Living Lies (34 page)

“Are you sure?” he asked suspiciously. “Because the last time I moved too fast, you bolted.”

“That was completely different.” She couldn’t contain the laugh. “I was lost in San Diego – I can’t even explain my mental state.”

“And things are better now?” His posture and the raised eyebrow signaled his doubt.

“Yeah, I have my job back, purpose and equilibrium has been righted within the universe.” She was happy and chuckled merrily as Adam rubbed his chin. “I want you to stay with me tonight. At least come in, and we can decide what we should do next.”

“I don’t want to make a mistake,” Adam said as the cab rolled to a stop in front of the wrought iron fence that surrounded her tiny yard. Her dreary-looking brick duplex seemed romantic in the glow of the moonlight. In the front seat she noticed the cabbie angling his head to catch Adam’s answer. Adam’s green eyes looked gray as he gazed back at her. “But I think the mistake would be in missing another moment with you.”

Though she couldn’t make out the exact words of congratulations, she did see Adam smile as he paid the driver his fare.

His hand was still cool as he caressed the back of her neck as she fumbled with the lock.

The air conditioning was on and the lights were off.
Perfect,
she thought.

“Would you like something to drink?’ Melanie offered, knowing she had only one Samuel Adams in the fridge and doubting there was any ice for the tap water.

Adam shook his head as a slow grin spread across his shadowy face. He stepped toward her, closing the door behind him. Their eyes locked, and Melanie felt uncomfortable, awkward and suddenly nervous.

Adam bent down and placed his lips on hers, pulling back to read her reaction – she didn’t blink and he smiled. He kissed her again, closing his eyes and pressing firmly against her. His fingers were hooked in her hair and he glided the side of his nose along her neck, kissing her skin along the way. “Melanie,” he said, his breath tickling her skin. He stopped at the edge of her shoulder and stepped back.

She’d never seen him look so dangerous, handsome and hungry – her body reacted. He stared at her as his index fingers laced beneath the thin spaghetti straps of her dress. Then dragging the straps over her shoulders he let them drop. The dress fluttered to the ground.

A weak moan escaped from the back of his throat as Melanie stood in heels and lacy black underwear. He lifted her and climbed the stairs.

Melanie desperately wanted to know what time it was, but Adam was on that side of the bed, blocking the view of her clock. Her arm was wedged between him and the mattress, the best she could do was keep still and try not to think.

She’d done something stupid. Even she, who knew none of
Cosmo’s
rules on dating, knew she’d made a colossal mistake.

What did she really know about Adam? Wasn’t he too good to be true? Were there red flags scattered around her feet that she’d chosen to ignore, scarlet fluttering by her blind eyes even now? Why had she been so willing to trust him? Because when she looked into his brilliant green eyes she felt as if she’d known him since time began? Melanie could even convince herself that their hearts were somehow connected, a bond that when she breathed, he breathed.

Utterly ridiculous
, she thought, becoming more and more appalled.
Face it, Mel, it was old-fashioned primitive lust.

In the darkness she could hear the regularity of his breathing, as rhythmic as the tick of his watch. Sliding to the floor, she put on a pair of shorts and an old T-shirt that said something about a charity run she’d participated in back in college. Cautiously, she descended the stairs, hugging the wall and avoiding the creak of the third step. She was as silent as a breeze. Scooping up the beaded purse that carried her cell phone, she padded her way across the barren living room to climb out the window.

Melanie took no interest in the starry Washington night sky, which was currently blocked by feathery clouds, and instead sat stiffly on the front stoop she shared with her neighbors.

She hit the third number on her speed dial, knowing – but not caring – that it was too early, or late, to call.

“Hello?”

“Trish, it’s Mel.”

“Are you all right? Because if you’re not I’m going to hurt you.”

Melanie chewed on her lower lip. “Adam’s here and…”

“Jesus, Mel. You
scared
me,” after a few beats she added a side note to Jason, “No, it’s Melanie, she’s just freaking out ’cause she and Adam did the nasty.”

“Stop calling it that,” Melanie said, already feeling a bit better, “and stop talking to Jason.”

“Okay, so, how was it? And feel free to go into details,” Trish laughed. “Jace and I will reenact it later.”

Melanie rubbed her forehead with her free hand. “Trish?”

“Okay, I’m moving into another room. Go ahead, spill.”

Melanie leaned against the iron handrail. “It was … it was amazing.” She felt the warmth of her blush.

“Really? Better than the panther?”

Javier? Melanie considered for a moment. “No comparison.”

“Really?” Trish’s voice raised to a higher pitch. “So, what are you doing talking to me?”

Melanie gulped, her eyes rolled and her mouth went dry. “I did something stupid.” Trish quietly waited. “I told him I loved him.” Melanie dropped her head to her knees.

“During?”

“Yeah, and he didn’t say it back.” Melanie could feel the horror of her words on her contorting face. “He’d been talking, saying things, you know and then after … I said what I said he was quiet for the remainder of the … time.”

