Lonely This Christmas (2 page)

When Judy put her key into the front door of her three bedroom home, she had to resist the urge to shout melodically, “Bruce, it’s only me, I’m home.”

Even though it had been ten years since Bruce’s death, every now and again she would inadvertently repeat the ritual she’d always followed when he was alive. In the early days when Bruce had just set up his building company he’d be out till all hours, but in the later years when his company was well established, Bruce had often worked from home. Judy was a lady of leisure at that time and their income allowed her to spend her free time wandering around the shops for hours at a time.

She had forgotten to set the timer again so the house was in complete darkness, but even the cold dark house hadn’t prevented her from almost calling out his name. Ever since the kids had left home, the house had felt increasingly empty. Judy had toyed with the idea of getting a puppy, but she would just feel guilty having to leave a puppy alone in the house while she was at work every day.

The kids had said that they would try to get home, so that they could all to spend Christmas together, but Christmas was a bitter sweet time for everyone. It had been at this most special time of year that their lives had been ripped apart for ever. Bruce had been only forty four years old when he was killed in a highway pileup ten years ago. That carnage created twelve widows and seven orphans in one fell swoop. Thanks to a mindless cretin who had downed twelve glasses of gin at the office party, but still felt himself capable of driving home, Christmas 2002 would never be forgotten by Judy, Nicholas, Sophie, and countless others.

Judy glanced up at the professionally taken giant gilt framed family photograph which hung above the fireplace. Taken only a couple of months before Bruce’s death they all looked so happy. Sophie, who had just turned fifteen, was the image of her father as she still was. With her light brown naturally wavy hair and pretty green eyes her smile could light up a room. Nicholas, who was seventeen at the time, was the typical teenager. Judy recalled how she and Bruce had had to bribe Nicholas to dress smartly for the photograph. It had cost them dearly but it was well worth it. Bruce had looked handsome and proud in the family portrait, and the happiness showed so clearly in his eyes. Judy looked at herself in the photograph and realized just how contented they had all been till a drunken driver had taken everything away.

Wiping away a solitary teardrop Judy scolded herself for succumbing to self pity, and swiftly pulled herself together. It was time to run a hot bath and let the warm bubbles soak away all of her cares and worries. She thought back to earlier in the day when Elaine had taken her to task. Elaine was correct, Bruce had always said that should anything happen to him she should not mourn him too long. He’d told her to enjoy the rest of her life, and she had told him to do the same should anything happen to her.

Perhaps it was time to make some changes, like a new hair style. Nothing too drastic, but perhaps a few highlights or a soft perm, just to update her look. She had always kept up with the fashions, so long as tastefulness wasn’t compromised. However, her hairstyle hadn’t change much since she married Bruce. He seemed to love the way she looked, and she suddenly realized that pleasing Bruce had been the only thing that had mattered.

Bruce had always been very practical. The ample life insurance policy he had taken out had ensured that the house, which they had lovingly shared together for nine years, would be paid for in full upon his death. The children had not been forced to leave the comfortable home they had grown up in, and Judy herself had no worries about trying to find the funds to pay the mortgage. Bruce was a wonderful man, of that there was no doubt, but he was gone and he was never coming back.

Tomorrow, Judy firmly decided, she would pick up some hair style magazines and decide on a new style before her appointment with the hairdresser on Friday. Just making this simple decision sent a quiver of excitement through her. This was just the first step on her road to a new beginning. Judy didn’t quite know how yet, but this Christmas was going to be different from any other.

It was early Friday morning, and Judy was pottering around the house attempting to fill in the time until her 2 o’clock hairdresser’s appointment. It was strange how on a work day there wasn’t enough time to get even the most basic chores done, while on a day off work Judy would frequently find it hard to keep
herself occupied. When the phone rang Judy was glad that something had finally happened to relieve the boredom.

“Hi, Judy it’s me,” chirped an excited Elaine, “
guess what; go on, you’ll never guess what.”

“No you’re right, Judy, I’ll never guess what. Especially if you’re not going to give me a clue what you’re talking about.”

“I went on Facebook last night, and there’s a page for City High School. I joined it, Judy. Guess who else is on it; Yvette Sparnon, remember her? Face like a Rottweiler and mouth like a sewer. Guess what she does for a living now? Guess, go on guess.”

