Live for You (6 page)

But Parker’s my brother.
Blood wins out every time.

My hands begin to shake,
palms growing damp as my fingers curl into fists. Nothing happened
to tonight. No one looked at me or my brother sideways. No one hit
on the waitresses or gave them crap about their tabs. I had thought
spending a couple hours with Madison would have helped. But I was
wrong.

I shove my chair back from
the table and stand, leaning down to get in Beau’s face. “Why don’t
you come outside and we can discuss my skirt. Or does Paisley have
your balls in her trophy case, right next to your dick?”

Beau shoots to his feet,
bumping me with his shoulder. “Don’t push me, asshole.” He shakes
his head and walks away, but I follow, refusing to let him get off
that easy.

“
Chicken shit
motherfucker,” I taunt. “Come in my bar, flashing your daddy’s
money and thinking we should kiss your ass.” None of what I said is
true. Beau didn’t always have his dad’s money. Hell, Beau can’t
stand the guy. But I want a reaction.

“
Don’t do this, Cole,”
Wyatt calls out. A quick glance over my shoulder lets me know that
he and Parker are shadowing me.

“
Yeah, Cole, stop being
Parker’s mommy,” Beau taunts and I lunge for him. Wyatt comes out
of nowhere, getting between us and shoving me away.

“
You don’t want to hit
him,” Wyatt says, voice calm, but his face is drawn
tight.

My heart’s racing and I’m
roaring to go. Red colors my vision. “The. Hell. I. Don’t.” I take
a step forward and this time Wyatt grabs me.

“
Let him.” Beau crosses
his arms over his chest. He’s a little taller than me and leaner,
but the kid can fight dirty as hell when he wants. “I haven’t given
anyone a good ass-whipping in a while. Not even the girls who
wanted one.”

Usually that kinky shit he
likes to throw out there would have me rolling my eyes or
laughing.
Usually.

Wyatt’s hands tighten on my
biceps, and he gives me a little shake. “Nah, he’s good. Isn’t that
right, Cole?” His brows lift as he waits for my answer. “You want
to hit someone tonight, bro? Better be me.”

We stand there, face to
face, not moving a muscle. A minute passes, then another, until the
red tint bleeds away from my eyes. I scrub my hand over my face and
take a deep breath. “I’m not hitting you.”

Wyatt lets his hands fall.
“Didn’t think you would.”

Suddenly, Beau pipes up,
his voice all scratchy as he says, “Cole…I’m sorry. Parker, too.
I…it’s—” He plops down in the nearest chair and says the one thing
that could make me forgive him, “It’s
their
anniversary.”

Ah, hell. Now I feel like a
total dick. I walk to him, Wyatt and Parker at my side. “Hey,
whatever you need. We got you.”

“
I need to forget. Y’all
got something for that?” Beau asks, then he stands and walks out of
the bar.

Parker punches me in the
shoulder and I turn my attention to him. “What the hell’s your
problem?”

“
I don’t need you
defending me all the time,” he says, his green eyes all
hard.

“
Excuse me for giving a
shit.” I kick a chair, the same one Beau had been occupying. It
crashes into a nearby table and falls to the floor.

Wyatt strolls up to me and
I know I’m in for it. “Tomorrow. You. Me. Sully’s Place. Four
o’clock.”

“
Fine,” I
grunt.

“
I’m out of here. Give me
a ride home, Wy?” Parker throws his bottle in the trash.

“
Sure.” Wyatt slices his
gaze back to me. “You okay?”

I smirk. “Never
better.”

He pats me on the shoulder,
following Parker out the door.

Smirk falling away, I look
around the place, then amble to the overturned chair and pick it
up. Honestly, I’d like to throw the damn thing through a window.
But the only one we have is in the back office and money ain’t
exactly flowing around here.

“
Dumbass,” I
mutter.

