Live By The Team (Team Fear Book 1) (18 page)

“
Sure you are. Stay. Sit.” She shrugged, but the back of her eyes stung. “I’m not a dog, Ryder, and I’m certainly not staying locked in room without food and water. Even jail feeds you.”

“
That’s not—” He let go of her arms. “I was worried.”

“
Right.” Lauren stepped back. “As you can see, I’m fine.” She stepped around him, but he followed to Debi’s car. “What do you want, Ryder?”

“
You.”

Lauren bit back the sarcastic response. She peeled off his jacket and handed it to him.

“
It’ll get cold when the sun goes down,” Ryder said. “Keep the jacket.”

And have his scent surrounding her? “No thanks. I have plans, so whatever you have on your mind, it’ll wait.”

“
We followed Smythe. Ran a background check.”

Curiosity wasn’t enough to keep her with Ryder. Her shields were in tatters. She needed time to shore up her defenses before she spent any time alone with her husband. Her heart couldn’t afford another night like the last one. “Good for you. If you’ll excuse me—”

“
I learned some things today. It’s not simply about Smythe anymore.” Ryder moved in front of her. “We need to talk.”

“
Not today we don’t, because believe me, you don’t want to talk to me right now.” She’d seriously lose her shit if he didn’t let her go.

Debi stepped from the car, but stayed tucked behind the driver’s door. “Problem?”

“
Nope. Ryder was just leaving.”

“
O-kay.” Debi looked between the two.

“
I need to talk to my
wife
.” His emphasis on the word wife spiked her heart rate.

“
Not tonight, Ryder.” Debi stepped around the car and escorted Lauren to the passenger side. Lauren scooted into the seat.

Debi settled between Lauren and Ryder. “It’s girls night, and you are definitely not female.”

Ryder peered around Debi. “Lauren, it’s not safe. Those men tracked you for days. They know your habits, your schedule. They know you’re staying with Debi.”

Chills raced up her bare arms. The reminder of the kidnappers did an effective job of shutting her down. “I appreciate your concern.” Or was he manipulating her with fear? She jumped back out of her seat. “You know what, I really don’t appreciate your concern. Damnit, Ryder. I woke up in an empty bed. Again. Because leaving is your freaking M.O.”

“
I didn’t leave you,” Ryder said. His eyes narrowed in confusion. “I had work.”

“
Which you didn’t bother to tell me. The room looked like you sent a cleaning crew to erase all evidence you’d ever been there.”

“
Habit.”

“
Nice habits you have. Tells me everything I need to know. You ditched me in the motel room without a word. No note. No way to contact you. Didn’t give me a way to leave, or even eat for that matter. What did you expect? That I’d stay?” She arced her arms wide, unable to keep the anger inside. And if she were honest, it wasn’t anger, but hurt. After the soul-stealing night of hot monkey sex, Ryder had packed up and moved out. “I’m not some grunt you can order around.”

“
Baby—”

“
Call me that again and I’ll castrate you.” She bit down the words wanting free—the anger and the hurt and the merciless tears—because she’d already decided. No tears today. Dang it. Grinding her teeth aggravated her aching jaw. “Ryder, now is not the time.”

The muscle twitching beneath his high cheekbone was the only sign of emotion. His eyes were empty and his muscles loose and relaxed. She hated when he was all cool and calm. “Be pissed at me, Lauren. But you can be angry and still use that massive brain of yours. You need protection.”

Lauren wanted to deny him, but the bruises hadn’t faded yet. The circle around her eye throbbed like a bad tooth. Still, tonight was not the night for them to get into it. She was too volatile and he was too smooth. “You can keep watch. From outside. But I swear to God, Ryder, if you even think about talking to me before noon tomorrow, we’re done.” She took her seat and slammed the car door. Debi backed out of the spot and into traffic. Ryder stayed this time, his eyes shadowed with the secrets he held inside. Lauren turned so she didn’t witness his eyes following them down the road.

“
Damn, girl, you’re hard.”

“
I’m not feeling particularly soft right now. And I really don’t want to think.”

“
Margaritas?” Frozen margaritas were Debi’s specialty.

“
Absolutely.” Lauren rubbed the groove in her ring finger where her wedding ring ought to be. “Diamonds are nice, but margaritas are forever.”

Lauren settled into Debi’s sofa, feeling emotionally adrift and ready to sink. The more she drank, the more she doubted, the deeper the cushions cradled her backside. Another drink or two and she’d be up to her neck in microsuede.

“
You know what we’ve never done?” Debi rose from the couch and wove a crooked path to the farm kitchen. The walls were still her mother’s sunny yellow and the cabinets were older than both women combined, but the homey kitchen boasted plenty of windows and sunny vibes.

“
What’s that?” Lauren’s brain was moving at the speed of a lumbering ox. She glanced at the clock on her phone. Ugh, why did she stay up this late when she wasn’t working at the bar?

“
Taken a girls’ trip. Vegas, New Orleans, hell, at this point, a drive to Tucson would suffice.”

“
We couldn’t both get time off from the bar, because Frank has no heart.”

“
I could convince him.” Debi winked from across the room, but Lauren was seeing two of her.

“
A trip is not on my horizon. Between the townhouse, teaching, and writing my dissertation—not to mention working at the bar—my time is not my own.”

