Lonesome Bride (26 page)

"This contract is null and void.” She fixed him with a look that would have withered a less cocksure man. “This was the contract between me and your father."

"It just says Jed Peters,” Jed said, still grinning at her. “Doesn't say which one."

"You and I both know which one,” Caite countered sternly, although excitement was surging through her. If he had taken the time to bring her the contract, might that not mean he cared? “You can't possibly think I'll marry you because of this paper?"

Jed put his arm around her cajolingly and plucked the contract from her hand. “Look at it this way, Caite. I reckon it's as good a reason as any."

Caite shoved away from him and off the bed.
So it's just another excuse!
She scowled, irritated with herself for believing, even for an instant, that the contract meant anything more to him than a way to bend her to his will. Why he should want to she could not decide, but she was not about to let herself be filled with daydreams again. She was no starry eyed girl any longer. She had escaped a loveless marriage once already, despite that stupid contract, and she would not let it bind her this time. She whirled on him, stabbing his chest with her finger with her every word.

"I could not care less about any paper you have, Jed Peters! I told you before I would not marry you, and that is what I meant!"

He grabbed her hand, holding it against his chest. “Your reputation, Caitleen,” he reminded.

Caite thought of how the women on the street had cut her short, and how the men had jeered at her. She did not want to go through that again. Her father's drinking and gambling had isolated her from the good people in East Frankton. Would her actions now do the same here in Staghorn? Could she face a lifetime of pointed fingers and whispered rumors?

On the other hand, could she stand to live out her years staring across the breakfast table at a man, whose every gesture made her heart pound, all the while knowing he did not love her. How long would it take before she grew to hate him for denying her his heart?

"I can always go to Lonesome,” she declared, trying ineffectually to tug her hand away from his.

He would not let her go. “You don't really want to do that, Caite."

"Why not?” she asked defiantly.

"You'd be worse off than here. The whole town's filled with saloons, and the type of people who frequent them. You'd end up becoming just what the people here have already accused you of."

Caite yanked her hand from his grip. “I would never,” She cried, affronted he could think so cheaply of her. “Never!"

She backed away from him and strode to the dresser. Standing in front of the mirror, she caught a glimpse of her disheveled reflection. Without thinking, she loosed her bun, letting her hair fall to her back, and began tugging a brush through the strands hard enough to bring tears to her eyes. At least that was what she wished to believe was bringing forth the tears. Certainly nothing so foolish as emotion. She would not allow it.

She heard Jed's slight gasp behind her, but ignored it. There was no need for him to think she noticed every little noise he made. No, better to let him see just how unimportant he really was...

It was her turn to gasp. Jed had come up behind her, swept the hair away from her neck and planted a kiss at the tender spot at her nape. His lips against her skin was sheer torture.

"Stop that,” she said weakly.

"I couldn't help it,” he murmured against her flesh. The movement of his lips as he spoke caused fresh chills to sweep through her. “The sight of your hair down makes me want you so, Caite."

With great effort, Caite wriggled from his grasp and moved out of his reach. Clutching the hairbrush in her hand as though it were a weapon, she forced her breathing to slow.

"Then I shall put it back up immediately,” she told him, not daring to admit his words had caused a familiar damp ache to spring up between her thighs.

"Don't, Caite.” Jed moved toward her and ran his fingers through the silky strands. “Don't fight me, Caitey."

"Don't ... don't call me that."

He looked at her, truly puzzled. “Don't call you what?"

She took a deep breath and forced herself to say the name. “Caitey. Don't call me that."

"Why not?"

Because it makes me love you so, she wanted to scream. Instead, she turned her back to him and began pulling the masses of her hair together. “I do not like it."

She felt his hand on her shoulder and nearly sagged beneath the weight of his touch. At the last moment, she was able to lock her backbone, standing straight. Only the way her heart was trying to leap from her chest betrayed to her how his caress had affected her.

"I know plenty of things you do like,” Jed teased, trying to encircle her waist.

She stepped briskly out his embrace, making it perfectly clear she was not amused. “Is that all you ever think about?"

