Logan's Leap (17 page)

“If
you were going to be here when your six weeks was up,” he shrugged as he
released her and waked to his side of the bed. “I’d show you how much of an
angel I can be.”

Jayna
took a deep breath and crawled into her side of the bed, pulling the covers up
over her chest. “I sometimes think you used the wrong word,” she whispered.
“I’m pretty sure you meant to say devil.”

Logan
looked into the distance, his expression contemplative. “Devil, huh? Yeah,
you’re right. I think I would show you how much of a devil I am.” His gaze
shifted to her and he smiled.

Jayna
leaned in and kissed him, her left hand caressing his face. “You’ll have to
come to Vegas and see me in two weeks,” she whispered. Switching away from him,
she laid down and settled into her pillow.

“When
are you leaving?” he asked gently.

“The
day after tomorrow,” she murmured. “I made reservations when you were on your
run.”

The
room was completely silent for a moment. “Okay. I’ll drive you guys to the
airport."

Chapter 15

Logan
pulled up to his mother’s house and turned off the ignition. “Are you ready for
the third degree?” he asked.

“Hell,
it will be good to finally talk about it,” Jayna admitted. “I can actually live
in the open again.”

“Maybe
I should just let you go in and talk to her,” he said as he lifted CJ out of
his seat.

Jayna
put her hand on his arm. “What do you have against seeing your mother today?”

Logan
sighed and handed the baby over to her. “Because she’s going to try to convince
me that I need a family - that you and CJ came into my life for a reason. She’s
going to insist that I’m in love with you and just don’t know it."

“Are
you?” Jayna asked, heading up to the porch.

Logan
remained silent as he ran up to open the door and usher them inside.

**********

Logan
and Jayna found themselves sitting down to breakfast with not only his mother,
but also his niece Miranda and the man who had saved their lives just the
morning before. Ethan Ellis was the son of Logan’s uncle’s best friend, Jackson
Ellis. The two older friends had been visiting Harper’s Rock for hunting season
when they were injured. The younger Ethan had come to check on his father and
honorary uncle and namesake.

Miranda
hurried through her breakfast so she could go outside and play with her puppy
Rizzy, so the adults were soon free to talk about the events of the last month.

When
the story was over and Jayna asked to go someplace private to feed CJ, Evelyn
showed her to Logan’s old room upstairs.

“Thank
you, Mrs. Harper,” Jayna said shyly.

“You’re
welcome dear. And please call me Evie.”

“I
will, thank you.”

As
Evelyn was about to leave the room she turned back. “My son is fond of you.”

Jayna
smiled as she sat down on the bed. “He just doesn’t realize it. I don’t think
he ever will.”

Evie
nodded knowingly. “I just keep hoping that when the right girl comes along,
eventually, he’ll come to his senses.” She slipped out of the room and shut the
door.

Jayna
looked around the room to see if she could get a clue as to what Logan had been
like as a kid. Baseball seemed to have been his sport of choice. Even the
bedspread she was sitting on had a baseball theme. As she fed CJ, her eyes
settled on his dresser. There was an extensive collection of pictures of the
Harper boys together at play and in celebration. One in particular caught her
eye. She recognized Logan, Russell and Dylan from pictures in the apartment.
But there was another young man in this one. She knew instantly that it was
Ben. He looked so much like Logan. They had the same dark red hair, the same
sparkling eyes and a similar jaw line. Ben and Russell were teasing each other
with bunny ears, and Dylan and Logan were looking at them with such awe. The
two little boys had obviously adored their older brothers.

Jayna
noticed the pictures change through the years. All of a sudden there were only
three brothers and a sadness in their eyes that you just couldn’t ignore.

When
CJ finished on the first side he wouldn’t burp no matter what she tried, so
finally she headed downstairs. Young Ethan was heading to the hospital to visit
his father and Evelyn and her son were in the kitchen talking.

“Logan,”
Jayna said, walking into the room. “I’m sorry to interrupt but he wants you. He
keeps fighting me.”

Taking
CJ from his mother, Logan put him on his shoulder and walked around the kitchen
talking to him. “Hey little man, you should be nicer to Mommy.”