“
Hmm.” Debi measured ingredients into a blender, her bartender hands steady, even if her legs appeared to wobble a bit on her very stylish and impractical black heels. “Exactly why you need a trip.”

The blender crunched the ice, making conversation impossible unless they wanted to yell. When the racket stopped, Debi brought a fresh salt-rimmed glass filled with liquid courage. Tequila. Her stomach revolted with a lurch Lauren pushed down. What were they talking about?

Debi slipped off her heels, losing four inches in height, but the sudden movement made Lauren’s head spin. Three margaritas in—or was it four—and Lauren was having a hard time following the conversation. Instead, her thoughts turned to Ryder, who was no doubt watching the house from a secure location. The flush rising up her chest was either pissed-off female, or thoughts about the man who got her off three times last night. Shoot. The relaxed muscles were probably a testament to the second and third orgasms, not the liquor.

Lauren licked the salt off the rim before swallowing a huge gulp of frozen margarita. A brain freeze numbed her entire head. The good thing about tequila? No pain. “Ryder’s going to leave,” she blurted, because the emotional pain didn’t ease with alcohol. “When he figures out what happened with the townhouse. And the kidnapping.” She took another sip. “He’s going to bail. Hit the dusty trail. Adios muchacha.”

Debi climbed over the back of the sofa to sit. “Did he say that or are you projecting?”

“
He said it. Clear as day.” How had he said it?
You’re better of without me.
The words stabbed her heart. Who was he to tell her what was in her best interest? The last six months without him had not been better. They’d been infinitely worse.

“
How do you feel about him leaving?”

Like death warmed over. Her chest felt hollow and her eyes burned. “What are you, a shrink?”

Debi plopped her margarita onto the table next to Lauren’s. “I’m not saying Ryder is in the clear. He has some sins to atone for, but you complicate things. Your brain is clouded with doubts, and it’s a big brain, so there’s more room to worry. It all comes down to one thing. Quit living your mother’s life.”

“
Whoa. Those are fighting words.” Lauren stood for the first time since getting to Debi’s. Her head did a loop-the-loop around the room. She rested her butt on the arm of the sofa. “I’m nothing like my mother. She’s an uneducated, unhappy, underemployed, and over-emotional mess.”

“
And you’re nothing like her.” Debi smiled primly.

“
Of course I’m not.”

“
Exactly, so quit living as if you’re going to make her mistakes.”

“
I’m not. I married a soldier, sure, but that had nothing to do with good old Abigail.” She hadn’t been able to resist Ryder’s sweet sincerity and persistence.

“
Right. But then you unpacked your bags and waited for him to pack his.” Debi grabbed her hand. “You’ve already proven you won’t make your mother’s mistakes. Make new mistakes instead of moping and waiting for the messy ending.”

Lauren brought a hand to her spinning head. “Are you calling Ryder a mistake?”

“
The opposite, actually. The pain inside him is palpable. He loves you so much the chemistry and the tension affects everyone in the room with you. I don’t claim to know what’s going on or why he left, but it’s time you faced it.”

“
Oh, the horror.” Lauren dropped her head back to stare at the plaster ceiling. Her head did a quick spin around the block. Standing up had mixed the alcohol into her bloodstream, but that wasn’t what had her pulse surging. Her heart couldn’t take another round with him. “Why should I?”

“
He changed you. You’re more outgoing, less afraid, and more alive than I’ve ever seen you. The happiness and the energy shining off you when you’re together could light the entire city of El Paso, but you put a lid on it. You’ve been waiting for him to walk out the door from the moment he moved in. You never gave him a chance to stay.”

“
Wow, that’s just plain mean to say.” Lauren slid back into the corner she’d recently vacated. Debi might have a point, but Lauren’s inebriated brain was having a hard time following. “You’re saying I planned for him to leave? That I may as well have packed his bags?” At Debi’s nod, Lauren continued. “Even if that’s true, leaving was his choice, not mine.”

“
How does it feel to be right all the time?”

The smug satisfaction hurt her heart. One look at the margarita glass and her stomach churned. “Like crap. What did you put in those drinks?”

“
Tequila. You’ve never been able to handle tequila.”

Lauren squinted to the other end of the couch. It wasn’t long, but it was like looking through a tunnel. “You seem fine.”

Debi scooted closer and patted her leg. “That’s because I’ve been drinking virgin drinks while you’ve been sucking back the real deal.”

“
You are quite possibly the meanest best friend on the planet.”

“
Alcohol was the quickest way to get you to open up.”

Lauren curled her feet onto the couch and wrapped her arms around her knees. “Say what’s on your mind so I can go throw up.”

“
If you do, I’ll hold your hair back and clean you up afterwards. But first, you need to listen.” Debi scooted the last few inches and put an arm around Lauren. “Ryder may be thinking about leaving or not, but what he thinks doesn’t matter.”

“
Well, sure it does. That’s sorta the point.” Lauren didn’t want to get attached again if all he was going to do was walk away when they finished with Smythe. The heartache wasn’t something she’d survive a second time.

“
First, you have to decide what
you
want.”

“
I want Ryder, but—”

“
Bullshit. Whatever excuse you were going to give, it was bullshit. You wanted Ryder but assumed he wouldn’t stay. The same has been true of every boy in your life since Denny Hoskins at junior prom. You break things off first because you assume men don’t stay. You never once acted like you thought Ryder was permanent.”