After cleaning and locking
up the bar for the final time, I head home, listening to
AWOLNATION’s
Sail
. For some reason, I slow the Jeep down as I pass by the
Givens’ house. There’s a light on and I wonder if it’s Rae’s room.
Then my dirty mind starts to wonder what she’s wearing while
sitting in the middle of a big bed. All alone, waiting for
me.

Wouldn’t that be something?
To have someone waiting up for me, like I mattered to them. I love
my brother and sister, I really do, but it’s not the same. I want
something different.

Blowing out a breath, I hit
the gas.

Something different will
never happen to me. It’s just not in the cards.

***

The next morning, Parker,
Kelly and I head to Gentle Winds instead of taking Kelly to church.
Once a month we’re allowed to visit my mother at the rehabilitation
center. I pull into the nearest parking spot, get out, then grab
the flowers we’ve brought for Crystal.

Parker helps Kelly out of
her booster seat, swinging her up in his arms. As much as we carry
that baby girl everywhere, I’m surprised she ever learned to walk
or talk for that matter. The slightest grunt or chubby finger
pointing at anything and we’d run to get it like Pavlov’s
dogs.

Inside the place smells
like bleach, soothing music playing as we walk along extra zen-like
corridors to the communal visiting room. My grandparents chose this
place, because it was new, near and kept their patient list under
wraps. And the staff had no clue about the tricks Crystal liked to
pull, because the Newtons had paid off every other rehab to keep
quiet.

Way to go grandma and
granddad. I roll my eyes.

As soon as we walk into a
brightly painted room, Kelly squeals in excitement and wriggles out
of Parker’s embrace. She’s not jaded like us. Not yet anyway. But
Parker holds her back, waiting for our mother’s reaction

Sneaking a glance at me,
she smiles at the flowers in my hand. I shake them at her, a smirk
on my lips. The last time we were here, Crystal pitched a fit and
threw a temper tantrum because we didn’t bring her flowers. This
time I made sure she had her damn flowers. There was no way in hell
Parker and I were going to let that woman make Kelly cry
again.

Crystal opens her arms wide
and Parker lets go of our sister. Kelly rushes in, her curly hair
flying out behind her.

I glance at Parker as he
says,. “Looks like she’s better this time.”

“
It’s a fucking miracle,”
I mutter as we amble over, sitting in the two chairs opposite of
Kelly and Crystal.

“
Look how much you’ve
grown, baby girl!” Crystal says, peppering Kelly’s face with
kisses.

“
Do you like my pretty
dress, momma? I wore it just for you,” Kelly says, then gets
distracted by cookies that have just been set out. “Can I go get a
cookie?” She asks me and not Crystal. I know I’ll pay for this
later. It doesn’t matter that I’m the one taking care of
her.

I nod. “Sure.”

Parker stands, holding out
his hand. “Let’s see if they have any with sprinkles.”

Crystal glances at the
dress, her nose scrunching as she shoots me a look. “Isn’t this a
little small for her and too young?”At least she waited until Kelly
was out of earshot before making her snide remark.

I clench my jaw. “It was a
present from the Evanses.”

She rolls her eyes. “You
mean hand-me-down.”

“
Does it matter?” I hiss,
raising my brows at Kelly who thankfully has been distracted by the
cookies an orderly has just put out. “It’s not like you’re the one
putting clothing on anyone’s back.”

Tears fill Crystal’s blue
eyes, hair the color of honey falling forward as she looks down at
her hands. “Why do you have to be so cruel?”

“
Our reality isn’t
kind.”

Her head snaps up, tears
gone. “Then pretend.”

“
Like you, with pills or
smoking up? Hell, Crystal, this last time you were arrested, you
were caught in a meth lab. Hard to pretend with that plastered all
over the local news.” I clench my fists. Always, it ends up like
this. When I was younger, I thought she was the prettiest woman I’d
ever seen. I thought she’d hung the moon. She’d been sweet and kind
and loving, then my sperm donor left her for good and it was all
downhill from there.

