Live Today (Live Today #1) (5 page)

Tears welled up at the sight of Will. There were cords all over him. Way more than I had on me. His eyes were closed; the cuts and scrapes on his left side of his face were more than I could bear. His stomach seemed swollen. And he had a cast on his left leg.

“He’s been waiting for you.” His mother speaks softly from the other side of the room. “He’s been asleep for about an hour now.” The nurse has us close enough to touch, so I roll over to my side, reach for his still hand and sob. Gabe stands behind me as Brennan walks over to sit next to Will’s mother. His eyes gaze up at Gabe with narrowed eyes.

I know I’m going to have to deal with that issue when the time comes, but now is not the time. I return my attention to Will. Oh God, this is all my fault. If it wasn’t for me, we would all be at home relaxing or working in the garage. “He’s stable. They are keeping him comfortable.” The nurse says before leaving us. My silent sobs begin when Gabe places his hand on my shoulder and offers a hug from behind. He rests his head on my back and weeps. I rest my hand on his. Some time passes and I eventually I cry myself to sleep with Will’s and Gabe’s hands in mine.

“Did you tell her?” Will asks.

“No” Gabe replies.

“Now isn’t the time.” I hear Brennan mention coldly. My senses want me to wake up, but I don’t want to interrupt them.

“Brennan, she needs to know.” Will forces.

“No. Gabe is going to forget all about it.” Brennan spits out.

“Bren’s right Will.” Gabe says as he takes my hand in his. It’s taking everything in my power not to squeeze it to let them know I’ve woken up. I wish I knew what they were talking about. What are they keeping from me? “Now’s not the time to tell her how…”

“You can’t hide it forever Gabe. Just by looking at you two...” Will interrupts and begins coughing. I decide that this is the time to open my eyes. I give Will a squeeze. He runs his thumb over mine. “Sleep well?” he says. Slowly opening my eyes, I stare into a set of sad emerald green eyes. I try to offer a smile, but he knows it doesn’t reach my eyes.

“Hi.” He says.

“Hi.” I reply. A knot has formed in my throat as I look his features over. I try to memorize them as he keeps smiling at me. His pitch black buzzed cut hair. He has a freckle on his left cheek. I reach my hand to his face, and trace my finger over his mark. He begins to laugh before speaking.

“You just love my beauty mark don’t you?” Not sure if I can get any words out, I give it a try anyways.

“Only women have beauty marks William. How many times do I have to tell you this?” I reply as I trail my finger down his bruised jaw. “Will, I’m so sorry.” He takes my hand in his, kisses the back of it.

“No. Don’t.” He says. “Do not ever be sorry Jenna.” His eyes move over my shoulder to Gabe, slowly they trail over to Brennan. Brennan suddenly stands before speaking.

“Gabe, let’s go get some coffee. I’m sure you can survive a few minutes away from her, can’t you?” Ouch, that was harsh. I don’t know what’s happened between them, but this has to stop. Before I was able to snap at Brennan, Gabe stands and says coldly.

“Yeah, whatever Brennan.” He looks over at Will, then down to me. Leans down and kisses my forehead tenderly before walking out of the room. “I won’t be far.” He whispers. I look over to Brennan waiting for an excuse for his behavior. He refuses to make eye contact with me. He taps Will on the foot, makes an attempt to smile and walks out.

My eyes trail from the door back to Will. “Would you like to explain what the hell all that was about?” Shaking his head, he grabs my free hand in his and replies.

“Oh you know; the usual guy stuff.” I raise my eyebrow in disbelief. “I won’t tell Jems. Not my place.” I hate to be angry at Will, especially now, but I just can’t help it. I impulsively pull my hand from his, he only squeezes it tighter, and reassuring it remains in his. “Stop it Jenna.” He scolds.

“I’m sorry.” I look down to our hands, because he knows I feel ashamed of myself.

“How are you feeling?” he asks. I look up at him and laugh.

“Really Will? I’m here practically untouched with just a few cuts and bruises, and only the Lord knows how that happened, and you are worried about me?” I begin crying, knowing that we only have a few precious moments with him. He lets a few tears escape as he watches me break down. My world as we know it will be coming to an end shortly, and he once again is worried about me.

