Long Division (21 page)

Silence. A siren.

‘And you just now were possessed with the…desire to lay all of this on me? As if I were your…therapist?’

I groaned, frustrated with myself, and rubbed my thighs. I mentally kicked myself for bringing it up. I hadn’t expected sympathy from him—hadn’t wanted it. I found the idea repulsive. But it was private—my personal demon that I’d not been able to defeat for…well, since it had happened.

‘The truth is, nothing helped. Every day was just the same. Hell. Dull, uneventful. I couldn’t motivate myself to do…well, anything. Until—’ My throat tightened. I looked up, and James’s eyes locked with mine. He was staring, confused.

‘Until I met you,’ I finished flatly.

He blinked. And blinked again. And stared.

‘Me?’

I nodded tightly, looking away. I scratched my head, anything to avoid the queasy feeling of nerves in my belly. ‘Yeah. You…changed my whole outlook on the world. You gave me purpose, pulled me out of my self-loathing. Made me want to start living again. You…
saved
me, James. And…and I want you to know that…no matter how dangerous things get. No matter what shit happens, I’m…here for you.’

Another silence.

James swallowed and I heard his throat click loudly in the stillness.

‘Thank you,’ he said hesitantly, frowning.

He wasn’t very good at this. Hell, neither was I.

‘Do you have a computer?’ he asked at last.

I’ll admit: I did feel my heart sink at the question. I didn’t know what else I’d expected; him to say I’d made his life better as well; that our relationship was something meaningful. But no, he was already moving on from the conversation. Bored. He needed to be playing round on the bloody internet. For the best, I supposed, before I said something stupid and regretted it later.

‘Of course I’ve got a computer. It’s probably not as advanced as yours.’

James nodded his head once, curtly. ‘Bring it here.’

I clenched my teeth. And then there were those moments when he was so completely aggravating I found it hard to be in the same room with him. With a grumble, I picked myself up and came back some moments later with it. I handed him the tablet and he spun it round, long fingers spidering across the surface as he brought it to life. I hadn’t had a passcode on it and I found myself fretting now over if I had anything compromising which would come up. I let out a sigh of relief when nothing did, before thinking that James, having shown no interest in anything other than his own little niche, probably would not have batted an eye at it.

He pulled his thumb drive out from the pocket of his dressing robe and inserted it into the device.

‘Sit.’

I looked at him, at the space next to him, and hesitated. The thumb drive. The information InVizion wanted. The stuff I didn’t know. His green eyes rose up to meet mine in patient demand. I sighed and gave in, thigh brushing against his as I managed to readjust and make room before the light contact became all I could focus on.

James held up the computer and I watched him search through the small icons from the drive. All were small, blackened boxes with times and titles. They were the ones I hadn’t been able to open. I just nearly stopped myself from informing him my computer hadn’t wanted to play them. Most of the titles read as TS and then some number after. For each, he had to scan his print.

James tapped on one halfway through. TS25.

I looked at him, his profile was stony. ‘Watch,’ he ordered, once realising I was still rather fixated on studying the upward snub of his nose.

The sounds that emanated from the speakers were enough to make my spine tighten and my skin crawl. A loud, shrieking, screaming. It pinned my attention to the screen in distress by what ugly thing I saw.

The footage was clearly from a security camera, set in a corner of the room, and focused on a man with his back to me—who I finally recognised was James—standing before two very tall cages.

Off to the left there might have been a window set high in the wall, but I couldn’t quite make it out.

It was from these cages that emanated the terrible noises and I saw what it was. Two chimps. Each screaming at him; clearly upset and rattling the cage bars, jumping up and down. And James Nightgood, standing like a nervous child, between the two of them. He would give a little jump of distressed alarm when the noise grew too great.

Set on James’s head was a Godlink device, an odd, clunky thing, not at all like what people sported these days—it had to have been some earlier prototype. But it was unmistakable, nonetheless.

The speaker crackled overhead and someone off-screen indifferently spoke up.
‘Any time you are ready, Mr Nightgood. They are in cages and cannot harm you. We would like this demonstration to go as quickly as possible so we may discuss it with the Chairman.’

James cleared his throat and shuffled in the recording. At last he seemed to regain control over himself. He rolled his shoulders out.
‘James Nightgood, performing test number twenty-five on the effects of Godlink on weaker minds.’

There was a silence, besides the crackling of the speaker. Even the chimps had gone silent, watching him nervously.

‘And for the record,’
James spoke up again over the recording,
‘I am not a violent man, and—and I do not have violent tendencies. The…’
he was stuttering something terrible now,
‘the outcome of this test may be less than satisfactory considering that.’

I looked over at James. His lips were pressed into a hard line. If I wasn’t mistaken, there was a tinge of some emotion masked just behind his carefully controlled features. He was—I could find no other word for it—disturbed. And after hearing the statement he’d just made over the recording, I had to admit: I did not disagree with him. And I didn’t even know what was coming.

When I did, I’d wish I could forget.

I turned my attention back to the screen, not before noticing how tightly James was gripping my computer. His knuckles were white.

The door between the two cages slid open, what I would have thought to be on its own, but then I heard him say.

‘Opening the door mentally; just displaying that the actions do get simpler with practice.’

The two chimps sat across from each other, hesitantly observing the another. And then I saw the flashing light of headsets, strapped to both of their heads. I got a very queasy feeling from that.

‘Holding them back. Controlling two minds is more difficult than one. I cannot make them do much more than just sit here, as you can see, even this is a struggle.’

My mouth went dry. I leant in closer towards him till our sides pressed together; drawn towards the image by some sick fascination. I didn’t know what was coming next, but I had a terrible suspicion.

