Lone Star Courtship (15 page)

And she had such a low opinion of his family craft that there seemed little he could do or say to earn her respect. Given all that, how was a man supposed to react to such a completely unexpected declaration of love? Just at the moment when he'd begun to respond, to tell her how she had impacted his life, she'd turned on her heel and stalked away with the weather apparently uppermost in her thoughts.

Casey was a conundrum, a powerhouse wrapped up in contradiction. If she'd only give him some encouragement that she could be flexible, that she was willing to bend even the slightest, that her love could be un conditional, he wouldn't have hesitated to tell her he shared her feelings.

His own imperfections were many and he'd spent years having them pointed out in professional failure upon failure. Could she be trusted to accept him as he was or would she forever be casting out a fleece, looking for verification that she'd made the right decision?

Love hadn't come into his life by decision.

Love had just shown up, in steel-toed boots and curls.

This tender emotion he felt for Casey was beyond all he'd imagined and he was going to have to take a huge risk in order to embrace it. Unlike Stanton and Colby, Barrett was deliberate and cautious to a fault. He didn't take bold chances, not with his career and certainly not with his emotions. If he told Casey how he felt, if he shared the mosaic for his future that seemed to finally be taking shape in his mind, could she stand by him? Would she agree to something untried and untrue that didn't line up with the plans she was determined to see become her reality?

“I used Google to search small-craft sailing last night so I wouldn't be a total handicap today,” she announced as he stopped beside her.

Did she truly intend to gloss right over the endearing moment as if it hadn't happened? As if professing her love was something she did all the time? And as the possibility soaked into his mind, the thumping in his chest slowed. It was entirely plausible he'd misunderstood her meaning, and that friendship or a brotherly kind of love was all that she'd declared. Perhaps romantic love was something else altogether and not at all what she was experiencing toward him. He'd never known such confusion.

“Why the long face, Counselor?” she inquired. “You look as if your only client just got the death penalty.”

She seemed to have no sense of the jagged gash in the core of his spirit. Either she didn't have the ability to detect his pain or she didn't care to exercise it.

“Capital punishment in the U.K. was abolished over forty years ago. Life imprisonment is the worst we have to fear.”

And for the first time he had to consider what that meant. Life without the woman he loved would be no life at all. His cozy little world back home would become his prison with immediate family and unfulfilling work as the only visitors to his cell. But he couldn't build a life with a woman who refused to trust him. In the event that was to be his sentence, he'd make the most of today.

Twenty-four hours from now, memories of Casey Hardy might be his only comfort. As if she sensed his worry, she pulled off her cap, shoved her sunglasses up on her forehead and dazzled him with her smile. She let the warm morning breeze whip soft ringlets about the bluest eyes he'd ever know in this life. The precious memory was filed away for another time.

“Well, my worst fear today is how frizzy it's going to be once the humidity has its way with my mop.”

“Then between the two of us we have no worries at all. Let's catch some wind.”

He put one foot on the bow of the small cruiser and extended his hand to steady her as she boarded. Casey looked down at his palm to find Nemo's reassuring smile covering the last angry scrape. She accepted Barrett's grasp as she left dry land and he took it as a sign of good things to come for the day.

“Barrett, I'm sorry this morning has been such a disaster.” Casey looked at her watch as if eager to get on with the second half of her day and be rid of him.

She stood idle on the dock while he coiled ropes and organized the rig.

“I've never found it so hard to help out in my life.”

The lines of consternation in her face implied genuine distress, but her behavior for the past four hours had been nothing short of mutinous.

“Is that what you call it?
Helping out?
” Barrett snapped, stepping up to her level after completing his work.

Her eyes grew round with disbelief at his barely veiled accusation. He wheeled about and headed for the car, certain the stubborn little spitfire would be hot on his heels.

“Of course. I tried to do just as you told me.”

“So you say.” He made no effort to slow his pace. It was her turn to catch up with him. He'd seen and heard quite enough. The outcome for his final proposal was determined. There was no turning back, no need to second-guess his decision. Casey Hardy was head-strong and driven, take-charge and self-motivated. Under the right conditions she'd blossom. Under the wrong ones she'd implode.

