Little Girl Lost 6: The Return of Johnnie Wise (33 page)

“The point is, they could have sent a thousand women, one more beautiful than the previous one, but I had a choice, and I made the wrong one.”

“Well, all I can say is that she must have been ten times better looking than me because you sure didn’t try anything like that with me. You didn’t even try to kiss me.”

“Don’t be jealous, Johnnie. I’m trying to do what’s right by you and my God. I fell prey to that situation before, and I don’t want it to ever happen again.”

“Wait a minute. Was this woman black or what?”

“No. She was white.”

“Well, it sounds like you’re saying I’m trying to do the same thing to you, like someone is paying me like they paid your Delilah.”

“No. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m just pointing out that even though I failed the test doesn’t mean that I was wrong about corruption in the church. People seem to think that when the preacher fails, it’s time for the days of Pompeii to return, where no sexual restraint was common place, all under the watchful eyes of Aphrodite and her son of whoredom, Priapus. People seem to think that pastors are above temptation, but it’s just the opposite. We are the targets of illicit activity. Some of it subtle and some of it not so subtle, like our friend the waitress. Let me be clear on something, Johnnie. My failure only underscores just how big a problem there is. If I could fall, and I was a sincere pastor, consider what’s going on with those who are the tares of the faith, false believers in high positions, controlling the masses, deciding who to promote and who to silence. If what’s going on inside the church is ever discovered by an unbelieving world, it would be wide open to blackmail, which would eventually bring about its decay and eventual destruction.”

“That’s because you’re looking at it in an immediate sense. The rulers of darkness are committed to their cause, Johnnie. It therefore wouldn’t happen overnight. It would happen twenty, thirty, perhaps forty or fifty years in the future. If church leadership continues on its present course, the prince of this world will render the church irrelevant, which would open the door to all sorts of evil. It will then worm its way into all of our institutions, including the public school systems. What do you think’ll happen if prayer and the Ten Commandments are taken out of schools? I’ll tell you what’ll happen, inside of twenty years, there will be complete and utter chaos in the classroom. We won’t be able to recognize our children, and guess what else?”

“What?”

“Those very same children will grow up without the discipline necessary to live in a civilized society, and eventually lose their sense of right and wrong. Some of those children will then become a part of the legislature and change the laws that we hold so dear and more chaos will ensue. If evil continues to advance at its current pace, it’ll be legal for a woman to kill her unborn child in twenty years, but they won’t call it killing the unborn. They’ll have to call it something else, a softer, subtler, gentler word that’ll figuratively put women to sleep so that they won’t even know what they’ve done to themselves and their children. In twenty years, teenage girls will start getting pregnant at an alarming rate and killing the unborn will become big business. Shortly after that, the United States will lose its moral authority, and our enemies will end up owning us. That’s why it’s gotta be stopped now before it’s too late. If the people who set me up get a firm foothold in the church hierarchy, and they appear to be working toward that end, we may never get them out. And people like me, people who believe this will happen in the very near future, they’ll call us religious nuts. People will think we’re the problem when, in fact, we’ll be the solution—the only solution. But to do any of this, they must first silence the church. The only way to do that is through ignorance—meaning the congregation will no longer read or even believe the Bible—all of this while attending church regularly. And the infiltrators will pervert the few foundational truths believers know. Heresy will be the accepted order of the day.”

“Honestly, all of that sounds so farfetched, Paul.”

“Of course it does, Johnnie. That’s why it’s so effective. And it’ll be more effective in your lifetime. Watch and see.”

Feeling the need to get the subject back on its original course, she said, “So, Delilah told the church leaders that you and her were going at it, huh? Now that’s believable.”

“Yep.”

“Let me guess. You knew to stop, but you couldn’t, right? You kept telling yourself one last time and each time you did it with her, the more powerless you were to stop even though you knew you should.”

“Yep. How did you know?”

“I had a boyfriend who had the same problem. His Delilah was white, too. His life was on the line, and he couldn’t stop either. But anyway, how did it end?”

“I had made up my mind to stop. I couldn’t continue seeing her and preaching on Sundays. My sermons had lost their power. After awhile, I was just going through the motions. And I knew the congregation knew something was wrong, but nobody questioned me. I was their pastor, so in their eyes, I could do no wrong. Anyway, I called and told her I was finished. I told her I couldn’t see her ever again, but she pleaded with me not to end it.”

“How long had it been going on?”

“For almost a year. I thought it would burn itself out, but there was no chance of that. The thing was intensifying after each encounter. I knew that if we kept doing what we were doing, sooner or later, we were going to get caught.”

“But you let her talk you into seeing her one last time, right?”

Masterson nodded. “I remember it like it was yesterday. She was crying, and so was I. I really thought she was feeling what I was feeling—how wrong we were, you know?”