“Adam was talking, during?”

“You’re missing the point.”

“Adam’s a talker? I’d never have pinned him as a talker.”

“He’s not a talker. He was just talking.”

“What’d he say?”

“Just, Trish, I don’t know, nice things, sweet actually.” Melanie smiled at the memory. “Focus, Trish, I said it and he didn’t say it back.”

Her friend sighed into the receiver. “Well, there’s nothing you can do about it now, so just forget it.”

“I can’t. Why am I such a loser when it comes to Adam?”

“You’re being too hard on yourself. Besides it’s Adam, and he’s totally into you. I bet he’s just waiting for a more appropriate activity to tell you.”

“You think?” She wanted to hope that was true.

“Definitely.”

“But what if he was just into the chase?” she groaned.

“No reception inside?” His voice was husky from sleep.

Oops! Melanie twisted looking up at Adam standing in the doorway. Her heart skipped.

“I gotta go,” she said to Trish. “He’s right here.” She didn’t bother to continue in a clandestine manner. There were no secrets here.

“Call me later. Love you.”

“Thank you!”

“What are you doing out here?”

Melanie scooted over to share the step with Adam.

“Trish.” She held open her hand to exhibit her phone.

He hesitated before speaking. Then he slid his index finger along the bottom of her jaw and pulled her face until she was looking him directly in the eye.

“Melanie, I know you have your friends, but I also want you to feel like you can share things with me, too.”

She looked at him guiltily. “Talk to you
about
you?” she chuckled, “what a concept.”

“How else will I know when I do something wrong?”

“You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Then what are we doing out here?”

Okay
, she thought,
tell him, tell him what’s eating you. Here’s your chance to change, to become an adult in an adult relationship.

“I don’t have the best judgment when it comes to you. I think I might already be in too deep.”

And you might break my heart.

“Too deep?” he smiled, sweetly, “you mean your feelings for me?”

She nodded and now he chuckled.

“It’s not possible for you to be in this deeper than I am.” His hands were soft as he squeezed hers. “Can we go inside?” He asked, his dress shirt partially buttoned.

“Yeah, but there’s nowhere to sit.”

“Strangely, I think I saw a bean bag in your front room,” he said, the corners of his lips curling upward.

“Are you making fun of my apartment?”

“A bean bag?”

She laughed.
Okay it was difficult to defend a 1970s throwback,
she thought, deciding instead to go for distance, dis-ownership. “It was here when I moved in, all right?”

The light from the streetlamps filtered in from her still open escape hatch. She scrutinized her apartment from Adam’s eyes; the barren living room, with orange shag carpet that simply looked grubby in the shadows, a blue bean bag and two yellow hooks she’d screwed into the ceiling to hang her bicycle above a scrap of carpeting to catch oil drips. Embarrassing.

“Why’d you climb out the window?” he asked, taking her hand and leading her to her seat.

“The door
usually
squeaks and I didn’t want to wake you.” She gave an angry gaze to her traitorous door.

Melanie squished into the blue nylon bag as the synthetic “beans” squirmed and settled beneath her weight.

Adam knelt down on the shag carpet in front of her. There was only one bag, but even if she’d had two she still couldn’t picture Adam snuggling down among the beans.

“Melanie,” Adam, delicately ran his fingers across her lips and their discussion from outside picked up without interruption.

“I feel foolish, I think I may have misinterpreted your intent.”

“You didn’t.”

“Why is this so difficult?”
Danny wasn’t difficult, he was simple. Granted it didn’t last but…
“Maybe we’re forcing this, Adam.”

“I’m assuming that we’re talking about,” his turn to hesitate, “what you said … when…”

She sighed, relieved that it was awkward for him as well. “Yes.”

“Mel, I’ve only told three people that I loved them; my parents and my high school girlfriend, Kristen. I told you what happened to her, right?” Even in the darkness, Melanie felt the heaviness of the question.

“I remember,” she said, softly. She and other friends had been killed on prom night.

“A year after that car accident … my parents were hit by a semi in a head-on collision.”

“I’m so sorry,” she sucked in a full breath.

“I’m not in any rush to lose you, too.” He brushed back a strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear.

“You think you’re cursed?”

Adam shrugged. “I’m not willing to gamble.”

“Maybe,” Melanie thought, “the curse is on the people who love you.”

He looked amused, “Others have said it and they’re all still walking, unless they didn’t mean it.”

No, they meant it.

Outside, the crickets continued their incessant high-pitched chirping.

“Mel, you
know
how I feel.” He moved closer. “I’ve never really been in love before, so I don’t know how it works but I promise this will get easier. I just can’t say those three words until I’m sure that you’re safe. I’m not going to lose you. Can you live with that for the moment? Is it enough?”

“I can live with that.”

Adam smiled. “How do you feel about Venice?”

“Venice?”

“Yeah, no cars.” He stroked his lips along her cheek. “We’ll buy a villa overlooking the canal with its own boat garage.”