“So you say,” he repeated.

“What does that mean?” She hurried along and he lengthened his stride to keep her a half step behind.

“It means that if you'd endeavored today as I've seen you do this week, we'd have been a dynamic team out there. But because it wasn't really of interest to you, the effort on your end was mostly talk and halfhearted action.”

“That's not true,” she insisted. “I did everything you said.”

“And nothing more. Casey, I didn't bring you here today to be a spectator. I needed to experience you as my partner, to see if you'd learn from me and to share instincts that until today appeared remarkably good. But you're so determined to be in control that even if it means following instructions poorly you'll do it because that gives you a measure of satisfaction. It makes you right when someone else is wrong.”

Reaching the car, he popped open the huge trunk and tossed in his soggy deck shoes. He rounded to the passenger's side next, but she'd already yanked open the door and slid onto the leather seat.

For most of the drive she was silent. He'd intended to strike a nerve, but she was so layered and faceted, he wasn't sure his words would find the right target. He felt a moment of appreciation for Caroline's simplistic nature. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, after all.

“This isn't new territory for me, you know?” Casey finally spoke. “I've been hearing about my control issues all my life. But I can't help believing that having it in spades is that bad when the Bible calls it a fruit of the Spirit.”

In spite of himself, laughter sprung up from inside Barrett, ringing out in the big sedan. It was the first time Casey had heard him laugh really hard. It was a beautiful sound and should have been a joyful moment. Instead it heaped a dose of embarrassment upon a deep layer of pain. They only had a few hours left together and they were arguing.

She had to admit he was right. She'd been so determined to prove everything was fine and she was all loosey-goosey with relaxation that she'd tensed up and clammed up. If he specifically asked for something outside of his reach or suggested she move left or right, she complied. She spoke when spoken to and smiled when smiled at. But otherwise she'd made no effort to share the work or to understand the dynamics of the sport. By the end of the trip it was obvious he'd have been better off sailing alone.

“Ah, I needed that.” He wiped at his eyes. “I'm sorry to laugh at you, darling girl. But the fruit of the Spirit is
self-control,
using discipline and restraint to manage our willful nature. That's very different from controlling the people and situations around us so we have a sense of power over our circumstances.”

“Well, it's worked for me so far.”

He angled the Caddy across two empty spaces in front of her condo. He put the car in Park but left the motor running. He made it clear from their first meeting that he wasn't planning to stick around.

Not today. Not ever.

“I'm afraid it's not going to be enough this time, Casey.”

“Would you like to come inside and explain that over lemonade?” Their final moments were bearing down on her and she'd blown it. Time was the one thing she needed most and she had no control over it.

“I'm afraid not. I have a quite lot of work to do before I catch my flight tomorrow. I need to finalize my recommendation and e-mail it to the board so we can discuss it Monday morning.”

“It can't wait another twenty-four hours?”

“Even if I needed another day it's not an option. Sunday is Mum's birthday celebration. I can't disappoint my parents.”

Of course not. He wouldn't let them down, any more than she or any of her siblings would let their parents down. It hurt all the more that, as quickly as she'd found him, she was losing the man whose focus was on his family where it belonged.

“Well, would you at least care to give me a sneak preview of the good news?”

The apologetic sadness in his eyes said it all. But he spoke the words so there would be no mistaking the facts.

“It's not the news you're hoping for, Casey. As much as I wanted this to work out in your favor, this is not the right opportunity for our client. I'm going to recommend against it. You have an astute head for business, so you must believe this short-term setback will work out for the long-term good. Please, this is an area where you're simply going to have to trust me.”

Even though she was braced for it, hearing Barrett say the words struck her like brass knuckles to a glass jaw. All hope shattered as a rush of blood flooded her temples and pounded a cadence.

Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.

Two words with such power for good. But all too often they caused immeasurable destruction instead.

Ever the English gentleman even while throwing a damsel under a double-decker bus, Barrett hurried around to open her door. When she emerged into the heat she gave him a resigned smile.

“You're not angry, then?” He voiced his confusion.