“Anyway, I got her to swear to me it would be the last time she’d call me. And it was the last time alright. We were in this hotel room, going at it something fierce. I swear I never felt anything like it. It was like a powerful drug, and we were both addicted to it. We had lost our minds, caught up in an artificial nirvana that seemed real enough, felt real enough, but was more counterfeit than a four-dollar bill. The leaders waited until we were both at the peak of excitement, screaming at the top of our lungs, and then they came into the room using the key she had given them.”

“Treacherous,” Johnnie said, somberly. “Just like the woman taken in adultery.”

“Yep. And I knew not to go to that hotel. I had been warned by the Spirit of God not to go, but I had told her I would meet her there.”

She looked at him, rolled her eyes, and said, “And you wanted your last piece, Paul.”

“I hate to admit it, but . . . yes . . . I did. And since I’m being so honest with you, the real truth is I wanted it bad. Real bad.”

“You wanted to get up in her one last time, hoping that the last piece would be the best piece, and you would have that memory to comfort you while you mourned the loss of the woman you loved.”

Masterson exhaled softly and said, “Right again.”

“And you told me all of this, why?”

“Because I didn’t want you to think that I was just judging homosexuals and adulterers. I wanted you to know that I’m trying to help restore and reform the church because we are in serious trouble right now, and congregations all over this nation have no idea what’s going on inside their hollowed walls. The only way to do that is to tell the truth. The leadership thought they had me. They thought they could control me, shut me up now that I had been caught in a compromising position with a paid whore who had sold her soul to them for a few thousand dollars. You wanna know the funny thing though?”

“What’s that?”

“After we had gotten caught and it was all over, she still wanted to see me. She told me she had literally fallen in love with me and that we could start all over. The sad part is I almost took her up on her offer. God knows I wanted to. But I was God’s envoy even though I had failed him. I was God’s man even though I had become The Prodigal. So, even though I wanted to see how things would turn out with her, I made a choice and left that situation alone even though the pull of lust had a firm grip on my body, my emotions, and my psyche. In short, I was a complete mess.”

“So, what happened to Delilah?”

“I don’t know. I left town and haven’t seen her since. To tell you the truth, I don’t know what I’d do if I ever saw her again. That’s what so sad. With all that I know, I don’t know if I wouldn’t fall right back into the trap of seeing her again. That’s how powerful sexual sin is, Johnnie, which is the main reason I didn’t come into your room or try to kiss you. I know my limitations, and I know my weaknesses. There’s no point in even denying either of them.”

Johnnie thought about a conversation she’d had with Lucas after he and Marla had come home from Shreveport. He had told her about all the things Marla had done to him when they made love. Now, she had a better understanding of why he kept going back for one last piece. “So, after they caught you two together, that’s when they forced you outta the church?”

“No. Not then. Shortly afterward. Like I said, they thought they had me, but they didn’t. The very next Sunday, I stood in the pulpit in front of my congregation. The church leadership had come to my church to watch the farce I was supposed to be a part of. I looked at their faces. They were relishing the moment as I struggled to find the words to make clear what I had to say. But instead of delivering a watered-down sermon, I told on myself and on the church leadership that had set me up. I took full responsibility for my part in the sexual episode, but I made it clear that the leadership had as much to do with it as I did. Then, I left while the congregation was in a heated uproar. I was loved by my congregation, and they were very angry with the church leadership. I don’t know if they made it outta the sanctuary alive, but I knew I had to go on an extended sabbatical and eventually reconnect with God. Seven years later, I’m preaching at revivals. I don’t think I ever want to have my own church again.”

“I think you’re a little too hard on yourself. You fell, but you picked yourself up and moved forward. Not only that, but you told the truth on yourself. I don’t have to tell you how difficult that is. It’s so much easier to just stay down. It’s so much easier to keep going left when you know you should go right. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be an evangelist. After hearing your story, I know it isn’t too late for me. My mother was right.”

“We’ll see if we can accommodate you. You seem to have excellent recall of the things you learned before you left the church. Perhaps we can talk more, and maybe you’ll return to Christ, too.”

“I’d like that, Paul—to talk some more, I mean.”

Chapter 63

“
Okay, I’ll see you at six.”

J
ohnnie watched Masterson walk over to Room 107, enter and closed the door. She was disappointed when he didn’t look at her one last time before shutting the world out so he could study for his sermon. The Savoy Hotel came to mind. She remembered lounging by the pool, sipping tea with her gorgeous mother, sharing her plan to make a lot of money. As it all played out in her mind again, she realized her mother had been right yet again when she had told her that nearly all the famous men of the Bible had fallen into some sort of sin, but were still used mightily by God. She really liked Paul because he was an honorable and decent man despite his moral failure.

It didn’t matter that he got caught up in a bad situation and should have known better. What mattered to her at that moment was that he was man enough to admit that he wasn’t perfect, but at the same time had a passion for righteousness in the church and among its leadership. What impressed her most was that he never said one bad thing about people outside the church—people like her who had left their Christian roots and lived according to their own rules, their own standards, and their own newly acquired beliefs. His main concern was those inside, specifically the leadership, which reminded her of the many sermons she’d heard Reverend Staples preach before her mother sold her.