Lizzie's List (12 page)

This morning I am interviewing people for positions in the Tea Cosy 1 and Tea Cosy 2. The most important of all will be the person who runs The Tea Cosy here in the village as we need somebody who understands our vision and has experience, not somebody who simply wants to serve cakes. We will require two people to help Kate run The Tea Cosy 2 Our aim is to recruit more staff once we get up and running, but in the meantime Kate and I will have to work hard until we reach this point.

I have arranged six interviews today whilst The Tea Cosy is closed. Kate is coming along soon to help me.

“Hi, sorry I’m late,” apologises Kate looking very smart and business like. I glance down at my own attire, covered in jam from making my earlier creations, which I thought I’d pop into the oven to multitask whilst I’m here. I am about to head upstairs to change, when our first candidate arrives.

After interviewing the first four people, we are positive about two of them, but due to their lack of experience, they would only be suitable for Tea Cosy 2, so we are getting slightly anxious about who can fill our shoes here at The Tea Cosy. As we discuss this, our fifth candidate, Laura, the one who Mary (from the village) told me about, arrives.

Within one minute, I’ve mentally got her recruited, but persevere with the list of questions anyway. She’s perfect for us and The Tea Cosy. Although not professionally trained, she has been on several foodie courses and like me, has a passion for baking. She’s been working as a waitress (in a cocktail bar – sorry the song just naturally went off in my head) in Avington, but wants to become more involved with a business and even more importantly, she can start straight away. Not only are her credentials superb, but she has attention to detail and a strong ability to quickly notice what needs to be done – the type of person who will effortlessly ‘get on with things’.

After everybody has left, we decide to call Laura straight away and ask her to start as soon as possible, so that once she’s settled in, Kate and I will have more time to commit to Tea Cosy 2. We are also hoping to recruit somebody to help her from next week onwards. It all seems to be coming together and feels slightly surreal. Have you ever felt like you are looking down upon yourself in a dream – as though it’s not actually you everything’s happening to, but someone else? Well that’s how I feel right now.

As the week progresses, Laura is fast becoming indispensible and can make a mean Victoria sponge. I can’t decide whether I’m a bit miffed because hers are actually better than my sponges, or elated that she is baking them in my cafe! What helps, is the fact that I enjoy her company and honesty making me feel as though I’ve known her far longer than I have.

By the weekend, I am shattered and looking forward to curling up on James’ sofa with a glass of red wine before the arrival, on Saturday, of Tabitha and Mark. Staying at James’ at weekends is becoming a regular thing – almost an unwritten rule. We both tend to work on Saturday, but try to keep Sunday as our day together. Most of our time is spent taking Jack for long walks whilst we chat over a range of topics; sometimes about our plans and at other times simply teasing one another.

I will admit that during our walks, James has insisted on that I recreate my naked pose in Bluebell Woods for him again. He claims it is because that particular memory means so much to him, but if honest, I think he just wants to make love outdoors (against the Oak tree for nostalgia) and says that he has now achieved
HIS
number one from his list of things to do before he’s 40, even though that’s only in five years time. I was delighted I’d inspired him to make a list, but then when I pushed him for details of his list, I think he was just making it up because most of the things on it involve my being naked – little creative thought had been given to it!

“Lizzie, when are you going to sing in public – it was on your list? We’re in August now and you’ve gone all quiet about it.” James says as we sit comfortably at his kitchen table eating a chilli that we’ve made together.

“Well, I’m over half way, and still have nine months left until I’m 30, so there’s no hurry, is there?” I ask.

“Just checking you’ve not chickened out, because I was thinking, what with Tabitha and Mark coming down this weekend, perhaps you’d like to sing with us all there to support you,” he says as though this is for my benefit, but I know him better.

“Don’t pretend you are thinking of me James Colley! I know you better than that and Mark has also been emailing me about it. I know you told him about it and both want a laugh at my expense. I can see that having my brother’s friend as my boyfriend is going to make life difficult,” I reply in my stern voice, but I really find it funny. They are like two cheeky boys when they get together, always winding one another up or other people.

“Oh go on Lizzie – yes it would be funny, but we’d all be behind you. You’ve even inspired Tabitha to make her own list,” he begs, with puppy dog eyes, knowing full well this will cause a melting sensation in my tummy, therefore I’ll give in.

“Well, where could I do it?” I ask, thinking it’s my list, my item, so my fault at the end of the day that I am even contemplating it.

“How about we go to the pub on Saturday night and you could sing there – people will just think you’ve had too much wine.”

“I’ll think about it!” I answer firmly showing the matter is closed – for now.

The following day after work, I head over to James’ cottage with my own key. I’m sorry, did you read that clearly? I said, “My OWN KEY!” Okay, I’ve got over that now – back to the story. I am becoming so used to this drive, that I feel as though my car has its own tyre imprints gradually wearing down the roads on route to James’, although I’m not sure how much longer it will carry on panting up the bumpy path on the approach.

Tabitha and Mark are already there and are sitting happily in the garden, sipping wine and beer as I arrive. “Hi Lizzie,” shouts Tabitha as I walk towards them, “here’s a drink for you we thought we’d have dinner at the pub later – if you fancy it.”