CJ
whimpered and bobbed his head against Logan’s shoulder.

“Oh,
now you’re trying to give yourself a concussion, huh?  You know, Mommy and I
don’t want to spend any more time in the hospital with you.”

CJ
calmed down as Logan rubbed his cheek against the baby’s downy soft head and
pressed an occasional kiss against his temple. “Come on my sweet little man,
burp for Uncle Logan." As soon as he switched from patting to rubbing, CJ
gave him what he wanted.

“He’s
magic with him,” Jayna informed Evelyn. They had been silently communicating
behind his back while he paced with CJ.

“I
think my son has found someone he’s capable of loving. I just hope he won’t be
the last.”

Logan
gave his mother a dirty look as he handed the baby back to Jayna. She beat a
hasty retreat back upstairs to Logan’s old room.

“You
love that baby,” Evelyn stated matter-of-factly.

“I
do,” Logan admitted without batting an eye.

Evelyn
turned to him. “Truthfully, something I never thought I would hear coming from
you. Now all you have to do is admit that you love his mother too.”

“Don’t
go there Mother,” he said harshly. “They are leaving in the morning.”

Evelyn
motioned to a bar stool and gave him a look that meant he’d better sit.
“Letting them leave will be the biggest mistake you ever make. That young woman
can make a home here just as easily as she can near your cousin and Deb.”

Logan
sat quietly for a minute. “She said she wants to go, Ma. She knows I can’t love
her.”

“You’re
going to miss that baby.”

“I
know, Ma,” he whispered. “I’ll see him sometimes.”

“Boy…”
Evelyn started, then just shook her head in dismay. “Until she meets someone
else and gives that boy a father.”

Logan
didn’t even have time to respond before Evelyn stood up and walked out the back
door. And Jayna had wondered why he didn’t want to visit. He got up from the
breakfast bar and went to the bottom of the stairs in the family room. “Jayna!”
he hollered. “Are you ready to go?” When he didn’t get an answer, he took the
stairs two at a time.

Jayna
was asleep on his old bed with CJ snuggled to her side. He walked over to wake
her when something on the dresser caught his eye. It was a picture of him and
his brothers, including Ben. “It’s okay to love her.” The voice was calm and
nearly a whisper. Was it his own voice? Maybe that of his subconscious? Or was
it Ben’s voice. Was his brother trying to tell him something from beyond the
grave?

Despite
the tear that trickled down his cheek he had to chuckle. Now he was going crazy
and hearing things. All of his mother’s and Jayna’s talk about love was warping
his brain.

He
looked at the picture again and his heart ached. If only his oldest brother
could be there. But if he was still alive, Logan would probably be married by
now. His life would be completely different. “I never wanted you to stop
living.”

Had
he really heard that or was his mind playing tricks on him again? He would give
almost anything to speak to Ben one last time. “Damn it!” he uttered, slamming
the picture face down on the dresser. “Jayna wake up. It’s time to go.”

Logan
was busy brooding for the rest of the day so Jayna hurried outside to sit on
the steps leading to the apartment.  It had been a long time since she’d had a
heart-to-heart with her best friend. She dialed Deb’s number from memory. It
rang three times before she picked up.

“Hey
best friend. What’s up?”

“I
just felt like I needed to talk to a friend,” Jayna said quietly. “And no, I
couldn’t wait until I get there tomorrow.”

Deborah
laughed. “You still know me too well. What’s on your mind? I can tell something
is going on.”

Jayna
was quiet, mentally trying to force herself to speak. “I…I love Logan and I
don’t want to leave Harper’s Rock.”  There, she’d said it. And now that it was
out there in the universe, her heart ached even more.

“Well,
then stay,” Deb said, confused.

“I
can’t. Logan can’t love me back,” she said, fresh tears clouding her voice. “Or
at least that’s what he believes.”

“I’m
sorry sweetie. Jackson told me about Logan’s ‘love is for fools’ idea. If you
ask me, he’s the one being a fool.”