“Jenna Munson. I have worried about you since the day your mom left you and Brennan. Did you know that the day it happened, I came home to mom and cried my eyes out?” I can’t even think about speaking. All I can do is shake my head at this new revelation. He frowns and continues.

“I did. I couldn’t understand how a parent could do that to a kid.” He squeezes my hand. “That day, I asked mom if we could adopt you and Brennan. She smiled down at me and told me she was so proud of me for putting others before me. And you know what Jems? I would do it over again in a heartbeat. I would do it all over again. Including this.” His eyes jolt up when he sees his mother walk in. I can’t see her since my eyes refuse to leave his battered face. If this is all I have of Will, I am determined to make the best of it. He lowers his voice to a whisper as he continues while the rest of the group begins shuffling back in.

“The other night, my baby sister was in trouble. She had taken some shit, and don’t worry, I’ll get to that later, but, she got herself into some trouble. I thank God that she was bright enough to know what happened to her. Who did she call? She called my brother and me. Before he was even able to finish his first words, I was on my feet getting ready to go.  Don’t you get it? We would do anything for you Jems. So stop thinking it’s your fault, because we would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant keeping you safe.” His hand that was resting on mine reaches up and caresses my face.

“You’ve got this whole life ahead of you Jenna Munson.” I begin to argue with him, but his finger rests firmly on my lips silencing me. “Just listen.” He whispers, and then coughs. It’s apparent that he is struggling with every breath he takes. A new series of tears escape my body. “I want you to promise me something.” Nodding immediately, I whisper.

“Anything.”

“I’ve stayed quiet because I didn’t realize how bad it has gotten.” Immediately, I scrunch my face together in confusion. “The drugs Jenna. The doctor said your counts were so high; he was surprised you were even alive. Now listen. I want you to promise me, that when you get released from here, you will go into a drug rehab center. I want you to go not only for me, but you need to admit yourself for you, Jenna. Your future is too bright to ruin it anymore.” All I can do is agree with him, because he is right. I’ve brought this upon myself and there is no excuse to continue this road I’ve been leading myself on. And now his life is about to be lost because of my addiction.

“Do you remember why we named the band Live Today?” He asks. “Because we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. And what was it that you said that day when we were on our way to get our nose rings and someone was scared. I believe you said. ‘Fuck it, you only live once, so let’s do this. Let’s live for today.’” I smile in remembrance. “There’s a difference with my tomorrow Jems. I know what’s going to happen. So I want you to live. Live in the now, live for today. Because who knows? We might die tomorrow.”

I start to shake my head frantically, it doesn’t matter how bad it hurts right now. “No, please Will, no.”

“Shhh. It’s ok.” His thumb wipes the tears from my face. “It’s ok. I want you to live each day like it’s your last. Live with no regrets. I want you to promise me that you will move on without me. Keep the band alive for me Jenna. I know it’s going to be hard at first, but when it’s time, I want you to sing your heart out. I want you to keep an open mind. Think with your heart, not your head.  I want you to love, and love hard, and we both know who I’m talking about.” Suddenly, both our eyes shoot straight to Gabe. Gabe was already looking my way, when he noticed two sets of eyes on him, his cheeks flushed like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“It won’t happen now. No, Brennan won’t let you go just yet.” Will takes my chin and guides me away from Gabe back to him. “Gabe is going to fuck up Jenna. He will do it probably a hundred times, but you need to let it go. When the time comes, you will let him into your heart, and Brennan won’t fight it. I promise you that. Just be patient with them both. Can you do that for me?”

Gradually, I close my eyes. I can see it. I can see it all. I can see the White two story house, with red trim, because Gabe and I both love the color red. I can see a huge tree in the front yard, standing alone behind a picket fence. The backyard has a playground area for our two children, one boy and one girl. I see Gabe pushing our little girl on the swings with a huge smile on his handsome face. His eyes meet mine and he shines with joy. Tears begin to run down my side as a smile begins to form on my face, wetting the pillow when Will whispers.