James’s next words came shaky, upset, I almost could have sworn he was near tears.
‘I will be focusing my concentration on Gilda, who is on the right. I will not be able to control much of the other’s behaviour. The will to protect one’s self is very strong and I cannot handle both of them with the transmission levels unsteady as they are now. It is much easier to inspire one to violence than it is to inspire one to do nothing—’

The speaker overhead crackled again.
‘Just get on with it, if you would, please, Mr Nightgood.’

‘Right.’
James’s voice came out in a near whine.

And then it happened. And it happened fast.

The chimp, Gilda, I supposed, lunged straight for the other. There was a loud, maniac screaming. James, being as close, with such noise, knowing what set him off, I wasn’t sure how he stayed.

The screaming turned to a ripping, a tearing of fur and flashing of teeth; the angle was wrong and the camera was fuzzy, I couldn’t quite make it out. I didn’t need to. By the rattling of the cage and the thrashing from within, I knew.

It didn’t last longer than twenty seconds. And when it was over, James was backing up drunkenly, bumping into a table. Gilda had backed up as well, mirroring James’s movements, James’s look of horror. The other chimp did not move, a pool of red was slowly spreading, dripping to the floor.

‘Thank you Mr Nightgood. That was a very…enlightening display.’

The recording ended abruptly.

James slid the thin drive from the computer and powered down the machine, dropping it gently to my lap. I didn’t know what to say. My head reeled, as if struck. I couldn’t look at him, and I didn’t think he wanted me to. So I rested my head back against the sofa instead, trying to regain control over my pulse. I was repulsed, horrified, yet I felt no real desire to leave his side. It hadn’t been his fault. He might have been in control, but, I knew, someone else was controlling him. He was just as much a puppet to those people as that chimp had been to him.

I didn’t know how to express to James how very…
sorry
I was for him. For what he’d had to go through, what he’d had to do, to bring this damned device to the market.

‘Why did you show me that?’ I asked quietly, still unable to look at him.

Our shoulders brushed against each other, pulling slight threads of my attention away from my own horror. It was warm, comforting, nothing like what I’d just seen of him. I wanted more of it. Wished I had a way to draw more of him to me in a way that would be acceptable.

‘You wanted to know why they desired it back so badly.’

I turned my head and realised he was looking at me. Our faces were close. I was beginning to become familiar with the closeness, with the freckles that dotted his face. The colours of his eyes. The shape of those lips, how they curved down in worry.

‘They’re afraid of what you’ll do with it.’

His mouth twitched. ‘In a way, yes. They’ve been attempting to nick it off of me for years, ever since they realised I’d left with it. At my presentation that you came to, when you found the drive…it wasn’t just carelessness that let it slip from my pocket…I may have panicked when they approached me. It’s never off my person and I thought they’d search me. So I tossed it out.’ He sighed. ‘Better to have some stranger find it than them. You finding it was…a blessing.’

Wow. I felt sort of important hearing that.

I shifted more to my side so I was facing him better. ‘Why not dump it on the internet? Put it out somewhere, on a show, or news, something so that people can see what’s going on? You and Fox have hacked into loads of sites before. Use this. Plaster it everywhere. Let me help.’

He sadly smiled. ‘Do you really think that they would allow that? If Fox and I can do so much, what can InVizion do? Hmm? They’ve let me post my little warnings because it does nothing but discredit me. They
like
our little hacks.’

I shook my head, feeling his breath upon my face as he spoke. ‘But why tear your flat apart for it, then? What do they have to fear if you can do nothing to stop them?’

James sighed; voice heavy. ‘Because, it is a loose end. They do not like loose ends.’

His misery was palpable. I could feel it wrapping round both of us on the sofa, pulling us down. ‘Then…why not just kill you?’ I closed my eyes to avoid his sad stare. ‘It is not something I wish, of course it isn’t. But why not just kill you?’

‘I believe they will,’ he said at last, very softly. I opened my eyes. ‘But it would not be in so obvious a way that people would question. They cannot do that. People would find it strange, considering how…disruptive I’ve been.’

My stomach began to knot at the thought. What would I do if anything happened to him? How could I go on if he was suddenly…gone? It was a frightening, impossible thought. I couldn’t bring myself to it. No. He was overreacting.

His expression was one of dismay.

‘Hey, James? You’re going to be okay. Don’t worry about it.’

‘I’m not worried.’

I didn’t listen. ‘We’ll find a way. They’re losing their minds over the fact you have this dirt on them, we’ll find a way to use it. To expose them. Controlled by InVizion or not, people will riot when they see this.’

‘And hate me all the more.’

I watched his eyes fall. His entire frame seemed to wilt. He was used to being the dignified mathematician, not the outcast he was now. I reached out and gripped his shoulder, believing it the right action, but in a detached way. His eyes rose and settled on my hand, before flicking up to my face. I felt his shoulder relaxed beneath my hand considerably.

‘We’ll get through this. James, I promise. I’m here. I’m not leaving you. I swear.’

At last, his mouth twisted into a grim smile. I did not know how genuine it was, because I felt dread filling my own heart. Dread, for how could he and I hope to stand up to such a massive company as InVizion? Even after all we’d done. It had all been harmless, hadn’t it? All I knew was I was with James, and I wasn’t going to leave him. He and I were in this together. If we both died in the process, well, some morbid part of me was okay with that. At least I’d die knowing I was actually doing something. At least I was actually living.

I let go of his shoulder and stood reluctantly, bothered by my reluctance. To add to all the weight spinning my head I should in no way be wanting to sit so closely to him on the sofa—with him in nothing but his pyjama bottoms and a dressing robe. It wasn’t me. It was some alien desire that was completely new and frightening to me. I had to shake it soon.