Jayna
giggled nervously. “That is so true, sister! I just don’t know what to do to
change his mind. I want him so badly and he adores CJ. It seems like it should
be so simple.”

“It
should be, sweetie, but these men who have Mannon blood running in their veins
are stubborn as hell and don’t know how to let go of the past! It’s quite
frustrating.”

“I
really love him,” she whispered over the line.

“I
know,” Deb murmured. “Maybe you just need to let him go and give him time
without you. He’ll realize what he's missing and come running back to you.”

“Yeah
maybe,” she agreed through sniffles. “But what if he only misses CJ?”

“I
think even someone as misguided as Logan knows that a baby can’t keep a
relationship going. If he comes for you, it will be because he realizes he can
love you.”

“I
hope you’re right,” Jayna sighed. “I leave Wyoming tomorrow.”

“And
I can’t wait to see you. It’s been so long,” Deb gushed. “Do you want to take
bets on how long it will be before Logan comes to his senses?”

Jayna
just chuckled. “So, how are Mikey, Maddie, and Leo?”

“They
are great. This whole preteen thing with twins is getting on my nerves a bit,
but we're managing.”

“And
then you have a toddler running around. Right now I’m so glad I only have the
one.” Jayna heard Deb talking to someone on her end of the phone.

“Hey
Jayna, Jackson says hi and to have a safe flight.”

“Thanks
Jack!” Jayna yelled over the line. “Hey, I’d better get going. I’ll see you
tomorrow.”

“Okay
sweetie. Just hang in there. Everything will be okay. I can feel it.”

“I
hope you’re right. Bye Deb.”

Jayna
hung up the phone and went back inside to see if Logan was in a better mood.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t. Hopefully their last night together wouldn’t be
brought down by his bad mood.

Chapter 16

After
a restless night’s sleep for all of them, Logan, Jayna and CJ left Harper’s
Rock for the airport in Casper. Thoughts of the eleven
a.m. flight that would soon separate them kept talk to a minimum. Neither
adult wanted to think about their reasons for not wanting to say goodbye.

Two
hours and twenty minutes after they left the grocery store, Logan pulled his
SUV into a short term parking lot. The pain and burning he’d felt in his chest,
off and on over the last few weeks, had now spread throughout his whole body.
Every movement, every step, felt nearly impossible to accomplish.

Jayna
grabbed her suitcase and her carry-on, letting Logan have time with CJ. It
might not be hard for him to say goodbye to her, but she knew that letting go
of CJ would be hard on him. She could feel the tension rolling off of him in
waves.

Logan
stood by as Jayna checked in and checked her one suitcase for the flight. When
she turned away from the counter, they both knew the time had come to say
goodbye. She put the strap of her carry-on over her arm and looked into Logan’s eyes. “Thank you so much for everything you did for us.”

A
slight smile appeared on Logan’s face. “It really was my pleasure.”

“Even
if it nearly got you murdered?” she asked jokingly.

“Even
then,” he chuckled. “I put that money in your carry-on. Pay Jack and Deb back
for the plane tickets then use the rest to get your fresh start.”

"Logan
no. I can’t take it.”

“Of
course you can,” he insisted. “For you…for our son.”

“Only
for him, Logan. I don’t expect anything from you, but if you could stay in
touch with him…”

“I
will. I don’t think I could do it any other way now. Despite my name being on
his birth certificate, I feel…I feel like he’s mine.”

“He
is, Logan. For all intents and purposes, he’s yours.”

“Jayna
I…” he murmured, stepping close to her. “I’m sorry.” His lips came down on hers
in a gentle, sweet kiss. “Take care of you both.”

“I
will,” she promised, tears beginning to escape from her eyes.

Logan
turned his attention back to CJ, setting his car seat on the ground and lifting
him out. “You take care of your mama, little man. You’re in charge now.” The
baby fussed and Logan smiled. “I know, I know, she’s the grown up and can take
care of herself, but I’ll feel better knowing that you are helping out."
This time CJ smiled and cooed.

“I
love you, little man,” he whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his soft, sweet
forehead. “I’ll come see you as soon as I can.” With tears burning at the back
of his eyes, he handed the little boy to Jayna and bent down to affix the car
seat to the base he had carried in. He handed it to Jayna in her free hand then
bent to kiss her and CJ one last time.