“
Fuck you, Cole,” she says
this with a smile, because another family has come in and God
forbid they think we’re not happy. “You brought me flowers?” She
turns to the mom and dad of the group and gestures to the bouquet
in my lap. “Isn’t he the best son? I don’t deserve his support at
all.” Gazing at me, with hatred shining in her eyes, she says, “I
love you so much.”

I inwardly flinch. She has
no idea how much she still can hurt me. How much I actually do
still love her. I don’t trust her, not for anything, but I do love
her.

They give us wobbly smile,
falling for her act. I barely restrain myself from rolling my eyes.
As soon as they leave, she hisses, “That’s how you
pretend.”

I stand, holding out the
flowers and not saying a word. The hatred fades from her eyes,
replaced with a wariness that I don’t like. She’s scared of me, of
my height that towers over her.

For all her faults, she has
been abused by men. She has been taken advantage of by men, men she
pleaded with me and Parker to call daddy so they’d stay and love
us.

But it still doesn’t give
her the right to treat us like shit. Weaker preying on the weaker
is like truly believing two wrongs make a right.

Finally, she takes the
bouquet and I walk away, finding a place in the corner by the
window. I look out over the hills, the manicured flower beds and
the zen garden in the back. Crystal might be in a prison but it’s
nicer than the freedom we live in.

I rub a spot over my ear
and glance at my mother. She’s laughing at something Parker’s
saying. Kelly is sitting firmly in Crystal’s lap, her little arms
around our mother’s neck. Kelly will live off of this for days,
weeks even.

And I’m okay with that. She
needs her mother more than I do.

I have my brother, my
friends and my bar. That’s enough for me.

Crystal’s eyes narrow at
me, hatred coming off of her in great waves. I press my thumb
against the corner of my eye and rub the spot slowly.

Or so I try to convince
myself.

Chapter
Seven

Violet

Since driving any car was
out of the question for three more months, I had to come up with my
own workout plan instead of going to the gym each day. So the woods
behind Nana’s house have become my track/obstacle
course.

I have been running for
what seems like hours, thinking about Cole and my life. Okay, so
mostly about Cole. I can’t get him out of my head and it scares
me.

This was how it started
with Jaxon. A chance meeting, heavy flirting and then six months
later, I’m backstage at his first sold out concert, losing my
virginity on a couch in his dressing room. Three years later, I’m
still not sure what I regret more: giving Jax something I
considered special or wasting all my time and energy on
him.

Not that it matters
anymore. He’s obviously moved on and so should I, but it’s not that
easy for me.

Stopping by the creek that
marks the property line between Givens and Perry land, I stare at
the water. It’s completely translucent. On the bottom is nothing
but soil and large smooth-looking rocks. Minnows swim by and
dragonflies hover above the waterline. Cattails sway in the breeze,
the wind cooling my skin as it blows.

When I was little, this was
my secret spot. Countless hours were spent playing here. Sometimes
I was a pirate, captaining my ship and searching for buried
treasures. Other times, I was a fairy-princess, ruling over my
land.

But now I’m grown and have
no control over anything. Solitude and privacy are my priceless
treasures. Rare and near impossible to find.

Until now. And I’m hot as
blue blazes. Sweat trickles between my breasts and down my
back.

Plopping down on the grass
bank, I take off my shoes and socks, then dip my feet in the creek.
The water is cold on my feverish skin and I fight the urge to pull
my feet out. Closing my eyes, I lean back on my hands. The opening
hymn from this morning’s service suddenly comes to mind. I hum the
first few notes and before I know it, I’m singing.

And for the first time in a
long time, it feels good. It feels right. And there’s no one around
to hear me. So I sing louder, keeping my eyes shut tight. I don’t
want the real world intruding. The words wind through me, easing
the pain in my heart just a little. Though I don’t think I deserve
forgiveness, in that moment I feel it. So real and true that I want
more.

I touch the stitches sewn
into my stomach.“Please…I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. So very
sorry.”