“That’s my girl. He’s a good guy Jenna. Brennan won’t let go at first, but he will. Trust me on that. There will come a time where you will have to stand up to him, and when you do, he will let you.” He takes my hand in his once again before continuing.

“My time is almost up. Never forget what I’ve said okay?”

The air has completely been sucked out of my lungs. My heart feels like it’s been shattered into a billion pieces as it continues to pound its way somehow inside my chest. Gabe’s warm hand gently rests on my shoulder, and automatically, my hand comes up to meet his. I hold onto it so tightly I’m afraid to let go. He leans down and kisses the top of my head before taking his seat behind me once again. Suddenly, William calls Brennan over with the rest of the family. I know this is goodbye, but I just can’t handle it. I squeeze my eyes shut when he begins to say his last words.

I am sitting in the corner of the studio lounge room writing a jumble of lyrics. I walked into the sound room for just a few minutes before turning around and leaving. Now that I am thoroughly enjoying the comfort of the plush black leather couch, I decide to curl up in a ball and write while they practice. I just can’t bring it upon myself to sing, no, not yet. The guys completely understand my situation, and keep telling me to continue writing. So that’s what I’ve been doing this past month. We would arrive at the studio, I would take my usual place on the couch and they would take my lyrics and put it all together.

Right now, I am confused as where I want my thoughts to go. The paper before me turns into a cluster of events, drugs, alcohol, men, family, friends. I'm not sure where to begin first. Getting angry with myself, I throw the pencil across the room cussing at it as it hits the wall and collides with the floor. Homesick already even though it’s only been just over a month, I grab my bag and leave the studio. The guys left long ago, they had seen the look in my eyes and decided to leave me alone. They all know that when I get a certain look in my eyes, I either want to do some type of drugs or write. Knowing that I won’t go for option one, they settle for option two…

“Dinner’s at 5.” Matt said. Matt’s our family cook. His family was always big on home cooked meals. Thank God for that, otherwise we would all be living off of Big Macs, pizza and Whoppers. I looked up at him, and simply nod before returning to my writing tablet. 

“I’ll catch up in a minute with you guys, wait for me outside.” Brennan says as he comes and sits next to me. “What’s up Jem?” he hits my knee with his, forcing me to jerk away. 

“What makes you think something’s up?” I ask. 

“Because Jenna.  I know my little sister better than I know myself at times. Want to talk about it?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I looked up into his eyes, knowing my eyes will eventually deceive me. 

“Need a fix?” He narrowed his eyes down at me. “It’s okay if you do. I’ve needed it for a while now. We can hit together.” I know he’s testing me. I roll my eyes closed. Just the thought of getting high makes my stomach turn, I take a deep sigh.

“No Brennan, I don’t want a fix. And neither do you! We moved out here to get us away from that shit remember? You better not go back on your word and start using again either!” 

He held his hands up in defensive mode, “Okay, Okay Jems. I was just kidding. I’m good, I promise.” He reaches out for me and pulls me into him, he squeezes me in one of his big bear hugs.

“What would I do without you?” I begin laughing at him.

“Probably a lot. Just think of all the money you would have saved with not buying me makeup.” 

He kisses the top of my head, still not letting me go, “You don’t wear that much make up.” 

“No but you do.” I reply jokingly. 

“You won’t live that up will you? It was once! And in my defense, I was pretty fucking wasted too.” 

I look up at him “Yeah, we all were. Look, I’ve got some words I wanted to get out quick. Meet you up at home?” 

He gives me a glare, “Jenna, the only time you actually want to stay and write is if you met a guy or, well, no that’s usually it.” 

“Shut up Bren! I’ve only truly finally been settled a few weeks, plus, you would know if I met a guy.” I looks down quickly, trying to hide my eyes remembering quickly about Justin. I met Justin the first day driving in to Seattle at a gas station. I recognized Justin from show we went to last summer. We shared a small conversation, and exchanged numbers. For some reason, he has been on my mind.

“You little shit!” he hollered as he pulled me into a choke hold. Only my brother could get away with calling me names.

“Spill! Who is he? Let’s meet him!” 