“So
long,” he said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Call me when you
get there.”

“Bye.
Don’t forget that I love you.” Jayna turned and walked toward security, and Logan watched until they were both out of sight.

“Now
what?” he murmured to himself as he slammed out the front doors of the airport
and ran full speed to his SUV. The tightness and burning in his chest was so
bad that for a brief moment, he didn’t think he could stay upright. Since when
had he been able to
feel
? He’d been doing that a lot the last few weeks.

Making
it into the car, he collapsed in the driver’s seat where a bunch of deep,
steady breaths calmed him enough to be able to start the vehicle and drive out
of the parking lot. Though tears threatened, not one fell and when he reached
the I-25, his speedometer hit 95 and didn’t go below that until he reached the
outskirts of Harper’s Rock.

Pulling
up behind the grocery store, he jogged around to the front entrance and walked
back into the world he’d left a month before.

“Hey
Boss, is everything okay?” Andrew asked as Logan walked into the deli.

“Couldn’t
be better,” he said with little emotion. “I’m ready to get back to work.” And
that’s just what he did. By the time he was caught up on everything, it was eight
p.m. He climbed the stairs to his apartment and collapsed on the couch.

Checking
his phone, he noticed three missed calls. One from Jayna and two from his
mother. He automatically erased the two from his mom and decided to wait to
return the other one. They had made it to Vegas safe and sound, and that was
what he was most concerned with.

The
more he laid there, the more his mind wandered to places that it hurt to go.
But for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to do anything else. His couch
still smelled of Jayna’s body wash and that somehow made him feel comforted
despite the crushing pain in his body.

Just
as he gave in to his emotions and started to drift off, there was a loud
banging on the outside door to the apartment.

“Go
away. I didn’t order pizza,” he hollered.

“Logan
Charles Harper, open the damn door!” his mother hollered, her voice demanding.

“Oh
Ma, go away. I just want to be alone and I can’t very well do that if I’m
having three meals a day at your house.”

It
was quiet outside his door for a moment then he heard a key in the lock. He
made a mental note to call the locksmith the next day.

“When
was the last time you ate?” Evelyn asked as she burst in and headed to the
kitchen counter.

“This
morning,” he sighed, bracing himself for what would come next.

“Get
your mopey butt off the couch and sit at the table. I brought you some tater
tot casserole."

“Mama,
I’m not really hungry.”

“Boy,
you’re going to eat something even if I have to force it down your throat.”

Logan
reluctantly got up from the couch and settled in at the dining room table.

Evelyn
watched her son closely as she put some casserole on plates for them. “You
know, the girl you spent nearly a month in close quarters with leaves and you
stop eating, lie on the couch all night and ignore phone calls. That right
there should tell you something, son.”

Logan
’s
hands balled into fists as he glared at his mother. “Enough! I don’t want to
hear it Mom.”

Evelyn
acted like she didn’t hear him and set his plate in front of him before sitting
down with her own plate.

“Your
brother came home from the hospital today. He’s staying in his apartment here
in town, you should go visit him.”

“I
will,” Logan mumbled, staring off into space. He was sad that Dylan hadn’t had
the chance to meet Jayna and CJ like his mom and Russell had. But at least his
baby brother was alive to see another day.

Evelyn
jabbered on and on about Jayna and CJ throughout the meal, making the pressure
in Loan’s chest increase nearly to the point it had been at the airport. If she
didn’t leave soon, he might just stop breathing.

After
stowing leftover casserole in the refrigerator, Evelyn prepared to leave. As
she put her jacket on, she turned to him. “Can I leave you with a couple of
thoughts?"

Logan
sighed. “Even if I didn’t want you to, you would.”

“Touché
son, touché. Do you really think your brother would want you to live this way?”

When
Logan didn’t answer, she continued. “Love didn’t kill him. His depression
did. You need to realize that. If he hadn’t had that damn disorder, he would
have found a new love and a way to embrace and announce his sexuality.”

