Living With the Dead: The Bitter Seasons (22 page)

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1:47 PM
 

Posted by Patrick

Life is funny. The only reason that I left to find my family was because that I knew that the people that I love and care about were safe and secure. Every thing that we had sweat and bled for, to make life some what safe is all gone.

I spent the last two days out of touch and a little sorry for my self, alone, scarred, cold, and with no sleep. When I finally find a little safety and a place with power and cell service, I find that my friends are worse off than I am and betrayed as well. I don't know what to tell you, all my efforts to get in contact with any people fleeing the compound have been met with silence.

I sit here trying not to fall into despair and self pity, but it is so hard. My mind plaguing me with what if's. My righteous anger slips through my fingers being so far away and over come with worry, but I pray that it sustains my friends.

The only people that I've gotten a hold of were in Courtney's caravan to the South. They are ok and just as anxious as I am about every one back in Kentucky. Josh's brother David had to be restrained to keep him from going back, it only cost some bumps, bruises, and a few black eyes to do so. Courtney is going to push on because her mission is more important than ever now. I don't know how she does it, being able to quiet the heart and listen to your head when the blood is boiling and all you can see is red, but she can and I am amazed.

Jack's compound has been in touch with her since Josh's last post. Both have had little luck reaching any one still alive or free in Kentucky either. So we lug our heavy hearts around in our tasks, trying to ignore the tears that fight to break free while hoping against hope that our friends and loved ones will reach us soon.

The dead have found where I'm hold up but there are only a few of them out side now. I have about an hour before there are to many to get away, just enough time to let the tears win, to let out some of the grief and pain trapped inside me.

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10:06 PM

Posted by Josh Guess

I didn't get a chance to write a post yesterday, and I can tell you with some certainty that they're going to be more erratic for a while. Jess and I are camped out with our group again, which has now grown to more than thirty people. Most of them are from the compound, but s few are members of other communities that heard about what happened and went looking for us to lend any help they could.
There have been several people from around the country, both from the compound and outside places, that have offered to write posts. A few of my fellow refugees have even mentioned it, and due to the hectic schedule of running and trying to survive this cold, I'm pretty likely to take a few of them up on it. Just managing our daily needs outside of the comforts of the compound is taking up a tremendous amount of our time and effort.
For example, Jess and I managed to bring all of our animals with us. You'd be amazed at how many people ignore the dog, cat, and ferret food when the apocalypse happens. We've been stocked up for a long while, and those things weren't forgotten when we fled home the other day. It's still a huge pain in the ass managing two dogs, three cats, and two ferrets. The dogs (who we never thought would learn to behave) have become amazingly obedient since The Fall happened. They protect us when we stop, circling around wherever we camp or sitting at the doors of a building if we stay in one. They go apeshit whenever they scent a zombie, though given the several inches of snow on the ground, I don't see that as being a problem in the near future. They will growl and bark at strangers or noises the rest of us can't hear, so they more than make up for the hassle of bringing them along.
The rest of them, though...
The ferrets stay in their cage a lot of the time, and they sleep about twenty hours a day in the winter. We play with them, which does a lot of good for them and for us. It seems no matter how terrible the pain or how hard the road ahead, cuddling with your pets always lightens the load, if only for a little while.
Cats? Well, they're cats. That means they eat all the time, sleep wherever they want (which is all too often my lap or shoulder while I'm trying to drive) and resist any attempt to coerce them into cages, collars, or leashes. We let them wander around the car when we're on the road, in our tent when we have to camp, or in a closed room otherwise.
You might think this post is sort of frivolous, but to me it's about as important as it gets. There are so many things we've lost as a people since The Fall, and more yet after the Richmond soldiers took the compound. I have tried to retain some of the more important parts of myself that make me something more than a marauder, and showing kindness and love toward living things is definitely one of them. Don't misunderstand-- if it came down to my survival, I would give up my critters. I don't know that I could eat them or anything, but I do know how to make the awful choices that living in our new world entails.
It's a pretty similar dynamic with the people that have joined in with our original group of refugees from the compound. I watch out for them as they do for me, I give them food when they are running low. I listen to their worries and try to comfort. It would be almost easy to deny them--that's probably how the various marauders started. By saying no to someone in need when they had the capacity to help. I can imagine the slippery slope that had to have been. It's easy to justify not doing what you can to help when you are worried about your own survival. From there, it's a small step toward that same justification used for stealing from those who have what you need. Then only what you want.
Eventually, it leads to violence--murder, rape, assault--all the things that we have seen them do.
Are you reading this, Richmond boys? Do you see where it all began?
You were volunteers, serving your country and its citizens. You probably felt abandoned when everything fell apart, and for that you have my sympathy--we all felt that way. You even managed to keep to yourselves for a long, long time, only to finally give in to whatever desperate needs drove you to my home. Imagine how you would have reacted had someone done to you what you've done to us. Think about it for as long as you can manage.
Because here's the thing. I wrote all of that up there about how caring for my pets is one of the ways that I keep who I am, who I want to be, in my mind. But please don't see the guy who baby-talks his golden retriever without also realizing that behind those same eyes lurks a man who burned dozens of men to death in their sleep in payment for much lesser crimes than you have committed.
You hold my home hostage. You have my good behavior, for now, 
because
 of that basic love of living things. If I didn't think that you would start killing those left behind in a heartbeat if I or my friends attacked you...words can't describe the things I wish I could do.
Remember that the sword cuts two ways. If my people are being harmed or assaulted in such a manner that we feel it would be worth risking the lives of some to save the larger group, we'll do it. Be very careful.
Not that my threats mean much right now anyway. We all know it, and there's no reason to dance around it. You're trained soldiers who are in what it essentially a fort, with defenses that would be nearly impossible to overcome with the meager resources at hand. Not to mention the very small number of us, and your plenitude of heavy weapons you all brought with you.
So I will go on dangling yarn for my cats out here on open land while one of you surely violates the home that my family and I worked so hard to preserve and protect. You won the battle.
But you started a war.