I fisted my hand in a ball, hit him in the inner part of his thigh and close enough to make him think I was aiming for his junk I yell, “Get away from me you fuck! There’s no guy! I have no life outside LTDT remember?” 

“Yeah, yeah, but that’s not my fault. The last guy was a jackass.” I pushed him off the bench and laughed when he hit hard.

“Your right, but still, setting me up was not the way to get Jeff away from me. When you said group date, it wasn’t meant to be you bringing some hooker and Gabe.” I began to laugh when I remembered the look on my dates face when he whispered in my ear that it just wasn’t working out with us. 

“Got him off you though did I not? Plus, the hooker was cheap.” 

That’s when I pointed to the door and yelled “Go!!!” 

“How are you going get home? We all rode together.” I pulled out my phone and showed him the Waze app which is the same navigation app I used to drive to Seattle last month.

“It doesn’t seem to take that long to get here, I’ll just walk” 

“Still got that pepper spray?” I sigh. “Okay, okay, but call me if anything….” Immediately, I cut him off.

“I know, I know, call you even before the cops... Whatever Brennan, the quicker you leave, the quicker I can get done.”

He stood up from the chair, leaned over to give me a loud goodbye kiss “I’m gone already see, Love you.” 

“You too” I couldn’t help but shake my head as I watched him leave the room.

I have my bag slung over my shoulder, one of my favorite songs playing on my music app with the music blaring from one of the ear buds so I can keep my other ear on the lookout for anything strange. Not that I had much to worry about here in Washington. Guess old habits die hard. In Los Angeles, I had my pepper spray in one hand and my phone on speed dial in the other. But in this area we’ve selected, the crime rate is fairly low.

Usually, I didn’t walk very far from home anyways, unless I was at the beach. I could spend the entire day at the beach. That’s usually where the guys can find me when something’s bothering me. It was William that actually got me to hit the beach wheneveir I needed to clear my head. After I lost my dad, I lost myself. I wouldn’t talk anymore. I stopped singing, but I wrote. Boy did I write. My life was a mess. The only thing that I could depend on was the pen in my hand and the paper I used to write on.

I knew Brennan was struggling as much as I was with the feeling of abandonment. I can only imagine to this day how much it affected him. He tried every day to get me to open up. I would just answer with a yes or a no. Sometimes, I would only nod, and walk away. It had to be one of the darkest times of my life. When mom left, it didn’t affect me as much since I was so young. But when you’re a fifteen year old teenage girl trying to find your place in the world, your father leaving you and your brother can either make or break you.

It was one day a few months after dad had left that I actually did open up. Brennan was at work and I think Will just about had enough of my sulking. I remember he just swung open the door, leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes narrowed at me like he always does and said.

“I’m not fucking leaving until you get off your ass, get your shoes on and come with me.” I literally sat there. We had a staring contest for about thirty minutes before I caved, put on my favorite pair of red converse and marched my way to his car. He took me to Newport Beach. We walked around, not saying a word. After we had lunch, we sat at the far end of the pier; our feet were dangling over the water. That’s when he began to speak.

“Now listen to me Jenna Munson. I don’t want to hear a peep out of you until I’m done okay?” Without moving my head away from the waves, I made quick eye contact with him, rolled my eyes at him and then nodded.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to your brother? Ah. Ah. Not a word…” He shushed me as I began to argue. He began laughing at me as I huffed and looked away again. “Don’t forget Jems, they didn’t only leave you behind. They left him too. And you know what? He’s been picking up the slack ever since. He busts his ass making sure you have everything you need and want. Who do you think made sure you were taken care of when Ally left? You may not remember, but Robert was a mess. It was Brennan that took care of you. Did you know that he refused to play with the guys after school so that he could make sure you weren’t home alone?” I slowly rested my head on the old pole of the pier letting the tears fall. I hate being spoken to about my parents. But I never really realized how Brennan truly took it. He always seemed so cool and calm about the whole thing.