“It
was love, Ma,” Logan said between clenched teeth. “It killed Ben.  It nearly
destroyed Russell and turned Dylan into a fucking Casanova."

“Oh
Son, you are so wrong. Your oldest brother’s depression and suicide is what
nearly destroyed you boys, not love. You were too grief stricken to see the
truth. Hell, we all were. It’s time to move on with our lives, Logan.”

“Go
Mother. Now. Please.”

“I
love you son,” she whispered as she left the apartment.

**********

The
cool night air felt refreshing as Logan ran down Main Street. It seemed to
clear some of the pressure from his chest. Now the only reason he might have
trouble breathing would be from physical exertion.

As
he made his way to the park, he tried to clear his mind completely,
concentrating solely on the beat of his shoes on the pavement. Soon, he would
try to get answers. Turning onto the road leading to the park, he slowed to a
fast walk. By the time he reached the swings and sat down on one, his breathing
was normal.

“Hey
Ben, push me on the swing!” Logan hollered to his older brother.

“Sure
thing brat,” Ben joked, walking over to his mini-me. “Just remember, don’t kick
your feet.”

“Okay,
Ben.”

The
older boy pushed as hard as he could, making his brother squeal in delight.
Just as Logan’s swing came back, he pumped his legs out of habit and Ben took a
foot to the face.

The
oldest Harper brother went down screaming, soaking the gravel with blood.

“Ben,
Ben! I’m so sorry,” Logan screamed as he jumped out of the swing and tumbled to
the ground.

Logan
chuckled at the memory. He and Ben had both ended up in the ER that day. One
with a broken nose and the other with a broken arm. Despite the pain and fear
surrounding the incident, the two brothers had bonded over their broken bones.

“Oh
Ben, I really need to talk to you,” he murmured into the night. "I have so
much to ask you. Is there any way Mom could be right? Why Ben? Why did you do
it?”

Logan
stood up abruptly from the swing and ran toward home. “And why did
I
have to be the one to find you,” he screamed as the breeze dried his tears
before they could fall.

**********

After
his hot shower, Logan sat down on his bed and grabbed his phone off of his
nightstand. It was nine o’clock in Nevada so hopefully Jayna would still be
awake. He pulled up her contact and hit send.  She picked up on the third ring.

“Hello
Logan.”

“Hey.
How was your trip?”

“It
was good,” she said softly. “CJ slept or ate the whole way.”

“That’s
good. I’m glad he wasn’t fussy.”

“Yeah,”
she chuckled. “He waited until we got here. I think he misses you.”

“Nah,
he’s just being stubborn. He’ll burp eventually.”

“It’s
not just when he needs to burp, Logan. He’s just downright fussy.” There was
silence on the line for so long that Jayna thought he’d hung up.

“I
miss him too.”

“You’re
still planning on coming to visit…right?”

“Of
course,” he reassured. “Hopefully in January.” He could hear his own breathing
matching hers over the line. “How are Jack, Deb and the kids?”

“Oh,
they are great. The kids adore CJ.”

“That’s
good. He definitely won’t be hurting for family.”

“That’s
true,” Jayna agreed. “Logan I…I really miss you.”

“I
miss you too,” he admitted. “I’m sorry, but that’s all…”

“I
know,” she whispered. “That’s all I need…for now.”

“Hey,”
Logan said brightly. “Is that my little man I hear in the background?”

“It
is. He’s fighting sleep.”

“Can
I…can I say hi to him?”

“Sure,”
she answered, moving the phone down to the baby’s ear.

“Hey
buddy. You need to go to sleep for your mama. She’s had a long day.” CJ cooed
and he heard Jayna laughing.

“He
was so excited to hear your voice.”

“I
hope he goes to sleep for you soon. Give him a kiss for me.”

“I
will. Goodnight Logan.”

“Goodnight
Jayna.” He hung up the phone and crawled under the covers. The absence of her
warm body next to him was hard to deal with. Finally he went out to the couch
and laid down. But he soon discovered that it wasn’t much better than his bed.
No matter how much he needed sleep, he wouldn’t be getting much that night.