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7:59 AM

Posted by Josh Guess

Just got this in my Email. I'm posting the entire message unedited.

Josh, I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and it wasn’t until I read your posts over thanksgiving that I realized it was finally time to reach out and make a connection with you and those in your community. It feels funny to use that word. As I read your entries, there are many references to The Fall. A shortened way to refer to the date that the White House sent out their last communicates declaring Marshall Law in the United States and its territories. Over time, I’ve come to view “the fall” as an equally important time in each of our journeys. The Fall being the end of civilization as we knew it, the fall being the journey each of us takes to come to terms with what exactly that means.

I had to be at work early one April morning. It was unseasonably warm, and I had regretted putting on my blazer the second I stepped outside, but knew my office would be exponentially cooler than the temperature outside, so I sucked it up and drove to work. I should probably mention that going to work early for me is going into work before 4 am. I’m not use to seeing many cars, let alone much else at that time of day. And I didn’t. Well, in retrospect my drive would take me along the back side of a property on which a hospital is located and I thought there were a lot of flashing lights that morning, but didn’t think much of it. I work about 3 blocks past the hospital and as I pulled into the twisting drive leading to my parking space I noticed a group of what I assumed as homeless people standing at the far end of the main parking lot. I zipped into my spot and crossed the short distance from my parking spot to the side door I use in the mornings in a hurry. My loafers clacking on the concrete as I crossed the small court yard to the entrance. I let myself in the building being sure to pull the door tight behind me. I nearly sprinted down the hall and punched my code into the beeping security system. I paused at the welcome desk for a moment. Something was not sitting right with me. I had seen people on campus before, but never this early and never in such a disheveled state. I went behind the desk and reached for the phone. I hesitated for a moment with my hand on the receiver when I heard a loud banging on one of the doors down the hall. I punched 911 into the key pad and listened as the phone rang. Someone picked up after 4 or 5 rings and as I tried to relay where I was and what was happening the line went dead. I steadied my hand and replaced the receiver counted to 5 and dilled again. This time I was met with only a busy signal. I replaced the receiver and sat down to collect my thought. I then noticed the computer monitor at the desk had come on. Apparently the security system was tied into the phone system and when I called it had activated. The screen asked me to select what my emergency was from a short list. I selected unknown persons on campus. It then asked me if they were in the building or on the grounds. I selected on the grounds. The third question I stared at for longer than most probably would. “Would you like to engage code red security measures?”

When I had stared working I was told about how cutting edge the facility was. It could be locked down in a matter of seconds. All windows covered with solid metal gates. All doors locked in what was described to me as a manner similar to how a safe locks and had metal gates that covered them as well. The facility was also almost self sustaining as far as electricity was concerned. Great measure had been taken to reduce the carbon footprint and base operations could be run simply on the solar power and wind power the facility collected. Another series of pounding sounds brought me back to the present and I clicked the button to engage code red. It asked on more time if I was sure and said yes out loud as I clicked the button. In a matter of seconds all light from outside was obscured and I could hear the pounding still coming from down the hall only this time it was the distinct sound of fists on metal.

I should probably take a moment to mention a bit about where I work. I won’t give too much detail for safety sake, but I’ll paint a broad picture. I work in a school. Surprising isn’t it? You probably though I worked in some top secret military complex or for some large corporation. The thing that sets my school apart from most is that we deal with the children of very wealthy people. Like if Oprah had kids, kind of wealthy. Security measure like these are considered another selling point for the school like small class size and being able to customize your curriculum as early as kindergarten.

I made my way to my office and got online to post an e-mail about locking down the campus and try to contact the police again. When I opened up my browser I was so shocked by what was on my screen I dropped the phone and could only stare at the carnage and hysteria unfolding.

The next several days and for that matter months played out similar to how you’ve been explaining it people. Only I had a great luxury of not having to battle a single zombie. Also, food has not been an issue as the facility was used to feeding hundreds a day and having a supply on hand to last close to 10 days.

I don’t know why I’m reaching out to you. I have everything I need to last conceivable until the entire zombie threat is gone. I have more books and movies than I could finish in a life time. I have enough food and water to last for years. I’ve just begun to feel like there is something missing. There were time I felt like I was the only person on the face of the earth.