"I reckon it's all I will think about this winter, when I'm alone,” he told her matter-of-factly.

"Alone?” She looked at him, startled. “Why will you be alone?"

"I'm moving out of Heatherfield,” Jed said. “I reckon I'm a mite tired of working my father's land. Thought I'd strike out on my own."

So what Lorna thought was true. Jed was leaving Heatherfield. But then he would be leaving her! Caite fought the wave of anxiety that filled her at the thought of not seeing him again. It had been one thing for her to think of parting from him, but for him to decide to go was unthinkable. With the reality she might not see him any more looming over her, Caite was hard-pressed to decide which would be worse: living near him without his love, perhaps even hating him, or not living near him at all.

"Where will you go?” She struggled to keep her voice calm.

"The cabin. You remember the cabin.” Jed looked at her seductively, but she was too rattled to respond.

"Of course. You're moving to the cabin?” Relief flooded her. He would not be far away. She had imagined him moving to another state. The cabin would not be so bad. She could still see him. Not that she would want to, of course.

"That's my land,” he said, pride edging his words. “Lincoln's Homestead Act of ‘62. I just finished signing all the papers today. That was my business in Staghorn."

"How nice,” she replied, realizing as she spoke she sounded terribly insincere. She tried again. “I mean, how wonderful for you."

"I've got the mares and Zeus to get me started,” Jed told her, excitement sparking in his emerald eyes. “With Pa's stock, plus what I can breed from Zeus, we'll have the best horseflesh in Montana."

"Good for you, Jed."

He grinned saucily at her. “But I'll still get lonely in the winter. Unless you marry me, Caite. How about it?"

"I do not understand your persistence,” she replied. “You've made it very clear there's a limit to your affections for me. Why do you insist on asking me to marry you?"

He pondered for a moment. “Comes a time when a man decides he needs himself a partner, Caite."

Just when she thought she could not be any angrier at him, he had to go and say something like that. Served her right for ridiculously hoping he might have said he cared for her. “A partner! If that is all you want, why not take Shorty?"

He winked. “Shorty won't keep me near as warm as you would."

"Then I suppose you shall just freeze by yourself,” she retorted hotly. “And if you ask me, a little cooling down is just what you need!"

"Would it be so bad, Caitleen?” Jed asked.

She thought she heard a note of pleading in his voice, but certainly that could not be right. Not from the man who had told her to her face he had no feelings for her. Perhaps she only wished to hear the hint of appeal. “Being married to me, I mean?"

She turned and met the green eyes so like her own. “A marriage without love is no marriage, Jed."

He flinched, his mouth thinning. He dropped his hand from her shoulder. “You were going to marry my Pa, and you didn't love him."

"You are not your father,” she replied steadily.

"I reckon not,” he agreed bitterly. “Or else we'd have been in front of the preacher weeks ago."

"Your father is a very nice man,” Caite said in exasperation, speaking slowly to drive the words through his thick skull. “And I would have married him. Maybe we would've even grown to care for each other, in time. But it would not have been a real marriage, and you know it. Thankfully, we both were spared the ordeal. He is very much in love with Sally, and she gives him everything he could need."

"And you?” Jed asked. “What have you gotten out of the deal, Caitleen?"

"Everyone at Heatherfield has been very kind,” she told him stubbornly.

"So you take their charity and their pity, and think it's enough?"

She gasped, heat rushing to color her cheeks. He had known just where to strike at her insecurities. “Pity? Surely you can not believe they merely pity me?"

He laughed rudely. “Caite, I've seen Lorna take in stray cats not half as out-of-place and sorry as you."

Tears filled her eyes, and she cursed him again for bringing them there. “You can be so cruel."

Again, he laughed. “Cruel? Cruel is taunting a man with your body until he aches from just the sight of you. Cruel is giving me just a taste of everything you've got, but pulling it away when I ask for more. I've tried to do the upright thing by making you an honest woman, Caite. Why won't you let me?"

