it was glorious.

My head swam. My body was so completely overwhelmed with pleasure and the tight desperation for release I couldn’t focus. Not on anything. If the Phase hit now, I wasn’t sure I’d even care.

I was distantly aware of his panting breaths. My own were closed off; I couldn’t breathe. The only chances I had were the wrecked whimpers and moans that cracked through my lips at a particular twist of his tongue. My vision blurred as I stared ahead.

I wanted to tell him to not stop. I wanted to cry out, but I couldn’t find my voice in it all. I didn’t have to. He didn’t stop. Whatever pain or instinct was eating at him must have pushed him on, not held him back. And then it hit me and I was sagging against the window, brokenly gasping for air. My fingers reluctantly slacken in his hair. I felt his lips gently brush against my inner thigh again and again. Then he almost methodically slid my jeans back over my hips, like the drop of a curtain. End of show.

I stooped and pulled him to his feet and into my arms, shaking with endorphins. He coughed and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. I immediately pressed my lips against his.

‘I don’t understand,’ I gasped. His fingers were gripping at me tightly, more like a child than anything else. He didn’t speak for a long moment.

I pulled him closer to me, pressing my mouth to his shoulder. I was crying stupidly. I wrapped my arms around him only to realise he was shaking, too.

He was breaking down.

‘James? What’s wrong?’ I stammered, for lack of anything else.

After all he’d been through, I’d never once seen him cry. Now I was afraid he might.

‘Hush, shhh, James, it’s all right.’ I rubbed his back.

‘I have to go, Mark,’ he whimpered into my shoulder, and his voice was a broken moan.

It was the words I’d never, ever wanted to hear him say. And the way he said them. So final the world might as well have ended right then and there.

‘You don’t have to go, James. You don’t have to go anywhere. You can stay right here with me.’

His entire posture had become a drooping, limp bundle in my arms. All I could think of was that it was the stance of one who had given up. Exactly how I felt on the inside. Exactly what I was trying not to show.

I rubbed his back, shushing him. He needed to lie down. In the back of my mind, I could sense the seconds ticking away. Our freedom was running out.