“Barrett, we're adults. All's fair in love, war and business. I did my best to get into your good graces so I could sway your decision and I fell short of the mark.” She gave his cheek a soft stroke with her fingertips, hoping to appear sophisticated and casual when the truth was she needed to touch him one last time.

“You were my first choice but not my only choice, so don't worry about H & H. We'll be fine.”

She turned to walk away and after a few paces he called out to her.

“Wait! May I phone you? You're entitled to the final write-up and I'd like to explain it in person.”

“That won't be necessary.” She waved away his offer. “But I would appreciate a signed copy by courier so I can get on with alternatives.”

She reached the front door and turned for a last glance as she worked the key into the lock. He remained at the passenger's side of the car as if uncertain what to do next.

Good. Welcome to the club.

She let herself into the quiet interior, tossed her bag and keys on the coffee table, slumped down on the sofa and lifted her eyes to plead for help.

Father, I hear Your message loud and clear. This is a battle for control that I was always meant to lose. In a few short days the love of my life has come and gone and he's never likely to pass this way again. Tomorrow he'll head home to another country and another life. He's taking my dying dreams with him and leaving my battered heart and spirit behind. I need You to speak to me, Lord. Please give me some reassurance through Your word.

Determined not to cry, she filled her lungs with a deep breath and reached for her Bible. Her hand stopped, poised above the opened pages. There, beside the Proverb she'd underlined days before, lay the coin bearing the fish symbol.

The sign that Barrett could be trusted.

And now the sign that she'd be a fool to ever trust at all.

A
week to the day after his return to England, Barrett Wesby Westbrook IV careened boldly across the Galveston job site in search of Cooper's Jeep. As white dust kicked up in the wake of his monster SUV, he put a name to the odd sensation he'd experienced since the aircraft wheels had touched down in Houston that morning.

Welcome. He felt welcome.

The return to Texas had brought the rush of comfort he couldn't find back home. Inside the walls of his London town house where he'd once enjoyed complete calm he found instead a lonely quiet. Not even his mother's birthday dinner had eased the ache or filled the emptiness. Watching the contented couples only exacerbated his profound sense of loss.

He missed Casey and there was no point pretending otherwise. Once reality had come tumbling down on him, he couldn't wrap up the thousand and one details and get back to her soon enough.

Barrett spotted one of the black Cowboy Cartel pickups and pulled alongside.

“Nice ride.” Manny gave a thumbs-up to Barrett's red Hummer.

“I couldn't resist it on the rental lot,” he admitted.

“All men have truck itch. It's just a matter of how big the wheels have be to scratch it.” Manny gave a loving pat to the door where the double “C” logo gleamed. “I'm surprised to run into you. Heard you were back on the far side of the pond.”

“That was temporary, to take care of personal matters.”

At the mention of personal matters, Barrett got right to the point.

“Can you tell me where I can find Casey?”

“Gee, I haven't seen her on the site for over a week now.”

A sense of dread gripped his spirit. Had she succumbed to the heebie-jeebies? Had he aided in giving her a panic attack she couldn't survive?

“Check over at the trailer. Savannah and Cooper were there when I dropped by earlier,” Manny suggested.

“Thanks, mate.”

Barrett ground the gears as he followed the diagram on the knob and wrestled the stick into place.

“And don't be a stranger! Let's wet a hook soon!” Manny called as his window slid up in anticipation of the inevitable swirl of dust.

Relief surged at the sight of Cooper's Wrangler outside the construction office. News of Casey was only moments away. Surprisingly though, all was quiet when he let himself through the door.

“Cheers! Anybody here?” he called.

“Barrett?” Surprise was evident in Savannah's voice as she emerged from the conference room and immediately offered a hug.

“Howdy, stranger.” Cooper was right behind her, his hand outstretched in friendship.

A lump of gratitude for their hospitality thickened Barrett's throat. As much as he wanted to explore the sensation, he needed word of his beloved much more. He made no effort to disguise his glance around the room for a sign of her presence.

“She's not here.” Savannah answered the unspoken question. “She hasn't been back into the office since you left.”