“Look I’m not trying to make you feel like shit, but you need to wake up. You’re fifteen years old, you’re smart, beautiful, and bright and I know this sounds a lot like Brennan talking but it’s so true Jenna. When you walk into a room, you shine like a gem. Your dad leaving you two doesn’t mean that the shine goes away, maybe it just dulled over a bit. It means you just need to buff off the dull part and watch yourself glow. Don’t tell him this, because I will deny it until the day I die, but your brother loves you so much. He cries for you Jenna. He worries about his baby sister. And I do too. Actually, I don’t think it really matters to him that your parents left. You know what will kill him Jenna? If something happened to you, I just don’t know what he would do. Or even me for that matter.” He put his arm around me, pulled me into him.

“Now do me a favor. When we get up from this very spot, I want you to pick yourself up. I want to see the old Jenna Munson standing up. Consider me your buffer. I’ve seen the dull marks on that gem, and I rubbed it all away. Because not only does Brennan need to see that you can get through this, I do too. When your dad left, a part of me left with him also. But you know what? The best part of him stayed, you two stayed. Even though you let a part of you walk out that door doesn’t mean that you have to stop living. I want the best part back. I want my little sister from another mister back. Okay?”

After his speech, he finally told me that I had permission to speak, but no words could escape my mouth. I just held onto him and cried it all out for about an hour. Once I was done, I did what he told me to do. I stood up, took a deep breath and walked away from the old Jenna. I left her sitting between the two posts on the pier that day.

That night when Brennan came home from work, Will and I were on the couch watching a comedy. I was giggling when he walked through the door. He first made eye contact with Will and then once his deep blue eyes met mine, I was already on my way to him. I wrapped my arms around him so tight I thought I was going to suffocate him with love. I held him for what seemed like forever. Once I gathered my voice, I softly whispered. “I love you Bren.” He had no words, he only squeezed me tighter, letting me know with his hug, that he loved me too and he knew we would be okay.

With glossy eyes from that memory, I try to shake it off by looking at our fresh start. The area is pretty, everything here is green. Nothing like Los Angeles, everything is brown in L.A., brown, dry and hot. Out here, people seem to walk a little more freely with their pets. They look so carefree and relaxed. I’m hoping we can have that here.

Reaching my hands in my back pockets of my jeans, I feel something getting squashed in one of them, pulling it out; I realize it’s a phone number from Justin. He’s the first person that I actually spoke to coming into Seattle. We stopped at the same gas station to fill up with gas and get a bite to eat. There was something about him that I felt the urge to give him my number. And what are the odds that I would run into him today? Of Course, he happened to be at the studio as well. Unfortunately, I was irritated already for being homesick, I didn’t even want to be there to begin with. I feel bad for him now. I was a complete bitch to him. I know I shouldn’t have been so cruel, but sometimes, I just can’t help myself. Living with four men, makes you a little bitchy sometimes.

Justin had come walking out of the studio door as we were walking in, “Hey” he said. “Jenna right?” he asks. I look up to him. Great, I’ve got Brennan standing behind me and Gabe at my side. Someone please shoot me now.

“Hi. Yep, so glad you remembered.” I answer sarcastically. He had told me he would call me and I heard nothing from him, not even a text. Who the hell does that? I hear his friends laughing and giving him a hard time at my dismissal.

“Okay then. I see how it is. Well.” He looks between the guys. I’m sure the looks from Gabe and my brother are unpleasant. “Guess I’ll catch you later. You still have my number right?” I think I just heard a grunt from Gabe. Fantastic. I don’t even bother opening up my mouth at this point. I simply look up, roll my eyes and nod. “Good. Use it sometime.” He said as he winks at me and walks away.

I don’t even wait for either of the boys to say anything. I put my hands up and say. “Not a word. Not one fucking word from either one of you. Got it?” I pull out my ear buds, pop them in my ears, and blast whatever is playing while I wait for Drew and Matt to rescue me. There is no way in hell that I have the patience for Brennan or Gabe right now.

Out of all the times to run into Justin, it happens to be in front of my brother and Gabe. That was not what I needed. Grabbing my phone, I realize I’m about half way home. I open my message app and put the numbers into the message area and type a quick message.

Hey, it’s Jenna. Just wanted to put you into my contact list. Sorry about earlier. Um, you kind of caught me off guard
.

Staring down at the text, I quickly delete the message. “Shit” I groan. Instead I send Brennan a text: