Little Boy (12 page)

And Lynn was a really beautiful girl. I
always liked petite girls, like Maria, but something about Lynn was
so sexy. She was actually taller than me. She had wavy, silky brown
hair that fell just short of her shoulders. Her eyes were narrow
and squinty—not Asian squinty, but still more squinty than a
regular person’s. Her skin was always just a bit tanner than mine,
even during the winter. Lynn was terribly flat-chested, but her
slim, athletic body more than compensated for that flaw. She looked
like a Baywatch lifeguard as she tried on bikinis, one after the
other.

Kyle and I used to make fun of her breasts.
And after he first saw her, we started calling her a horse because
she was so goddamn tall. And her breasts were simply too small to
match her big body. But even though they were tiny, I’d always
wondered what they looked like. Lynn was sixteen or so, I guess,
but she’d never shown a guy her tits. Ever since Seven Minutes in
the Closet, I’d been dying to see them.

In between trying on bathing suits, we walked
around to all of the stores, starting with the bottom floor and
ending with the top one. When we reached the top we decided to take
the elevator back down to the first floor and go home. Lynn was now
clutching the flowers in her right hand, and holding my arm with
her left. I started liking her again, just for a second. I don’t
know, she was just so pretty. And she liked me so much that day. I
get chills just thinking about how cute she looked.

The elevator bank was in a little shadowy
cove near the mall’s parking lot, a good hike from the shopping
area. It had a noxious smell, and looked like a regular elevator
bank, with one of those mirrors in the ceiling corner across from
the three sliding doors, the kind that you glance at before you get
out of the elevator to make sure nobody’s there waiting to mug
you.

Before we got on the elevator, Lynn hugged
me, placed her head on my shoulder, and thanked me for the nice
surprise. I don’t know if she intended to kiss me but, somehow, we
started making out.

I just couldn’t resist, she looked so damn
good. Soon we were really going at it. I wrestled her against the
elevator door where she remained pinned as we necked passionately.
I spread her arms out as if I were a cop ready to frisk a suspect.
Her left hand swung toward a silver fire extinguisher hanging off
the wall, and the sound of her ring against it made a huge
gong
. We stopped for a second, wondering if anyone had heard
the noise. Nobody was there. The elevators seemed to have stopped
dead. I buried my head into her neck and sniffed and kissed while
grabbing her ass. We were two animals in heat, ready, willing, and
able to play around as much as the mall’s dubious privacy allowed.
She put her hand under my chin and forced her tongue into my mouth.
Lynn was so big and strong. I remember Kyle joking, ‘If you ever
fuck her she’ll make you her bitch.’ I chuckled to myself as I
licked her chest bone like a dog. Kyle was so right, and I couldn’t
wait to tell him about it in school.

The next thing I knew, my hands were kneading
her little breasts like pizza dough. I rolled the point of her left
nipple gently between my left thumb and forefinger, right through
her blouse; for small breasts she seemed to have huge nipples. They
were much bigger than I thought they’d be. I crammed my other hand
down into her pants, pressed my palm against her belly. I curved my
fingers inward. She was wet.

Turning Lynn around so that her back was
pressed against my chest, I continued to pull her blouse up,
carefully unbuttoning it along the way.

Soon, her lacy pink bra was exposed, and I
could see my face being contorted in the metallic surface of the
fire extinguisher beside us. My erection was stiff against her ass
cheeks; she began to moan as I forced the tips of my fingers
in-between the outer edge of her bra and her breast. The lower half
of the bra was hard wire covered with spandex, designed, probably,
to help push up her breasts and make them appear bigger. Soon
enough, the wire was out of the way. I pulled my hand from her
pants and rubbed both breasts simultaneously with my
hands—squeezing soft, then hard—as I inhaled her scent, allowing it
to fill my lungs. I was floating.

Almost as if she were obeying the command of
my thoughts, Lynn turned to face me and I began circling my tongue
around her dark brown nipples—first her right one, then her left.
The peaks of her nipples were wet thimbles. I’ve heard that the
perfect breasts can fit inside two tea cups. Well, Lynn’s were
barely tea spoons, but they were still so soft and perfect.
Moaning, clutching my body, she was so hot for me.

I contemplated putting my hands further down
her panties again but decided against it; we’d already been
fortunate enough to have not been disturbed by anyone, and I didn’t
want to push our luck. So I backed away from her, panting heavily,
and said: “We’d better stop, or this’ll become much too serious.”
And I meant it—we were both sweating and panting so heavily that I
could have fucked her right then and there. I really didn’t know
what to do at that point. Without a second thought I gave her a
small hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then held her hand. Still
half-dressed, Lynn started to cry. “What’s the matter, baby?” I
asked her, truly concerned. Then, as if she had decided to be a big
girl again, all of a sudden she stopped crying and asked, “Do you
love me?” Flabbergasted, I turned away, hoping that somehow I could
just disappear. “Let’s just get on the elevator and take it down to
the first floor, and you can catch your bus home.” As if by magic
the elevator doors opened just as she finished zipping up her
pants. I noticed the security camera peering down on us as we got
in and chuckled.

“Why don’t you come back home with me
tonight? My mother’s cooking dinner soon,” she said.

“Nah, I can’t really. I have to get home and
study for a test tomorrow.”

“Maybe some other time?”

“Sure, sweety.”

“I’m so happy that we’re not fighting
anymore,” she said with a big, sappy grin. I didn’t realize that
not calling her meant we were fighting, but apparently that’s what
she thought.

“No, Lynn,” I replied. “We’re not.”

When we got outside the bus pulled up
immediately and as she was about to get on I grabbed her arm and
whispered, “You’ve never done that before, right?”

“Done what?”

“You know—let a guy touch you there.”