“Is she ill? Did she have another attack?” The quickening in his chest said he would be ill himself if he didn't find her soon.

Savannah looked to Cooper who nodded his head, giving agreement to speak freely.

“No, that's the cool part of all this. What should have sent her over the edge gave her a breakthrough. She absolutely refused to succumb to despair. She got into the Word and kept insisting she would simply trust.”

Thank You, Father!
She'd held on to trust, after all. But would she ever trust him again?

“So she's fine, then.” Barrett felt mild relief.

“I didn't say that. Don't console yourself thinking she hasn't had a rough week, Barrett. You threw our girl a curve ball, but she pulled out of the funk and made a conscious decision to find something positive in the pain.”

He cringed inside. He'd caused her pain on so many levels and then left her to deal with it alone. Would she listen to his reasons? Would she forgive him?

Would she still love him?

Warm fingers rested on his arm and Savannah's eyes glistened with compassion.

“Honey, she's taken some time off to get a fresh perspective. In that strange way that God unfolds His plan, the wake-up call you gave her was just what she needed. It forced her to take a look at her life and reconsider the collision course she was on.”

“She phones me daily for a progress report but otherwise she's letting me do my job like she should have from the beginning.” Cooper spoke up.

“Has she left Texas?” Barrett held his breath for the answer, never having considered that she wouldn't be there when he returned. He'd been such a fool, making judgments and drawing conclusions with only half the evidence. Ironic, but further confirmation his personal decision had been spot-on, after all.

“No way, dubs! She may have agreed to ease up but
abdicate
is not in that little lady's vocabulary.” Cooper chuckled and turned aside to spit discreetly into his cup.

“She's at the marina,” Savannah offered as she checked her watch. “You should be able to find her at slip number eleven unless she's finished up already. You'd better hurry before she gets away.”

“I guarantee you this. If she gives me any say in the matter that will never happen again.”

The trip to the oceanfront was endless as he considered what to say, what to do. With practiced words on his lips, he proudly tugged the new Stetson low on his brow and bounded across the parking lot, onto the boardwalk and around the water's edge. At the sight of Casey his lungs deflated, his heart sunk low in his chest and his feet refused to carry him the final twenty-five meters.

She was laughing, happy in a way he hadn't witnessed in their days together. Her enchanting curls were blowing free with only her fancy new sailing shades as a headband. With one knee pressed to the dock for support she expertly coiled a rope at her feet.

While she worked, she gave all her attention to a tanned and well-built man standing beside her who had to be fifteen years Barrett's junior. He recalled the recent number on his bathroom scale and sucked in his stomach.

Oh, not again.

He'd put the situation with Caroline behind him forever. Was it going to resurrect itself in the form of another younger man willing to make a sacrifice he wouldn't?

Sacrifice?

An insane way to think of love. What he wouldn't truly sacrifice to have Casey gaze at him as she was looking at another man this very moment! To have her repeat the words he'd heard her say the first time and shamelessly made her repeat. And now he longed with all his soul to witness the declaration again.

Please, Father, let all the steps of my life be leading to this moment. Let this love be Your will!

Casey gave a fond look at her little cruiser before making a final check of the bow line. Satisfied it was securely bound to the cleat, she reached for Chip's hand and let him help her to her feet. As he'd done for the past four days, the young instructor draped his arm around her shoulders to give her a quick squeeze of reassurance.

“Nice work today. See you tomorrow,” he confirmed before heading for his next appointment.

She hoisted her small backpack, slung it over her shoulder and turned to leave before she spotted him. The moment of intense déjà vu made her soul cry out. It also produced the high-pitched shriek usually reserved for rodent sightings.

No farther than thirty yards away stood a man in a straw cowboy hat who was either Barrett Westbrook or Hugh Grant. Either way, he was about to have a woman in his arms. She dropped the bag filled with soggy towels, met him somewhere in the middle and flung herself into his embrace.

“Oh, I'm so glad to see you!” She pressed her face to his chest, breathed in his scent and pulled him tight. The drumming of his heart was the sweetest music ever.

Trust me, trust me, trust me,
it insisted.

