Lipstick and Lies (36 page)

‘So I guess you’ll be using plywood for the
floor then?’ Jamie was asking.

‘I think,’ Arthur
considered
, ‘that we'll probably end up applying a fibreglass cloth
,
and epoxy a few inches up the side.’
He put his knife and fork together and turned to Edna.
‘That was
absolutely delicious Pumpkin.’

Pumpkin?
I boggled at my jacket potato.
Edna smiled coyly by way of response.
Clearly there was a lot more than just affection between Arthur and my mother-in-law.
They’d known each other for all of five minutes, yet they’d bought a boat together
,
and were billing and cooing like a pair of turtle doves.
I wondered if they’d fallen in love.
I knew from my own experience with Jamie
that
it was possible to fall in love
instantly
.
Morosely,
I wondered if
one could
fall out of love as speedily.
I glanced up at Jamie to find him looking at me.
But as our eyes met, he quickly
looked
away.

I spent the rest of the evening alternating between quietly seething
,
and sinking into depression.
I had an urge to scribble a picture of Selina and stick voodoo pins all over it.
The earlier distance between Jamie and
me
had turned into a yawning chasm.
At this rate, his cold shoulder was in danger of giving me frostbite. Never in all our time together had I known him so livid.
And much later, when the household
was asleep
, I crept into bed to find Jamie’s back to me.
My hand reached for the bedside light.
As the room plunged into darkness, I hoped Monday morning would see things right.

When the alarm went off the following morning, Jamie’s side of the bed was empty.
My eyes swivelled over to the en-suite.
Was he in the bathroom?
The door was shut but there was no tell-tale light spilling through the gap where
tiles
met carpet.

I flung back the duvet.
Reaching for my dressing-gown, I crossed the landing.
The house was still slumbering.
Creeping downstairs, I discovered the kitchen light on.
A lone cereal bowl was on the table, a few soggy cornflakes clinging to the porcelain’s side.
Outside a car engine started.
I made for the hallway, nearly tripping over Wallace and Gromet who had silently materialised and were
waiting
for
breakfast.
By the time I
’d
yanked open the front door, Jamie’s car was bouncing along
the potholed
road.
I watched in dismay as the tail lights
lit up the still dark morning.

I couldn’t bear going through the day without
some sort of
harmony
being
restored between the two of us.
Reaching for the hall telephone I rang Jamie’s mobile.
His voicemail immediately clicked in.
Oh for heaven’s sake.
Who could he be talking to at this
hour
?
I listened to my husband’s voice i
nviting me to leave a message.

‘Hello!’ I warbled.
‘It’s me.
Um.
I missed not seeing you this morning.
And I’m just phoning to say that I’m really sorry.
Really
sorry.
About everything.
Drinking too much.
Filming Morag farting.
It won’t happen again.
The drinking.
Not the farting.
And I promise to make you proud at the ball this Saturday,’ my lip wobbled a bit, ‘and, um, I love you.’
My voice cracked.
‘A lot.’
I replaced the handset and drooped back into the kitchen.
I’d just set some Whiskas down for the cats
,
when
the phone shrilled into life.

‘H
ello?’ I answered tremulously.

‘Sorry Cassie, I was on the phone to Ethan
when you called
.
Selina is off sick today so the pair of us will have to make up for her absence
.
I could be home a lit
tle on the late side tonight.’

‘Okay.’
I was determined not to make any comment about Selina.
Oh no.
From now on her name would be erased from my vocabulary.
‘Did you get my message?’

‘Yes you silly goose.
And I love you too,’ said Jamie.
I clutched the handset in relief.
‘And I know you’ll do me proud at the
b
an
k’s ball.’

‘I will, I will,’ I gabbled.

‘Good.
You’ll need a long dress for the occasion.
Better take yourself off
to
Fairview
and buy one eh?’

‘Really?
Ooh thank you darling!’
I hugged my body in delight.
My husband
wasn’t cross with me anymore!

‘You can thank me properly tonight Mrs Mackerel.
Catch you later.’

‘Bye!’
I replaced the handset feeling a million times happier.
My husband still loved me.
He wanted me to buy an evening dress.
And I was going to make sure he
was
the
proudest man at the ball.

I almost skipped over to the range as I set about frying eggs for the children.
Edna came into the kitchen just as Eddie’s wails
sounded
through the baby alarm.

‘Let me do that Cassandra dear, you see to Eddie.
I’ll put some bacon in a pan too.’
My mother-in-law was dressed in yesterday’s overalls.
Ready for action on every level.

There was a knock at the kitchen door.
Through the glass I could see Arthur.
He gave me the thumbs up.
I pulled my dressing gown a bit tighter around me as I set about unlocking the back door.
Arthur for dinner last night.
Arthur for breakfast this morning.
Arthur in our garage all day.
Wouldn’t it just be easier if Arthur moved in?