After shooting James my most evil look, I reply, “Yes that would be great!” I am sure I see Mark’s shoulders shudder slightly as if he’s trying to hide an amused chuckle. I shoot James another evil glance, but can’t maintain it as he looks soooooooooooo sexy in his jeans and black shirt.

Later that evening, after Mark and Tabitha admire James’ cottage, we arrive at the pub, which is about a half mile walk. The Farmer’s Arms is a lovely, typical country pub with attractive hanging baskets and a beer garden overlooking a lazy stream. Once inside, Mark gets a round of drinks and we find a table inside due to the gentle yet persistent drizzle.

By the end of the third round (3 glasses of wine for me) I can see James and Mark sniggering like school boys and even in my wine-induced haze, I know exactly what they’re up to. “I’m not doing it!” I say determinedly. At this point, even Tabitha starts to giggle showing she’s in on it too.

“Are they trying to get you to sing Lizzie?” she asks.

“They’ve told you as well? I question.

“Well Lizzie–it is on your list. We’re not forcing you to do something that you don’t want to do anyway,” says Mark.

“I know that, but I haven’t got my head around singing just yet – I need to build myself up to it.”

“It’s entirely up to you Lizzie, but we’re all here to support you should you decide to do it tonight, and don’t forget you did promise I could watch,” adds James.

“I know I did, but your being here is not a comfort; it is more likely to put me off. I know you’re all here for a good laugh at me!” I reply, slightly miffed.

“Well Lizzie, I can’t promise I won’t laugh, but I do honestly admire you for doing it. If you want to sing in your awful voice with less harmony than an out-of-tune violin played badly, I think that you’re brave, if slightly mad.” responds Mark. This makes me think for a moment, about all the times when I thought Mark was better than me or that he disregarded me, but his saying this spurs me on. What have I got to lose? Maybe people (including some locals I know) will think I’m unhinged or a little drunk, but that is the point of this, to overcome my fears and worries and not give a damn?

“Right, I’ll do it then!” I almost shout. “Just let me compose myself, and I might need a shot of something before I start.” I can’t think about this for too long or I’ll back out, so, fuelled with some wine and a shot of tequila, I get up and just go for it. “Erm can I have every body’s attention please?” I say whilst clapping my hands together. At this, the hum of conversation quietens and people start to stare at me – some of them being regulars in The Tea Cosy and curious about what I am going to say; others wondering what this strange woman is going to announce. “I would like to sing a short song if that’s okay with you, and feel free to join in.” All the eyes in the room are now glued to me, not quite sure if I am serious or not. What the heck – let’s do this!

Slowly and hesitantly I start my first line. “I am what I am. I am my own special creation.” I decide on Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Am What I Am’ as this seems a fitting song for this task on my list. Smirks seem to spread around faces as fast as fire burns paper, as people realise that I am tone deaf. I start to falter slightly, but glance at James, who is not smirking, but willing me desperately to go on, giving me confidence. “So come take a look,” I continue in the silent room and am slightly horrified by this noiseless trance that everybody seems to be in. Suddenly, as I continue, stammering slightly, Tabitha jumps up and joins in and I nearly collapse with relief that her voice is just as bad as mine. As we reach the second verse, the smirks convert to genuine smiles and it seems that people are willing us on with them gently humming along to the song.

Gradually, as we enter our final verse, people start to clap along, which triggers Tabitha and I to really go for it, so that the whole pub is singing along with us. “Life’s not worth a damn till you can shout out I am what I am!” Yes they are laughing at us a little, but on the whole they are enjoying our entertainment and we’ve made their night fun. Clapping and cheering could be heard in the next village I am sure. Everybody in the pub has now realised I can’t sing with any melody and do I care? I do not care one bit, in fact, I actually loved singing to them–after the initial stunned silent part, of course.

“That was so much fun, Lizzie – you know I’m definitely going to write my own list now. I can totally understand why you’re doing it – it’s kind of liberating. There’s no way I would normally get up and sing, but you’ve inspired me Lizzie. Shall we sing another song?”

“NO!” James, Mark and I all shout at the same time causing us all to erupt into laugher at the sight of Tabitha’s surprised face.

“Why? Were we really that bad?” she asks.

“Let’s put it one way – Andrew Lloyd Webber won’t be calling soon my love, but I think you were both great,” answers Mark proudly.

“As much as we loved it, I think one song is enough,” I reply.

“Does anybody want another drink here, or shall we open some wine at the cottage?” asks James.

After a final drink, we all walk or should I say stagger slightly, back to James’ cottage and pretty much fall into our beds in an alcohol-induced haze. “I thought you were amazing tonight by the way,” James says as he cuddles me in his bed.

“You weren’t embarrassed?” I ask.

“Why should I be? You were just having fun. So what if you can’t sing. That’s what everybody loved, the fact that you were just singing, having a laugh and echoing the words of the song really – you are who you are, bad singing voice to go with it and you didn’t care.”