The phone went silent as Elaine waited for Judy to respond, but after a couple of seconds she couldn’t contain herself any longer.

“She’s a grief counselor; can you believe it? The amount of grief she put everyone at school through, and she goes and gets a job like that. Amazing isn’t it? Anyway, that’s not the main thing. The main thing is that there’s a reunion next Friday night, and we’re going, right, O.K. I won’t take no for an answer. We’ve got one whole week to find the perfect outfits to wear. Time to dust the cobwebs off my platinum credit card I think, it’s been at least a couple of weeks since I’ve used it. We’re going to get all dressed up, and we are going to have the best time ever. It should be a good laugh, catching up with the old crowd and seeing what they’ve all done with their lives. There’s a buffet on, and who knows, Kevin Walker might have spiked the fruit punch with vodka, just like he did at the Christmas disco. Do you remember?”

Judy couldn’t bear to crush Elaine’s excitement, and agreed to go to the reunion on the spot. Secretly, she found herself feeling twinges of excitement at the prospects of catching up with the old crowd. She was now well past the stage of worrying what others thought of her, and so long as she and Elaine had a great time then that’s all that was important. Over the years, in times of strife, she had often longed for the carefree days of her youth, when the most important thing was who would be top of the charts. A week from today she could relive those carefree days, even if it was for just one evening.

When Judy arrived at the store, she sported a new hairstyle and a new attitude along with it. The subtle blonde highlights brightened her well conditioned mane, and the soft tousled perm provided a hint of sexiness to the style.

Saturday was the busiest day of the week; especially in the weeks leading up to Christmas. However, Judy had a confident and positive attitude, and nothing was going to get her down. Whether it be arguing couples, crying children, or people trying to jump the queue and causing a riot; nothing would get to her today.

Seizing the opportunity before the shop opened, Judy decided that it was time she had a new perfume to go with her new hairstyle. As she wandered around the endless displays of perfume, she was bombarded by the mixture of floral and fruity scents. She was just about to ask Caroline, the pretty blonde perfume assistant, which were the most popular choices just now, when she spotted a familiar name that took her instantly back into the past. There it was, ‘Charlie’.

‘Charlie’, was the first perfume she had ever been given as a gift. It came along with a small brown teddy bear which was holding a single silk red rose. It was the first valentine’s gift from her first true love; and although the perfume lasted only for three short months, the teddy and rose lasted to this day. Her sweetheart had worked double shifts on his paper round, just to cover the cost of this wonderful present. The teddy and rose were hidden safely in the loft, amongst all of the other keepsakes like the first shoes belonging to Nicholas and Sophie’s christening gown. Although Judy had adored Bruce from the day they first met until the day he was taken from her, she could not and would not forget the first person that made her heart skip a beat.

“Which one’s the original one, Caroline? There are so many to choose from, I want to try the original fragrance,” Judy asked with a note of excitement in her voice.

“I think that it’s Charlie Blue, Judy,” Caroline responded as she reached for the bottle of Charlie Blue fragrance. Opening the bottle, Caroline reached for the tester strip and liberally sprayed it with the floral bouquet.

“Never mind the test strip Caroline, I can smell it already,” Judy spluttered as the scent caught her breath and she struggled to speak.

Judy rolled up her sleeve so that Caroline could spray the fragrance directly onto her wrist. Holding her slim wrist up to her nose Judy breathed in the aroma, and held her
breath for a moment as if trying to hold the moment that she took the very first smell of that sweet perfume all those years ago.

“That’s the one, Caroline. I’ll be along after I finish my shift today,” Judy smiled as she almost skipped her way to the second floor and her clothing section. Sniffing at her wrist as she walked, she recalled her grandma’s reaction when she first wore her valentine’s perfume.

“Oh my dear lord, what’s that smell? It smells like a brothel in here,” laughed Grandma Brown as she entered the room. Grandma Brown was the most lovable Grandma you could wish for, even though she was very old fashioned in many respects. She didn’t see the need for perfumes and aftershaves, and in her opinion they were for harlots and gigolos. Still, she knew that the younger generation didn’t share her opinions and most of the time she managed to keep her opinions to herself.

