Little White Lies (18 page)

She took a step back and let him in then trailed after him to the main room.  “I thought for sure you and blondie would be at her place working off a little excess energy.”

Holt’s brows shot up.  “Careful sweetheart, you almost sounded jealous there.”

Miranda crossed her arms.  “Why should I be jealous?  Obviously, your interest in me was as short lived as it has been for all the other women in your life.”

He took a step towards her, his eyes dark and dangerous.  “If that was true, I wouldn’t be here, would I?”

“I’m not sure why you’re here.  At any rate, it doesn’t matter to me one way or the other.”

He moved closer, so close she had to tip her head back to look at him.  “Is that so?  Then why did you look like you wanted lynch Claire during dinner?”

“Because it was disgusting the way she was throwing herself at you,” Miranda said between clenched teeth.

Holt grinned.  “You were jealous.”

Her eyes flashed.  “Stop saying that!  I was embarrassed by her behavior and even more embarrassed by yours.  Everyone at that table knew you were going to end up in bed together and it was just plain sickening to watch.”

“If you weren’t jealous and you really don’t care one way or the other, why are you getting so worked up?”

Miranda opened her mouth then snapped it shut again.  Damn him for cornering her like this, and damn him for wearing that stupid smile when she was so mad at him she could hardly see straight.  She took a few deep breaths to calm herself before speaking again.

“You’d better go.  I’m sure Miss Dandridge is getting impatient waiting for you.”

His arms slipped around her waist.  “She’s not waiting for me.”

Miranda’s stomach twisted at what that implied.  “I see.  You’ve already had your fun with her and made your escape, is that it?”

Holt lowered his head so they were cheek to cheek.  “Tell me, sweetheart, do I smell like I’ve been with another woman?”

Miranda inhaled slowly, intoxicated by the wholly male scent of his skin.  “No,” she finally whispered.

His lips touched lightly against her temple.  “When are you going to get it through your head that I care about you?”

“It could never work, not now.  Maybe if you had told me this a month ago, but there’s someone else and…”

“There’s no one else, baby.  It’s just you and me right now with enough passion between us to make it last all night.”

Her voice came out as little more than a hoarse croak.  “We can’t.”

His fingers laced through her hair, giving just enough of a gentle tug to force her head back.  “We can,” he growled softly.  “Let me make love to you, Miranda.  Let me show you how much you mean to me.” 

“Isn’t it enough to know I want to?”  She choked back a sob.  “You know what you do to me but you also know I’m involved with someone else, so why do you keep pushing it?”

“Because it’s
me
you want.  Admit it, if not to me then at least to yourself.  I’m the one you dream of, the one you wish was kissing you and holding you at night.”

“You don’t understand,” she cried.

“Then explain it to me.”

“It’s
who
I’m involved with that makes it impossible for us to…be together.  It’s…Jack.”

“I know.”

Miranda drew her head back.  “You know?”

“Yes, and it doesn’t make a bit of difference.”

“But he’s your brother!  Your betrayal would hurt him just as much as mine would.”

There were a thousand arguments he could have offered to try to convince Miranda their union was inevitable, but none of them were going to change her mind tonight.  Slowly, deliberately, he lowered his mouth to hers.  She might deny him her body but she didn’t hold anything back when it came to kissing him. 

He burned for her, the ache so strong he could feel it with every breath he took, but he wouldn’t push her.  There were still four nights left to convince her they belonged together.  With a great deal of reluctance, he ended the kiss.  But that didn’t mean he was willing to give up entirely. 

“If you won’t let me make love to you, at least let me hold you in my arms tonight.”

“Holt…”

He kissed the side of her mouth.  “Just hold you, Miranda, nothing else.”  His lips moved to the other side.  “I need you.  I need to feel you next to me.” 

“I don’t know…”

He cut her off with a long, hard kiss.  “Please, baby.  Nothing will happen unless you want it to.”

It wouldn’t be cheating, she told herself, not if they didn’t do anything.  They would simply be sleeping in the same bed and offering each other comfort.  And she would finally know what it was like to lay in his arms and wake up with him beside her.  He whispered her name and kissed her again, effectively melting what little resistance she was still clinging to.

“Just…hold each other, and that’s all?”

“That’s all.”

She nodded slowly.  “Okay, but we sleep in your bed, not mine.”

Holt couldn’t stop himself from asking, “What difference does it make?”

She smiled up at him.  “Because you told me the next time I invited you into my bedroom I’d better damn well understand the consequences of doing so.”

“Fair enough,” he chuckled, ushering her towards the connecting door and turning off the lights as they went.  He wasn’t taking any chances she would change her mind.

Miranda balked just inside his bedroom.  “Maybe we…”

Holt swung her up into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.  “No more talking tonight.”  When she opened her mouth to say something, he planted a kiss full on her lips.  “If I have to kiss you all night to keep you from talking, I will,” he warned.

Miranda pressed her lips together, though in truth she hardly found it an incentive to remain quiet.  Still, she didn’t want things to get out of hand, which is exactly what would happen if he gave her any more of those mind numbing kisses.  Somewhere in the back of her mind it registered that he and Jack weren’t only identical in looks.  Their touch was the same, their scent, the way they kissed.  So what made it seem so much more powerful with Holt?  Was it because her emotions were stronger or simply that she had loved him longer?

Holt lowered her onto the bed and started to undress while she climbed under the covers.  “Don’t worry,” he soothed when her eyes widened in alarm, “I’ll leave my boxers on.” 

Dropping his clothes at his feet, he flipped off the light and slipped between the sheets.  An audible sigh whispered through her lips when he drew her up close to his side and wound his arms possessively around her.  She was so fragile, so incredibly soft and feminine he was instantly aroused by the way her gentle curves molded to his. 