She wiped her face with the back of her hand, feeling her fingers tremble against her cheek. She was heartsick and weary, tired of fighting him and her emotions. “I do not need you to make me an honest woman, Jed. I won't marry you just to fulfill your lusts. That wouldn't be a real marriage any more than if I'd married your father."

"I've had a real marriage. I reckon it isn't everything you're dreaming it is."

Caite's stomach twisted at the mention of his former marriage. “Maybe not. But I know it's more than just an excuse to stop gossip, or to escape from something you don't want to do."

Jed crumpled his precious papers in his fist. “I don't understand you, Caitleen. You're crying about your ruined reputation, but when I hand you a way out of it, you turn me down!"

"Is that the only reason I should have to marry you?” Caite exploded. “To get a way out of a ruined reputation? Oh, forgive me, Jed, I forgot another excellent reason to marry you. It is your duty, for seducing me. And, of course, I have no choice because no one wants a soiled dove, am I right, Jed? Are those all good reasons for me to marry you?"

Jed flinched at his own words thrown back at him. “People have married for less."

"I will not!” Caite cried fervently.

From anyone else, his reasons to wed would have made sense, but not from him. Becoming Jed's wife and knowing he did not love her as she loved him would be more than painful. It would break her.

"I have a contract. I could take it to the law."

"So take it!"

"You'd go to jail, rather than marry me?” He seemed incredulous.

"I doubt it would come to that, Jed."

"What will it take?” Jed shouted suddenly. “Do I have to get down on my knees and beg you?"

Caite watched, horrified, as Jed dropped to his knees before her. “Get up, Jed."

"Oh, Caitleen,” Jed intoned in mock seriousness, hands clasped over his heart. “I would be so pleased if you would do me the honor of being my wife."

"Jed, please do not do this."

"I know I am but a simple cowpoke, but I will provide for you,” Jed continued, ignoring her.

"Stop it!” Caite cried, backing away from his mocking eyes. “Just stop! I do not want you to do that!"

"What then?” Jed asked, voice hostile, getting to his feet. “I got on my knees for you, Caite, but I draw the line at begging."

"I do not want you to beg.” She wept, covering her face to shut away the sight of him.

"What do you want to hear?” Jed shouted, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing her to look at him.

"Do you love me?"

He released her shoulders. “Would you believe me if I said I did?"

She frowned. “Probably not."

His eyes shifted toward the bed, and he ran a hand through his hair while giving an exasperated sigh. “Then why should I bother?"

Her chin went up. “You keep saying you want to marry me, and I've told you why I won't."

"Unless I tell you I love you."

She nodded.

"But you just said you wouldn't believe me if I said it!"

"Because you already told me you didn't,” Caite cried. “Unless you want me to believe you changed your mind..."

She glared at him expectantly, refusing to let hope burble in her chest.

Again, he looked to the bed, then back at her. Again, he ran his hands through his hair. His mouth worked as though he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. Finally, he spoke. “You keep talking about how important it is that I tell you I love you, but you never said whether or not you love me."

She took a step back, feeling suddenly as though she couldn't breathe. Jed fixed her with a steady glare that seemed to pierce her to her soul. He seemed to be waiting for her to say something.

When she didn't speak, he gave her a crooked smile. “Ain't so easy, is it?"

She wanted to say it. But she couldn't. She was afraid.

"You don't trust me,” Jed said. “You don't trust that I love you, even though I have no other reason to keep asking you to marry me. You don't trust me to enough to tell me the same thing you're demanding. I could jump through hoops from now until doomsday to get you to believe me, Caite, and would that be enough?"

"Jed—"

But he wouldn't let her finish. “I spent five years dancing attendance on Trish because nothing I ever gave her was enough. I'll be damned if I do it again for any woman."

"I'm not Trish!” She cried.

"No.” He looked her up and down in a way that made her instantly ashamed. “Trish agreed to become my wife. At least she gave me that. You give me nothing but trouble, Caitleen. Do you think I'll keep asking you forever? A man has his limits, even for a hot-headed Irish devil like you, Caitleen O'Neal."

He left, slamming the door behind him. Caite could only stare at the closed door, her stomach sinking. She'd really made a mess of things.