It was the same message the Holy Spirit had given her during her study. Over and over, God revealed Himself to her as she dug deeper into His Word for comfort. He recalled to her the Proverb of committing plans to Him so they would succeed. And she'd not only rededicated her plans, she'd laid her very life at His feet and pleaded for His mercy and guidance in every area. She had no idea what the future held, but she was certain He had a plan infinitely better than anything she'd devised on her own.

“Thank God you still feel that way,” he muttered into her hair, wild from the morning sail.

Not only was her hair out of control, she knew she was dressed like a freak in colors that didn't match and worn-out old sneakers that nobody but family should see. But he didn't seem to notice as he stared down into her face, his slate-gray eyes brimming, about to spill over.

As one corner leaked a fat tear, she brushed it away tenderly.

“Hey, I know the news you brought me is bad, but you look like you just lost your best friend.”

“I hope with all my might that's not the case.”

He placed a chaste kiss on the tip of her nose, then took her hand and led her to a shady bench nearby. Tugging her down to sit close beside him, he held fast to her hand.

“Speaking of friends, who was yours?” He nodded in the direction Chip had walked.

She smiled at the question. Proud of the answer. But mostly adoring the proper cowboy before her.

“Chip is my coach. He's teaching me to sail my new boat.”

She pointed toward the fifteen-foot
Montgomery
bobbing in the water of slip eleven. The same one they'd shared during their dreadful sailing experience together.

“I had to learn on something and since you hand-picked her for the day, I figured she was a good choice to buy. My brother's been after me for years to put money into something besides designer shoes, so there's my start. What do you think?”

“As I said last week, your unpredictable nature has changed my life. But I had no idea how completely and for the better all the changes would be.”

She wanted to take his comforting closeness and his sweet words as good signs but there had to be much, much more. There had to be a chance he could love her totally, warts and all. She'd put everything at risk when she'd shared her heart. His lack of response had nearly crippled her. God's healing touch had kept her from sinking and had set her feet on solid ground. But she wouldn't jump into the deep again for less than she deserved.

For less than the one man who would cherish her forever.

“Tell me about these changes,” she encouraged while silently praying for strength to accept whatever he had to say.

“Let me start with the outcome of my investigation.”

“Oh, that.” She pulled her hand out of Barrett's.

“You didn't need to come thousands of miles when I told you a courier would be fine with me.”

He scooped her hand back between his and held it securely.

“You're in no position to accept ‘fine' ever again, Casey. Your communication requirements will take a significant leap now that you're to be the U.S. point for an international partnership.”

She twisted on the bench to look him full in the face.

“But I thought you were going to recommend against it. Against me.”

The words were a knife shoved deeper into still-fresh wounds. The sadness in Barrett's eyes said the wounds were his, as well. That he'd suffered as she had.

“I did, my darling. My opening statement said you were not yet prepared to take on the role. But the facts and anecdotes I presented during the argument completely enchanted the client. They want a maverick. They want you, Casey. This isn't even about Hearth and Home anymore. It's about you. As my last official act for Westbrook Partners, Esquire, I've come to deliver a contract for your consideration.”

She pulled her hands free to cover her eyes.

“This can't be happening. I've spent a week accepting defeat, reconsidering my life goals, deciding what I want to do next. Journaling about new personal challenges I want to take on. Even thinking about nonprofit work.”

He pulled her hands away and lowered his face to hers. The curve of his lips and the squint of his eyes melted her worries. None of that mattered. It could all wait. Barrett was here, now.

And she loved him with all her might.

She sat upright. “Hold the phone. What was that you said about your last official act?”

“I resigned.”

“You what?” She might have been losing control but he'd lost his senses!

“I resigned. Casey, this assignment wasn't simply another effort to find my role with the firm, it was my final option. There's nothing left for me to try. I put my heart into this experience. I presented my best case and the client voted against me. Quiet honestly, I stink at every facet of the family practice and I'm not going to invest another moment of my life where it's never going to bear fruit. I broke the news to my parents two days ago and they not only accepted my decision, they blessed it. They think it's high time I get on with something fulfilling, and more importantly, begin an official period of courtship.”