Grandad
Brown died when Judy was just nine and a half years old, and it was then she had decided that there was no such thing as happy ever after. She adored her Grandad Brown. She loved the way he carried her on his shoulders when they were out walking and her legs were tired. She remembered the way he always checked the daily paper obituary column and always said the same thing when he did.

“Better just check in case I’m in there.”

When Grandad died and his name was in the obituary column, Judy carefully cut out the deaths notice and placed it in her jewelry box. Every time she looked at it she remembered his words, even though she couldn’t come to terms with his sudden death for quite some time. Grandma Brown never got over her husband’s death, and although she was only just sixty years old when he passed away, she never attempted to find love again. Grandma Brown was a very positive person who accepted what life threw at her and she rarely complained, but if you looked closely there was always a hint of sadness in her eyes. She died peacefully in her sleep at the age of one hundred; and whilst it was sad that she’d died and everyone would miss her, everybody accepted that finally she would be reunited with her one true love.

At the end of the day, just as she’d promised, Judy headed down to the perfume department. After purchasing a bottle of Charlie perfume, she made sure that the receipt was countersigned by the section supervisor. Judy smiled to herself as she popped the perfume into her bag. Clive the security man was on staff searching duty tonight, so Judy was very careful to keep her receipt handy in the right patch pocket of her wine woolen parka. This once monthly ritual was taken very seriously by the security guards, and conscientious Clive followed the rules to the letter.

Clive, with his bright orange hair and freckles to match, was a happy soul who was contented with his lot. At least that’s the impression he gave all those that knew him. Whenever shoplifters hurled abuse at him, he contained himself and followed procedure with unwavering professionalism. Even when he caught the raging and inebriated stocky man with a turkey down his sweat pants in the ‘Frozen Food and Provisions’ department, he kept his composure and calmly
frogmarched the thief to the manager’s office until the police arrived. He always chatted to the policemen like he was one of their own, and Judy often wondered if he held secret aspirations of joining the police force.

Standing at the staff exit doorway, Clive waited patiently with his clipboard in one hand and
Papermate in the other. Judy stood in line behind her work colleagues who were all anxiously waiting to leave. No matter the protestations about what many workers considered to be a time wasting and pointless monthly event, Clive went through his checklist with military precision. When it was Judy’s turn in the queue Clive smiled, showing his slightly overlapping front teeth, and just for a moment let his guard slip.

“Nice coat, Judy. New is it? Been meaning to tell you, love the new hair style too,” Clive said as his cheeks suddenly reddened.

“Come on, what’s the hold up, Clive? Some of us have got homes to go to,” shouted a voice from the back of the queue.

“Sorry,” Clive apologized as he got back into his security guard mode. Looking down at his clipboard, he read each question from the A4 sheet in a robotic voice that almost sounded as though it were computer generated.

“Have you anything on your person that you got from this store?”

“Yes, perfume,” replied Judy as she opened her bag and pointed out the bottle of perfume.

Clive ticked the relevant box, before swiftly moving on to the next question.

“Have you got a receipt to prove that you purchased the item?”

“Yes, Clive,” Judy responded as she reached into her pocket to produce the till receipt.

Again, Clive ticked the relevant box.

“Has the receipt been countered signed by a recognized section supervisor?”

“Yes,” Judy smiled as she handed over the small piece of paper to the ever vigilant Clive.

Clive took the receipt and examined it closely, before handing it back to Judy. After ticking the final box Clive handed over the clipboard, pointing out where Judy should sign and print her name. Duty done, Clive and Judy said goodnight to each other as he held open the door for her to leave.

Once sat on the bus, Judy took out her Charlie and sprayed it liberally onto both wrists. On the long bus journey home she continued to periodically raise her wrists to her nose, as though taking in a vital whiff of oxygen. By the time she got home her head was buzzing with memories
, and even before the microwave had pinged to signal that her TV dinner was cooked, Judy was finding it almost impossible to focus.

With fork in one hand, and remote control in the other, Judy ate her meal while flicking through the TV channels.  After ten minutes failing to concentrate properly, Judy finished her meal, turned down the volume on the TV, and flopped back down onto her large comfortable cream colored sofa.

Puffing up the cushions, Judy lay flat out and closed her eyes. Raising her wrist to her nose once more she took a long deep sniff off her new favorite scent, and was instantly transported back to a place and time she remembered so well.