She was a little confused. “Oh, no, no!
Never! But I liked it!” And she smiled like the big tall idiot that
she was.

“Okay,” I said, “just checking. See ya.”

With that Lynn boarded the bus and went home.
She must have glowed the entire ride back. I was glowing, too, but
for a different reason.

When I got home I nestled into the sofa in my
den and watched TV for a few hours. I thought about calling Maria,
but I was just too damn tired to talk. Being among the hoods at the
mall made me exhausted. The mall’s like a big high school dance,
only everyone’s shopping instead of dancing. And, like a dance, I’m
always tired after I go there, probably because it takes up so much
energy to tolerate the people inside.

Late that night, after dinner, I called up
Lynn for the first time in weeks—and dumped her.

***

I couldn’t wait to go out with Maria again.
When I called her up, she’d already heard about me and Lynn
breaking up—and she was pissed.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were going
to do that?” she asked.

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to
make her mad, but I didn’t want to look like a jerk, either.

“I’m sorry. It all happened so quickly. I
just wanted to go out with you, really.”

“What the hell did you do with her by the
elevators?” she asked.

Shit!
I didn’t know what to say.

“Well, nothing, we just fooled around a
little bit. That’s all!”

“She told me you did a lot more than that!
What kind of person are you?
” she screeched. That question
sunk like a dagger into my heart. I thought:
Good question. What
kind of person am I?

“No, really, we just kissed a little bit. She
really wanted to kiss me, so I kissed her. That’s all! I wanted to
let her down easy. I don’t want to ever kiss her again, Maria. I
only want to kiss you.”

She paused for a moment. I’m sure she was
happy with what I said, but doubts lingered. “So, if we start
dating, and you decide to break up with me, what are ya gonna do?
Fuck me right before you dump me?” She had a point.

“Listen,” I continued, “just don’t worry
about it. Nothing happened. It meant nothing, really. I just didn’t
know what to do. I felt bad about breaking up with her, I wanted to
make her feel better. Maria, I want to go out with you and you
only. Please, let’s stop talking about this crap.”

She paused again. “Fine.”

“That’s it?” Her capacity to end such a
heated discussion so quickly and maturely was startling.

“Yeah. Fine. Okay. But I don’t know if Lynn
will want to be my friend if we start dating.” She was really
worried about her stupid friendship with Lynn.

“Listen, Lynn wasn’t exactly your best
friend. If you only knew what she said about you...”

“What did she say?” Maria demanded.

“It’s not so much what she said, really. But
I think she wanted to fool around with me to get me to keep going
out with her, and avoid dating you.” Was this true? Probably.
Partially. But I had no right to say it. I had Maria so confused. I
just wanted her to forget about Lynn. I didn’t want her to even see
Lynn again. I wanted that part of her life, and mine, to be over
with.

“Don’t worry, all that matters is that now we
can go out whenever we want to! I really like you, Maria. Please
don’t ruin this for us. Just forget about it.”

“Please don’t ruin this for us?” She was so
angry and perplexed she sort of stressed every word in that
sentence. There was a long pause. But then she gathered her
thoughts and calmed down. “All right,” she said. “All right.”

I didn’t let a second go by before I asked
her out. I can’t explain how badly I wanted to see her again. It’d
been so long since I’d last inhaled her luscious aroma and touched
her tiny hand. We’d had only one date in Central Park, that’s it.
There was so much more to do.

I thought about how beautiful she was that
day in the park, and how she clasped her hand to mine so tightly. I
wanted to hold her hand again. I wanted to hold it and never let
go. I told her so on the phone. I divulged all of the high hopes I
had for us. And I told her that I had a surprise for her when we
went out the next time. And I did. I wanted to carve our names into
the tree near the pond where we’d sat for hours talking.

“What’s the surprise?” she said.

“Say you’ll go out with me this Saturday, and
then you’ll find out. Please.”

“I want to see you again, too, A.J. But, I
don’t know, something just doesn’t seem right.”

“What do you mean? You’re just worried about
Lynn!” I was exasperated. But don’t worry—that’s all in the past
now. We can do more than talk on the phone now. We can see each
other as often as we want.”

She seemed a little confused, but I knew I’d
gotten through to her.

“You’re right, A.J.” She paused again. She
was always pausing. “Where do you want to go this weekend?”

“Same place as last date. Same time.”

I felt her smile over the phone. “Okay—the
mall at eleven, right?”

“Let’s make it twelve. I should be done with
my test by then.” God, was I thrilled that she wanted to see me
again.

“Oh, that’s right. You’ve got your SATs on
Saturday! Good luck, A.J.!” Her upbeat voice would propel me
through the SATs successfully, and right into the Air Force
Academy. I just knew it.

“Thank you,” I said. “I know I’ll do well now
that I’m with you.”

“And I know it, too. Good night,
hopeful.”

“Goodnight,
hopeful
?”

“Yes, because that’s what you are—you’re
hopeful—to me. You’re the only person who gives me any hope. Just
don’t disappoint me, okay?”

I wanted to say
I love you
. I wanted
to ask her to marry me right then and there. I wanted to go over to
her house and see her, only I couldn’t drive yet. So I just said:
“Thank you, Maria. Thank you so much for saying that.
Goodnight.”

Chapter 7

Two Firsts

Looking back on my second date with Maria and
describing it without bias is an arduous task. The sum of my time
spent with Maria is uniformly positive or negative, depending on my
mood. Nevertheless, in my heart, I am confident that the second
time Maria and I went to Central Park was flawless, no matter what
mood I’m in when I recount it.

It was a beautiful day in May. It was the
kind of weather where you can keep your window wide open
perpetually, warmed by the sun by day and cooled by the breeze at
night. Between the SAT in the morning and my date with Maria in the
afternoon, that day could have been a powerful journey from
childhood to manhood. Could have been.