As James’ breathing deepens to greet his slumber, I think about what he’s said and the night in general. James accepts me for who I am and so did the people in the pub. Again, I find that completing my list brings me a confidence I never knew I had. Things that I would have previously found embarrassing or scary are no longer quite so daunting. Rather than feeling I must apologise for myself all the time, I now think, why I should apologise for myself or what I do. Shouldn’t having fun be more important than worrying about what people think – after all I am what I am!

Feeling James’ erection against my back, I find myself in an unfortunate predicament. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about what to do; however because I thought he’d gone to sleep I allowed myself a little fart under the covers. I am slightly certain that it might be of the silent, but deadly version – beans (which I had at the pub) can sometimes have that effect on me. As I haven’t yet broken wind in front of him, I debate whether I should pretend I’m asleep with the covers trapped tightly around me trapping the smell – or consider my previous thoughts about being I am what I am and lift the duvet with pride.

Note to Self

1. Never be afraid to sing out loud, although not too much in The Tea Cosy – after all I do want some customers – seriously describing it a strangled cat, is a positive spin on my singing.
   
2. Try not to eat beans before seeing James.
   

As August passes and September races by, Kate and I put all of our energy into getting the Tea Cosy 2 ready. Laura is pretty much running The Tea Cosy with the help of another lady we hired. We are aiming to open Tea Cosy 2 on the first weekend in October. With it being autumn, we thought we’d do autumn crafts for children and other activities to try and attract families. The owners of the barn are also organising activities, such as pumpkin carving and apple picking from the orchard in the side field.

James and I are still very much in love and have been together for two months now. In fact we have both used the L word! I would like to think I’m sophisticated and cool about the whole thing, but honestly ... I can’t hold back, so must tell you about it. I totally understand that listening to other people’s tales of love can sometimes be quite sickening, but don’t forget this is the first time I’ve fallen in love or had anybody in love with me.

It happened two weeks ago when we had our first argument. I hadn’t seen James in over a week and was feeling a little neglected as he had barely had time to talk to me, let alone see me. Then he informed me, by text, that he had to go on a visit to France and would be away for a week – something to do with a French holiday company. Looking back now, I can see that he was just too busy, but at the time, I thought he was getting fed up with me. All confidence that I have recently developed had gone on its own trip away, just like James.

Anyway, I was due to meet him at his cottage the night he returned, but by this time, I’d built up a whole picture in my head of him with chic French lady and decided that if he wanted to see me, he could bloody well come and find me. Obviously when he arrived home and I wasn’t waiting at his cottage with his tea in the oven, a loving smile on my face and the kettle boiling away happily, he realised that all was not quite right.

Ten minutes later, he was on my doorstep looking very tired and confused. “Lizzie, I thought you were coming over – what’s the matter? he asked as he saw my expressionless face.

“You mean you’ve only just noticed that I may be slightly annoyed? I haven’t seen you in ten days and you just whizz off to France, without so much as a hug goodbye and expect me not to be a little bit pissed off?”

“Honestly Lizzie, I am so sorry, but I’ve been struggling to find time for you. What with the centre being so busy, and then the trip to France was so last minute, but I had to go – it could bring in lots of business.” James then moves towards me for a hug.

“Struggling to find time for me?” I shout. “Well don’t bloody bother, if I am an inconvenience to you.” At this he looks bewildered; he’s never seen me get so angry before. I would also like to point out that it was the time of the month and I did have an exceptionally bad bout of PMT, causing me to be completely unreasonable.

“I didn’t mean it like that Lizzie – look you know how much I love you – please let’s not argue. I am recruiting some more staff and things will start to slow down in a few months, so we’ll have more time. I’m sorry I dashed off to France like that, and I should have come to see you rather than just sending a text.” He had me at ‘love you’! I slowly smile–a slightly shy smile and then leap into his arms with joy.

“You love me? You’ve never told me,” I say between kisses.

“I just assumed you knew and also assume that you love me too,”

“Men! James you don’t just assume love. Women need to be told these things–frequently!”

“Well I just thought you knew, but Lizzie, I do love you very much.”

“Well James, I love you too!” I shout happily.

“I know you do, but thanks for telling me anyway.”

“How do you know I love you?” I ask slightly puzzled that he knows and I didn’t.

“Lizzie, I’ve not seen you quite a while. Please stop asking me questions and let me come up to your flat and make passionate love to you.” he says whilst carrying me over his shoulder up the stairs.

“Well actually no you can’t – it’s ... erm ...you know?”

“No I don’t know? What’s the matter now?” he asks with a patient sigh.

“My woman’s thing.”

“What woman’s thing – Lizzie, please just tell me what you’re talking about.”

“Oh for goodness sake – it’s the time of the month!” I practically shout at him ruining my attempt to be discreet and dignified.

“Bugger! If I’d have known that I wouldn’t have bothered coming round!” he answers laughing as I spank his bum in protest. “Come on then – let’s do kissing and cuddles instead,” he replies with a prolonged and exaggerated sigh.

So there you have it–I, Lizzie Parker, am officially loved by and also in love with my boyfriend.

Notes to Self

1. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me!