‘Morning Cass!’ Arthur chirped.
The cats minced over and weaved around his legs.
‘By golly something smells good,’
he rubbed his hands together.

‘Hi Arthur,’ I smiled.
‘Come in and have some breakfast.’
I stepped to one side as he came through the door.
A pale sun was rising over the tree tops lighting up the winter morning.
Bird song filtered into the kitchen.
There was the unspoken promise of a chilly but bright day.
I put my foot up the cats’ backsides
and shooed them out the door.

‘Good morni
ng Arthur dear,’ Edna trilled.

Arthur went over and pecked Edna on the cheek.
All very chaste.
She blushed delicately.
I left them making small talk and took one of Eddie’s
pre-prepared
bottles from the refrigerator.
As I popped it into the microwave for a thirty second blast, the children fil
ed
into the kitchen.
T
oby was holding up his PE bag.

‘My plimsoll
s are missing,’ he whined.

‘They’re pro
bably under your bed,’ I said.

‘No they’re not.
I checked.
I bet that bl
oody Richard Clegg took them.’

‘Don’t swear Tobes.’
The microwave bleeped.
‘Richard Clegg?’
I removed Eddie’s feed.
‘I know that name.’

‘Do you?’ Toby looked surprised.
‘How come?’

‘Dylan happened to mention him.
Said he’d had a spot of bother with this boy.
In fact,’ I shook the bottle, ‘
As far as Richard Clegg goes,
I was going to ask you
all to keep an eye on Dylan.’

‘He’s a pain in the arse,’ said Toby.
‘Richard that is.
Not Dylan.’

‘
Yeah, and a
chav
too
,’ added Jonas.

‘Sorry,’ I rolled my
eyes apologetically at Arthur.

Arthur took a loaded plate from Edna and sat down.
‘Why don’t you simply ask him to kindly return your plimsolls?’ he
suggested amiably.

‘Because,’ Toby explained patiently, ‘Richard Clegg is built like a brick sh–’

‘Toby!’ I warned.
‘Just all stick together.
Get the plimsol
ls back and look after Dylan.’

Jonas pressed an index finger against the side of his nose and winked.
‘I get your drift Cass.
Consider it done.’

‘
M
arvellous,’ I sighed.
‘And I’ll be dropping Dylan home so he doesn’t have any problems with this bully
after school
.
Now I must
get upstairs to
Eddie
and sort him
out.
Meanwhile Jonas–’ I rummaged in a drawer, ‘here are my keys.
See you all i
n the car in fifteen minutes.’

I hastened up the stairs.
Eddie had pulled himself upright, little fists clinging onto the bars of his cot.
He gave me a dribbly grin.

‘Hello little man!’ I beamed.
‘Oh phew.
Somebody has a stinky nappy.
Here.
Take this.
Mummy
will be back in two minutes.’

I left my smelly son happily guzzling
from
his bottle and charged off for the quickest wash and change in history.
One day I might get around to wearing make-up
on a school day
.
For now a dash of lip gloss would have to do.
I tore back into Eddie’s nursery just as the last dregs of milk were going down the hatch.
Picking my son up, he rewarded me with a huge belch.
Five minutes later my baby was
topped, tailed and
dressed.
I swung Eddie onto my hip and
hastened
back down to the kitchen.
Arthur was already out in the garage.
Edna
was loading up the dishwasher.

‘I’m popping into
Fairview
after the school run,’ I
said,
removing
another of Eddie’s bottles from the fridge and chuck
ing
it into my super-sized Mummy holdall
.
I spun round and grabbed a couple of Heinz jars from the larder for good measure.
That should keep Eddie’s hunger pangs at bay for a while.

‘
Now worries
Cassandra dear.
Arthur and I will be out on the boat for most of the day.
And
don’t worry about dinner
tonight
.
I put a large steak and kidney pie in the freezer just before Christmas.
We can all
enjoy it
this evening.
T
here’s plenty of veg in the fridge
too
.’

‘Great stuff.’
Having a mother-in-law virtually living with us did have its
benefits
.
‘Well I’ll see you later then.’
I checked there were sufficient nappies in my hold-all along with my purse, then grabbed my coat and went out to the car wh
ere the children were waiting.

After the usual customary crawl to school, I was just about to set off in the direction of
Fairview
when my mobile rang.
It was Stevie.

‘Hi Cass.
Can you talk a minute?’

‘Yes.
I’m parked up at the moment.
Just watching the kids go through the school gate.’
A small lump lodged in my throat.
These days the children rarely seemed to want much input with me.
I felt almost defunct as a mother in the cuddly sense.
Most of the time I seemed to be a cash machine, a taxi service or a personal maid.
The days of children rushing out to greet me clutching wet paintings had long passed.
Nor did they want to confide in me.
Instead they confided in each other.
Or their friendship groups.
On the one hand it was lovely they were so independent.
I wanted them to flourish and grow into confident young adults.
But on the other, boy did I miss those days where Mummy was
the centre of their universe.