Holt closed his eyes.  He’d given her his word he wouldn’t try anything and he would keep that promise even if it killed him.  Because he loved her.  And because for now, it was enough just to have her in his arms where she belonged.

Miranda awoke with a soft smile on her lips and the warmth of Holt’s firm body curled around her.  Her eyelids snapped open when she realized a certain part of his anatomy was a whole lot firmer than the rest of him.  A heavy ache settled deep in her abdomen, coiling tighter and tighter the longer she lay with her bottom nestled against his thighs.  She noticed the smooth, easy rhythm of his breathing that had lulled her to sleep the night before was now decidedly ragged, which meant Holt was awake too and no doubt suffering just as much as she was.  What she
should
do was extricate herself from his arms and return to her room, but somehow she just couldn’t seem to do it. 

Holt nuzzled the back of her neck with his nose, breathing in the citrusy aroma of her shampoo.  “You feel it too, don’t you; the way our bodies fit together so perfectly, the passion that is so easily ignited between us.  We were made for each other, sweetheart. 

Tears squeezed from the corners of her eyes.  “You don’t mean that.”

“I do, Miranda, with all my heart.  And don’t try to convince me that you don’t feel the same way because I know you do.  You wouldn’t be in my bed right now if you didn’t.”

“But we didn’t do anything,” she reminded him.

“We didn’t have to.  It wasn’t about our bodies or sexual desire; it was about what’s in our hearts.”

“It isn’t your heart that is pressing against my backside right now,” Miranda pointed out.

His hand slid over her hips and slipped between her thighs.  “And it isn’t your heart that makes you ache to feel me inside of you right now either.  You can’t separate the two indefinitely.  Sooner or later, I
am
going to make love to you.”

“No, this is as far as it goes.”  She moved away from him and scrambled out of bed.  “It was a mistake sleeping with you last night.  It made me want things I can’t have.  I’m sorry if I led you to believe there could ever be more between us.”

Holt didn’t try to stop her when she turned and walked stiffly from his room.  He wasn’t even overly concerned with her speech about it being a mistake to sleep with him because there was a serious lack of conviction that belied her words.  She was weakening, and these little bouts of rebellion or guilt or self-denial could be brushed aside with a few thorough kisses. 

Tucking his hands behind his neck, Holt smiled to himself.  She would be back in his bed tonight and the three nights that followed.  If she didn’t allow him to make love to her before they had to leave, he would just have to think of something else because he wasn’t giving up.  Not now.  Not ever.

                        ***

The guilt was eating her alive.  It didn’t matter that she and Holt had done nothing more than kiss, the fact was she had wanted to make love with him last night.  She still wanted to.  She’d been unfaithful to Jack in mind and heart if not in body, and she couldn’t reconcile the woman who had been so rigid in her morals only a few short weeks ago with the woman she had become.  Betraying Jack’s trust was only one of her many sins.  She’d led Holt on and foolishly let him know how much she wanted to have a relationship with him. 

How could he even consider being with her after what she’d done?  How could he possibly know she wouldn’t do to him what she had done to Jack?  The only plausible answer was that he wasn’t planning on anything long term with her, and who could blame him?  Even if he had considered it in the beginning, whatever respect he might have had for her would have dwindled to nothing after last night.  All he was interested in now was getting her into bed just like all the other nameless, faceless women he’d been with.  But whether she slept with him or not didn’t make any difference at this point because she’d already lost.

She’d made up her mind to confess everything to Jack, but when he called that morning he told her he was running late and would talk to her before she went to bed.  Then when she’d tried to discuss what happened with Holt, he whisked her out of the room and informed her they were meeting Edward Seymour and his son for breakfast in one of the hotel’s restaurants.  She managed to greet the two men with a forced smile then took her place beside Holt and buried her face in the menu, making a valiant effort to compose herself.  She might have pulled it off too - if Claire Dandridge hadn’t shown up.

No one could have missed the conspiratorial smile the blonde beauty and Holt shared, yet both Edward and Jared acted as if it was perfectly normal for their CEO to approach a business associate with such familiarity.  And when Holt took the hand she offered and held it much longer than was necessary, neither of the Seymour men batted an eye or seemed uncomfortable by the blatant flirtation at all. 

Miranda, however, was beside herself.  She’d just spent the night in Holt’s arms, half convinced that the feelings he professed to have for her were genuine.  But now the reality of it came crashing down around her.  For whatever reason, he and Claire hadn’t been able to meet last night so Holt had turned to his timid little assistant as a poor, but available substitute.  There probably wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he could seduce her, after all she’d nearly had sex with him in his office, hadn’t she?

So she suffered through breakfast, picking at her food while Claire kept them all entertained with her melodious laughter and sharp wit.  Miranda would have admired the woman for working her way up to CEO if she hadn’t been so determined to hate her for capturing Holt’s attention so successfully.  Even feeling as she did towards Claire, she grudgingly conceded the position at Seymour Imports hadn’t been obtained by sleeping her way to the top.  Miss Dandridge knew just about everything there was to know about the import business, which was evident by the questions she posed to Holt and in her responses to his.

And if breakfast wasn’t a big enough nightmare, the trip back to the boardroom at Seymour Imports was even worse.  Claire latched onto Holt’s arm the minute they rose from the table, and though Jared Seymour gallantly offered Miranda his arm, it only upset her more because Holt didn’t seem to care in the least that she was being escorted by the handsome young man.  Her heart was being cut to ribbons and he was as oblivious to her pain as he was to her.